Love Is Hard

It was a beautiful day as I had woken up from the perfect night before. Justin, Ali and I enjoyed our day out in the city and enjoyed the time we had with each other just as we had done the day before.

Today was sure to be amazing. It was finally New Years Eve Day and I couldn't have been more excited, Pattie had offered to watch Ali for a few hours so Justin and I could have some time alone, I finally had the chance to wear the beautiful dress I had found at Jess' house.

That morning Justin had come over to take Ali and I out for breakfast. I was bundled up in sweatpants and my moccasins, with a hoodie over a t-shirt that I was wearing. I was so cold. I definitely wasn't made for this weather.

Justin brought us to a small diner and we ordered and began small talk. "Where are we going for dinner tonight?" I asked him.

"Just a restaurant outside of the city. I figured it would be nice to get away from the craziness here for a few hours, I already made reservations and besides this way it will be easy to have a nice evening out without all the craziness."

By craziness, I knew immediately he meant the paparazzi. And I was ok with getting away from them, I just wanted to be with Justin. After realizing I hadn't said anything in a while and was just sitting there I heard Justin saying my name a few times.

"Ava?" I shook my head, "Huh?" I asked. "What's going on in that brain of yours?" He asked.

I smiled, "Nothing. I'm just really excited for tonight!" I said a little bit too loud and over-joyously.

Our waitress brought over the food a little after. Ali had gotten pancakes and needed help cutting them. Instead of asking me like normal she had asked Justin.

"Will you cut?" She asked looking at him. I smiled and he looked at her and nodded. He took the knife and fork and began to cut the pancakes in small pieces and I just enjoyed my french toast.

I watched them bond a little and it made me happy. Ali was really growing to like Justin and I was happy that they were. If they weren't I don't know how it would be. They are two of the most important people in my life right now.

I looked across the booth to where Justin was sitting, he was smiling. He was happy, he was happy with Ali and I and he didn't care.

"Ali you excited to spend time with Pattie and some of the guys later?" I asked, she nodded her head eating her pancakes. "You'll be alright right?" She nodded her head.

"Mommy I love Pattie." I smiled and looked at Justin and he shrugged his shoulders. "What can I say? My mom is the best." I shook my head and lightly kicked his leg under the table.

"What was that for?" He asked. I just shrugged my shoulders. He stuck his tongue out at me and I just laughed. I had really enjoyed breakfast and by the time I was done with my food I was stuffed.

We decided to go back to the hotel and hang out for a little while and then Justin had to go record a little something for New Years Eve around 2:15. So Ali and I would go with him.We got out to the car and Justin saw some paparazzi but we dodged them quickly, they were all here for New Years Eve but I felt like the paparazzi here was nothing compared to the paparazzi in LA.

When we got back to the hotel and made it up to my room, I turned the television on for Ali to one of the kids channels. She ran over and cuddled up to Sparkle and laid there watching the show. Justin and I sat down at the table in the room. I took out my phone and I texted Bailey.

How's everything going?

Justin and I began to have a small talk and I received a text back from Bailey.

Good, I'm just getting anxious now. My parents are headed out tomorrow, only 11 more days.

I sent another back, I will be there for you don't worry.

Oh yeah! You're in New York with the bf. I forgot. Ali's with you too right? Is it amazing there?

Yeah Ali's with me and its so beautiful here. Its definitely different from Michigan or LA. How's Levi holding up?

I think he's nervous. I mean he acts excited and looks excited but he's just not that excited you know?

Not excited? I know I can't say much because Dylan wasn't there a week or so before Ali was born, but he was excited the minute he found out. How could Levi not be in the least bit excited? I get you both are nervous but its fine. Its not as nerve-wrecking as people make it seem.

She didn't text me back and I didn't blame her. When I looked back up from the phone, which I had been so consumed in for 15 minutes. Justin wasn't sitting there. I had totally ignored him. The television was still on but Ali and Sparkle weren't there.

I felt nervous, had Justin taken her somewhere? I walked out of the room grabbing the key and walking down to Justin's. I knocked on the door. I heard the handle turn and the door slowly opened.

Ali was there holding Sparkle. I smiled. "Mommy, don't come." She yelled.

"Why not Ali-bug?" I asked. "Justin said no." She said.

"What?" I asked more confused. "No mommy no don't!" She yelled.

"Why are you here?" I asked her. "Justin said I could help." She said. I heard his voice in the room.

"I will bring her right back I promise Ava. Just for 5 more minutes." I heard his voice and smiled. "You sure?" I asked and I heard it once again, "I'm positive."

What could he have been doing with my daughter in there? "Justin why did you even take her?" I said kind of loud so he could hear me.

"Because you were busy texting and I told her I was going to be right back and she wanted to come. It's not a big deal." He said. "You still could have told me." I said a little quiet. He obviously didn't hear me either, not such a big deal my ass. It was my daughter and not his.

Ali had closed the door and I just stood there. I stood and waited. About a minute later I heard the door knob turn and Justin came out Ali was laughing and smiling.

"Sorry, I just had to ask Ali a question, and you couldn't be there." He said. I nodded. "I couldn't be there?" I asked questionably.

Around 1:30 Justin had to go leave so he could go record his thing for New Years Eve for whatever channel he was doing it for. Ali and I were supposed to join him but she had fallen asleep and I wasn't going to wake her up and I really didn't want to have to carry her around everywhere.

So instead I told him I would just stay behind with Ali. It didn't really bother me because while she was asleep I decided it would be a good opportunity to take a quick shower. When I got out I brushed through my hair and threw on the clothes that I had on before. I walked out of the bathroom and Aliah was still asleep. I figured it would be ok because she want to stay up late.

I grabbed my curler from my bag and put it in the bathroom, I went back and pulled out the outfit that I had decided back in California I would wear.

I hung the dress up and stared at it. I smiled happily. I heard my phone beep from the table so I went to grab it.

Ava, running a little late be ready to go when I get back. I will just have to rush here to get ready. My mom is coming back in a bit to get Ali out of your hands.

I looked over at her silently sleeping, she obviously wasn't bothering me. Justin, she isn't bothering me, just have your mom come back when you are all done. It's alright. And don't rush, thats your job, so enjoy it! (:

He didn't reply and as normal I didn't expect him to. I walked into the bathroom and plugged in the curler and began to curl my hair into big soft curls. I normally didn't ever curl my hair, I was always in a rush to get Ali ready and me for school and so when I began to curl my hair I realized I was going to look different than what I had been seeing for the past 4 or 5 months.

My hair had grown to the my upper back, it was getting long, my blonde hair. I really wanted to dye it, I wanted a change. I finished curling my hair and decided to go wake up Ali. But when I got out there she was sitting there talking to Sparkle. I quickly moved back into the doorway, listening to her soft voice.

"I think Justin loves me Sparkle. He got me you. I love you." I smiled listening to her. "Do you like him Sparkle? I think mommy really loves him. I really love him." She sounded so happy. She was happy, so I could be happy too.

I heard her get off the bed, "Mommy!" She yelled and I heard her feet patter over to the bathroom door and I looked over at her.

"Ali!" I yelled. She laughed. I picked her up and bounced her around in my arms and she spoke, "I like your hair." I smiled, "Why thank you Ali-bear."

"You going with Justin?" I nodded. "But you get to hang out with Pattie, I'm sure you will have fun! Plus when Justin and I come back we get to spend some time together before the New Year." She smiled. I loved her smile.

She poked at one of the curls. "Can you do mine?" I nodded and brought her into the bathroom and sat her on the counter and began to curl her hair. It had to be cut it was starting to get too long.

After I was done I realized I had to get ready. I slipped on my dress and then began to put my makeup on my face. Only a little because Justin had continually told me from the day we met that he liked it when I didn't wear any.

I heard a knock on the door about 20 minutes later after getting Ali some of the things she might want for the night and putting it into a bag.

Pattie was standing there and she smiled, "Where is that little girl?" She asked, and I felt a tug behind my dress and she peered out from the right side, "Who me?" Ali asked. Pattie laughed. "Ava, you look beautiful." I smiled, "Thank you Pattie. Where's Justin?" She shook her head, "In his room, said he had to go get something. He should be here shortly. I will be taking her then?" I nodded. I bent down to her level and said goodbye. She hugged me tight.

Then she turned and ran back into the room grabbed Sparkle and came back. I smiled.

"Be good for Pattie alright?" She nodded, "Ok mommy." I handed Pattie her bag and closed the door behind them after saying one last goodbye and telling her to call me if there was any problems even though she assured it would be fine.

I went back into the bathroom to put in my earrings and put on the necklace and ring Justin had given me.

Fixing my hair making sure it looked perfect. Putting my lipgloss into my bag and slipping on my sisters heels. I grabbed my phone and my jacket and just like that there was a knock on my door.

I walked over and slowly opened it, Justin was standing there. He had a a few flowers in his hand. He looked at me and I could tell he was shocked.

"You look beautiful." He said slowly and softly but I knew he meant every word. I smiled and he handed me the flowers.

I took them and took a breath in and smelled them. I loved the smell of fresh flowers. I put them down on the table beside the door.

"Ready to go?" He asked. I nodded and he took my hand we walked over to the elevator and he pushed the button. "So how was your day?" I asked.

"Boring. I had to record so many things for the countdown tonight. But I'm just happy they are recorded and not live, I've done that and its a long night." I smiled.

"Who was there?" I asked.

"People, I don't know, I mean Usher and a few others." He was hiding something, I was about to say something when the elevator door dinged and we walked inside.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked because it was so silent I couldn't stand it.

"A lot is just on my mind." He said quietly. It was so quiet I couldn't stand it. I played with the ring on my finger as I waited for the elevator to ring. I had been so excited for this night and now I wasn't really expecting much from him.

The elevator rang and Justin stepped out and he didn't even put out his hand for me. What had changed within two minutes?

"Justin," I said and he turned around. "What?" He asked. He sounded lost, I hadn't heard him sound that way in a while.

"Why are you acting like this? I can easily tell something is wrong. Please just let me know what is wrong." I pleaded but I didn't mean to sound too pushy.

"I have to tell you about something, its been on my mind and I was trying to avoid it but tonight I just don't want to keep it from you. I don't expect you to forgive me." I heard his voice soft trying not to grab any attention from the people around.

"What did you do?" I asked slowly nervous.

"I lied, when Selena came out to my concert in Florida, she sang a few songs and I realized that I had really loved her at one point in my life. Never did I once say that to her but she must have been feeling the same way. That one night we went out to dinner, nothing fancy and nothing too romantic I mean my crew came along but I had asked her to go. She must have taken it differently.

After the dinner was over we went back to the hotel and we kissed and I didn't stop her. It's like I forgot about you and Ali and everything. I was stupid. I regret it and I don't like her at all. I feel like the kiss was just simply me finding a way to get over her because now I see that I don't like her at all. It will always be you." He closed his eyes and I could tell he really meant every word he said.

"Justin, why didn't you just tell me?" I asked, I could feel my eyes stinging as I tried to hold back my tears.

"I don't know, I guess I tried to forget that it happened, but that ended up not working and I didn't know what else to do and today it just kept bugging me, I had to tell you, I knew I would have to eventually. I didn't want to lie to you anymore." I nodded. I wiped my eyes so the tears wouldn't fall.

He turned to me and took my hands. "I love you Ava. I have loved you since the moment I first laid my eyes on you. The way you cared for Ali. You are perfect. I love you when you aren't here and I miss you the most then too. I want you forever and always." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Justin I love you, but next time just tell me whats going on. I promise, I won't be mad." He smiled. He took my hand, "Thats why I love you." I smiled. Something in the back of mind was reassuring me that tonight was going to be ok and that it would be over soon. Everything would eventually be better Justin would eventually be back home around his birthday and everything would be ok.

We walked out the doors to the car and drove to the restaurant where we were already running late. It was so crazy and all I wanted was food.

Why was I so hungry?

"You really do look so beautiful." Justin spoke as I broke from my thinkings of food. I laughed.

"What?" He asked sounding concerned. "I was just thinking about food and you said I looked beautiful." I let out a giggle and he laughed too. About 15 minutes later we pulled up to the restaurant and it was a full parking lot but it didn't seem to be that busy. It was quaint, small and perfect. Justin knew how to impress me.

He got out of the drivers seat and came around to the other side to help me out. He took my hand and I carefully got out.

I grabbed my bag and closed the door behind me. As if everything that night moved by so quickly, Justin and I shared loving conversations and suddenly everything in the restaurant around us was in slow motion. We were sitting there and he started to mumble words, the mumbles were hard to make out at first;

He had begun to sound nervous, more nervous than before, "Before when I told you I loved you. I meant it. I meant every word. I meant it, and I don't want any of that to change. So if I were to ask you the most ridiculous question right now. I don't expect it to happen within any amount of time within the next year, not even the next two years. But Ava you have shown me what it means to fall in love. Love was something I had thought so differently of until I met you. You are everything, you are perfect, I love the way you are around Ali. It's the true you and I love seeing that little kid in you sometimes. So before this gets too long, will you marry me? Not now in two years, three years, heck five years from now. Just marry me eventually!" He said every word with so much meaning and love and I took it all to heart before I gave him my answer.

We arrived back at the hotel around 10:00. Just enough time for me to go put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt and take off the heels and go be with my daughter, and Justin before the New Year.

We went our separate ways to change and then decided to meet in Pattie's room, where Ali was. I changed quickly, I was anxious for the New Year, 2015. It was a new start, a new beginning, a New Year to change everything.

I grabbed my phone and room key before leaving the room and walking over to Pattie's. I knocked on the door and once it opened Pattie was there with a smile. I heard Justin's voice speaking in the background with Ali's.

"How was your night?" She asked. "Perfect. SO Perfect." Not knowing how else to describe it.

Pattie let me in and as I walked into the room more I saw my daughter laying in her pajamas with Sparkle and Justin was laying there next to her. It was a picture perfect moment. I quickly opened the camera on my phone and took the picture.

I smiled and Justin looked over at me and when he did Aliah saw me. She smiled so big, stood up and ran to me.

I knelt down and gave her a hug, "How was it with Pattie?" I asked. She smiled, "Fun! Can I stay with her more?" I just laughed. Justin chuckled in the background.

"Was she good for you Pattie?" I asked.

"She was perfect, we went down to the restaurant downstairs and she had mac and cheese and we came back here and colored and watched cartoons and then put on her pajamas and we were just here for a while before you two came back."

Justin came over by me and I stood up. "Yes Bieber?" I asked. He looked at me funny.

"Since when do you call me Bieber?" He asked and I just smirked, "Since you are, Bieber, what do you want me to call you Dorfenflunkel?" I asked laughing.

"Yes call me Justin Drew Dorfenflunkel from now on. Go call the press since I changed my name." I was literally in tears from laughing so much.

To stop me from laughing he had put his arms around my sides and kissed my forehead. He suddenly proceeded to tickle my sides which made me laugh again and he lifted me up and put me down on the bed once again as I just giggled.

Ali must have been standing there because I heard her little laugh and I knew that he must have started to tickle her. He put her down next to me.

"Now that you two are controlled can we be serious now?" He asked. I burst out into laughter, Pattie did too.

"Since when are you serious?" I asked through the laughs. He playfully hit me and I acted scared but I wasn't.

We spent the next hour and a half talking, the four of us. Except Aliah had decided to dose off for a little while so it was mainly the three of us.

Five minutes before midnight and I decided to wake Ali up. She woke up and was instantly jumpy ready to celebrate with us. I had never seen her like that before.

I looked out the window of the hotel room, into the city, it was perfect.

The television started the 30 second countdown. They zoomed in on the ball as it began to move and I watched it. Ali was standing there watching, I don't think she quite understood. Justin was to my right and Pattie was on the other side of him.

Five.
I thought about the crazy year I had, had.

Four.
I thought about the year ahead of me.

Three.
I thought about my daughter. My beautiful daughter.

Two.
I thought about everything going on in life. Was it what I wanted?

One.
I thought about Justin.

"Happy New Year!" Everyone screamed. I didn't. Instead Justin had grabbed my face and turned it to his and kissed me.

After those three seconds were over, I picked up my daughter, "Happy New Year Ali-bear." She smiled.

Out the window of the hotel room you could see fireworks off in the distance. I smiled.

After celebrating for about 15 minutes Justin, Ali and I decided to let Pattie get to bed. I had to put Ali to bed anyways.

"Goodnight." He said whispering so close to my lips as Ali was falling asleep in my arms.

"Goodnight. Happy New Year." I said back, lifting Ali up higher onto my waist.

"Here let me help you." He said. He took her from my arms and she immediately fixed herself to lay on his shoulder.

I opened my hotel room door and he brought her over to her bed and laid her down and tucked her in. I in the meantime had plugged my phone into the charger and laid down on my bed. When I felt his arms wrap around me I felt safe, comfortable. I fell asleep. I knew I would wake up happier tomorrow.

A new year was ahead of me. It was going to be perfect.