Tough Guy

“Donnie, come on, I’m not being an asshole. I think you knew how it was from the time you saw me around Brian.” Matt said softly, talking to Donnie like he was a fragile piece of china after the boy had erupted into tears when Matt broke up with him.

He sniffled, “Brian? I thought it would be Zack. Zack I can understand, but Brian? I thought you hated him?”

“Yeah, I thought so too, but it turns out I only hated the way I reacted to him. Either way, I’m sorry if I hurt you, but honestly? How long would we have lasted? You’re going back to New York and I’ll be on the road God only knows how long.” Matt took his hand and patted it awkwardly, “Don’t cry, okay? I really am sorry.”

“I know.” He sniffled again and wiped his face off, “You’re right. We wouldn’t have lasted very long. I’m sorry I’m being a big baby-“

“No, it’s okay. I understand.” Matt met my eyes over Donnie’s head and grimaced. He really didn’t understand because he was bad with emotions. He patted Donnie again and stood up off the curb where they’d sat to talk. He pulled him up too, “Why don’t you go to the coliseum and clean your face up? Get ready for the concert if you’re staying?”

“Sure I am. You guys are still a good band, no matter what.” He smiled tremulously and looked around, “Did I bring my messenger bag-?”

“No, but I have eyeliner and a mirror, you can borrow mine.” Zack said, having walked off the bus and gaped at them talking for the past five minutes.

“Thanks.” He waited while Zack went to get his stuff and they took off walking toward the venue.

Matt sighed and ran a hand through his stiff hair, “That was not fun!”

I laughed a little, “I bet not. But at least it’s over with. Come on, let’s go get ready for the concert.”

“Okay.” He followed me back onto the bus and we went to get dressed. He threw a shirt at me over his shoulder, “How will that one look?”

“It’s too tight, remember? You need to cut the sleeves out of it.” I threw it back only for it to come flying back at me, “What the hell, Matt?”

“You wear it since it’s too tight for me. No use in ruining a perfectly good shirt.” He shrugged and pulled a thin t-shirt over his head. I knew it was old and worn and probably clung to his abs like a glove.

“Oh. Thanks.” I smirked at his back and pulled his shirt over my head. It clung to my arms and went over my slight beer belly perfectly. To me, the important part was the fact that it was his shirt and he wanted me to have it. I pulled a pair of black jeans on and fastened two belts onto it. I went to pick up a hat and he smacked it out of my hands. I glared at him.

He smirked, “You’re having a really good hair day, go check it out.”

“Ugh, okay.” I stopped and looked at him, smiling a bit. He was dressed in plain washed out jeans, his boots, the thin shirt I could almost guarantee would come off before the end of the show, and his hair was slicked back. When he slid on a pair of aviators, his look was complete.

He dimpled at me, “What?”

“You’re so fucking hot.” I muttered and leaned up to kiss him before going to look in the only stationary mirror on the bus, which was on the back of the bathroom door. He was right, I was having a pretty good hair day.

I came back to the bunks to see him sitting on his top bunk, his legs dangling down while he practiced one of our songs. I stopped to listen to him because the way he sounded was awesome and smiled up at him. Even though the mirrored glasses didn’t let me see his eyes, his smile grew and he leaned down enough to straighten the shirt I was wearing. He was such a priss even if he didn’t admit it!

When he finally slid down to the floor with a thud and quit singing, he smirked a bit, “You look like walking sex in my shirt.”

I tugged at it self-consciously, “It’s not too tight on my stomach?”

“Maybe a bit but I like it.” He ran a huge hand over my stomach and up to pull our mouths together.

“Would you two princesses come on?” Jimmy griped from the front of the bus.

Matt made a face, “Just because you have Leana to do your hair and make up and pick out your lack of clothing doesn’t mean you’re not as self-conscious about your looks as we are.”

Leana laughed, “His refusal to wear a shirt will be the down fall of our relationship, I tell you. I mean, I get it when you get half-naked, Matt. You have certainly earned the right. Jimmy . . .you’re pasty pale and uber-skinny. I don’t get it.”

“It’s more comfortable.” Jimmy narrowed his eyes at her behind his glasses, “Besides, Matt is health obsessed. I’m surprised he doesn’t have Brian on a damn diet.”

“Only because he knows better.” I laughed as we stepped off the bus.

“Only because I know you would whine and bitch about it until I let you cram yourself full of fucking junk.” He rolled his eyes but smiled at me.

I smiled back at him and reached out to squeeze his hand. He squeezed back, leaving our fingers threaded together for only a moment before letting go. I sighed but understood. Last tour, all of my attention and affection had been on Zacky. We had held hands, walked around with our arms around each other, and kissed each other’s cheeks in front of whoever. No one had minded or been very surprised. Matt had spent that tour banging Val in the back of our cramped van and playing the macho man. No one had been surprised about that either. However, the roles were reversing and Matt being all over me with no chick in sight? There were probably a lot of people who would have been shocked.

The show we played that night was packed, both the coliseum and back stage. We couldn’t believe our fan base had gotten so big in the past couple of years or that playing to a packed house could be so nerve wracking. No wonder our recording company had seen fit to give us such a big bus! We were certainly earning them money.

We were supposed to go back and sign autographs back stage later on. We probably would have been fine with that except that there was a “manager” back there that wanted us seated a certain way. Matt up front of course, then Zack, then Jimmy, and then me at the very end. I arched an eyebrow down at Matt, who was frowning and unhappy. A frowning, unhappy Matt is a scary looking Matt when covered in sweat and his face slowly coloring in anger. He nudged Zack, “Trade Brian seats.”

“Synyster.” The manager hissed, “His name is Synyster Gates and he’s at the end where I put him.”

Matt turned to look at the bitchy looking woman, “And why would you put him there?”

“Because that’s where he belongs. After those solo’s tonight, he and you are the ones they are going to want to meet. If they meet both you at the beginning of the line, then they’ll just leave without getting their money’s worth. If they meet you both at the end they’ll skip to the end. We have to divide you up.” The woman made sense even if we didn’t like it.

Matt huffed but pulled his aviators back on and motioned for them to release the kids.

They didn’t rush the table but that might have been because of security standing there. They all got their t-shirts or cd’s signed and it all felt so unreal. Last year they hadn’t even known we were an actual band, this year we were signing merch? When the last set of them filed out, Matt stood, yawned, and leaped over the table. Jimmy followed him, hopping on his back. Matt simply grunted, grabbed his legs, and stopped beside of me, “You coming, Syn?”

“Sure.” I yawned too and stood to follow them.

We were stopped by another band out on tour to be told that before we left everyone was gathering up on their bus for a little fun. From the way the guy spoke, we could tell they were getting trashed. Matt shrugged, “You guys can go. I’m going to shower and crash.”

“Cool!” Zack and Jimmy, who jumped off as Matt’s back as enthusiastically as he jumped on, ran out and followed the crowd.

I caught Matt’s hand and he smiled at me, “You aren’t going?”

“No, the shower sounds more fun.” I eyeballed him and he laughed a little, drawing me in close.

Some chick, definitely a merch-stand operator, stopped us, “You guys aren’t going to the after party?”

Matt shook his head, “We have other stuff to do. Maybe tomorrow night?”

“Cool. See you there.” She winked at him.

He sneered, “You’ll see us there.”

She didn’t seem to get it, only shrugging in response, “Yeah sure. Bye!”

He rolled his eyes, “Sorry, B.”

“No problem, you can’t help it if some chicks are dense.” I shrugged and pulled him toward the bus, “Now about that shower. . .”

We’d only been out of it and laying breathless in my bunk (we figured since mine was closer to the ground it’d be better than his overhead one for us both to lay on) a few moments, when Zacky, Jimmy, and Leana burst back on. Zack and Jimmy were arguing.

“Dude, I’m not standing around watching you snort coke up your nose! You want to do that shit, find another best friend!” This was Zack, screaming at Jimmy.

Matt frowned at me, “Coke?”

I shrugged, “I figured it was something to do with drugs cause if they were getting drunk they could all do that on separate buses.”

“Right.” He muttered, shifting his fingers through my hair.

“I don’t need a sitter, Zee! I can take care of myself. If you wanted to be my friend, it wouldn’t matter to you what I did!” Jimmy was always a unique guy.

“I’m not going to watch you stuff that shit up your nose and kill yourself and if you loved Leana, you wouldn’t want her to watch you do it either.” He groaned.

“Don’t you bring my girlfriend into this! She hasn’t said a word about it. It’s only your pansy ass that has something to say.” Jimmy grouched.

“Pansy ass?” Zack was sensitive to certain words and phrases. I heard the sound of skin hitting skin and a thump.

Matt jumped up, barely missing hitting his head, and headed for the front of the bus. He picked Jimmy up off the floor while I wrapped an arm around Zack, keeping him from going to it Jim again. Matt put Jimmy on the couch, “Alright, both of you fucking stop! You are best friends! We all are! We’re not going to start this stupid shit now. Zack, if you want to still be friends with Jimmy you have to let him live his life. It’s his to fuck up with drugs if that’s what he wants. Jimmy, you respect Zack too much to call him names. He’s just worried about you. You’re too hyper and too skinny as it is to be messing with coke. You’re practically a crack head without it.”

Jimmy laughed a little, “Yeah, I guess. Sorry, Zee-man.”

“It’s okay. Sorry I punch- no, I’m not. You deserved it.” Zack amended.

He nodded, “That I did. Now go back to being fairies, our big fight is over.”

I punched his arm and he rubbed it with a pout. Seeing him pout, Leana moved to baby him and Matt rolled his eyes, “I have to drive, it’s my turn. Brian, you better get some sleep cause it’s your turn next.”

“Mmm, kay.” I leaned in to kiss him and he slipped his hands into my wet hair.

Leana was the one who spoke up, “Okay, we’re not even a day in and I’m already tired of seeing you two make out. New bus rule: No more than five kisses done in the lounge area per couple per day. That includes, cheeks, nose, forehead, and lips!”

“I can’t do that. I like kissing you too much.” Jimmy grinned down at her and proved is point by sealing his mouth over hers.

I rolled my eyes, “Good night, Matthew.”

He laughed, “Good night, Synyster.”

“Hey!” I frowned.

He smacked me on the ass, grinned, and winked, “Night, babe.”

“Night.” I headed into the bunks and was surprised when Zack came to lay down with me as the bus started up with a roar.

I looked down at him, “One, you have a bunk. Two, if Matt catches you somehow, he’ll rip your head off.”

“I need a snuggle buddy, just for tonight.” He pouted, “Besides, Matt’s driving, how would he catch me?”

“Who knows? But I’m not willing to take the chance just because you need snuggled.” I shook my head and started to push him out of the bunk.

When he landed on the floor with a thunk, I laughed a little and leaned back over the side, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to push you out that hard.”

“Whatever, Brian. Glad to know that you being with Matt means we can’t be friends. Thanks.” He stood up and hopped onto his bunk.

I rolled over onto my stomach and covered my head with my pillow. I could have apologized to him, let him get back in the bunk with me, and felt guilty for the rest of the night, but I decided I had no reason to. Zacky knew how things were with Matt: precarious at best. Why would he want me to fuck that up for one night of “snuggling” with him? If I wanted to snuggle, I could wait until neither Matt nor I was driving and do it then.

After a few moments, I grabbed a sheet off the bunk and my pillow. I went up into the cock-pit of the bus. Matt’s eyes were glued to the road but he did glance at me, “Brian, babe, why aren’t you asleep?”

“Cause me and Zack just had an argument and now I can’t sleep.” I huffed.

“Then lay down in the seat there and talk to me. Tell me what the argument was about.” He motioned to the seat beside of him.

I curled up in it, pulling the sheet over me and leaning against my pillow as I told him what Zack had just done. He rolled his eyes, “Seems like Zack just wants to be liked, Brian. I probably would have gotten mad, but I would have gotten over it. I don’t blame you for not letting him though. He seriously needs a boyfriend. One better than us.”

“True.” I mumbled and let him talk me to sleep.

When I woke up several hours later, Matt had apparently laid my seat back and maneuvered me so that I was lying on my pillow. He looked over at me as I stretched, “Hey, sleepy head.”

“Hey. What time is it?” I frowned.

“Nine a.m. Get you some coffee and some breakfast in the lounge, okay?” He leaned in and kissed the top of my head, “And if you don’t mind, get me some coffee too.”

“Yeah sure.” I stood and wandered in there before a thought hit me. When I brought him his cup of coffee, balancing the other and a doughnut that made him glare at me, I frowned at him, “Wasn’t I supposed to drive?”

“Um, yeah, but you looked tired. I’m going to pull over and let Jimmy drive and sleep for a couple of hours as soon as we get on the next exit.” He shrugged, “Besides, I lost track of time until it was like an hour or so after you were supposed to take over.”

“Alright, well, don’t make it a habit.” I sighed, “I’m going to go brush my teeth and wake Jimmy up so he has time to wake up before driving.”

“Yeah, alright.” He rolled his shoulders back and sighed.

About ten minutes and a lot of Jimmy’s bitching later, I came back to sit beside of Matt. He looked bleary eyed and kept reaching for his coffee cup. I poured the rest of mine into his to refill it and he smiled gratefully, “Thanks, B. By the way, you snore. Loudly.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I huffed, my cheeks flaming red. Normally, Matt fell into a deep heavy sleep and woke me up when he got out of bed, either for a quickie or just to be an ass. He’d never heard me really snore before.

He chuckled, “It’s okay. I’m glad I sleep a rock. Alright, this is the right exit. Let’s go.” He spun the wheel a little and turned off on the exit. I gathered my sheet and pillow up, knowing either Leana would come spend Jimmy’s five hours driving with him or he’d want to be alone. I wasn’t going to go back to sleep but I’d probably sit with Matt until he did because he liked to talk himself to sleep usually.

Jimmy had been driving a couple of hours and Matt had been asleep for most of that time. I was playing video games with a silent, sullen Zack because it was either that or write more music. With him in such a pissy mood, music was out of the question. Leana pranced in, “Jimmy wants to stop for food. I told him Matt is asleep and he just ate breakfast but he really wants to stop. Any other protestors?”

“How long until we get to the venue?” I frowned, looking down at my watch. Matt would be pissed as hell if he stopped before we got there.

“An hour and a half. I told him it wasn’t that long.” She sighed, “But you know Jimmy and his dramatizations.”

“Yep! Tell him to suck it the fuck up unless he wants an angry Shads and a petulant, impatient Syn on his hands.” Zacky smirked, “And a pansy.”

She laughed out a huffy laugh, “Alright, I will.”

I looked over at Zack, “Why do you think I’d be petulant and impatient?”

“Because Matt would be mad. I mean, you guys feed off of each other’s emotions and shit now right?” He arched an eyebrow.

I frowned. We didn’t but I could see where he was going. He was about to be a brat again, “No, but anyway, back to the game.”

“Yeah, right.” He huffed and turned his attention back to the small tv set.

A little over an hour later, the bus screeched to a halt and I had to grab Zack to keep him from falling off the couch. He laughed, “That is what we get for letting Jimmy drive.”

“Yep.” I took off to look out the door. The name of the place we were supposed to be playing at was prominently in view so I headed toward the back. Matt had only been asleep a little over three hours, but there was no harm in seeing if he wanted something to eat or drink, right?

Wrong. He threw a pillow at me, “Unless you’re planning on getting in this bunk with me, I suggest you get your head outta it, Brian Haner. “

“Grouchy-ass.” I pouted and leaned farther in to kiss his neck, “I’ll pick you up something especially greasy and calorie-loaded that you can heat up, okay?”

“Whatever, sleep.” He mumbled and rolled over, exposing his wide back to me. I bit my lip to keep from saying something and ran off the bus with the others.

Leana looped her arm through mine since Jimmy and Zacky had both opted to use the men’s room at the restaurant we’d walked to for relieving themselves, “You and Matt make a wonderful couple. I was really surprised to see you guys not arguing and really getting along.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m kind of uncomfortable talking about it because he can say we’re dating and that he’s my boyfriend and whatever but I know he’ll dump me for the first feminine, pretty face that’s going to actually stay around.” I sighed, “But I’m enjoying it while I can.”

“Sure. If you say so.” She smirked, “Though I’ve never seen him as infatuated with anyone else as he is with you, so I think you’re wrong. Now what did he want to eat?”

“I threatened him with a grease over load and he never even blinked. I guess I’ll get him a salad and a chicken sandwich. I want a burger and fries myself.” I shrugged and tried to order for the health-conscious man.

She rolled her eyes, “When you die of a heart attack, Matt’s going to be the first to say ‘I told you so!’”

I winced, “I can’t help it. That healthy eating shit doesn’t make sense to me. As long as I go to the gym and work it off, what does it matter?”

“It matters to Matt.” She shrugged.

I remembered the way Matt had jumped at the word ‘fat’ a few months ago and the way he was always hitting the gym, even when he was too exhausted to. He had a phobia of getting fat but he wasn’t afraid of the hard work to keep him healthy. Maybe I could get him to teach me a thing or two . . .when I got up the nerve to admit I needed his help to his face.

When we got back on the bus, he was laying on his back, awake and with a pair of headphones off. I frowned, “How come you didn’t come to the restaurant?”

He slipped a headphone off, “Cause I was trying to sleep. Thanks for getting me food. I’ll eat before we go on stage. Will you come lay with me? I’m having a hard time sleeping in this bunk by myself.”

I nodded and put his food away before crawling in beside of him. I stripped off my shirt and jeans since the sun and his body heat made the bunk unbearably hot. He patted his chest and I laid down half on top of him. He was asleep in a few moments and I stuck his head phones onto my head to keep me entertained. I watched his face contort, twist, and soften with his dreams and realized there wasn’t a place, asleep or awake I’d rather be at that moment.