I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

I was in my car and drove towards the restaurant where we had rented a room for our celebration. All of the guy’s families would come together with the crew – at least the ones who were still here with us. Some of them had travelled down with our busses before. When I had come home the girls had already been gone home, I had brought Napoleon to Joanna, who would take care of him the whole time I would be away, and then had showered and changed. I didn’t wear something fancy, just some boots, a washed out tight jeans and a shirt which said “I LIKE YOU BECAUSE WE HATE THE SAME STUFF”. I had decided I wouldn’t drink today as I had drank way to much the last night and somebody had to be sober to bring some people home. And I had an early flight the next morning to catch.

I was one of the first people and so far there was only Larry and his wife and Johnny’s mother Joanna. Slowly the others arrived and the room was filled with laughter and some chit-chat. I sat next to Matt and Val when Jess arrived and took the seat next to me.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m okay, how are you?” Before she could answer my question Matt hold a bottle in his hands and I bet our both heads turned green at the side of it.
“Had a wild night?” I heard Papa Gates ask and he slung an arm around my shoulder.
“Stealing my woman again, Kay? Share a bit, you had her the whole night,” JB said suddenly and lifted Jess from her seat, so she could sit down on his lap.

“I’ll spend some extra time tonight with you,” she tried to whisper in his ear, but I could hear also. I didn’t have the time to answer one question as Papa Gates assumed we had a really wild night. But even he was interrupted when the door opened and someone yelled “So whoever pays the most gets a video of the famous Kay singing,” and all quiet down to look to the door where Tracey stood. My eyes grew wide and I looked at her in shock. She waved with her camera in the air and I could hear Jess snickering beside me.
“Think about it, sweetie,” I said sweetly while I could see that she couldn’t catch on. “If I’m on the video singing and Tracey had recorded it…” I said and saw her suddenly horrified expression.

“If we team up, she doesn’t have a chance,” Jess said and we both run towards the woman as we saw Papa Gates walked towards her interested. As soon as he saw the two of us running he also speed up his pace. We didn’t expect the whole attention this would get and soon the guys were around Tracey.

“Tackle,” Jess screamed and we both attacked Tracey and with that we were all on the floor. But somehow Tracey lay on top of me and Jess on top of her holding the camera.
“Ouch,” I said when an elbow hit my ribs. I heard a lot of laughing around us, but ignored it when Jess asked horrified what we had done yesterday. “Someone remember this?” she said and shoved the camera in my face to show me a picture of us laying on the street.

“That would explain the bruises on my back,” I said and saw the smirk on Papa Gates face and screamed she should delete it, before he could catch the camera. Jess jumped up and run out of the room.
“Get off of me,” I said and shoved the woman from me. I saw a hand in front of me and took it gladly so I was finally on my feet again. I saw Johnny helping Tracey and the two of them left the room together. A pain of jealousy filled me and I quickly looked at another direction. I couldn’t help it and we weren’t even together anymore.

It felt as jealous as the time when Johnny and she had pretended to date. Johnny had a hickey on his neck (usually I’m not the person who likes hickeys but I got carried away) and as the fans had seen pictures of Johnny and Tracey in a restaurant they assumed it was from her. I wanted to tell everyone that it was me who he had shared a bed with, but I had to remember, that I had been the one who had suggested it.

“Everything is deleted,” Jess said and joined me and Papa Gates. The others had gone their way and I swear I could have heard someone mumbled something about ‘kids growing old’ or something like that.
“Don’t worry kiddo, he’ll come around,” Papa Gates said and pinched my stomach. I bet my smile was more a grimace and he laughed at my expression.
“And until he’s an idiot you have me. You can be my wifey,” Jess said and kissed my cheek while she put an arm around my shoulder.
“Your what?” I asked confused. I hadn’t really listened to what she said I was watching Tracey and Johnny who walked right back into the room.
“That begs for a wedding,” Papa Gates screamed. “Please let me use that for a new song,” he said and took out his mobile and started typing.

“Kim, will you be my wifey?” Jess said and was on one knee. “Oh,” she mumbled and looked at herself until she found her necklace and took it off. She held it out and I started laughing. “Hey, I asked you a serious question and you are laughing?” she pouted.
“I would be honored to be your wifey,” I said and took the small band rope with a purple quartz on it from her.
“We want to see the kiss.” Papa Gates exclaimed.

“You’re worse than a little kid,” Jess and I laughed while she got on her feet again.
“I still wanna see the kiss,” the old man complained. He hummed something and typed again on his phone but still watched us.
“Oh, come on,” I said and pulled the woman at me and placed a small kiss on her lips.
“Kim, what did I told you about not stealing my woman all the time?” I heard JB’s voice.
“I’m sorry?” I said like a little kid who got caught with stealing some candy.

“Baby, you have to share me from now on,” Jess said and placed a small kiss on his lips.
“Well, they did worse yesterday,” Tracey announced. I was sure my jaw was on the floor now! I’m never going to drink again!
“WHAT?” I wasn’t the only one who had yelled that. Also Johnny’s, Jess’s, JB’s and Papa Gates’s mouths were open.
“Calm down, guys. I’m just kidding,” Tracey said and announced she needed a drink and left our little group.

“She’s crazy,” JB said and shook his head a little.
“Ouch, that’s much response,” Papa Gates said and walked away while he laughed.
“Please tell me he didn’t tweet it. I hate to be his victim all the time,” I complained and made my way towards Matt and Val. It was true, Papa Gates tweeted an awful lot about me and the worst thing is that the most people didn’t get his humor.

-x-

“Had a bad night?” Papa Gates asked with a huge smile on his face. Well, I didn’t know why, but why was I always the one who felt miserable? I was sober last night and drove most of the guys from the party home – most shocking news: Johnny was the second DD! I was now pretty exhausted as I couldn’t have spend much time in bed as I wish I would have.
“Don’t be so mean, dad,” McKenna rebuked her dad. “Morning Kim,” she said smiling at me.
“Hey,” I returned the smile. “You’re excited?” I asked. Papa Gates and his daughter would also fly to UK and would spend some time there.

“Absolutely,” she answered and nodded with her head, so her purple hair flew around. What was it with these Haner’s and their obsession with this color? Together we walked into the airport and saw the guys, who were already there. Their wifes were nowhere to be seen and I know they had said goodbye at home so this didn’t make it harder than it already was.
“Why do you look as if you’re having a hangover?” Matt teased and took the aviators from my eyes. I grabbed them again and put them back on my face. We stood there for some more minutes before we checked in and got into the plane. I was sitting next to McKenna and she didn’t stop talking when I just wished for some sleep.

-x-

“Papa Gates? Can you do me a favor?” I asked and looked up from my phone.
“What do you want, kiddo?” he asked and didn’t look up from his laptop. I could bet he was writing something about me – again!
“You’re going into town later, right?” He nodded. “Can you take me with you and show me where I can get to Camden Market?” I asked.
“Wanna see the horse hospital?” I made a noise to show him, that I didn’t understand what he was saying. “You should check it out, it’s pretty cool and I know you’ll like it!”

“I’m not really into horses so I don’t see the point in seeing those sick animals,” I explained.
He just laughed and told me, that it had been a horse hospital a long time ago and that the place was now filled with little shops. I promised him I would give it a try, but wasn’t sure if I would share his enthusiasm.
“I’m meeting someone there, so maybe he can show me around.”
“A man? Trying to make Johnny jealous, uh?” He chuckled.

“How could that work if he doesn’t know I’m meeting someone?” I asked and sat down next to him.
“We can arrange that,” he smirked and grabbed his phone from the table.
“Oh geez, don’t do this! And Steve is high over heels into another woman.”
“Steve? Do you know this guy? I don’t want to worry about you, hun,” he said with a serious expression.
“It’s Steve Forrest, I’ve seen him on the award show and we stayed in contact,” I explained.
“He will be even more interested in that fact. But I’m going to send this to my son, won’t make it so obvious.” He typed on his phone.
“I feel bad for you, when you bring your first boyfriend home,” I said towards McKenna, who had just entered the room.

“I feel sorry for that guy,” she said and I started laughing, while I could see a smile on her father’s face.
Not long after that we were on our way and drove with the tubes – where we almost lost McKenna – and then we separated. I saw a bus which said Camden Market, so I shouldn’t be difficult for me to find my way. I had texted Steve and he had promised me to pick me up from the bus stop. I was amazed! After we had passed a bridge the peaceful London started to live. I could see so many different people, colorful shops, tattoo parlors and so much more – I loved it!

“Glad you could make it,” Steve greeted me and we hugged. We made a tour through this part of the town and I could understand why he wanted to live here. I was impressed by the horse hospital and we spent an hour walking through the huge place. After some time we walked towards his apartment, grabbed his guitar and left for a bar. Well this was easier said than done, because Steve’s orientation was the worst!

It was a great night and I had much of fun. Well while Steve was on “stage” with his band ‘Planes’ – they were only playing a free gig in a small pub – I was sitting at a table and watched them while drinking my beer. The time they had finished it was pretty late. We just sat there and chatted, drank beer and by time we finished it was almost midnight.
“I’m going to wait for your cab with you, it’s difficult getting one here,” he said when we left the pub. The cold air hit my face and I shivered a bit and pulled my jacket a little bit tighter.
“Can’t we just call one?” I asked and didn’t look forward standing in the cold.

“We could, but you can’t be sure that it would ever get here. You cold?” he asked and I just nodded. He got out of his jacket and put it over my shoulders. I was a bit shocked, but never the less snuggled into it. He was more used to this weather and wore a sweater while I just wore a shirt and my usual leather jacket.
To pass some time we took some pictures and Steve tweeted some of them. One was me laughing like an idiot and another one was of the two of us.

“Waiting with the awesome @KrazyKay for a cab. She’s in London ‘til tomorrow don’t forget to check her band out tomorrow” one of his tweets said.
Finally I saw a cab and Steve stopped it for me. I said goodbye to him and we promised to see each other again and then I told the driver where to go. It was pretty strange sitting in a british cab but finally I arrived at our bus and paid the driver.
The guys were back, I could hear them upstairs. I got out of my jacket – I had given Steve his one back – and walked quietly towards the back of the bus. Papa Gates would get the spare bunk for the night while McKenna would sleep on the couch. But no one was in sight, so I just sat down on the couch. I saw my Laptop and it was open. I hated it, when someone used it without me knowing it! I should save it with a password! I decided I could use it and checked my emails when Papa Gates walked into the area.

“Where are the others?” I asked, but still looked at my display.
“They’re on the other bus except for Brian who’s upstairs and on the phone. How was your night? Pretty chilly out there, hope you had someone to warm you,” he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice. I would bet he had seen the tweets directed at me and I wasn’t sure if he had shown the guys – I really hoped he had not.

I opened Twitter and typed “Nothing’s more creepy than a stalker – maybe a stalker who wears pink nightgrowns!” I pressed the send button and it didn’t take two minutes before Papa Gates’ mobile buzzed and he saw that. “Not bad,” he admitted and I smiled. I closed my laptop and lay down on the couch when the door from the bus opened and I could hear the voices of the guys.

“Where were you?” Zacky asked and lifted my legs and sat down before he put my legs over his and Matt got my feet. Johnny was the last one who walked towards us, but he lifted my head and placed it in his lap when he had sat down. It was a bit odd, but not uncomfortable.
“I was out, saw a bit of London, watched a band play and just got home some minutes ago,” I explained and moved a bit until I was comfortable.

“Alone?” Zacky asked again and I know that he didn’t ask for himself and I knew that they knew I hadn’t been alone. He just wanted to hear it from me. But two could play that game.
“No, I wasn’t alone,” I said. “How was the interview?”
I saw that Zacky wasn’t amused about me changing the topic, but he couldn’t say it without giving away his actions.

“You were missing,” he joked. “To be honest it was pretty boring. Nothing we haven’t answered before. But the interviewer was kinda cute.” I raised an eyebrow. “Not a man, a woman,” he quickly added and I chuckled. Johnny started to run his fingers through my hair and my eyes closed automatically. This caused the guys to chuckle. “Oh shut up,” I mumbled. I couldn’t help it – it was my weakness. And Johnny was fully aware of that!
My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket to see that I had received a message from Steve.

[Got home without getting lost. See you tomorrow] it said.

[I’m so proud of you, big boy! Tomorrow?] I texted back and could sense that Johnny tried to read the texts. It was silent until my phone buzzed again. Steve’s girl was a fan of Avenged and she got last minutes tickets. I put my phone back on the table and snuggled closer into Johnny. Just because we weren’t together anymore didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy him close to me. But this made me realize how much I really missed him.
I missed these little things. I can’t go near him and hug him just for no reason – well I could, but that would be awkward.

Brian came into the room and I was surprised that his father hadn’t said anything the last minutes. “McKenna’s sleeping in my bed, so get out and give me the couch.” Brian was such a grumpy ass!
“Take my bunk, I’m going to take the couch. You’re too big for it anyway,” I offered. He just nodded and walked away.
“Geez, bad day?” I asked and the guys just shrugged. Papa Gates also left for bed and that left the four of us. The Haner’s were no fun! I sat around for another hour with the guys and talked to them like old times. It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen them, but there was always a tension between Johnny and I.

“Okay, go to bed. I’m tired and I can’t sleep when you’re sitting on my bed,” I said after coming changed from the bathroom. The guys complained but never the less stood up. They kissed me goodnight until only Johnny was there with me.
“You can have my bunk, if you’d like. I’ll take the couch, or maybe,” he said and came nearer until I could feel his breath on my face.
“Here, I got you a blanket,” I heard Matt’s voice and Johnny took a step back. I took the blanket and the pillow from Matt and put them on my bed for the night.

“My offer’s still standing,” Johnny said but I declined. He was about to go outside, but I called after him. He turned around and looked at me. I couldn’t really tell what his glance meant.
“Goodnight,” I finally said and he looked a bit disappointed, but only for some seconds. Then he forced a smile on his face and wished me also a good night. Why did we do those things, if we’re both hurting, I asked myself?
I loved him and I missed him, but I wasn’t sure if he was ready for a steady relationship. That was why I wasn’t jumping into things with him again – I wanted to be sure that this was what he really wanted. Since we were separated I wondered if this was just because the both of us were lonely and on tour. But I wasn’t sure – and I thought we both needed time to figure this whole thing out.