Love Is Hard

That night when I went back into the apartment I was tired. I went to put Ali to sleep and Bailey went to her room. I read Ali a book about a butterfly who didn't know how to fly. She fell asleep, I went to my room turned on the light and plugged my phone into the charger. I changed into pajamas and turned the television on.

I turned it to a movie channel because I didn't know what else to watch. I pulled my laptop up to my lap and turned it on. I logged into Facebook and noticed I had a message from my sister.

Hey Ava, David, Jackson, Danielle, and I are heading out there early. Actually we are flying in this weekend. Our house is all set up. I just need you to go and get some things for the house to have while we wait for all our stuff to get there. It already has beds and stuff but I need a few things to get us through for a week or so. David will pay you back once we get there. Mom already has a pair of keys and I would ask her to do it but she has been giving me an attitude lately. So anyways, I was just saying I kind of need towels, bowls, plates, cups. Just the basic necessities. We are going to go shopping the day we get in but we figured it would be easier if all we had to do was go grocery shopping. I hope you don't mind doing this. Love ya. See you Sunday.
Love, Jess

I went to reply to her.

I don't mind doing this for you at all. Do you know that this place has the needs for you already? Like a fridge or an oven? Like how do you know the house is ok? Speaking of our mother I am not speaking to her at the moment, she has a new boyfriend and he is disgusting I flipped out on her and now I'm talking to her. Doesn't Jackson start kindergarten this year? Just wondering because wouldn't you have to enroll him in school?? I have to go enroll Aliah into pre-school soon. So maybe you can come with? Anyways I will get your key from mom and put the stuff in the house for Sunday. Love ya, Have a safe trip.
Love, Ava

After that I checked what was on Facebook. I saw that Bailey was on. So I clicked on her name and it brought me to her page. It still said she was in a relationship with Levi. I clicked his name. I had only met him once or twice because he went to college with Bailey and that's how they met.

Bailey went to college in Maryland and I think the day she left was the hardest. Ali was about 2 months old. I was crying a lot. I tried to remember that day. It was so easy too.

Bailey was leaving. Her dad was driving her to Maryland. Her mom had to work for the weekend but her dad didn't. I was supposed to go. But now that I had Ali, plans had changed.

It was a Saturday morning. It was a fairly sunny day. I went over to Bailey's early bringing Ali with me. She was crying the entire car ride. It wasn't nice at all. I tried to calm her crying but it just didn't work. Once we got to Bailey's I picked her up and had to walk around with her for a little while. Bailey came out and she looked sad.

It was a very melancholy day for her. She had kept telling me, I'm so excited to go but I am going to miss you so much. I kept telling her it would be good. We had IChat and we would keep in touch. I would show her photos and videos of Ali.

As Bailey came out she smiled. She came over and even though it looked like she had been crying she took Ali from me who was now calm. She rocked her around and I smiled, I took a picture with my camera and as she handed me Ali back to me I put her in her car seat.

I looked at Bailey and tears were running from my eyes. My best friend was leaving. I saw her dad come out the front door from behind her. I shut my eyes trying to not let the tears fall anymore but it didn't work. I hugged her tight. She pulled away from me. I wiped away the tears, she was crying too.

"I will be back at Thanksgiving. Trust me it's not that long." I nodded. "But this is the longest we will be away from each other since like 8th grade." She smiled. It was a half-reassuring smile.

"Trust me, you have Ali. It will go by quickly."

I hugged her again. "Bailey, we have to get going," She pulled away, "Love ya girl,always will." I smiled and laughed. I didn't want her to go. "See you," I started, "soon." She finished. She got in the car and I waved. Then they drove off.

That November she didn't come home for Thanksgiving. Christmas she came for 3 days. Went back out and I didn't even see her. She didn't tell me. We had separated for a while and it was ok. Because we kept in touch by Skype infrequently. In the time she had. But while living so far away from me it was hard. But 2 years later and it's like nothing changed.

Bailey was always going to be my best friend no matter what separated us.

I fell asleep after shutting off my laptop and laying down.

The next day I was awoken, not from anyone but from my dreams. It was horrible. Ali disappeared, Justin was gone, my mom and that man got married, Bailey lost her baby, Jess and David and the kids stayed in New York. My dream was horrible, like telling me something was going wrong. I had to call him.

I dialed his number and two rings later he answered, "Hello?" I must have woken him up.

"You aren't leaving me are you?" I asked almost crying.

"Ava, don't cry, what? Why are you asking me this?"

"I just want to know Justin, are you leaving me?"

"No, babe, of course not. I am not leaving you."

"But," he interrupted, "No, don't say anything, I'm not leaving you. I like you and you don't need to worry. The only place I'm leaving to is on tour. I'm not leaving you."

"Ok, I just had to be sure. Thank you."

"Ava, I will call you later alright? Now go back to sleep."

"Thank you." He hung up and I looked at the time. It was 4:30. I didn't know it was that early. I tried to fall asleep but it didn't work. I turned on the tv and nothing was on. So I went to check on Ali. She was sound asleep. I went to sit in the chair in the corner of her room. I watched her. It was one of my favorite things to do. She was so peaceful and quiet. I heard her sighs and it reminded me of Dylan. But everything she did reminded me of him.