Tough Guy

“Jesus, Johnny, get outta the way before someone steps on you!” Leana laughed, reaching over to pull Johnny out of the way of some roadies wrestling.

He tugged out of her hand, “Hey, chill. I can hold my own.”

“Not if you get squished.” Zacky grinned at him, “Now, since Johnny here is underage, who says we go do something other than hit a bar tonight?”

Matt’s eyes widened, “Zacky giving up getting drunk? What the hell?”

“Hey, we’ve abandoned the guy for like four nights out of five since he’s been here. He’s been left to the hands of the merch girls all so we could go drinking. He’s a part of us and we haven’t included him at all.” Zacky shrugged, “It’s not right.”

“And you’re less likely to get the guy in your pants that way, right?” I smirked at him, “Sure, we can go do something else. Jimmy, you wanna go do something else tonight besides drink? We don’t have to leave out until tomorrow morning.”

“Actually, I need to run out for a few, but then yeah when I come back we can.” He shrugged and smiled over at Leana, “Plus I think Leana wanted some girl time by herself.”

“Yeah, too much testosterone.” She shuddered and then grinned, “Well as much as you can have when the carriers of it are butt fuckers, but hey! You know . . .what can you do?”

Matt grunted and rolled his eyes. Normally, he’d been joking about audio porn or something but he wasn’t in the mood to kid around as much as normal. Which was a real shame, because Johnny wasn’t seeing the side of Matt that was loveable; he was getting to see the actual asshole that I had hated for a while.

They went back into the bunks to change clothes and whatever they had to do while we all discussed the plans for the night sans alcohol. Johnny finally spoke up, “You guys do know I do get shit faced like every night while you’re gone?”

“No, and we’re going to pretend we didn’t hear that. We want to corrupt you in our own time. Zee, are you going with Jimmy?” We all knew what Jimmy was going out for. He had to catch up with someone who knew someone to get his fix.

“No way.” Zacky shook his head, “If I’m staying half-assed sober tonight, I can’t.”

Matt sighed, “I could go with him but things have been pretty awkward between us because he knows how I am with drugs.”

Yeah, he could totally be addicted within a few moments. I sighed too, “I’ll go with him. Can’t having the guy wandering around by himself with money and or drugs.”

Matt shook his head, “No way, Brian. You’re not getting mixed up in that world.”

“Hey, hey, look at me.” I turned toward him and he did, “I’m not. I’m simply going to watch his back, that’s all.”

“Right,” He pulled me in roughly by my shirt and kissed me, mumbling against my lips, “You’d better be fucking careful, Brian. You get messed up or hurt and you’ll wish you were dead.”

I laughed a little and pecked his lips, “Yeah, babe, I get it. Jimbo! You ready to truck it, man?”

Jim came out slipping on a jean jacket even though it was the middle of summer, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m going with, let’s go.” I tugged him out of the bus but let him lead the way.

He did so silently until we got near a park, “Tell me if you see a guy who looks like a cross between Zaacky’s fairyness and my build sitting alone on a park bench. That’s how Trent described him.”

“Okay, a skinny little emo kid.” I nodded and looked around, trying to be conspicuous.

He spoke up again after a few moments, “So are you and Matt fighting or some such shit?”

“Whattya mean?” I snapped a piece of gum that was fast becoming habit when smoke breaks on the bus were few and far between.

“I mean, you never come off that bus if Matt isn’t literally or figuratively attached to your ass, so are you guys fighting?” He smirked over at me.

“Oh, no. I dunno, I just wanted to get out and you were leaving and-“

“No one wanted to baby sit the scrawny built drug head?” He asked quietly.

“Um . . .yeah that about covers it. Listen, Jimmy, I know it’s the lifestyle, the image, the rush that you get . . .all of it makes it impossible to turn this shit down. We all have our addictions. Zacky’s is cigarettes and Jack Daniels. Matt’s is coffee and Grey Goose and health food. I’m-“ I frowned because for the past four or five months, I’d not had a vice, “I guess cigarettes? Maybe weed sometimes. Yours is Leana and the coke. I get it. Doesn’t mean I like it.”

“Is that why we haven’t hung out in like six months? Like since before you started dating Zacky?” He frowned at me.

“No. I got caught up in all their drama and you were settling in to your new place. I thought when we got back from tour we’d break that place in, trash it out with a few wild parties. Since you’re moving in with Leana, we’ll just have to talk Matt into letting us trash our place.” I shrugged, “I still love you like a brother, Jimmy, and all this happiness I feel? It’s because of you partly. If you hadn’t pushed me to join Avenged, if you hadn’t lead me down this path, I’d be fucking lost.”

“I hear you.” He sighed and shrugged, “The coke makes me feel alive. Apart from being on stage or having sex with Leana, it’s the closest to feeling alive as I’ve ever gotten. I’ve tried to explain this to everyone . . .I feel doomed, Brian, and it’s creeping in on me. Slowly, but it’s there.”

I shook my head, “That’s the coke talking, Jim. I promise you that. You’re not doomed, buddy.”

“Alright, alright.” He laughed a little and turned to hug me, “Don’t go all fairy on me, man.”

I rolled my eyes, “Shut up. And is that the guy you’re looking for?”

He looked to where I was eyeing and nodded, “Yeah, stay close.” He wandered over and asked if the guy’s name was Brody. The kid nodded and held out his hand as if to shake. They exchanged goods and we walked off. He pointed at the bathroom, “I have to do it there. You remember last week when we stopped in Bristol, Virginia?”

“Um, yeah?” I frowned.

“Well, Shads told me he is highly uncomfortable with me bringing this shit on the bus so I agreed to dispose of it before I got on the bus.” He dunked into the bathroom and I watched the door for him.

When he stepped out, he motioned for me to step in, “I cut you a line, Bri. You gotta try it. Just once.”

“No way, Matt will kill me.” I shook my head.

“Tell him I talked you into it.”

“No fucking way, Jimbo. Maybe one night when we all party together, okay?” I clapped him on the back, “You wouldn’t be happy if I talked Leana into doing this shit, would you?”

He shrugged, “She does sometimes but mostly when I’m so high she can’t do anything with me so she just goes ahead and gets high too. Anywho . . .” He bent and snorted it up his nose in a quick sniff.

I felt sick to my stomach just watching it, “Come on, let’s go, Jim. Maybe Zee and the guys have come up with an idea of what to do when we get back.”

“Alright, let’s go.” He jumped up and landed on my back. I grunted in surprise and rolled my eyes before grabbing his legs and hauling him back to the bus.

I banged on the bus doors as Jimmy sang loudly in my ear a song that didn’t really make sense even when it was coherent. Matt came to open it and almost died laughing. I glared at him, “You knew this would happen, didn’t you? That’s why you pretended to be all macho and concerned, but you knew this is how it’d end up.”

“Yep, and I was secretly back here laughing the entire time. Come on, Jimmy, let’s go see if Johnny and Zacky have killed each other yet.” Matt prized him off of my back and pulled him to the lounge, looking over my shoulder to make sure I followed.

The two were wrestling on the floor, laughing and screaming at the same time. It was kind of funny to see Zack have the upper hand for once since I’d known him. They were literally beating the shit out of each other and it was hilarious. When they finally stopped, Matt lifted Johnny up while I helped Zacky. They both had black eyes and split lips but were grinning at each other. I rolled my eyes and pushed Zacky at Johnny, “Now, you have to learn the most important part of a semi-abusive relationship.”

Zacky’s eyebrows shot up and Matt was trying hard not to outright laugh in their faces. Finally, Johnny asked, “What’s that?”

“Kiss ass and make up, kid.” I grinned at him and he groaned.

“That dipshit busted my lip, no way in hell.” Zacky mumbled but after a moment went to the kitchenette. Matt sprawled out on the couch and I knocked his legs off of it so I could sit down, laughing under my breath as he promptly slid his thick legs back onto mine. I tolerated them while Zacky fixed an ice pack and came back to slap it to Johnny’s black eye. He groaned, “Thanks, asswipe.”

“No problem, short shit. This is the last time we try to be like you two. I am not into abuse and amuse, thanks.” Zack groaned, “How in the hell can you think that shit is sexy?”

“Easy. I piss Brian off, it makes me horny. He pisses me off, I get rough, and it makes him horny. It’s a two way street and we love it.” Matt shrugged and then almost deballed me when I yanked out one of his leg hairs, “You fucking butt munch!”

I laughed hard, “Butt munch? Excuse me? I think you’re the one who-“

He put a hand over my mouth, “I’ll feed you your tongue if you don’t forget that right now.”

Johnny laughed, “I don’t want to have that kind of relationship with anyone, Zack. I’d kill you.”

“Sure you would.” Matt looked over at him, “If we chopped Zacky off at the knees and allowed you a head start. Alright, babe, what did you give Jimmy?”

I looked over to see him simply twiddling his thumbs, “Jim, you okay?”

“Oh yeah, just bumped. It was money wasted, bad stuff, didn’t last.” He sighed, “I’m glad you didn’t take that hit, Syn. You’d have been disappointed.”

Matt looked at me steadily and I shrugged. I hadn’t taken the line, so what did it matter? Later that night, when Zacky and Johnny had decided to actually sit down and write some music and Jimmy and Leana were watching a movie, Matt drew me off to the side. I straddled his waist since his arms were on either side of me, “Babe, I didn’t take the line-“

“I’m proud of you for telling him no, but I’m scared shitless. What if I had let you go out there with him and you’d come back with a new found addiction? I don’t want you to go down that way. If you wanna start doing drugs, we’ll do them together so I can watch over you. And only in moderation, never like Jimmy. “ He interrupted me with a soft kiss and I was all too eager to agree but I had to make a point.

“Matt, I’m a big guy. I can handle myself. I appreciate it that you want to protect me, but I don’t need to be protected. I’m smarter than that. But I do promise to only ever do drugs with you.” I grinned at him, “As long as you don’t.”

He nodded, “I won’t. Wait. Does weed count?”

“No!” I laughed and he grinned at me before pulling me down for a kiss before asking me if I wanted to go work on music. I nodded and went to grab my guitar. Johnny and Zacky hollered at us to join them and Jimmy grabbed a set of drumsticks. Seeing that she had lost his attention, Leana went off to mess with her hair or some such shit. No one really knew what she did when she wasn’t attached to Jimmy’s hip but when Jimmy was asked, he’d simply grin and shake his head.

Having Johnny on the bus had been pretty cool for the past week. He was fun to pick on, could be made to do just about anything with a little persuasion, and had a kick ass sense of humor. Not only that but he was a great bassist and he and Jimmy just clicked on stage. It was like he’d always been a part of us and we all felt obligated to give him hell, beat him up, clue him in when stuff went over his head, and protect the hell out of him. We could fuck with him but no one else could.

My favorite thing about having a bassist on board was finally getting down to writing some new music all the way. We’d write and write and nothing would sound right without bass. I knew from the way Johnny lit up on stage that he was here to stay. I nudged Matt, “Johnny needs a stage name.”

He looked over at him, where he was working on a bass line with Jimmy, “Yeah, but we’ll let him figure it out.”

“I’m just glad he’s going to stick around.”

“Me, too. Baby, can you get me a bottle of water? I’m dying of thirst.” He pouted a little.

I laughed a bit, “Babe, you don’t have to pout at me to get me to do things. I’ll do it either way. Be right back.” I got up and went to get it. When I handed it to him, I asked how he was handling the parent situation.

He shrugged, “I’m hoping for the best, but I’m not counting on it. My parents are great people, but I don’t know . . .I’m really nervous about going home, but not just because of them.”

“Why else?” I frowned at him and he smirked at me. That’s when I caught on. “You’re nervous about us living together? Why? We’ve spent every waking moment together for the past few months and we’re not killing each other.”

“Yeah, but at home is different. I’m a fucking slob. I work out obsessively. I have a million issues that will get on your fucking nerves-”

“So do I, but it’ll be okay. Chill.” I touched my finger to his lips, “If we can’t deal with living together, that just means it was way too soon, that’s all.”

“Way too soon? Do you think it’s way too soon?” He leaned back from me, anxiety showing in his eyes.

I huffed, “No! Damn, Matt, for such a tough guy you’re so damn uncertain about us. I do not think it’s too soon. If I did, I wouldn’t have said yes.”

He sighed and rubbed his temples, “Right, right. Alright, come here.” He tugged me toward him and I kissed him briefly before going back to what we were doing.

I couldn’t believe that Matt was so anxious about such little things. He always came across as such a hard-ass about everything, and though I knew that was mostly a façade-a persona he slipped into sometimes unwittingly-it was hard to imagine him as so worried.

After a few hours, I stood up and stretched. We’d be going home in less than three days and I thought it was high time we got trashed again. And that we included Johnny in it. I volunteered to go get beer and when Matt asked if I wanted him to come along, I turned him down. He frowned at me and I bit my lip, “You know how you go jogging by yourself most mornings?”

“Yeah, cause you’re too damn lazy to get up.” He smirked.

“Yep. You enjoy it though, right? Like you like the solitude?” I asked.

He shrugged, “Yeah, it feels nice for it to just be. . .quiet.”

“That’s right. Just quiet. I need some quiet.” I shrugged.

He nodded, “Sorry. I just thought we could get away from the guys.”

“Give us three days and we’ll be away from them for as long as you want to be. No worries.” I gave him a squeeze and moved to get off of the bus.

That night we all got torn up, except for Johnny. He drank but as far as I could tell he didn’t get messed up. He mostly laughed at us. Zacky and I are both very affectionate drunks, as Matt had already learned. When he refused to play along, we turned on Jimmy, but not sexually. He got smothered with hugs and kisses to the cheek every few moments and Zacky ended up falling asleep half laying on both him and Johnny, who put a pillow under his head and let him sleep there.

Matt drunk was something else. He got surlier and surlier as the night went on. One time when I stood up, yelling something incoherent for no reason apparently, he told me to sit down and shut up. I arched an eyebrow at him, “Why should I?”

“Because I fucking said so.” He growled.

“Make me, dickhead.” I spat back.

His fingers tangled in my shirt and he about ripped it pulling me onto my ass. I grunted when I connected with his lap and he locked his arms around me, “There. Now, shut up.”

“Fuck you.” I muttered.

“Not tonight, thanks.” He gritted out and sighed, “You’re fucking nuts when drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.” I protested.

“Yes, you are. So am I. Let’s go have sex.” He muttered, biting into my neck.

I shrugged him off, “Nope. I’m not horny.”

“Liar!” Jimmy called me on it.

I rolled my eyes, “Nope!”

“Is that your answer to everything when you’re drunk?” Matt asked.

I grinned, “Nope!”

“Ugh, seriously? I’m hard as a rock, you’re drunk . . . We cannot pass up this opportunity.” Matt reached up to tilt my head back and kissed me.

I kissed back but then pulled away from him, “I’ll have sex if you’ll bottom tonight.”

“Fuck you.” He laughed, cause he could see the grin on my face, “I get it, no drunken sex tonight.”

“That’s right. Beer!” I reached out a hand toward it.

He laughed again, “Using your Jedi forces, Brian?”

“The force is weak. Give it.” I reached over his arm to grab his and he didn’t protest. He simply watched me down it, leaning in to kiss my neck as I swallowed. I tapped his arm, “Since you won’t quit being a horny dickhead, I’m going to go drink over there.” I pointed across the room.

“Or I could just go lay down and wait for you to change your mind.” He suggested and dumped me off of his lap unceremoniously. He smirked when I groaned and hauled myself up.

When he was gone for a few, I got curious as to what he could be doing by himself. A million dirty images flew through my head and I ended up running back to the bunks. Much to my disappointment, he was passed out, but when I slid into the bunk, he rolled over and threw an arm around me. I smacked his shoulder and he grunted, smacking me back on the stomach. A few seconds later, he woke up enough to pull me on top of him and we made out until I passed out laying there.

The next morning, as we all got up to get moving, we were sporting headaches . . .all except for Johnny who was hyper as shit. He kept bugging everyone, making us scream and yell until finally Matt snapped. He picked Johnny up and set him on the counter, “Short shit, I swear to fucking god if you make one more fucking peep before we hit Las Vegas, I’ll kick you so hard out the bus door, you’ll be seeing your mama a lot sooner than you expected. Shut the fuck up.”

He smirked, “Cranky, cranky, musta got no hanky-spanky!”

I grabbed Matt’s arm to keep him from the throttling the kid, “Okay, okay, that was a good one. You can’t kill him, Matt. I don’t want to have to come visit you in the pen. Seriously, Johnny, shut up. Zacky, come tame your wild little munchkin before I let Matt kill him.”

“Johnny, man,” Zacky got up off the couch and came to stand between his legs, putting them exactly eye-to-eye, “I will never touch you again if you say one more obnoxious thing before the show.”

“Fine.” He pouted and wrapped his legs around him, propping his chin on Zacky’s shoulder.

“Aw, midget lover!” Jimmy squealed.

Matt roared, “Everyone shut up! God damn! I drank less than all of you nut cases combined and my head is killing me!”

I frowned, “Matt, you’ve never really had a bad hangover around us before. I didn’t think you got them.”

“Normally, I don’t.” He snapped.

“Do you think it’s the stress?”

He put a finger to my lips, “I do not know and I do not care, okay? I just want the noise to stop so that playing tonight doesn’t kill me.”

“Alright.” I nodded understandingly, “Why don’t we go lay down while Zacky and Johnny go drive?”

He nodded and we went to the bunks. I leaned against his chest after blacking out the window and drawing the curtain. He snuggled me to him and buried his head in my hair so that he could relax. What felt like hours later, the bus came to a stop and Matt’s head raised, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been an ass to you.”

“Again, use to it.” I shook my head, “Come on. It’s Johnny you owe an apology too.”

“No fucking way. He needs to learn a little fear. I am like three times his size.” He shook his head.

“I see how it is. Scare and intimidate a little kid, huh?”

“Damn straight. Come on, let’s go get some coffee.” He patted my shoulder.

“How about you get some coffee and I get changed?” I suggested since I was still in my boxers.

He nodded and left. When he came back, we were all outside, looking around for something to do that we wouldn’t be late for sound check doing. He had a coffee for everyone and the only thing he said was “peace offering.” Judging from the enraptured faces of Zacky and Johnny and the laughing from Jimmy, it was a peace offering that was much appreciated.