Love Is Hard

Dinner went on normally, Justin moved to sit next to me and he made sure I felt welcomed. Scooter was on the other side of me and he kept telling me things that Justin has done that have been stupid or funny. It ended up being a really good night.

While Justin was walking me up to my apartment he started a conversation, "Did tonight end up being so bad?" I shook my head.

"You see I told you. I just have to realize you aren't used to that either. I kind of forgot." I nodded. I was going to say it. I wanted to say it. It was right there.

"Justin," I stopped. Was I ready? Of course. "I love you." He was looking down at the stairs as we were walking up. Then he looked up and smiled. "Did you just say?" I nodded.

"Well, I love you too." He stopped me at the top of the stairs and he kissed me. He took his hand and put it under my chin.

He pulled away and I smiled. "Tomorrow what are you doing?" He asked me. We continued walking up the last set up steps. "My sister is coming here with the two kids."

His face turned a bit mad. "What?" I asked. "The last time your sister was here she accused both you and I of things," I nodded remembering, "I know but you have to give her a second chance, I did," He looked at me narrowing his eyebrows,"Yeah but she is your sister, you kind of have to forgive her."

I didn't say anything. And then it came out. Not meaning it, not saying it,"Whatever Justin, I don't even care anymore." I was done. "Wait, Ava, please you've got to see where I'm coming from. Please," I stared and the tears were falling from my eyes.

"What? What Justin?" I asked, so mad. "Please, two minutes ago you were saying I love you, now," I interrupted, "Now we're fighting," He interrupted me, "No, we aren't, can we just drop it please, I didn't mean it ok. I love you alright? I do and if tonight wasn't any indication how much I love you than please just remember that I really do love you. I do. I love you and Ali. I see your face light up when you're with her and she loves you. I really want you to appreciate everything that I do for you. I invited you tonight for the best of our relationship. But I understand why you are mad. So call me when you are ok with everything. Ok?" As we ended up at my apartment door. He started to walk back towards the staircase.

"Justin, wait." He turned around. "Come here, please, come inside. I think we should talk." He nodded walking towards me. I opened the door and as soon as I did I saw Bailey and Ali sitting on the couch watching television.

"Bailey, why isn't she in bed?" Bailey looked at me surprised, "It's only 8." I nodded. "Ali honey go get ready for bed.

She ran off to her room. Bailey stood up turning the tv off. Seeing Justin behind me, "I should really get to bed. I'm tired, do you want me to get Ali?" I shook my head, "No,"

"No I will," Justin spoke up. I realized he really was a good guy. "Justin, it's ok, she's not you're daughter, I will," He shook his head. "No please let me, please." I nodded.

As Bailey went to her room and Justin went to put my daughter to bed I went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. I really wanted some and it would give me something to do while I stood alone in my purple dress.

Justin came back out as I was pouring my hot chocolate in my purple mug, "Can I have some?" I heard him ask from across the room.

I got another purple mug from the cabinet and poured him a cup too. I picked them both up handed one to him and we sat down at the counter.

"Look about everything I'm sorry. I guess I really don't appreciate you. We leave for Canada next weekend and with all this drama with my mom and my sister." He stopped me, "You just don't get it do you? I tell your daughter stories about our relationship when I put her to bed. She wants to know what happens next. She loves me and you just don't treat me right. But you don't get that do you? Because you want to know something? I love you. I love your daughter and if were up to me right now. I would love to be with you forever. But right now maybe we shouldn't be going to Canada together. Maybe we just need time."

"Like 6 months?" I asked. He kind of shook his head at me, "Ava that's not what I meant." I looked at him, "Why did you even fall in love with me? Why did I let myself fall in love with you?"

He spoke,'Do you want to know why I fell in love with you? You saw me that day holding Ali and you were so worried, I saw that you were and still are a good mother, I fell in love with you. I fell in love with the way you treated everyone. When we went out for lunch with my mom. The way you let her in, the way you didn't let me, I fell in love you. I fell in love with the way you don't let people see that you are hurt. Like today you just went outside and sat there in the cold. You didn't want me to see you were sad. I love that. Ava, I have respected not saying I love you for a very long time and I waited until you were ready. And you know what if you want to we can take a break. But just know I will always be waiting. Because I love you."

I couldn't think of anything to say. "Say something anything," He spoke.

I broke out a whisper,"Goodbye Justin."

He didn't move. He sat there quiet. The steadiness of his breathing was all I heard. I closed my eyes. "Justin, wait. I didn't mean it." When I opened my eyes he was already gone. He wasn't there and he probably didn't care. Then I heard his voice coming from Ali's room.

I ran there quickly. I had to check and there he was saying goodnight to Ali.

"Ali, I won't be around anymore. Your mommy wants me to leave. I have to go but go to sleep alright? I will be sure to try to see you again. Ok?" I heard Ali say something but it was all a mumble.

I walked back out to the living room. I looked down at my dress. What was I doing? I was letting him slip away. When he walked back out and I broke out into tears.

"Justin, please. I'm sorry. Tonight was supposed to be fun and I turned it to crap. I shouldn't have judged you and I shouldn't be so rude. You are so important to me."

"Goodbye, Ava."

"Justin," I walked over to him and kissed him one last time. He didn't kiss back. He left me standing there like an idiot and I gave up. I shut the door as he walked out and I sat down on the floor.

I heard a door open from the hallway. Bailey came out, "Ava, is everything ok?" I shook my head.

"Did you tell him that you just didn't want him to leave?" I shook my head again, "We broke up."

I cried into her shoulder as she hugged me. I had been talking to Bailey about telling him not to go. But I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't it wasn't possible. So I just went to the next best thing. So I wouldn't miss him break up with him.

I guess that was the best thing right now because he wasn't fighting for me. He wasn't doing anything to try to get me back he was just the same. He didn't care about me anymore. But I still cared about him.

Bailey made sure I got into bed before she went to bed and when I fell asleep, I fell into dreams about him. I knew I messed everything up.