Love Is Hard

It had been 3 days since Christmas, we were constantly over at my moms or at Jess'. Today, the 28th I was making dinner for Ali. Grilled cheese and mac and cheese. I received a phone call from someone. Without paying attention I answered the phone quickly getting back to the food, so I wouldn't burn it.

"Hello?" I asked. "Hi, Ava it's Pattie, I have an idea for New Year's Eve."

She started to explain her idea and I really liked it. "Mommy, dinner." I heard Ali yell to me while I was on the phone. I was still making it and talking, but Ali kept bothering me. She ran over to my side and yelled, "Mommy!"

"Aliah Delaney, go to your room. Now!" I was talking and making dinner for her but she was just getting on my nerves. She ran off in tears. “Pattie can I get back to you?” I asked. “Well, for this to work, I was going to send Justin’s plane out to LA, pick you and Ali up and fly overnight here.”

I shook my head,”I have to make my choice now?” I asked, she was talking to someone though. I could hear Justin’s voice. It was powerful, strong and he was asking Pattie if he could come home for New Years. I heard her blatantly say no.

He really missed me, IChats didn’t do justice. I wanted to see his face, see those beautiful eyes and kiss him just one more time. I wanted to spend the end of the year with him and start the new year with him.

But was it worth it? Taking Ali and I across the country to a place I have never been to spend New Years with my boyfriend.

“I’ll come.” I said through the phone. “When do I need to be at the airport?”

“I will text you, but probably around 8.” It was about 6:30 now. I had to go to Jess’. I had to know what to wear. Should I bring something nice? I mean what was I supposed to do, I don’t own jackets for cold weather because I haven’t needed them for a few years. I would have to borrow some of Jess’ clothes and get her opinion.

I hung up the phone and went to Ali’s room. I brought the food in a paper bowl and plate. I had to explain to her what was going on.

Luckily when I packed for Ali when we moved here I didn’t throw out all the winter stuff and leave it there. I saw Ali crying while petting Belle.

I walked over to her on her bed, “Aliah, I didn’t mean to yell. Here eat your food, I am calling Nana to see if she can come watch you for a little so I can go see Auntie Jess. Unless you still love me enough to come with me?” She shook her head.
“You don’t love me?” I asked putting the food down on the nightstand. She shook her head. I smiled, I began to tickle her. Her laugh made me so happy.

I told her what was going on and I had decided to go to Jess’s to borrow some clothes and let her know that we were going to New York for New Years. I was really excited when Ali seemed excited to go.

I went to rush and pack our bags, I grabbed all warm clothes, I knew I would need them, winter here and winter in New York were two separate things.

I loaded up the car with the packed and half packed bags, and Belle. I was going to bring her to my moms, as I drove to my moms Ali was rambling on in the backseat. It was funny, she was holding onto her stuffed animal “Justin” had got her for Christmas.

More like I went out to get it because Justin told me what he wanted to get her but couldn’t possibly send it out in time. We had skyped on our phones while I was in the store and he liked this one. I made sure that Christmas morning Ali knew it was from Justin and she loved it.

He really loved her and he treated her as his own, we had talked about a few nights back, and I told him, he didn’t have to be her father, and that if he didn’t like being called dad or daddy by her I would tell her to stop, but what he said made me so happy.

“She may not be my child, she may not have my DNA, she belongs to someone who can’t be here, so I will take that place. She is already my daughter anyways. She is perfect and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides she has a pretty awesome mom.”

He was too perfect for me.

I got to my moms and picked up Belle in one hand and the dog bed in the other, Ali got out of the car and ran to the front door, she reached up to hit the doorbell and barely hit it, but when I saw my mom open the door and pick her up, it made me smile.

I walked over and my mom looked at Belle and looked confused.

“Ali and I are going to New York for New Years, we will be back soon, I just can’t leave Belle here by herself.” She nodded. I put down Belle in the house and she ran off, “Mom I hope you don’t mind, but I miss Justin and it wasn’t even his idea, it was Pattie’s, I know you want me to spend more time with Ali and thats why she is coming with me, I already haven’t seen him in a long time, I just miss him.”

She smiled and nodded, “Honey, I know, you know when your dad and I had gotten divorced I missed him so much, that I had to move here to start new, I wasn’t happy where I was, but when I didn’t have him, I was so much more upset. I couldn’t handle not being around him, so I did what I did and moved, you go and enjoy the time you have as a “kid” still, I never did.”
“Thanks, mom.” She put down Ali and we said our goodbyes. I put Ali back into the car and drove off to Jess’.

When I got to Jess’ I let myself in with my key. As I walked through the house I found her and David, in the living room, sitting on the couch each holding a twin. They had become so big already. It was crazy.

Ali had found Jackson and Dani, and ran off to play with them. “Jess,” I started, she looked a little startled to see me, “What are you doing here?” She asked standing up slowly, “I came to borrow some clothes, like warm New York clothes. I am going to see Justin.” She walked over and I saw Dustin in her arms. He had beautiful eyes, just like my dads.

“He has dad’s eyes.” She smiled. “I know.” I smiled. “So do you mind if I get some clothes?” I asked, she shook her head, “Go ahead.” I walked up to her closet and found a jacket and a few other things. I had a lot of jeans, because I am constantly cold, but I didn’t have a winter jacket.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something blue, a beautiful blue color and I pulled it off the hanger, it was a dress, a long blue dress. I heard walking and Jess had come up the stairs, she walked into the closet, “Finding everything? Hey thats the dress I wore when I met David?” I smiled.

“Can I take it?” I asked. She nodded, “It was the best thing, that night. It worked it magical powers on me, hopefully it can rub off on you too.” I smiled again. I grabbed a few more things and put them in a shopping bag.

Jess walked back downstairs with me, I then said goodbye to David and the twins and Jess, calling Ali over and saying goodbye to Dani and Jackson. They were the perfect little family. I only hoped one day, I could finally have what they have.

I strapped Ali into her car seat and I packed away the clothes into the bag in the back of the car and then drove off. I was only going to be gone 3 or 4 days so I was just going to leave my car at the airport.

As I arrived at LAX, I received a text from Pattie, Plane leaving in an hour. Be ready to go. I smiled. It was 5 now so I knew we would be landing at about 2:30 New York time. Just reading it made me remember it was all surreal. It was actually happening. I was going to see Justin.

I parked the car in a garage and then grabbed mine and Ali’s bags. Ali held one of my hands and her stuffed panda in the other.

After going through airport security we walked for a few minutes until we had found the gate and standing there was Pattie. Ali and I walked over, “What are you doing here?” I asked hugging her. “I figured you might want the company, besides you haven’t been on his plane without him. Justin won’t notice I’m gone anyways. Ready to go?” I nodded and we boarded the plane.
I got Ali settled into a seat and I did the same for myself. Pattie across from me and I smiled. The pilot came over the intercom and asked if we were ready to go? I nodded to Pattie who just smiled.

“Justin is going to be so surprised when he sees you, both of you!” I smiled. “I miss him a lot actually. It’s been so long since I have actually seen him,”

Ali started to talk, “Mommy, when we get there?”

I smiled, “A little while, just go to sleep honey.” She nodded her head and laid her head into her stuffed panda. I sat there in silence while I felt the plane move, we were about to take off. I was too excited to fall asleep and once we were in the air I took out my phone and began to play games and just kept myself occupied.

Ali was still sleeping and Pattie had woken up after having fallen asleep for a little while. We then started to talk, she treated me like I was her friend. I really liked that. I told her about what was going on at home and how we were still getting adjusted to living there.

She told me about how Justin talked about me everyday, how much he misses me and how much he wished he could be with me. But that he understood he had to live out his dream.

5 hours after taking off we had finally landed. I tried to wake Ali up but she wouldn’t budge. She was tired. I wouldn’t blame her. I didn’t sleep at all though, I looked at the time on my phone, 2:18.

Pattie started to type away on her phone. “Just texting Justin.” She said.

“He’s still up?” She nodded, “He doesn’t sleep. He’s up constantly, playing video games, or just talking to you. There is a time difference you know.” She laughed.

“I know, I don’t mean to he always starts them anyways. I wouldn’t keep him up, if I thought he was tired. Even though sometimes I have to convince him to get off his Skype.”

“Well I’m telling him to get to sleep. He thinks I’ve been in my room the entire day. He went out with Dan and Ryan for the day but I keep telling him to get to bed because he has a long day ahead of him.” She said smiling. I knew she was hinting at me being here and I smiled.

We finally got to get off the plane and I picked up Ali wrapping her blanket around her. It was colder here in New York and I could feel the cold immediately as we walked off into the gate.

I had put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt before getting off the plane because I knew it was going to be cold.

I followed Pattie around as she began to pull out her phone and make a call. We had to walk quite a ways and carrying Ali was not easy, at all.

We ended up walking outside and there was a black escalade waiting. Pattie loaded the suitcases into the back while I got into the back being careful not to wake Ali.

Pattie got in next to me and the car drove off. It was quiet but for it being 3 in the morning, it was understandable. Although in California it was only midnight, I was really tired. Flying isn’t always great, I wonder how Justin did it?

As the car pulled in front of the hotel. I didn’t want to wake up Ali. She had been so tired and she was just so peaceful sleeping there. So I carefully got out of the car, keeping the blanket wrapped around her.

As I got out of the car, I began grabbing my purse and Ali's panda. Which on the plane ride I had been informed name was Sparkle.

I unbuckled Ali and picked her up. Pattie got our bags and carried them for us. Handing me the room key. Justin most likely was sleeping by now so we were just going to stay in Pattie’s room tonight.

"What room?" I asked. "421. Floor 4." I nodded and walked over to the elevator. Pattie came through the lobby with the two rolling bags and came over to the elevator. Pressing the up button.

I heard the ding and walked in once the door had opened. Ali was still asleep she looked so peaceful.

As the elevator moved I yawned. "Tired?" She asked. I nodded my head.

We got to the floor and I heard the ding once again. The elevator door opened and I walked out walking down the hallway to the the room. I had the key because Patties hands were full.

I got to the door and slid the card in and it turned green. I pushed open the door and the minute I saw the room i fell in love with the city.

The curtains were open and I could see the lights from buildings far away and it was perfect. I laid Ali down on one of the beds. I pulled the covers over her and slid Sparkle next to her.

She immediately curled up and fell into a deep sleep.

Pattie plopped the suitcases down and I walked over to the window.

I admired the sights. "Well, I'll let you get to bed. I am two rooms to the left. Let me know if you need anything."

"I thought this was your room? Why did you get me my own room?"

She smiled. "it's just a nice gesture. I figured you would like it. It wasn't any trouble."

"Thank you, for everything, seriously." I walked over and hugged her. "No problem. Justin will love this surprise. Speaking of. Don't come out tomorrow until I come in." I nodded.

"Goodnight."She said walking out the door.

It sure was going to be a goodnight. The minute my head hit the pillow I was out.

I woke up the next morning without Ali.

I sat up and looked at the other bed and she was still sleeping. I walked over to the window and I opened up the curtain a little. I saw the bright sun and the buildings. But I also saw snow.

I smiled. It was perfect. I was in New York for New Years, how better could it be?

I looked at the clock and noticed it was 8:11. I was up so early. I had only gotten a few hours of sleep but I was totally normal.

I had changed into some [url= http://www.polyvore.com/outfit_13/set?id=46442103] clothes[/url] and I had my hair pulled up into a ponytail.

I sat around not doing much just getting stuff situated around unpacking things and Ali woke up.

By this time it was almost 9. She was hungry and I didn't know what to do so I called to order room service. I got some pancakes for the both of us.

We waited and talked for a little bit on a bed.

"So Ali you excited we are here?" she nodded, "when we go see Justin?"

I smiled, "We will eat and then change and then go see Justin. Does that sound ok to you?" she nodded her head. I heard a knock on the door.

I went to open the door. It was Pattie.

"Good morning. How's everything going? Justin is still sleeping. So I figured you could go wake him up."

"Well we just ordered room service and I kind of want to take a shower." she smiled.

"Here is his room key. It's 425. Go wake him up. I will stay with Ali and make sure she eats. You look beautiful."

I walked out the door to my room. I walked down the hall and saw the room number 425 right there. I slid the card and it was dark. The curtains were shut just as in my room before.

I took out my phone and shined it and there were clothes all over. I couldn't believe he actually was living in the hotel like this. I saw his body in the bed. It was perfect. I could hear his breathing as I got closer. I was amazed I was even here.

I sat down on the bed and leaned over to his ear. Whispering I said, "Justin wake up." he obviously didn't move. I touched him. It had been so long since I had just seen him. I just wanted him to open his eyes.

I tapped him once more and said, "Justin wake up." he moved slowly and I heard his groan, he obviously did not want to be woken up.

"Good morning sleepyhead!" I said. He turned towards me and I saw him open his eyes it was perfect.

The expression on his face couldn't have been any better. He smiled, sat up and pulled me into his arms.

"What are you doing here? I thought you said you weren't coming." he said. "I really wasn't your mom is the one you have to thank." I really couldn’t believe I was here either.

"This isn't a dream right?" he asked. I shook my head and he kissed me. He pulled me into the best kiss. I had been longing for that kiss. The video chats and phone calls for the past months just didn’t do any justice to seeing him in person.

I stood up after we kissed and he just laid there. I went to go open the curtains, and as I did Justin began to squint his eyes. I just laughed at him.

“Wait so where is Ali?” He asked, “Eating pancakes, your mom is watching her right now.”

“You look so beautiful.” He said. I smiled, “I probably look like crap.” He shook his head, he stood up and came over to me where I was standing over the heater. I was a little cold.
“No, you look perfect.” He embraced me tightly and I just enjoyed this moment while it lasted.

He went to go put some clothes on and fix his hair and I just waited. I looked at my phone and played a game to pass the time, it felt like he was taking hours. Which wouldn’t be a surprise at all. As I was sitting there I leaned against my arm on the table and closed my eyes. I became tired.

A few minutes later I heard him talking and then a laugh.

I opened my eyes. “You honestly fell asleep? I have been talking to you for like the past 2 minutes, so I have basically been talking to no one.” I laughed and yawned, “Yeah I guess you have.”

“Do I need to carry you back to your room?” He asked. I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe.” He walked over to the chair and lifted me up. I just started to laugh. He looked at me with his eyes and he just looked in love. It was the same way Dylan had looked at me all those times.

As we arrived back at my room, he put me down. I opened the door with my key and Ali saw Justin and ran right to him.

He lifted her up and she hugged him immediately, “I miss you.” She said out loud and I heard him whisper back, “I missed you too Ali, I missed you too.”

He put her down and she ran over and grabbed Sparkle.

“Thank for Sparkle.” She said smiling. He just laughed. “You’re welcome, it was your Christmas gift.”

He came over to me and kissed me once more. It was going to be perfect here.