Love Is Hard

August,

One of the worst months ever. I had to let my little Ali go, she had started school. I knew the day would have come eventually but I wasn't expecting to be so upset. But I was. She was my little baby girl, I didn't want anyone to hurt her. Getting older meant she would have to go through all the same things I did. Like going to school, doing homework, friend drama, boy drama. I couldn't even think about her teen years and having a boyfriend. It was going to be crazy.

I had finally finished redecorating Justin's house, I mean OUR house. I still couldn't get used to that. Ali's room was finally finished with a little help from my mom. She had her own table to have tea parties and it was just so cute. I sent pictures to Justin and we video chatted constantly, but it just wasn't the same. Missing Justin was too much.

Justin had convinced me to go back to school, so in time I did. I was going to be a teacher, an english teacher. My mom was helping me take care of Ali so I could do homework and I was also taking care of my dumb sister. So it was a lot of trouble, but I was out of school everyday to stop and get the kids from school and bring them back to Jess'.

With my sister on bed rest, I was basically her slave; picking up Jackson from school, getting her groceries, getting her whatever she needed. She used me too much and I was getting sick of it. She was going through really bad mood swings too. So she would yell at me and David for no reason at all. I just wanted her to give birth to the damn kids already.

But Danielle had turned 2 and she had a small gathering at her house. It was a good day and turned out all right. She was getting so big, its amazing how children grow so quickly.

September,

As the month of September started I had received a phone call from Justin's grandma. She was going to send Belle to us. I was excited. I had told her anytime during September would be good. And so one day I drove down to LAX and went to get her. She was in a tiny crate and when I saw her I just smiled and remembered when I first saw the picture of her on Justin's phone.

The school year went on for me and it became more difficult to take care of Ali and do everyday things. Jess finally went to the doctors and he said as long as she stayed less stressed out, which is kind of hard for my sister, she could do normal everyday activities, so she would pick the kids up from school now, do grocery shopping for me, and every once in a while we would switch, if I had the time.

Justin was getting more busy, with radios, and interviews and concerts. We just didn't have a chance to talk anymore. He would call me once a week at least to check up on how everything was going. It was good, I mean for a long time I finally had everything I needed.

I began making new friends at school. I began talking to old ones on Facebook. Bailey had come back to California. She just didn't want to be home, her parents had decided to move out here. Levi was coming out here soon too. Bailey had started to go to school too. She found it difficult too, she was just becoming more tired and it was hard for her.

October,

Time passed by quickly, Mom had a new boyfriend, Scott. He was normal and nice to both me and Ali. He wasn't like dad but I could like him. They really liked each other too. It was a cute relationship they had and it made me miss Justin.

School became easier for me, it was english classes, which I loved. There was no math involved at all. I just loved it. I for some reason just really liked the idea of being a teacher.

Halloween rolled around and Aliah had a concert thing at school, and her entire class dressed up in their halloween costumes and sang. Ali was a princess of course. I recorded some things with this video camera I had bought and uploaded it to youtube so Justin could see her.

I sent him the link and he really liked it. He told me to do it as much as I could, so he could get filled in on what was happening and I told him if anything exciting were to happen he would be able to see it.

November,

First week of November was like any other week, Jess was getting close to giving birth to the twins. She was so big and she could barely get anywhere. I was now in charge of basically going anywhere to get anything for her because she honestly couldn't drive anywhere.

She was due the 21st of November, she wasn't going to make it to the end of the month. We all were betting it was going to happen within the first 2 weeks. She had to make it a little bit longer, so they would be healthy.

She had gone into the hospital on the 12th of November. And I had taken Jackson and Dani. I had to take care of them and if anything were to happen, my mom would call me.

At about 8:30 on November 13th my mom called me, and we all packed ourselves into the car and we traveled to the hospital, which took like an hour because LA traffic sucks. And we finally got there and I found my mom where we had just waited for a doctor or David.

It had been a full day since Jess had come into the hospital. We sat there and waited and finally at 12:49 on the 14th. We saw David come out.

Jackson ran over and David lifted him up, "Buddy ready to go see your new little brother and sister." He screamed, "Yeah." I walked over to David and followed him. As we walked into the room, Jess looked so tired. She probably was.

"So, your little sister, right there, she was born on November 13th." He said pointing to the little girl in Jess' arms. "And your little brother, right there, he was born on November 14th." I thought that was pretty cool how they each had different birthdays.

"What are their names?" I asked. Jess looked at David and he nodded. "We have been thinking about it for a while but we kind of want to stick with the J and D names. So our little girl, her name is Jenna Sage, and our little boy, his name is Dustin Reid." I smiled. She let me hold them each. And they were so tiny.

Jenna looked a lot like David, dark hair and bright eyes. While Dustin looked a lot like Jess, he had the dark hair like David, but his eyes, those were hers, and his nose definitely was from our family.

I took a picture of them with my phone and sent it to Justin. He texted back and asked what there names were. I told him and he texted back to tell Jess and David congratulations and that he couldn't wait to see them.

Thanksgiving came quickly, my mom had been helping Jess and David out a lot with the twins. I had been helping out a lot too. I have been getting the kids from school a lot more and bringing them to get dinner. David has taken time off of work but I didn't see how they could possibly raise the four kids without us around.

Davids parents were coming for Thanksgiving. They were staying in there house and David's two brothers and sister were coming and staying their respective families as well. As for Bailey she was spending the day with Levi and her brother and his family in Northern California with her parents.

Mom, Ali, and I were spending the time together and then going to Jess' for desert after. Scott was even coming, after spending dinner with his 2 sons and their families.

December,

The month of December had started and Ali was still going to school. I was too but my Christmas break was soon which meant I had exams. Which meant I had to study, a lot. I needed to pass these classes.

I went out Christmas shopping and had gotten a few things for Ali and for my sister. I had a few things picked out for the twins as well. Justin had called me one day.

"Hey, what are we going to do this year?" He asked. "About what? I asked confused. "About Christmas?" He asked.

I thought about it and I hadn't even made the decision to go and see him for New Years. Why? Because of my daughter and my sister and my nieces and nephews, and my mom. New Years is supposed to be spent with family but why was it so hard to stay near them when I absolutely wanted to go and spend the New Year with him, but I felt like I needed to stay here.

"How about we just video chat Christmas morning? It would be nice you know? I can see you opening gifts. And you can see me and Ali. At least for a little while, then we are going to my moms." I suggested, "Sounds good, what about New Years?" He asked.

"I don't Justin, I honestly want to be there, but I have a daughter, the two most important people in my life are you and her. I don't know yet okay. But as soon as I know I will let you know. I promise. I love you Justin." I said through the phone waiting for a reply but all I heard was click through the phone and realized he hadn't even said goodbye.

Days went by, Ali continued going to pre-school and I would take those days to wrap gifts and decorate the house.

One day I walked into Ali's room and looked at the picture of Dylan on her wall. At holidays I missed him the most, because he should be here Christmas morning watching our daughter open up her gifts and see how beautiful she really is. I took the picture from the wall and tried to remember when this picture was taken but as time passed I started to forget a lot of things about Dylan.

I didn't like that. I wanted to be able to tell Ali all about her dad once she got older, but memories began to fade away eventually, and in a few years I probably wouldn't be able to remember a lot of things about high school with Dylan and that was really sad.

Christmas Day approached and spent greatly. Ali loved her gifts and the smile she had plastered on her face all day was perfect.

Justin sent a few things to the house and I had sent a few things to him. On video chat we opened them together. He even gave a few gifts to Ali which was way too much to ask for but she enjoyed them.

I had made my decision about New Years and I had to break it to Justin Christmas Day. I wasn't going to New York. I had to be with my daughter.