Status: Done. Comment, please.
Swipple
These ***s Are Dirty
“Whelp, we checked the library, study rooms, cafeteria and park. Twice. Now, why don’t we just go the pet shop-“
“No!,” Alex yelled. People in the dorm hallway looked over at the pair, but when they saw Alex they continued their business.
“God damn! What’s up with this fish? Get a new one!” Dave hissed angrily, leaning against the smooth gray wall.
“Never! Maxwell gave me Swipple when we were seniors in high school! It’s a symbol of our love! And I’ll be damned if I give up on love,” Alex stated, his voice stone cold and serious. Alex never acts serious, so Dave knew this was serious.
“Alright, well do you know who might have took her? Maybe some jealous ex or something?”
Before Alex could answer, a girl stopped in front of them abruptly.
It was Hanna Goomani, a short, blond haired, blue-eyed freshman who has had the hot for Alex ever since they first met in English 101. Alex always turns Hanna down, since he has Maxwell, but she’s persistent. She truly believes they were meant to be together.
“Hellooo, Snookie bear! How are youuu today?” she cooed, petting Alex’s check with her long fake fingernails. He flinched away and rolled his eyes.
“Hanna, I’m kinda busy right now. Can you go bother someone else?” Alex said.
“Well I could, but then I wouldn’t be so…swingle. You know?” Hanna winked. She waved at Dave and continued her walk down the hallway.
“Wow, what a whore,” Dave laughed. He looked at Alex and saw that his eyes were glossy and wide and his face was bright red with anger.
“Uh, Alex?” Dave said, worried over his friend’s reaction. Suddenly, Alex gripped onto both of Dave’s shoulders and looked at him dead in the eye.
“Hanna. She. Has. Swipple.” he hisses.
“Whoa, whoa! How do you know,” Dave said, back up from Alex’s grip. He was beginning to freak him out.
“She said swingle. That’s not an average day vocab word. It means that you’re a social person but it’s also a wooden knife people used in the middle ages. And another word for the knife is a swipple! Fuck! She has Swipple! She tried to hide it with double meanings but I know. I fucking know. She’s doing this for revenge, Davie, because I won’t date her! She’s fucking with my love symbol! I’m not taking this sitting down, got damn it! If she wants to play revenge, by Jove, let the war begin!”
Alex sprinted down the hallway, to his dorm and slammed it shut.
Dave stood there, speechless. He could go and check on the sanity of his friend, but then again, it’s too early for that.
Deciding the best option, he walked back to his room and went back to sleep.
>>>
Dave didn’t see Alex again till evening, right around seven. Now that he has gotten his weekly-required sleep in time, he was up for anything, including his crazy friend’s antics.
When Dave knocked on Alex’s door, it immediately opened and he was drug into the room. The first thing that he noticed was that the room has a slight smell of fish and the second was that Alex was dressed in all black.
“Dave! You just missed it! The biggest revenge plot ever! In a few days the box will open and hell will be upon us,” Alex chuckled evilly as he began to strip himself of his black attire.
“Dude, what the hell are you dressed like a cat burglar? And what did you do?” Dave said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Whatever Alex was going to say, it was going to be extreme.
“Ok, so once I left you in the hallway, I devised my Revenge plan. I went to the cafeteria and got my favors from the cafeteria ladies-don’t ask, it’s a long story. They loaned me a whole bunch of canned sardines. Then I went to the janitor’s office and got my favor from him and he gave me the keys to Hanna’s dorm. I threw the fish all over Hanna’s room; in her bed, shoes, clothes, just everywhere and I left the window open so birds and bugs and shit can get in. And here’s the best part; Hanna’s gone out of town for three days! By the time she gets back her room will be so ranched, she’ll have to move somewhere else! Not only will she learn not to fuck with Swipple, she’ll be out of here and away from me! Two birds with one fuckin’ stone! Man, I am brilliant!”
Slowly, Dave took this all in. Then he began to laugh. He laughed so hard he fell off the bed.
“You…HAHAHA…are so fuckin’ crazy!” he chocked out, hugging Alex tightly. He couldn’t deny it, he loved Alex; days were never boring with him around. Plus, he hoed out half of the university’s staff. That was a feat no pimp could top.
As the two laughed, they heard a knock on the door.
Alex stood up the answer it, still laughing.
“Haha, Maxwell! And…SWIPPLE!?”
Dave’s laugher died down as he peaked around the corner of the door.
There was Alex’s boyfriend Maxwell, smiling widely at Alex with a fishbowl in his hands containing Swipple the goldfish.
“Yeah, its me. And Swipple too. What, you don’t remember me telling you I was going to take her for the day? I sent you a text and everything. I took her to the vet and he said that she’s pregnant! I think it was when we put her and Ranger in a tank together last week. I was going to wake you up, but I just decided to take her. And you weren’t answering my calls. What have you been doing all day? And…why does it smell like fish in here?”
Alex stood with his mouth open in disbelief. Dave let out a roar of laugher and began rolling around on the floor. Maxwell looked down at him, then back up at Alex with his eyebrows raised.
“Alright, what the hell did you do? I’m sure it’s ridiculous as fuck,” Maxwell sighed.
Alex grinned wildly, “Oh, you have no fuckin’ idea”
“No!,” Alex yelled. People in the dorm hallway looked over at the pair, but when they saw Alex they continued their business.
“God damn! What’s up with this fish? Get a new one!” Dave hissed angrily, leaning against the smooth gray wall.
“Never! Maxwell gave me Swipple when we were seniors in high school! It’s a symbol of our love! And I’ll be damned if I give up on love,” Alex stated, his voice stone cold and serious. Alex never acts serious, so Dave knew this was serious.
“Alright, well do you know who might have took her? Maybe some jealous ex or something?”
Before Alex could answer, a girl stopped in front of them abruptly.
It was Hanna Goomani, a short, blond haired, blue-eyed freshman who has had the hot for Alex ever since they first met in English 101. Alex always turns Hanna down, since he has Maxwell, but she’s persistent. She truly believes they were meant to be together.
“Hellooo, Snookie bear! How are youuu today?” she cooed, petting Alex’s check with her long fake fingernails. He flinched away and rolled his eyes.
“Hanna, I’m kinda busy right now. Can you go bother someone else?” Alex said.
“Well I could, but then I wouldn’t be so…swingle. You know?” Hanna winked. She waved at Dave and continued her walk down the hallway.
“Wow, what a whore,” Dave laughed. He looked at Alex and saw that his eyes were glossy and wide and his face was bright red with anger.
“Uh, Alex?” Dave said, worried over his friend’s reaction. Suddenly, Alex gripped onto both of Dave’s shoulders and looked at him dead in the eye.
“Hanna. She. Has. Swipple.” he hisses.
“Whoa, whoa! How do you know,” Dave said, back up from Alex’s grip. He was beginning to freak him out.
“She said swingle. That’s not an average day vocab word. It means that you’re a social person but it’s also a wooden knife people used in the middle ages. And another word for the knife is a swipple! Fuck! She has Swipple! She tried to hide it with double meanings but I know. I fucking know. She’s doing this for revenge, Davie, because I won’t date her! She’s fucking with my love symbol! I’m not taking this sitting down, got damn it! If she wants to play revenge, by Jove, let the war begin!”
Alex sprinted down the hallway, to his dorm and slammed it shut.
Dave stood there, speechless. He could go and check on the sanity of his friend, but then again, it’s too early for that.
Deciding the best option, he walked back to his room and went back to sleep.
>>>
Dave didn’t see Alex again till evening, right around seven. Now that he has gotten his weekly-required sleep in time, he was up for anything, including his crazy friend’s antics.
When Dave knocked on Alex’s door, it immediately opened and he was drug into the room. The first thing that he noticed was that the room has a slight smell of fish and the second was that Alex was dressed in all black.
“Dave! You just missed it! The biggest revenge plot ever! In a few days the box will open and hell will be upon us,” Alex chuckled evilly as he began to strip himself of his black attire.
“Dude, what the hell are you dressed like a cat burglar? And what did you do?” Dave said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Whatever Alex was going to say, it was going to be extreme.
“Ok, so once I left you in the hallway, I devised my Revenge plan. I went to the cafeteria and got my favors from the cafeteria ladies-don’t ask, it’s a long story. They loaned me a whole bunch of canned sardines. Then I went to the janitor’s office and got my favor from him and he gave me the keys to Hanna’s dorm. I threw the fish all over Hanna’s room; in her bed, shoes, clothes, just everywhere and I left the window open so birds and bugs and shit can get in. And here’s the best part; Hanna’s gone out of town for three days! By the time she gets back her room will be so ranched, she’ll have to move somewhere else! Not only will she learn not to fuck with Swipple, she’ll be out of here and away from me! Two birds with one fuckin’ stone! Man, I am brilliant!”
Slowly, Dave took this all in. Then he began to laugh. He laughed so hard he fell off the bed.
“You…HAHAHA…are so fuckin’ crazy!” he chocked out, hugging Alex tightly. He couldn’t deny it, he loved Alex; days were never boring with him around. Plus, he hoed out half of the university’s staff. That was a feat no pimp could top.
As the two laughed, they heard a knock on the door.
Alex stood up the answer it, still laughing.
“Haha, Maxwell! And…SWIPPLE!?”
Dave’s laugher died down as he peaked around the corner of the door.
There was Alex’s boyfriend Maxwell, smiling widely at Alex with a fishbowl in his hands containing Swipple the goldfish.
“Yeah, its me. And Swipple too. What, you don’t remember me telling you I was going to take her for the day? I sent you a text and everything. I took her to the vet and he said that she’s pregnant! I think it was when we put her and Ranger in a tank together last week. I was going to wake you up, but I just decided to take her. And you weren’t answering my calls. What have you been doing all day? And…why does it smell like fish in here?”
Alex stood with his mouth open in disbelief. Dave let out a roar of laugher and began rolling around on the floor. Maxwell looked down at him, then back up at Alex with his eyebrows raised.
“Alright, what the hell did you do? I’m sure it’s ridiculous as fuck,” Maxwell sighed.
Alex grinned wildly, “Oh, you have no fuckin’ idea”
♠ ♠ ♠
<3