Tough Guy

“Beer!” Johnny cried as soon as he walked in the door of our house party.

Matt laughed and threw him one, “Drink up, buddy. You worked hard. We all did and I am so fucking proud of all of us!”

“Damn straight!” Jimmy cried and cracked open another beer. We all followed suit and started downing them.

I finished mine off and gave Matt’s hand a squeeze, “I see some other bands here. I’m going to go talk to them.”

“Cool, I’m gonna stay here and drink beer.” He grinned at me and kissed my cheek before I left.

I moved into the crowd of people, hearing people call out my name and turning to nod or wave at them. I liked being surrounded by people who knew me not just by my stage persona but the real me as well. It was cool to have the mixture around. What was even better was that some of them were as famous if not more so than we were becoming. I pounded fists with one of the Madden’s from Good Charlotte and he pounded back, “Hey, buddy, what’s up?”

I usually got the two of them confused when I wasn’t around them for a while, “Benji, right?”

“Right.” He nodded.

“Cool. Nothing’s up. God, what a crowd. I didn’t think we’d ever have this many people here.” I shook my head, “It’s a great thing. So how’d you guys hear about this?”

“M. called us. He said he wanted the place full and so we brought all of us, plus some others. He remembered how close all of us got last tour and he doesn’t want to lose that, apparently.” He shrugged, “Your man’s a really good guy.”

“Yeah.” I smiled, feeling proud of him. “He tries to be when he’s not trying to be a harass. Anyway, I’m out of beer, I need to go find another one.”

“Yeah, me too.” He followed me back to the kitchen. Matt was sitting on a chair and someone was inserting a funnel tube into his mouth. He spotted me and crooked a finger for to come over.

I stared down at him, “Well, not that I’ve never seen this before but uh . . . Not so deep into your throat, hum?”

He squeezed the tube and pulled it up so it was barely in his mouth, arching an eyebrow at me.

“That’s better. You ready?”

He gave me a thumbs up and I grabbed two empty beer bottles. Benji grabbed two more and we proceeded to pour the beer down his throat. He worked it down until his mouth over flowed and we had to grab more beer. It kept going until we’d poured an entire case of beer down his throat and he couldn’t stand up.

I laughed a little, “Well at least I know where you’ll be for the rest of the night.”

He nodded, ripping off his shirt and wiping his face with what little dry cloth he could find. “Go have fun. When I can move, I’ll come find you.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” I shrugged and grabbed a beer, “Come find me, I’m going to go out here.”

“Mmkay.” He nodded and waved at me.

I left the room, knowing he could handle himself and his beer before wandering around the house. I’d made a trip or two, stopping to talk to one person or another when Jimmy grabbed me. He pulled me down next to him and Zacky on the couch and pointed at the table, “You said one time when we were all partying together you’d try it. So try it.”

I glanced at the perfect white lines on the table and cringed, “I don’t know, Jim-”

“Come on, man, don’t be a pussy. What are you afraid of?” He grinned at me, “That Matt’s going to bust your balls for it? That’d be a little hypocritical of him.”

It would but I had made a fucking promise. I sat there for a moment and finally leaned in and snorted the line up my nose. I’d never done hardcore drugs before, just a few nerve pills in high school and pot. The effect of the cocaine was amazing and it lasted through the rest of the party, or so it seemed. The party wound down in the wee hours of the morning and Matt finally came found me. He was still half drunk and wanted to go to sleep. I looked around blearily and didn’t see anyone who couldn’t spend the night so I followed him up.

We kissed as we hit the bed, stripping each other’s clothes off in a hurry. Even sloppy drunk, Matt knew what he was doing and pounded into me. He came in a shuddering mess shortly after I did and fell on top of me. I didn’t protest, just grunted and curled up under him. He pulled back later, when we were finally awake, and looked down at me, “What did you get into last night that you crashed on the couch for like most of the party?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head quickly, “Do you need an aspirin? My head’s killing me.”

He stood, “No, I need a shower and a cleaning crew for this house. Seriously, you didn’t do nothing last night?”

“I smoked some pot with Zacky and Jimmy and drunk a few beers.” I shrugged.

“Are you sure you didn’t do coke with Jimmy? Cause you got some right here.” He touched his finger right beneath my nose and pulled back some white powder.

Fuck. I lowered my head and eyed the floor. He tipped my head up, “Why?”

“Because I promised him I would do it eventually. I also told him you would kick my ass if you found out, but he started calling me a pussy and shit. Matt, I didn’t intend to do it when he called me over to him last night. I was going to tell him no-”

He cut me off by shoving me back down onto the bed, “I don’t wanna hear it, Synyster. I’m going to take a shower and go clean up the house. You do whatever you want, but don’t come talk to me until I can think straight, okay?”

“Okay. Matt, wait.” I grabbed his wrist and he turned hard, cold eyes on me. “I am sorry. I love you.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I love you too.” He snarled and jerked away from me again.

I blanched because he’d twisted my words to suit his purpose. I got up and started packing an over night bag. I was nearly done when he got out of the shower. He watched me from the side of the bed for a moment before throwing my bag on the floor. I glared at him, “What the fuck-”

“I love you. I shouldn’t have said that and you shouldn’t be leaving. I just thought you’d be the last person who would ever break a promise to me. I know you technically didn’t since I was bombed in the kitchen, and you were only a room away, but still . . .I wasn’t there next to you, sober and ready to make sure you were okay if anything went wrong.” He pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me.

“You can’t just say you’re sorry and forget about it, Matt.” I said as I put my arms around him too, “Although I shouldn’t be able to either. We both fucked up. It’s okay. I won’t be doing coke again. It leaves me with a killer headache.”

“Good. Go take a shower. I’ll put your clothes back up. And, Brian, can I get you to make me one more promise?”

I pulled back to look at him, “What, baby?”

“Can you promise me that no matter what we’re fighting over, you won’t just pack up to leave again? As tough as I pretend to be, I can’t take that anymore. I saw it and I thought I was losing you . . .and I can’t do that.”

I framed his face and kissed him, “I promise. I can’t have you crying on me, now can I, tough guy?”

He laughed and kissed me back, pushing me down on the bed. He followed after me, kissing me hard between laughs.

****

“Matt, be quiet.” Mr. Sanders laughed a little and threw his line out into the water, “Your grandpa can’t hear you anyway.”

Matt’s grandfather looked up at him, “I can hear every word he’s saying, I just keep hoping if I ignore him he’ll shut up.”

I bit my lip to keep from laughing and met Matt’s hazel gaze. He glared grumpily and flung his line out too. Johnny did laugh and picked up his soda can, draining it. Jimmy handed me his and stepped into the woods. I rolled my eyes at Matt, who smirked and leaned over to whisper in my ear, “I know you wanna go join him.”

“No.” I denied, “I’m spending a nice day with you, fishing, not getting high.”

He nodded and sneaked a kiss to my temple. I grinned a little and squeezed his thigh.

Zacky spoke up after a moment, “How do you guys stand the quiet?”

“I like it.” I said, focusing out on the water.

“None of you are good at it.” Matt’s grandpa smiled, “But then again, you’re all young. Matt, you didn’t tell me your young man’s name.”

Matt’s eyes widened, “What are you talkin’ about, Pops?”

“Look, I have eyes and ears. I’ve never had a friend, close or otherwise, that I called baby. That was your grandmother’s term. Nor did I kiss them, however discreetly. I see nothing wrong with it, but if you’re too damn chicken to tell your grandpa about it, then you must.” He eyed Matt coldly.

He flushed, “Grandpa, these are my friends, Johnny and Zacky, and my boyfriend, Brian.”

He nodded, “I’m Herb. Nice to meet ya, boys, Brian. Now, do me a favor all of ya. . .”

We all looked at him.

“Shut up and fish. When the tall, lanky one gets back, make sure he knows that too.”
I could see where Matt got his domineering attitude. He slung his arm around my shoulders and kissed me again. I smiled at him and watched my line. When it looked like I had a bite, everyone came over to watch me pull it up.

It was too small to keep and Matt unhooked it and threw it back for me, baiting my hook afterwards while I watched his line. I smirked at him, “I can do that you know.”

“I know. Just . . .I like doing it for you.” He smiled and it came across as shy and I understood.

Last weekend, we’d gone to the shooting range with my dad and I’d kept my eyes trained on Matt, making sure his gun was loaded properly, that he had on goggles and head phones, that he was standing correctly so that the kickback wouldn’t hurt him. Even though it was all for his safety, Matt saw it as taking care of him. Now that we were doing something that was more familiar to him-and with his family-he was taking care of me. I smiled back at him, “Okay then.”

We sat there a few moments and finally Matt’s dad stood and stretched, “We’re not getting anything done here, whattya guys say to going out on the boat?”

“Sounds good to me.” Matt stood and pulled his grandpa up, “What about you, Pops?”

“Yeah, that sounds okay. Maybe when we get out in the water we can cast a couple of lines. Hand me a soda, Matt.”

He opened him one and packed up his gear for him. Herb came over to me and clapped me on the back, “Since Matt has that covered, why don’t you help me down to the dock?”

“Sure. Zacky, can you help Matt out, man?” I nodded to where Matt was carrying all three fishing poles and a tackle box and the cooler.

“Yep. Give me the tackle box, and a couple of poles.”

We started toward the deck, me making sure Herb didn’t fall on the slippery ground. He smiled a little as he glanced at me, “You’re good for Matt. You put him in his place, don’t you?”

“We keep each other grounded very firmly.” I nodded, compromising. If I was good for Matt, he’d worked miracles for me.

“He cares about you and that is very odd thing to see. Used to be that boy didn’t care about anyone but himself.”

“No way. Matt’s always loved his family, he was just being selfish and insecure.” I shook my head, “Especially you and his dad. He worships the ground you two walk on.”

“That may be so but he didn’t love us enough to deal with his problems head on, to take the lessons we’ve always tried to teach him at face value. I love my grandson, even if I give him a hard time. I like this side of him.”

“So you don’t mind the fact that he’s gay?” I asked, looking over my shoulder.

He laughed, “Why would I care who he’s having sex with, man or woman? As long as you care about each other and I don’t have to see you do the deed, I don’t give a damn. Besides, it’s not like he acts like your other little friend over there, the one with the purple hair . . .” He shuddered.

I laughed, “Zacky’s okay. He’s not as out there as he seems. He just comes across as a fairy . . . Cause of the lisp and stuff.”

“Right, well, as long as he doesn’t start acting like someone he’s not, then I don’t mind who Matt is with or what his preference is. And he better remember that his Pops loves him no matter what!” The old man lifted his voice and it boomed across the water, reminding me greatly of Matt’s.

“Love you too, Pops! Stop talkin’ about me, my ears are burning off my head!” Matt laughed back and I turned to flip him off. He simply smirked at me and I felt my dick rise to the occasion. Damn. Not a good time to get turned on at all.

We boated out a little ways after Matt went to find Jimmy and brought him back high as a kite. Johnny must have gotten bored because he got annoying, cracking lame jokes and getting Jimmy started. Zacky tried to calm them down and ended up making it worse because then they turned on him. Finally, Herb looked over at me and pointed at Johnny, “Son, I’ll give you ten dollars if you throw him overboard.”

“Fuck, I’ll do it for free. I don’t need the money and I wanna drown him myself.” I muttered and stood up, “Hey, Pops, how much would you like me to shut up Johnny?”

He caught on that I was speaking louder for a reason, “I’d gladly pay you to make him be quiet for ten minutes.”

“Ten? How about the rest of the day?” I gave him a solid push and watched him hit the water with a belly flop.

Matt horse laughed. Zacky reached down to pull Johnny in and Johnny grinned at me before tugging him into the water too. I chuckled and Matt cocked an eyebrow at me, mouthing “Jimmy?” I nodded and we both reached out to grab Jimmy’s arms. He simply screamed laughing as we threw him in too.

Matt looked at me, “You’re next, Elwin.”

“Screw you, Matthew.” I shook my head and shed my shirt before jumping over the side myself.

Matt laughed, “Dude, your cigarettes are in your pocket!”

“Fuck.” There went a whole pack of Marlboros, “Oh, well. What’s wrong, pansy? Afraid of getting wet.”

“No, I’m just smarter than tha-oomph!” Matt gasped and came up shaking the water off of his short hair after his grandpa and Dad ganged up to push him off the boat.

Herb and Mr. Sanders grinned at each other and the old man dusted his hands off, “Well, Gary, now I suppose we can get down to fishing.”

“I guess we can, Pops.” Mr. Sanders laughed.

We splashed and swam for a while before getting back in the boat and riding back to the dock. Matt helped me clean the tobacco out of my pockets and we set our wallets up on the hood of the truck to dry while we loaded up the fishing gear and stuff into the bed. Finally, when we were ready to go, Matt hugged his grandfather, “We have to do this again really soon, Pops.”

“You bet. Next time, just me, you, your dad, and Brian, okay?” He hugged him back.

“Definitely.” Matt turned him lose and I hugged him too.

“Great to meet you, Pops.”

“You too. Keep him grounded.” He nodded at Matt and winked at me, “And always push him in first before you volunteer to get wet.”

I laughed, “Sure thing. Bye, Mr. Sanders.”

“Brian, say it with me. Either Gary . . .G-A-R-Y, or Dad okay? None of that Mr. Sanders bullshit. And Kim is ready to kill you the next time you call her Mrs. Sanders.” He smirked at me.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Bye!” I grabbed our wallets and hopped into the truck.

Matt leaned over to kiss me before we pulled out and I smiled against his lips, “Today has been great.”

“Yeah it has. I was so worried you’d think my Pops was weird and he’d think we were disgusting.” He sighed and pulled in at a gas station.

“What’s up?”

“You need cigarettes.” He shrugged and got out, “Want a cold beer or something?”

“God, yeah.” I groaned and stretched out a little, “But we’re almost home.”

“And we’re out at home. That’s why I was asking. Be right back.” I watched him walk in, pulling his half-dried shirt on over his head as he did. A few moments later, he ran out and hopped back in the truck empty handed.

I arched an eyebrow at him, “What’s up?”

“Dude just asked if he could come out and get your phone number so I told him he could go to hell and he banned me from the gas station.” He pouted over at me, “I just got banned from a gas station for you.”

I laughed a little, “You got banned because you have a temper and are a jealous dick head. . .but thank you.”

He didn’t seem to really mind too much that I called him a dick head. He simply smiled and went farther down the road. This time I was the one who went and got the beer and cigarettes. When I came out, there was a guy leaning in the window of the truck and Matt was talking to him, but staring at me as I walked toward them.

I jumped in the passenger side after putting the case of beer in the back. I popped open one of the two already cold ones I bought for him, “Here you go.”

“Thanks, baby.” He turned and kissed me hard on the lips. I groaned into the kiss and when I pulled back, the guy had left. I arched my eyebrows and he sighed, “It was an old, old ex. One of the first guys I attempted to date. Like pre-Zacky. He was talking about us, how when we broke up he’d like to give it a try.”

“Well, I have news for him.” I met Matt’s eyes, “He’s never going to get that chance.”

“I don’t think so either.” He said, smiling before giving me the softest, slowest kiss he’d ever given me.

I punched his arm after he pulled back, “Stop fucking making me horny, Matt. You’ve done it all day long.”

He just laughed and shook his head, starting the truck to pull out again, “Now you know how I feel.”

I knew if we got into the sniping match now we’d go at it for the rest of the night. I usually looked forward to it, it made everything more exciting. But this time I had more interesting things to do with my mouth than to trade bitch-remarks with him.

Later, I straddled his hips as he played with my fingers, and we listened to my step mom on speaker phone. She was telling me about how McKenna was growing up and missed me and Dad and Brent had done nothing but talk about me and Matt since the shooting range the weekend before. I smiled down at Matt who ran his hands up over my chest and back down, his eyes drooping wearily, “Suzy, we can come over any time you guys aren’t busy. We’ve been talking about it anyway.”

“Come tomorrow! We’ll cook out and play horse shoes and you and Matt and your dad can go out back and shoot his new gun and . . .” She catalogued a bunch of stuff, making Matt’s eyes widen.

I laughed, “Okay, it sounds like fun. You up for it, babe?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, it sounds great. What time you want us to come over?” Matt was holding back a yawn and looking over at the clock as he said this.

“About eleven or so that way we can eat before it gets too hot out. Bring Amy. Brent’s been talking about her too.” She laughed.

Matt chuckled, “Amy would love to go, I’ll make sure to pick her up. Thanks, Suzy.”

“No problem, boys. We miss you. Brian, McKenna doesn’t know you’re gay. I can’t explain it to her so that she gets that you and Matt are dating. Maybe you can.” She sighed.

“Um, I can try.” I felt myself panic for a brief second and Matt’s thumbs rubbed soothing circles across my skin, making me sigh.

“Okay, talk to you guys tomorrow. Love you!”

“Love you, Suzy!” We chorused and fell into bed together.

Matt laughed a little, “You know I thought explaining to my parents that I’m gay was hard but you get to explain it to a nine year old.”

“Shut up.” I grouched but then grinned, “We could just skip the explaining part-”

“Nope. I’m going to enjoy every second of watching you squirm.” He laughed harder and I moved to kiss him just to shut him up.