Cemetery boy

It takes me awhile to get my breathing back to normal. Okay. So, maybe I liked him, maybe it is possible for someone like me to have an affection for someone. To like someone’s company...to want someone’s company.

My hand shakes slightly as I reach for my phone. I haven’t called this number in a while, sure I’d looked at it dozens of times, nearly pressed the call button but each time pulled my hand away after deciding that I could handle a lack of affection for a little while longer. This time however it was different, this time I press the call button. It took three rings before he answered.

“Hey.”

“Ryro,” Comes that old voice. He's the only person in the world that calls me that. It’s such a little pathetic thing that I notice, “I have not heard this voice of yours in quite some time.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

I only ever call for one thing: “When and Where?” Straight to the point—no time for small talk with me.

“My place—parents are in Chicago for the week, come as soon as you please...if you excuse the pun.”

“Sure,” I say with a smile, still as douche baggy as I remember him, “I’ll be there in ten.”

Gabe wasn’t a slut exactly; he just gave his number to a limited number of people who he saw as “gifted”. He first gave me his number before...everything went haywire. At first I just looked at it as though it were a joke. Now it was just a convince thing. I needed to take my mind off.…him; I need to stop seeing his face, noticing his eyes, and most of all I need to stop liking him...

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Skin tight jeans. Awesome hair. I smiled automatically when I saw him, it was one of those strange things that made me actually want to be happy. I mentally slapped myself when I looked at his eyes though....thinking that they weren't nearly as interesting or amazing as.…his

“Hmmmm…”

“Good?” I don’t usually ask, normally I just come for what I need and go.

He nodded, “It’s a shame you only call in once in a blue moon though—is everything alright? You didn’t seem…” He smiles slightly without looking at me..…"As focused.”

I pause before I answer. I’m not really very open with people...except Brendon. I’m not quite sure why I answered. I told myself it was because I thought I owed him, but deep down I knew the simple truth: Brendon had changed something inside of me. I wasn’t broken.

“Well it’s just....there’s this guy.” I found a smile suitable for a teenage girl crawling to my face.

He smiles madly and rolls onto his stomach, “You have to give me details now.”

I’m blushing and I know it, “It's this guy..... and I just don't know whether or not I like him.”

“I don’t understand. You either like someone or you don’t, it’s not like you can decide whether or not you love someone.”

Gabe: also the guru go to guy for love.

“I do love him...it’s just I shouldn’t love him. I mean, I don’t love you, I just fuck you and we’re both happy with that...y’know?”

Gabe gives a nod. He loves everyone he fucks, but never in a romantic way. So much of society tells us it’s only right to be with one person and one person only, yet Gabe's happy.

I get up and put my clothes on. Before I leave I find myself walking back to the bed and place a simple kiss on the top of his head.

“That’s new,” He murmurs...I’ve never kissed him like that before.

“It’s a goodbye kiss.” I say quietly.

Gabe’s eyes widen slightly, “I’ll miss you...love you.”

I press my lips together slightly and say nothing. I can’t find the words...because I love someone else. After a few moments I speak: I used to always tell the cruel truth. Before I would have just walked away--but this time I found the time to lie.

"I love you too Gabe....Goodbye."

I lied to make someone feel better....not something I have done in quite some time. Brendon had changed something inside of me. I walked home with a smile playing upon my face. Knowing that I'd see Brendon when I got there.