Tough Guy

Matt winced a bit when he stepped out of his truck. I smirked but didn’t say anything. I figured if he was as sore as I thought he was he wouldn’t appreciate me saying much. I simply grabbed his hand and walked with him toward the studio. Jimmy was sitting outside smoking and he looked up, “Yo, Bri-Bri, throw me a Marlboro would-holy shit, Matt, what happened to you? Why are you limping?”

“No reason.” Matt tried to straighten out his walk, growling lowly in his throat as he did.

Jimmy’s eyebrow raised a notch, “Nothing? Brian, did you hear that? He’s calling your butt fucking abilities nothing. That’s not what I heard Zacky say. I heard him say you’ve got a talented meat tube . . .or some such words as that.”

Matt laughed, “It’s not nothing, it’s something, but . . .just shut up, Jimmy.”

“No way. Besides, listen to you bitch. You’re turning into a total queen. I love it.” He grinned and jumped up, “Wait until I tell the guys-”

I grabbed his arm, “Don’t. Zacky will get very, very jealous and very, very queeny on us. I’d rather enjoy watching Matt wobble around without thinking about how mad Zack is that he’s doing it.”

“Ah, I get it. You wouldn’t let Zacky play hide the snake but you’d let Syn? Are you a glutton for punishment or something?” Jimmy asked incredulously.

“Would you shut up?” Matt’s face turned red but he laughed, “And to be clear, no Brian is the punishment lover. I just wanted to try it. And I’ll continue to try it when I feel the itch.”

“I’ve heard buttsex is itchy from other gay guys. Is it?” Jimmy caught on to that.

“No, it burns like hell.” Matt snapped.

I laughed, “It feels good, he just hasn’t learned to appreciate the burn yet. He will. You will when you try it too.”

“Ooh, fuck no, you pansy ass fairy fuckers aren’t touching my ass. I know how hung all of you are and even if I swung that way, I don’t stretch that way. Leana! Come save me from the packers!” He ran toward the studio screaming and Matt about died in laughter.

We recorded as much as could and wrote a new song before his phone went off. It was his sister reminding us that she was spending the weekend with us. He sighed and told her he’d meet her at the park, to bring a basketball. She agreed and I knew it was because of their mutual love of sports that they’d stayed close through all of Matt’s problems. He asked if I wanted to go watch and I was more than willing to.

I watched Matt and his sister playing basketball, a really aggressive game of one-on-one. They were both great athletes, Amy moving far more gracefully than Matt. She stopped mid run and pinned him with a gaze, “Matt, I do this for a living, don’t hold back.”

“Yeah, against girls.” He smirked but snuck his hand under hers and took the ball, taking off with it. I found it funny when she intercepted a lay up of his before his feet could ever touch the ground. What was even funnier to me was that he was panting and out of breath when she reached twenty one before him and she was fine.

He glared at me, “Lets see you do any better, Haner.”

“Fine. You feel like playing again, Amy?”

“What time is it?”

We both looked at Matt since he was the only one who habitually wore a watch and he flipped it up to tell us it was a little after one p.m. She shrugged, “I can play for an hour or so more before I need to get in and shower.”

“Why?” Matt asked as we checked the ball.

She took off with it before answering, surprising the hell out of me. I darted after her, hearing her tell Matt that she had a hot date. He grunted his displeasure and then laughed when I snatched the ball from her and ran with it. Unfortunately, I missed my shot, making me look like an ass but Amy missed the rebound so it was all good.

I barely beat Amy and I had a sneaking suspicion she let it happen just to keep the smug grin off of Matt’s face. “Can we go home now that you have both made me look like an ass?”

I nodded and Amy giggled before moving to hug him. He swatted her off but smiled and came over to throw his arm over my shoulders. I wrapped my arm around his waist as we headed toward the truck on the other side of the park. Amy asked us what our plans for tonight was and I started to say something but Matt cut me off. “Actually, Brian, I was wondering if you wanted to go do something, just the two of us. The guys will be okay going to the bar without us.”

“Um, sure, if you want.” I frowned at him and he leaned in to kiss me.

“I get it, you two are going to go have butt-sex.” Amy laughed, “Though since I’m going out-”

“It’s not about having sex. We’d have it with you in the same room if we were horny enough. It’s about going out as a couple.” He told her, keeping his hold on me. Good thing he did too because I might have fainted in shock. Sure I knew he was working on being out and he was doing a damn good job of it. Actually going out together, in public and not in a bar, was going to be a huge step.

Especially when we hadn’t even gotten to the car yet when a basketball hit me in the back. I jerked around at it and word “fags!” being screamed. Matt did too and we looked until we saw two guys laughing hysterically. Matt dropped his hand, twined our fingers together, and pulled me back tward them. The look on his face was murderous and they looked like they were terrified, which was good. He grabbed the one bigger of the two guys by the shirt, “Fucking apologize to him now.”

“Matt, let him go.” I touched his hand and he turned his head to look at me.

“Brian, he just called us fags. And hit you with a fucking basketball. How retarded-”

“You use to call me a fag daily.” I reminded him and smirked, “But since you’re not going to let him go, I do owe him for hitting me with that ball.” I swung and hit the guy in the face.

He dropped to the ground when Matt let go of him. When we turned to confront the other guy, he was already running away.

Matt pulled me to him and kissed me again, “I’m sorry-”

“I know, it’s not a big deal. It never was with you because I sorta knew right away you were gay.” I shrugged and smiled, “Besides, you took care of it and that’s what matters. Let’s go home.”

“Home sounds good.” For the first time since we’d started hooking up, Matt looked confident about hugging me and holding my hand. It was an amazing thing for me.

Amy was sitting on the hood of Matt’s truck and he simply picked her up off of it, depositing her in the back of the truck. I rolled my eyes at him, “`She’s not a doll or a dog, Matt. I’ll ride in back, she can ride up front.”

“Fine.” He sighed and reached back to help Amy down and into the cab of the truck.

She glared at him, “Why is it your boyfriend is nicer to me than you are?”

“You’re female, he’s bisexual.” He shrugged, “And we look alike so therefore he’s attracted to you.”

“Shut up, no I’m not. I mean, I am bisexual, but it’s rare that I’m ever attracted to a girl. You included, Amy, so sorry. I’m nice to her cause she’s nice to me. Unlike someone ninety percent of the time.” I stuck my tongue out at Matt and he grinned at me.

“You love my tough love, buddy. Get over it.” He motioned to the back of the truck, “Let’s go.”

I hopped in the back and Matt opened the back window to hand me my cigarettes. I lit one up before he roared out and enjoyed the breeze the whole five blocks to the house. We jumped out once there and Amy beat us inside. Matt stopped me, “What do you want to do tonight?”

“We could just go out to eat somewhere and then go to the beach, if you want. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.” I shrugged.

“Eating sounds good but then why don’t we go to the movies or something like that?” He cocked his head, “Or if you don’t want to do that, we could go to Johnny’s but I really wasn’t wanting to go out drinking.”

“Let’s eat and then see what we feel like doing.” I shrugged and moved to wrap my arms around him, “Thank you for taking up for me.”

“It’s okay, baby. Amy! Is your butt in the shower?!” Matt yelled up to his sister.

There was no answer so he sighed, “I’m going to hunt up something to wear.”

“Right.” I went into the kitchen and downed a bottle of water and then grabbed a beer.

Amy came prancing down in just a towel a few moments later, as I was watching tv, “Brian, can I borrow a shirt so I don’t have to get dressed while I do my hair and make up?”

“Um, sure.” I went into the laundry room and smirked as I threw her one of Matt’s, “It’s bigger than mine.”

“Thanks.” She smiled, “You know it’s really cute how you and Matt are like super close but you don’t always show it. Do you guys ever do anything apart?”

“Sometimes, yeah. I go out with Jimmy or Zack. He goes to play ball or out to jog or whatever by himself. Which is his choice, but we do spend time apart. If we didn’t, we’d go nuts. He’s pretty to look at but only seeing each other every day would get tedious.” I shrugged, “Plus, it’s a pleasure to come home to him.”

“That’s a first. No one has ever said that, I don’t think.” She shook her head, “Thanks for the shirt. I hope you guys have fun tonight. I think it’s kind of important to Matt that you guys have a good time.”

“I think it is too. Actually, I think Matt’s up to something.” I smiled, “You should go get dressed before you scar him when he comes down.”

“Good thinking.” She took off for the guest bedroom that was more of a music/hobby room than a bedroom.

I sorted through the laundry to find my best pair of jeans and favorite gray shirt with the red design on it. Matt loved that shirt on me for some damn reason and I wanted to look as good as I could without “primping” as he put it.

He came down, his chest still slick form his shower with two shirts in his hands and a frown. I smirked, “You know walking around all wet and naked is going to cause me to have heart problems when we get older right?”

“If you’d stop eating junk . . .” He smirked back, “Black Slayer shirt with sleeves, or white Harley Davidson shirt with sleeves.”

“Either one looks good. With those jeans I’d say the white one though.” I nodded at it, “Think we have enough hot water for another shower?”

“We should; I tried to take a short one. I know you have to wash that hair.” He smiled a little and leaned in to kiss me.

A couple of hours later, we were sitting at a steak house eating. Matt reached over and grabbed my hand. Normally, I would have been shocked but the past three weeks had been filled with Matt’s leap and bounds toward a better relationship. Or a relationship period. However when he pulled back there was a slip of paper in my hand.

I opened it with a slight smile that grew bigger when I saw the three words scribbled there: You’re my everything.

“You’re mine too, Matt.” I looked over at him and he nodded, biting his lip. I leaned over the table and kissed him quickly, “But what’s up? Too chicken to say I love you?”

“Yeah.” He admitted, “I’ve been trying for like two days now.”

“So? Just say it. You already know you’re going to hear it back. I’m fucking crazy about you.” I shrugged and waited patiently.

He hemmed and hawed, tugging at his ear, and looking away finally he stood and came over to haul me to my feet. Wrapping both of his arms around me, he pulled me flush to him and said in my ear, “Brian Haner, Jr., I love you.”

I chuckled and turned my head to kiss him again. When we broke apart, he looked at me expectantly. I looked back, “What?”

“Haner!” He growled with a frown.

I laughed a little, “Aw, shit . . .I love you, too, Matthew.”

“Cool.” He grinned and sat down, suddenly looking more pleased and less tense than he had in weeks.

“Yeah, cool.” There were a lot of ways that could have went. We could have had a fight and ended up screaming it at each other. We could have been horribly mushy and unlike our real selves. This way had seemed to please the affectionate parts in both of us while the laughing, joking way we’d gone about it was true to our normal dynamic.

“So, when am I going to get to go to one of those Haner family affairs?” He asked curiously.

“Any time you want. Hell, I show up and it turns into an affair. Suzy and Dad just like having all of us kids in one house. Dad will like you, by the way. You two will have a field day cracking jokes on me.” I shrugged, “And he finds it very amusing that you’re gay.”

“Why?” He frowned.

“Something about steroids, muscles, small balls, and homosexuality. I didn’t get the joke, honestly, but he cracked himself up.” I rolled my eyes.

“He’s a funny guy. What’s your real mom like?” He asked, sitting back.

I avoided his eyes, “I’d rather not talk about her. I’m more comfortable with my dad and his family. There’s a reason I chose to stay with him and that’s all I feel okay saying.”

He nodded, “I understand. You know how my parents keep talking about me having issues when I was younger?”

“Yeah?” I had always been curious, but I figured Matt would eventually tell me.

“When I was younger, like a pre-teen, I was a real big guy, a lot bigger than Zacky and Jimmy. I didn’t know enough about health and working out to be anything but flub. On top of that, I was already becoming attracted to guys. I was teased a lot my first year of junior high so I decided to get even by beating the shit out of anyone who dared piss me off. I was loud, obnoxious, rude, and mean. I was all that to keep from getting hurt. I knew no one liked me cause I was fat and I knew they’d absolutely hate me if they knew I was gay. They’d think I was a fairy, a fag, and I had to learn to show them I wasn’t if I ever had any chance of surviving. I was in and out of every school in Huntington Beach and then I fell in with a gang in high school. I use to sleep with a fucking bat in my hand for protection. I started drinking and doing drugs and driving my parents nuts. When I was sixteen, I got so out of control that they had no choice but to kick me out. It was what was best for them and for me. By the time we all formed Avenged Sevenfold, I was lost, man. Then this turned all around. I don’t have those issues any more and I love my family.”

I nodded, “It shows. You and your dad are super close right?”

“Very. And my grandfather too. Oh, you’ll love him, he’s awesome. We all need to go fishing sometimes.” He grinned, “Us and Pops and Dad and your dad, that is.”

“Sounds good. I’d like to see what you guys are like together with no women around to keep you straightened out.” I laughed a little and leaned in, “And Dad would just like to do something other than shoot guns with me. I think it scares him how good I am.”

“It would scare me.” He admitted, “I always hated guns. To me it was the pussy way out, but I can see the appeal to a lot of people. Anyway, are you done eating?”

I glanced down at my plate, “Um, yeah, actually.”

“Come on. I have something fun planned.” He grasped my hand after pulling out enough money to pay the bill and leave a tab.

I protested that I should give him some money on it, but shook it off and tugged me out to the car. The fun thing he had planned was us going bowling with the guys, who were all waiting there. Leana asked as we were lining up to get our bowling shoes, “Did Matt finally say he loves you?”

“Yeah. Why?” I frowned at her.

She flipped open her phone and showed me that she had thirty seven texts from Matt, “It’s all we’ve talked about for the past two or three days.”

“Aw.” I muttered and then glared at her, “I didn’t-”

“I know, I know, tough guy. You guys don’t gush. Anyway, I’m glad he did it. He was driving us nuts, especially texting just when Jimmy was about to get laid.” She grinned, “And of course because Matt is just so emotionally fragile I had to answer him right away.”

I laughed, “So basically if he hadn’t, Jimmy would have killed him.”

“Pretty much. Matt-o! I’m proud of you, baby boy!” She jumped on his back and he caught her easily.

Looking over his shoulder at her, he smiled, “Thanks. He made it easy on me.”

“I told you he already knew, so why were you freaking out?” She rolled her eyes and looked over at Jimmy, “Hey, Jimmy, we don’t have to worry about three a.m. texts from Matt anymore.”

“Did he finally state the obvious?” Jimmy asked, juggling his shoes, Leana’s, and their drinks.

“Yep. Aren’t you happy?” She asked.

“I’ll be happy when I get you home and make wild monkey noises with you.” He winked at her exaggeratedly and we all kinda laughed.

We bowled a few rounds and Jimmy was starting to get antsy. He nudged me, “Walk to the bathroom with me?”

“Sure.” I motioned to Matt that we were going to the pisser and he nodded as he got ready to bowl. I knew he’d take my turn when it came up if I wasn’t there so I wasn’t worried about it.

Jimmy rushed into a stall and I could hear him digging through his pockets. I spoke up, “What are you looking for?”

“Coke . . .aha, I found it.” I heard him mutter and heard him sniff it. When he came out, he was already glassy-eyed.

I shook my head, “Where are you finding it here?”

“The same places I find it anywhere.” He shrugged, “Come on, let’s go bowl. Bowl!”

I laughed a little at him and moved back out to the lanes. Matt smiled at me, “Jimmy corrupting you again?”

“Nope.” I shook my head, “I promised, remember?”

“I remember. Come here.” He patted the seat next to him as Johnny went up to bowl. I sat down and he looped an arm around my shoulder.

“Look up, guys!” Leana called out and we did to see her taking a pic with her cell phone. Matt smiled hugely and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I smiled too when his lips made contact and she snapped another picture.

“Send me that.” Matt told her, his fingers tangling into my longish hair.

“Sure thing, sweetie. Jimmy, put that down or bowl right.” She scolded the high man, turning to face him. He was holding a bowling ball above his head like he was going to throw it. He turned toward her with a pout and she simply stared at him solemnly until he lowered it. Having known Jimmy for most of my life, I figured he’d met the perfect woman for him if she was toning him down.

When we left, Zacky had won the bowling game and I was incredibly tired. However, when we got to the house, Amy was just getting in from her date and we needed to help her make up the couch since the guest room was actually not fit to sleep in yet. I went to get her some sheets and a pillow while her and Matt argued over the guy she’d went out with. Apparently, he was our age and Matt use to do drugs with him.

“He’s not like that anymore, Matt. Don’t you think he can change if you can?” She asked as I made the couch up.

“Of course he can, baby girl, but he hasn’t. I know this guy. He has no desire to change, never has. When I told him I was out of that scene, he threatened me within an inch of my life if I told anyone what he did for a living. For the first time since we were kids, I was genuinely scared, Amy. I don’t want you messed up in that life. You have a future.” He sighed and rubbed his temples, “Please just call him and tell him you won’t be seeing him any more?”

She frowned, “He really worries you that much?”

“Yeah.” Matt nodded slowly.

“Okay, I’ll call him tomorrow when I get back. I’m sorry, Matty.” She stood on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck and he squeezed her extra tight. When he put her down, she spun on me, “I take it from the fact that you two are still lovey-dovey that you said it back. Not it should surprise anyone or anything.”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I did. And Matt’s right. If he inspires fear in him he’s definitely not a good choice for you.”

“I know. Good night, guys. Matt, don’t make him scream too loud I do have to be up and out of here pretty early.” She smirked.

“No promises.” Matt quipped and pulled me toward the bedroom. I could hear her laughing behind us.

Later, I watched Matt sleeping. It wasn’t a pretty sight but it was endearing. Head reared back, mouth wide open, and arms flung wide, he slept as hard as he did everything else. The few times he rolled over toward me and flung his arm out the wrap around me, he looked sweet and innocent-or as much as a 6’1 over-grown-gorilla could look anyway. I was glad tonight had finally happened but honestly? I could have done without the dinner and the jokes and the time with my friends if he’d just whispered it in my ear or screamed it at me. The fact that he said it was more important than anything he’d done. I had inadvertently tried to tell him multiple times before tonight and tried daily to show him. I had went past caring about my “tough guy” façade and only wanted him to know the real me.

He mumbled my name and shifted a little, sitting up slightly to look down at me, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just can’t sleep.” I sighed and he pulled me to his side a little more.

“How come?” I watched as he tried to blink himself awake and reached up to caress the side of his face.

“No reason, just not sleepy. Go back to sleep, I’m going to go drink a beer and smoke a cigarette. Maybe I’ll wear myself out.” I sighed and kissed his chin before rolling out of bed. I went down to get a beer and found Amy still awake.

She smirked at me, “Can’t sleep?”

“Nope. Normally I go almost comatose after a night like tonight, but Matt fell asleep and now I can’t.” I sighed and grabbed a beer, “You want one?”

“Yeah, sure.”

I handed her a beer and opened the back door before lighting up. She looked at me, “How come you always go outside to smoke or open a window or a door?”

“Because I don’t want it to stain the walls. Plus the smoke is really bad for Matt’s voice.” I shrugged, “Not to mention his lungs.”

“You do it to protect Matt? You know he started smoking when he was twelve right?” She smirked again, looking incredulous.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t anymore and I’d be an asshole to keep doing it around him.” I shrugged.

“God, you do love him.” She said with a slight bit of disgust.

I looked over at her with my eyebrows raised.

“You don’t know what it’s like being Matt’s little sister, Brian. It’s always been about him. His issues, his anger, his problems, his voice, his music, his sexuality, his boyfriend . . .all Matthew, all the time. My parents only let me start playing basketball because he offered to teach me. You know, I couldn’t even bring myself to hate him because I loved him just as much as anyone. I never thought a bad thought about my brother but I have always been in his shadow.” She sighed, “And it’s a big shadow.”

“Yeah it is. I don’t know anyone who truly dislikes him, even when he’s surly and mad all the time. But you’re a great person, Amy, and beautiful. Some guy is going to think you’re the most amazing-” I was cut off by her lips hitting mine. Gently, I pushed her back and resisted the urge to tell her she was nuts, “Amy, that guys isn’t me. You are amazing and I look forward to being a part of a family with you . . .but I love your brother, heart, body, and soul.”

“I know, it’s just . . .” She twined her arms around my neck, “From the moment I saw you, I was attracted to you. And Matt did say you were bisexual . . .”

“I am, but I’m also a faithful man. Please stop.” I tried not to laugh at her and pushed her away again, putting her hands down, “Go to bed, Amy. I won’t tell Matt.”

“Fine.” She sighed, “I get it. You’re bisexual but all in all you’re just my brother’s bitch.”

“Pretty much, but it’s a role I enjoy. Now stop, you’re just being petulant and that’s far more like your brother than you probably want to be.” I shook my head and went back up stairs.

Matt was awake when I got up there and I told him he needed to go have a long talk with his sister. He nodded, and stumbled down there. I waited for him to comeback and when he did, he was pissed, “You kissed my sister?”

“She kissed me. I pushed her away. Get real, Matt.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know, but still . . .” He shuddered, “It’s kind of disturbing.”

“I agree. Imagine how I felt. Your sister is incredibly like you in a lot of ways, but she’s not you and I’m not attracted to her. Considering the past few months between me and you and the way your family accepted me earlier this week . . .it would feel a bit like incest.” I made a face, “Like being attracted to McKenna.”

His eyes widened and then his head fell and he said softly, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge.”

“This is true. Now I’m finally sleepy.” I motioned to the bed, “You wanna lay down with me?”

“You aren’t mad at me?” He asked coming closer, “I mean I did jump to conclusions and get mad and-”

“And I expected you to. That’s why I told you to go talk to her. No, I’m not mad. I just want you to think how I have more respect for us and for our relationship than that.”

“I know. I really do. I’m so sorry.” He bent to kiss me and I smiled against his lips.

“Quit apologizing, you sound like a fucking fairy.”

He outright laughed at the role reversal and climbed into bed beside of me. I really wasn’t sleepy still yet and I watched him toss and turn for a while before turning to straddle his waist. He smiled up at me and ran his hands up my large thighs, “What’s up?”

“Both of us.” I laughed and he grinned back, getting the hint.

“I’m a horrible boyfriend.” He muttered later, as we were both almost asleep.

“We’ve already established that, but I love you anyway.”

“I love you too.” he said after a moment and I smiled against his skin. God, how far he’d come from calling me a pansy ass just a little over six months ago!