That Friend of Mine
February
It was 4 am, maybe. Tears stinging the edges of my vision, threatening to let loose. I glanced at the wall, the lamp casting a pale yellow glow across the brand-new-house-white of the walls.
“I’ve never told anyone this.” My voice came out thick, emotion coating every word.
“I thought I was stupid, alone and stupid.” A dry laugh left her mouth in response. How long had I kept secrets like this? I’d never had anything so painful to hide, nothing I’d ever needed to. She was like a dirtied angel, fell from heaven and stumbled into my life.
“I’ve been doing it for years, I have the scars everywhere. Mostly my thighs so that no one notices…but sometimes I do my arms just to see if my mom even cares.” I raised an eyebrow, as if to ask does she? Her head shook, a sharp stab of pity shredded my heart. This poor girl, all alone and in so much pain. It made my own complaints seem small and pathetic, and I didn’t even really know the half of it.
‘I’ve never met someone who had a life to relate to mine,” I started slowly, clearing my throat and giving a slight brush across my eyes, “a split family, people who pretend to care. All those lies and fighting. You and I, from the same cloth, right?” Fragmented sentences asked rhetorical questions, her head nodding in unneeded approval. It was me babbling on, honesty was more than just a shred in every conversation we had that night. And there were a lot, from the trip to the mall, all the way to the minute we finally crawled under the covers, the sun peeking out from the edges of the fence out her window.
She was gone from me just a few weeks later. Drifted off like all the other new girls I’d met, she just took longer. I shrugged when my mom asked about her, but in my mind I wanted to scream, “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT!” but it didn’t matter, she had friends like the ones from her old life. But this time she was with a nastier kind of girl, a parasite who’d suck things out of you and twist you all around inside. I’d see them talking and just shake my head.
Not my problem anymore, was all I’d let myself think. Can’t save everyone was the only way I could justify it when I finally got the news.
“I’ve never told anyone this.” My voice came out thick, emotion coating every word.
“I thought I was stupid, alone and stupid.” A dry laugh left her mouth in response. How long had I kept secrets like this? I’d never had anything so painful to hide, nothing I’d ever needed to. She was like a dirtied angel, fell from heaven and stumbled into my life.
“I’ve been doing it for years, I have the scars everywhere. Mostly my thighs so that no one notices…but sometimes I do my arms just to see if my mom even cares.” I raised an eyebrow, as if to ask does she? Her head shook, a sharp stab of pity shredded my heart. This poor girl, all alone and in so much pain. It made my own complaints seem small and pathetic, and I didn’t even really know the half of it.
‘I’ve never met someone who had a life to relate to mine,” I started slowly, clearing my throat and giving a slight brush across my eyes, “a split family, people who pretend to care. All those lies and fighting. You and I, from the same cloth, right?” Fragmented sentences asked rhetorical questions, her head nodding in unneeded approval. It was me babbling on, honesty was more than just a shred in every conversation we had that night. And there were a lot, from the trip to the mall, all the way to the minute we finally crawled under the covers, the sun peeking out from the edges of the fence out her window.
She was gone from me just a few weeks later. Drifted off like all the other new girls I’d met, she just took longer. I shrugged when my mom asked about her, but in my mind I wanted to scream, “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT!” but it didn’t matter, she had friends like the ones from her old life. But this time she was with a nastier kind of girl, a parasite who’d suck things out of you and twist you all around inside. I’d see them talking and just shake my head.
Not my problem anymore, was all I’d let myself think. Can’t save everyone was the only way I could justify it when I finally got the news.