Love Is Hard

That day was horrible, it went from going on a coffee date with Justin to hospital with daughter. I wanted to be happy but it became difficult, like Aliah was keeping me from having a life.

It was around 8 and I was watching Ali sleep, Justin was still here even though I kept telling him to leave. I was going to stay with her. I had to stay with her.

I heard a light knock on the door. Then it opened. It was Justin, "Look today didn't turn out too good and I hope we can make this date up somehow. Like another time." I smiled and nodded.

"So how are you doing?" He asked, "Good, worried thats all."

"Look the doctor said the results are going to be here for 2 days go home tonight get rest, come back tomorrow morning. I'll stay with you, I'll wake you up at 6:30 and you can be here for 7:00."

"No, I'm not leaving until I know what's wrong with her." He laughed, "Two days in this little room? Go home tonight, get rest, come back tomorrow with some of her things. Promise me tomorrow will be better,"

"Look I can't just leave her here all night by herself," he laughed again. "This is a hospital, nurses are here, you need sleep." I rolled my eyes, "If I go home I won't sleep so what's the difference no sleep here or no sleep there?"

He pulled me off the seat and out the door of the room. We stood in the hallway. "Go kiss your daughter goodnight we are going to your house." I nodded. Boy I didn't want to tell him no.

Was it wrong that I was leaving my daughter here all night? If it was my mom she would've stayed all night. I would've if it wasn't for Justin. I kissed her forehead and she didn't move. I stood and listened to her heart rate for a minute, it was the same constantly. It was good.

I walked back out the door to Justin and he was waiting. He put his hand in mine and we went to the elevator. As we waited he looked right in my eyes. I felt like crying and I felt the tears coming, "What if something's wrong?" I was so scared. Justin took his fingers and wiped away the tears and pulled me into a hug.

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. The truth was I was tired and I wanted to lay in my own bed. I got in the apartment and went to my room telling Justin just to wait. I put on a pair of sleeping shorts and a tee shirt. I went back out in the living area and Justin was putting the flowers he got me in a vase.

"I didn't want them to die," he smiled. I wasn't thinking and I told him to come lay with me. It was nice to have his body heat because the central air was on. I would normally curl up with 10 blankets, but this was ok. I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning I was awoken to a smiling Justin. I smiled back.

"Hey look at that, you smiled. That's not a fake smile either. Thats a real smile." I laughed.

Somehow Justin could make me smile. I didn't think he would be able to but he did. I got ready and he was bringing me to the hospital to see my baby girl.

I wasn't as sad as I was yesterday. He got to the hospital and I practically had to pull him out of the car to get him in as fast as I wanted him to.

"Justin, come on, please hurry, I have to see Aliah, what if she is already awake?" He smiled. "She can't go anywhere." I smiled. "But still..." I must have been like a little kid at a candy store. I was so crazy. I just wanted to see her.

I got to the 5th floor with Justin in tow and opened the door to room R-21. Aliah was watching cartoons and she looked at me.

"Mommy you happy smiles today," I smiled. "Yeah Aliah today I do have happy smiles."