Love Is Hard

The following morning I had awoken, smiling. I turned over to see Justin still sleeping. I slowly got out of bed and noticing Ali was still asleep too.

I was sure not to wake up either of them and went to the bathroom to change into jeans and my Volcom sweatshirt, putting on socks to keep my feet warm. I walked back in the room and I began to pack, I was leaving tomorrow and as much as I wanted to go back home, I wasn't going to see Justin for like three more months.

I loved being around him and it's just been so good the past few days. I laid back down in the bed next to him and just enjoyed the silence. I moved a little and Justin began to slowly wake up.

I turned on my side to see a smiling Justin although his eyes were shut. I smiled. I took in this moment, he slowly opened his eyes and I still had a foolish smile on my face.

"Good morning." He said softly. "Good morning to you too." I said and he gently kissed me on the lips.

After laying there in each others arms for fifteen minutes just talking, it became quiet.

"I wish every morning was like this." I said, sounding a little upset.

"You only have to wait until February 17th. And I will be home." I smiled. "You're coming home that early?"

"You sound so happy! And yeah. I mean if thats ok..." I smiled and nodded my head. "Of course it's ok Bieber, I don't like that big house being so empty all the time. I don't understand why you need a seven bedroom house, you are one guy."

He just smiled and shook his head, "And when people come to visit me, lets see Ryan basically has a room designated for himself. My dad and my brother and sister stay there sometimes. I mean I need that big of a space."

"Well ok then." I said just smiling. "Well ok then." Justin replied back mocking me and I just hit him.

"Oh really? We are going to play this game are we?" I smiled and tried to stand up, but it basically ended with me on the floor, laughing hysterically and Justin had nothing to with any of it, I am clumsy and tripped on the sheet trying to get out of the bed.

"I guess I win!" He said victoriously.

I sat up and I heard movement from the other side of the room. Ali was waking up. "Good morning!" I said to her and she smiled. She yawned, still tired from being up so late last night.

She sat up and looked at me on the floor, "Why you there?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Because Justin's mean to me thats why!"

I saw her smile and stand up on the bed before jumping to the other one.

She sat next to Justin who smiled, I finally got up off the floor, "What do you want to do in your last day in New York?" Justin had asked. Ali had lied down next to him her eyes slightly shut.

"I don't really care as long as I'm with you two." I said smiling and he kissed my lips.

"Ewww. Gross." Ali said out loud. And as I pulled away Justin and I were laughing.

"What you don't like that?" I asked.

"No, its ok, just gross." I just shook my head laughing. That was my daughter.

"Wait, I have an idea for today!" I said a little too happy and a little too excited to Justin.

"What?" He asked mimicking my way too excited-ness.

"Go shopping with me!" He looked at me wide eyed and shook his head.

"Please..." I had to convince him to go. I needed ideas for what to get him for his birthday, even though three months away I still needed to know.

"Ok, anything for you..." he didn't sound too happy about it.

We got ready for the day and as I looked out the window opening the curtains, I saw snow falling from the sky. I hadn't seen that in more than two and a half years.

Justin, Aliah, and I spent the entire day together, enjoying the time we had together. Soon it became night and Ali was tired at about 8:30. We were still walking around the city and she was getting cranky.

Justin picked her up and she quickly fell asleep we walked up to a Starbucks.

Justin pointed his finger and we walked in. He walked over to a small booth in the corner and laid her down and I sat in the chair across from her.

"What do you want?" Justin asked me, he was going to wait in line to order it.

"I'll just have a white peppermint mocha, please." He nodded walking off to go wait in line.

As I looked at Aliah sleeping, I examined her facial features and she looked exactly like Dylan. Her hair was light like mine and her eyes were his but other than that, her nose, and smile reminded me exactly of Dylan.

It was going to be five years, on the 21st. Five years since he died. I couldn't believe that it had been that long.

"Ava, come on lets go." I smiled at him. Dylan and I were going to a basketball game at school.

"Hold on." I was finishing putting on my makeup. I walked out and down the stairs to all my friends. Dylan joined my side.

Us girls were all wearing the school colors. Bright blue t-shirts, black shorts, knee high blue and white stripped socks, and Uggs. We were really cute. We all curled our hair and put a blue bandana in our hair.

The guys had nothing on us. They were all wearing red, green, yellow and other assorted colors. Not one of them had blue on. It was a shame.

"Let's just get going!" Jon said. The seven of us left my house and went to the two cars we decided to take.

I had looked over at Dylan and realized something was wrong. I knew it had to do with him being sick. I took his hand and I smiled at him. He was really upset lately and hanging with his friends just didn't work. I didn't know how much longer I could handle him upset like this.

"Ava." I shook myself from my memory. "Oh sorry." Justin handed me my coffee as he sat down next to me.

"What were you just thinking about?" He asked taking a sip from his coffee.

"Dylan..." I trailed off. I took a sip of my coffee. I honestly didn't want to talk about him.

"What about him?" There was no way to avoid this.

I took a breath, "It'll be five years in twenty days. How has it been five years? It feels like last year. Sometimes it feels like last month. I don't even remember what I said to him last, I can't remember the last time we went on a date. I can't remember the little moments and I wish I could."

Justin looked defeated, there was no way he could help me on this one.

"I'm sorry, he's probably not what you wanted to hear about right now." I said.

"So what are you going to do when you get home?" Justin asked quickly trying to change the subject.

"Well Ali goes back to school the 4th and I go back the 18th. Jess is having the twins baptism the 12th, and Bailey is going to have her baby any day now. It's just going to be so busy. And then you come back in February!" I said smiling.

"Well at least you won't be bored until I get back." I nodded my head taking another sip of my coffee.

"Where are you headed to tomorrow?" I asked him.

"North Carolina, I think." He took a sip from his coffee.

"Do you miss not having to travel so much?" I asked him another question trying to keep a conversation.

"I mean of course, but I have to and once I'm out on stage it's all alright. It's what I have to do and I don't regret it. I mean I just hate how much time it takes, like I'm constantly moving but then days like these happen where, its a nice break. I need breaks sometimes."

I nodded agreeing with his last statement I yawned but took another sip of coffee.

"Tired?" He asked. I smiled and nodded. "I've got a long traveling day ahead of me." He put his arm on the other side of my chair and pulled my chair closer. I heard the wood scratch against the floor.

He wrapped his arm around me and I put my head on his shoulder. He began to whisper to me, "Are you going to be alright for a month and a half without me there?"

"Justin I have had to deal without you for longer than a month and a half." He took a deep breath, I could tell that he was thinking about what he was going to have to say.

"I mean dealing with Dylan and that its been five years, you basically just started crying now." I picked my head up.

"I've dealt with it before, I'm sure I can deal with it this year and next year, and every year after that." I gave him a look of disgust and annoyance but I honestly felt like breaking down. I wasn't so sure this year would be different from the past four.

Laying in my bed all morning crying my eyes out, watching old videos of us and our friends, looking through yearbooks, old letters, and everything. I had everything Dylan and I ever did, made, wrote, or anything, saved in a box.

Justin put his arms around me and pulled me close to him.

"It's ok to be sad you know?" I heard his voice and I just stayed where I was. I wrapped my arms around him and I knew he just wanted me to be happy.

*Next Day*

I woke up around 7 am and finished packing the rest of Ali and I's clothes. We had gotten back to the hotel around 10:30 and while Ali was sleeping I started to pack.

My flight to Los Angeles was at 3:45 (New York time), we were going to get into LAX around 4:45 pm.

It was going to be a long traveling day with Ali, and having to say goodbye to Justin.

Justin had stayed in the room again last night. It was nice to have him sleeping by my side.

He was still asleep and I decided to hop in the shower really quickly, taking the sweatpants and sweatshirt I was going to wear on the plane in the bathroom with me.

I turned on the water and waited until I saw some steam before stepping in, letting the warm water relax my body. I felt it hit my back and fall down.

I finished and brushed through my hair throwing it up into a messy bun and putting on the clothes. As I walked back into the main area of the room I decided to wake up Justin and Ali.

Justin first, I walked over to his left side where his face was. I kissed his cheek and he slightly moved, "Justin come on, its time to get up." He slowly opened his eyes and smiled.

He put his arms around my side and pulled me next to him and kissed me. "I love you Ava." I smiled. After last night at Starbucks, he definitely proved it, we talked for an hour about Dylan. I told him about our relationship. He listened, I told him everything, and he just listened.

"I love you too Justin." He kissed me on the lips once more and it was perfect. "I have to wake up Ali now." I said starting to stand up.

He quickly stood up on the bed and jumped off on the floor, "Put on a shirt, Bieber." He looked at me and stuck out his tongue.

He went over to Ali and sat down next to her, "Wake up Ali-bug." He was impeccable, I couldn't believe the way he treated me and Ali. Me well that was one thing, but he treats Ali like his own daughter, and I never asked. He was flawless.

She slowly sat up rubbing her eyes, "Ali," I said walking towards her, "Ready to go home?" She nodded her head. She still looked really tired but I let her pick out what she wanted to wear on the plane ride home; purple skirt, brown leggings, white shirt and her boots. She was so adorable.

Justin went back to his room to pack up his things and change into new clothes.

When Ali had come out of the bathroom all changed it was adorable. I took my phone out and took a picture of her. She was so adorable. There was no other way to describe her.

"Where's Justin?" She asked as I finished putting away the last of the things.

"He went back to his room, why?" I asked her.

"Just want know." I nodded and put her blanket and Sparkle in her little ladybug bag.

I heard a knock on the door and went over to open it. To no surprise it was Justin. He pulled me into a kiss, "I sure am going to miss doing that."

"Don't talk about it, Bieber." He gave me a look, "Whats with this Bieber all of a sudden?"

"Well that is your name isn't it?" He nodded and I just smiled.

*Five Hours Later (2:30)*

After a fun filled morning with Justin, Pattie, and Ali it was time for us to go to the airport. Justin's flight was leaving at 3:10 to North Carolina, leaving Ali and I in the airport for a little while.

We were all in the airport now grabbing food for the flight and Justin was making me laugh at the little things he was saying. It was making me forget about having to say goodbye. The time passed by so quickly.

We were in the airport laughing and having fun one minute to saying goodbye the next.

I hugged Pattie first saying goodbye and then Aliah. "Have a good flight." She told us before walking off to the side. Ali was going to say goodbye first.

He knelt down next to her and she hugged him really tight.

"Bye daddy." I heard her say that and my heart melted. Justin looked up at me and I heard him reply to her, "Bye Ali-bug."

They pulled away from the hug and Justin stood up looking at me. I moved closer to him and he put his hands on my side and pulled me in for one last kiss.

"I love you Bieber." I said as he pulled away. "I love you more, Ava." He emphasized my name because all day I had been calling him Bieber.

I almost let a tear fall from my eye but I didn't. I was going to be happy. I smiled.

I watched him walk away and I picked up my bag and phone, grabbing Ali's hand and making sure she had her ladybug bag in hand and walking towards our gate.

I chose two seats at the gate and sat down grabbing out our tickets for the plane. My phone buzzed so I looked at it.

I love you call me when you land. Have a good flight.

I smiled, Justin was perfect. I was going to reply but Ali kept telling me to pay attention to her and then she wanted to play a game on my phone so I let her.

Soon enough they were boarding people on the plane, and because I had Ali I was going to board because I was 'traveling with small children' and sure I would use it to my advantage. She took her ladybug bag and I handed her, her ticket. She took it and as we walked over to the lady she handed it to her.

She smiled at her and I handed her mine before we entered the jetway to the plane. I felt the cold air and Ali just kept on walking to the plane.

"We are going to 19, Ali-bug." I saw her kind of nod her head.

As we entered the plane the flight attendants all said hi and greeted us on the plane. As we walked past each row I could hear Ali counting.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19." She had skipped the 7 and 17 but still ended up at the 19th row.

"Why did you skip 7?" I asked as I got her into her window seat and I sat next to her in the middle.

"I don't like 7 mom." She gave me the tone of voice like 'duh mom don't you know.' I just smiled. She put her buckle on her seat and I prepared myself for the flight.

******
"Please return your seats to the upright position as we prepare for landing." I smiled as I looked over at my daughter, she was asleep and I was happy we were going to be landing in LAX at any moment.

I prepared myself for landing and I looked out the window. The clouds were slowly drifting higher up in the air and I saw the ground appearing closer, soon I could only see out into the sky, the plane was turned on the other side. It straightened out once again and I saw the ground getting closer. I felt the plane start to land and it was a great feeling. We were finally home.

I woke up Ali from her nap and turned on my phone.

I decided to text my mom.

We just landed, hope you are waiting for us at baggage claim! (:

I quickly dialed Justin's number and heard it ring twice before it went to voicemail. He must have ignored the call, that's weird. He wouldn't do that, I mean he wanted me to call him when I landed. I just disregarded my thoughts in my head that were telling me something else.

*******
As the plane entered the gate and people began to get off Ali grabbed her lady bug bag and Sparkle. I grabbed my bag and the guy sitting next to me got out of his seat. I got out and Ali followed, I let her get in front of me and she walked out the plane. The flight attendants once again saying goodbye and to enjoy the rest of the day we had here in LA.

I was just happy to be home. We were in the busy airport of LAX and had to make it down to baggage claim to get the checked bag that we had.

We made it there several minutes later and Ali wanted me to pick her up but I couldn't but then out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom.

Ali saw her before I did and she ran to her, "Nana!" She yelled it so loud that it drew a little bit of attention. I walked over and hugged her.

She began to ask all these questions about the trip to Ali and I received a text. I looked down at my phone and smiled realizing it was Justin.

Hey sorry about ignoring the call. I was busy and had to stop the ringing, didn't know it was you. When you get home call me or IChat?

I smiled and went to wait for the bag at baggage claim and replied to Justin.