Love Is Hard

I was standing in the airport. My bag in hand. Waiting, just waiting. I wanted to see him so bad. I felt tears sting at my eyes. I drove him away. I drove the best guy in my life away. Actually since my dad died he was the only guy in my life.

I thought he would've stayed. Stayed here with me, at least until he was going to leave on Friday. Leave with me. I pulled my suitcase closer to me as I waited for Ryan to get there. Everyone who passed by me looked in a hurry. On a business trip, rushing with young children, and here I was standing and waiting. Ryan was running late obviously.

I paced back and forth by my luggage. I finally saw him run over to me.

"Sorry," he started, "we can talk about it after we have to get moving." I finished. He nodded and took his suitcase and we walked to security. I was only bringing a carry-on because I knew I wouldn't be there for too long. Two days, three at the most, if Justin would even let me stay.

I sat as we waited to get on the plane, Ryan started to talk to me and I wasn't paying attention. He held out something in front of my eyes and it caught me by surprise. "Ryan what is that?" I asked. He was holding a letter.

"It's for you. The reason I was running late was because of this. Justin's mom called me and asked to come get this. She is coming to Canada, Friday. She said she didn't read it but Justin went to her house and gave her the letter and wanted you to read this."

"You didn't think about giving this to me 25 minutes ago?" I asked sarcastically. He shrugged his shoulders.

I opened the envelope slowly. The paper was crinkled a little and it had a vague smell of Justin. The handwriting was sloppy as if it were a rushed write.

Ava,

You are the best thing that had happened to me in a long time. I had a lot planned for us. You make the best come out of me. You and Ali are everything to me. I wouldn't change anything that has ever happened to us. I know we have our difficult moments but we always seem to get through them. I went to Canada early because I had to. I had to leave. I wish I could be there right now. But not only do I miss home, I can't be there right now. It just wouldn't be right. I know I left with no notice but I had to, you have to understand. I wouldn't leave if I didn't think it was the best thing for me. For us.

I will be back before I leave for tour. I want to say goodbye. Maybe it's good that we break up before I go on tour. No missing each other. Right? I don't know. I haven't really thought about that.If you come to Canada with Ryan don't expect much. I know you will want to talk and maybe we should. Clear everything up. But please know Ava, I really do love you. I love you more and more everyday and I guarantee you are exactly what I am thinking about in this one second.

Love, Justin.

All of a sudden a weird smile was on my face. Why? I don't know. That should make me sad right? But it didn't it made me kind of happy. I knew he still loved me. I knew he did. I just had to be sure to convince him again. For sure this time.

As we boarded the plane Ryan looked to me. I probably looked really nervous, I felt nervous. When we handed our tickets to the flight attendant, she smiled, “Have a nice flight.” I nodded and as I walked towards the plane I began to feel really nervous.

I had no idea why. I thought if maybe when I would get there Justin wouldn't want to see me, he would tell me to leave and I would have to listen to him. As I walked aboard the plane I could feel it. The moments here would change everything. I turned around and looked at Ryan he was standing there looking at his phone.

He looked up and smiled. "You ok?" I nodded, "You ready?" I nodded again. "Are you sure you want to come?" I nodded, I was sure. I wanted to see him. Even if he didn't want to see me, I want to see him. Know why he left. Why did he leave?

"Ryan, I'm not sure, but I know I should go. I have to know." He nodded. We got to our seats and I tried to put my bag up above in the over-head compartment but couldn't so Ryan grabbed it out of my hands and he put it away. I sat down and Ryan sat next to me.

As everyone began walking on the plane they all looked at us strangely. It seemed like they were staring right at us. They probably weren't but it seemed like it. I looked out the plane window and the sun was shining bright. Not a cloud in sight.

There were planes all around. Some leaving, some landing. I was trying not to think about having to come home. I just wanted to get to Justin. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. Not even waking back up once during the entire 2 hour flight.

Ryan shook me awake. I had been asleep. I woke up and yawned. I wasn't so tired anymore. I lifted up the shade on the window, it was cloudy. Not so beautiful like in California. As we pulled to the gate the flight attendant spoke.

"You are now aloud to use phones as we wait to pull up to the gate." I pulled mine out and turned it on. As I waited I noticed Ryan was texting away. He was hiding his phone from me and I decided just to look at mine. I had 6 texts and 2 missed phone calls. One from my mom and the other one from Jess. I decided to call Jess back because she probably wouldn't freak out on me like my mom.

"Ava? Where the hell are you?" She asked, she sounded mad. But of course she was mad.

"Look Jess I had to go, I left Ali with you and mom because I knew I could trust you guys to watch her. It's not that big of deal. I will be back in two days."

"Ava!" She yelled into the phone. I looked out the window to the cloudy sky, "Look Jess I called to tell you I landed safe. I will call you later or something. Tell Ali I love her. I have to go." I hung up before she could say anything.

Ryan was still texting when we finally got to the gate. We waited until people starting standing up to stand up and it was really weird because everyone was looking at me again. It seemed like it anyway.

A little girl in front of me about 3 looked at me. She smiled. I smiled back. She looked to her right and it must have been her mom. Her mom looked my age, maybe a little bit older. She looked at me and smiled. All that was in my head was Justin.

I had to get to him. I needed him, now. I had him in my mind. What I was going to say was all in my mind. I couldn't let him go. I needed him.

We got off the plane and Ryan was right in front of me on his phone.

"Ryan who are you talking to?" I asked. He didn't answer. "Ryan is it Justin?" I asked so sincere. I just wanted to know. I just wanted to know if it was him.

"Ryan?" I asked. He looked back at me. "What Ava? What?" He looked mad. It was indescribable.

"Nevermind Ryan." I was upset and now I really knew everyone was looking at us. As we walked through the airport I heard whispers from behind me. I heard and saw the people around us. They thought we were fighting and we were but I didn't understand why.

We acted normal while Ryan and I walked to the baggage claim. He told me to stand and wait while he went to get his checked bag.

He left his phone in his sweatshirt with me and I just had to look, I had to. I looked really quick and saw that he was texting Justin. I knew he had been but I wasn't about to look at their conversation. I just sat the phone down and then it beeped. I looked.

Don't tell her alright? I want it to be perfect. Just make her mad. Don't talk to her. I'm waiting.

He was waiting. Did that mean he was outside? What was happening? I quickly looked away and locked the phone. I saw Ryan walk over and I handed him his sweatshirt with his phone back in it.

"Where are we going? How are we getting there?"

He didn't answer my question. Whatever.

We walked out the sliding doors and the Canadian summer air hit me. It was nice and I just followed Ryan. He knew where he was. I just felt like a lost puppy dog.

He walked over to a car and he at least opened the door for me, he took my carry- on with his suitcase and brought it to the back and when I got in the car Justin was sitting next to me. Ryan put the bags in the back shut the trunk and walked off.

"Look Justin we have to talk," He nodded.

"I know, I know." He said back with no emotion at all.

"Justin, I don't care that you left. I don't care that you are leaving. It just matters about right now." He nodded.

"Look, Ava. I love you ok. I did this because I love you."

He kissed me. His lips upon mine. I kissed back. I wanted him to be in love with me it was all that mattered in that moment. I closed my eyes as we kissed. It was perfect, that moment was perfect.

I opened my eyes and the sun was shining in them. I closed the shade. It was all a dream. I didn't see Justin, none of it was true. I shut my eyes and fell back asleep waiting.