Don't Get Lost in Heaven.

October 13th Thursday

I couldn’t have felt more of the urge to strangle someone then I did in that moment when Tom decided to belt out that he knew me. For fucks sake, he was like a screaming five-year-old that didn’t get what they wanted. How can he even tell who I was what with all the new make-up and platinum blonde hair that could kill?

“Hey…” My body whirled around before my brain completely registered who stood behind me. A glare covered my face like a snarling mask. “I wanted ta 'pologize abou' earlier… it just caught me off guard to see yeh, yeh know?”

Shrugging, I turned away from Tom and began fumbling with the dirty dishes in the sink. If he’s going to confess, might as well keep my hands busy so I don’t stab him.

“Yeh see… your brother jus', well… he isn’t doin all tha grea', Sierra.” A sigh escaped him, probably realizing I’m not parting my lips to speak, “Danny… 'e's gotten into really hard stuff, like meth, cocaine an' shit… you really nee' ta check up on 'm.”

Biting my bottom lip, I shook my head. There was no way. No matter how many times I heard it, I’d only believe it if I saw him.

“I… I nee' ta' ge' some sleep,” I muttered, pushing my way passed him, not allowing him see my face.

Oliver was already in bed when I padded into the bedroom, he was half awake watching something on the television. Swiftly, and quietly, I curled up beside him under the covers and nestled my face into the pillow. My back faced him, so he wrapped one of his arms over my side and buried his face into my hair.

Silently, I cried. Thinking about what I have done to Danny ripped me up inside. My stomach felt like a blobby mass of blood and mush and I just wanted to puke it all up, watch it make a beautiful, ruddy mess on the floor. I swallowed back saliva and wiped at my nose gently, so as not to disturb Oliver.

“DANNY!” I screamed.

The darkness enveloped me like falling into a pool filled with icy cold water as it churns, swallowing and holding you down. It clung to me like tendrils, fingers drumming on my warm skin as I ran, searching for him.

Where was he?

“DANNY!” I belted out again. There! There he is! “DANNY! Please, stop! Stop it! Don’t!”

There is a fleeting look of recognition before he falls back into an abyss where I can literally see nothing.

“DANNY!”

Thump!

I sit up, startled, wild-eyed and searching around me. It was a dream, the entirety of it.

“Aye, yeh alrigh', darling?” Oliver peered over the side of the bed, his eyelids half closed from sleepiness.

“Yea… I think so,” I replied, gathering my wits and clambering to my feet, “I’m gonn'… go out into tha' living room. I can’t sleep ne'more.”

Oliver scrambled off of the bed, and grabbed my hand, “I’ll go with yeh.”

I smiled at his offer and led the way.

Tom and Matt are sitting on the couch, both playing the Xbox with dead-set determined looks on their countenances. Oli and I make ourselves comfortable on the far side of the couch; away from the other two who are blurting out swear words like it will save their life.

“GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKIN’ CHICKEN FUCKER! I WAS FUCKIN’ SPAWN KILLED AGAIN!” Matt roars chucking the controller on the ground, “Goddammit I suck at fuckin’ Halo.”

“Ey! Watch it, I bough' tha' controller, now yeh pick it up an' kiss it,” Oliver growled, leaning forward.

Tom is silently chuckling as he continues to play.

“Shut up, little boy,” Matt barks, grinning like a hyena.

XXX

October 29th, 2005 Saturday

It had been a few weeks since I had had that dream. I had a few more similar to it but nothing like how scary it was the first time.

We were watching an old black and white zombie movie, eating popcorn and giggling at the graphics. Curtis and Matt were sprawled across the floor sharing a joint and laughing a bit louder than we were. I looked over at Oli who had made us an official couple a few days ago. His eyes were set on the television and a slight smile perked his lips. His arm is around my waist, in a rather uncomfortable manner but I ignored it not really caring. Seeing him all bright eyed and goofy made me smile.

Oli looked down at me and smiled; he leaned down and gave me a little kiss.

"Wha' is it?"

"Nothin' I jus' like lookin' at yeh."

"Oh? Well tha's somthing we 'ave in common."
He said pulling his arm from around my waist and sliding both of his hands down his torso making a silly face. I laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah because yeh soooo drop dead sexy." His smiled faded away and he looked up, he was thinking.

"Drop Dead... I like tha' is."

There was a pounding at the door interrupting our musing, everyone freezes in place and all of our eyes are trained on where the sound came from.

Matt peers out the window, “Sierra, yeh need ta go in anotha room, now.”

I pounce to my feet and do as I am told as much as the curiosity is killing me. Hiding myself in the bedroom, I close the door quietly. Shrieking fills the living room and it’s only slightly muffled, meaning whoever it is they are literally screaming bloody murder.

That’s when it hits me, it’s Danny.

I slowly walk down the hall. His hair is long and dark and he's fighting against the guys. They're trying to hold him down and calm him. I stay back enough so that they can't see me. Oli turns to Matt and points down the hall.

"Go ge' tha piss test we 'ave like six, ge' the' one that has the labels on it and 'urry up!"
Matt runs past not noticing me at all, when he passes me on his way back he says something that I don't catch. Danny has settled down and is asking for me. Oli leans over him looking very calm as Matt hands him the drug test.

"A'right buddy. If yeh can do me a fava and pee in this cup I'll let you see 'er a'right?"

Danny nods and takes the cup. Oli and Danny walk outside together. Oli's arm around his shoulders talking to him in a hushed tone. I go to follow them when Curtis grabs my arm and leads me back to the bedroom. I don't object.

"Stay in 'ere a'right? E's calm now but trust me he'll 'ave anotha outburst. Jus' stay 'ere and Matt will let yeh know what tha test says... 'M sorreh Sierra."

I sit on the bed resting my face in my hands I start to cry when the back door swings open and I hear a loud crash, Danny is screaming and crying again. It sounded like the kitchen table had been knocked over.

I wait patiently, and wait a little longer. There's a knock at the door. Wrenching it open, Matt greets me with a solemn look on his features. His mouth is tense as he rests a hand on my shoulder, “Danny… e's real fucked up.”

There is more yowling, what sounds like sobbing and I even catch my name in there. Danny is choking out the words, his voice betraying him as it cracks and shudders.

Matt places a plastic container on the dresser, shaking his head all the while.

On closer inspection, I read that the container is a pee test to find out what drugs someone has been on. I gulp back rising bile.

“Meth, acid, coke… heroin, I don' understand 'ow this kid is even still alive.”

Again, Matt shakes his head and walks out of the room. Leaving me alone and absolutely terrified.