Love Is Hard

After being at Jess' for dinner and enjoying time with our family, I decided that I should leave and go see Bailey who had been back at the apartment for only a few hours today. I wanted to see how she was doing. I left Ali with them because she didn't want to come with me and I knew she wouldn't want to come anyway.

I arrived at the place I used to call home and I walked over to the door, using the key I still had and walked up the flight of stairs to get to the apartment. I knocked on the apartment door and I stood there for a long few seconds before anyone came to the door.

The door opened quickly and Bailey looked like a mess. She looked tired, overrun and beaten down.

"You ok?" She shook her head. She looked at me, her eyes bloodshot, stains of tears were down her cheeks.

"Whats wrong Bails?" She walked over to me and tried to push a smile to her face.

"Lillia wouldn't go to sleep, I'm worn out and tired. I told my mom to go back home, I don't want to call Nancy because her son is basically leaving me out in the dust and it would just be awkward." I stopped her, "You know Nancy doesn't care about him or you for that matter, sure he's being a jerk but thats to you. Lillia is her granddaughter, she could really help you, thats how Dylan's parents were."

She nodded. "I just feel bad, I don't want to ask for help. But I'm just so tired and I tried to call Levi but he wouldn't answer." I heard crying and Bailey just sighed, "You go take a nap. I will take care of her for the next hour." She nodded. I went into Ali's old room, the walls were painted no different than before. I looked over and Lillia was crying in her crib.

I went over to her and picked her up. I observed her facial features, she sure was Bailey's daughter. I rocked her back and fourth a few times and she stopped crying.

I began to speak in my baby voice, "Hi Lillia, what's wrong? You sad? Your mommy's very tired. Your daddy doesn't want to be here, so Auntie Ava is going to for a little while. Is that ok? I bet you want your mommy though." I saw the pacifier sitting on the changing table. I clipped it to her shirt and put it in her mouth. The pout that once existed on her face disappeared.

I rocked her for a little bit longer before laying her in her crib once again. She made a big sigh and just laid there. I watched her for a few moments before her eyes finally closed. The next time she woke up she would most likely be hungry.

I went back out into the living area and turned on the television. I pulled out my phone and decided to text Justin.

Hey Biebs, whats up?

I turned my focus back to the television until my phone vibrated. It wasn't just once for a normal text, I picked it up realizing he was calling me.

"Hey miss, I think you are better off calling from now on!" He said in a tone, trying to be mean, but it was funny. "Well I don't know you are always so busy and I don't know your schedule so I decided just to text you." He laughed, "Well I figured now I had some free time and you are available we could actually talk without being interrupted."

"I think we should." I suddenly realized I had to tell him something I had on my mind for a while. "Well whats up?" I cleared my throat, "I'm thinking about school and what I can do to catch up. And they have these summer courses I can take. If I take them I can catch up and only have two years left instead of three." He didn't say anything at first but I felt it coming, "Why? You don't get it. I am here for this summer, I don't know about next summer, I probably won't. I want to just be around you. I understand you want to catch up in school so you can be with people your own age but I don't want to have to be waiting for you to get out of your classes so we can go on a weekend trip, because thats all we will be able to do. I just don't think you get it."

I was really mad now, "I don't think you get it. If I take these classes I will be able to catch up. I want to do this Justin." He sighed.

"I don't." I had nothing left to say to him. I was about to say goodbye but he hung up the phone.

As if it couldn't get any worse the door to the apartment opened and Levi was at the door. He looked like a wreck, smelt like shit and well he definitely wasn't able to be Lillia's dad.

"Where's my daughter?" He asked glaring at me. "Sleeping and I suggest you leave her sleeping."

"Fine but where's Bailey?" I shook my head rolling my eyes, "Sleeping because she's been raising your daughter all by herself for the three days she's been on this earth. You haven't been around so she doesn't care about you."

"What the hell are you talking about? Bailey loves me! We have a daughter! You are a slut!" I felt like punching something or kicking something. I was already pissed off from the conversation with Justin but now it was beyond horrible. He was yelling at me.

I heard Lillia crying from her room. He began to walk towards the hallway, "If you walk anywhere near her I will call the police." He began to scream, "You can't do that, that is my daughter. She is my blood and you have no right to say those things to me!"

I knew Bailey could hear us, she came out, with bloodshot eyes and dried tears still on her face. "Levi! Leave." I heard her say quietly from across the room. He shook his head.

"Levi please leave!" She was trying to sound mad and angry, but she was tired.

Lillia was still crying, "Will you go get that damn baby Bailey?" He asked. I could see she wanted to cry, she fought back the tears.

"That damn baby is your daughter. Do you even know her name?" He thought about it for a minute. "We never talked about it." She shook her head, "Ava, can you go get her?" I nodded and walked off quickly. The second I did. I heard the screams, the yells, the words being thrown at each other.

I walked into the room and picked up Lillia quickly. I rocked her a few times she was so tiny, I could remember when Ali was that tiny.

I heard the screams and decided it would not be a good idea to bring her out there so I shut the door and walked over to the rocking chair in the room.

I grabbed a blanket and put it over Lilli, sitting down and began rocking her back and fourth. Humming a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little all the time. She began to stop crying and she yawned.

I heard yelling still coming from the main area but when I heard the door open a little and saw Bailey come in, she had a faint smile on her face.

"Can you bring her out there and just let him see her? I can't do it myself. But don't let him hold her. I'm going back to bed. Just put her back to sleep when he leaves and turn on the baby monitor." I nodded. I walked out and saw Levi sitting down. As he saw me walk towards him he stood up.

"She's tired. So just let her lay here, ok?" He nodded and whatever Bailey said to him must have put something into his head. He touched her head softly, wiping a tear away from her face. Something in him had changed I had noticed it.

"Look Bailey told me not to let you hold her, but if I could have seen Dylan hold Ali just once I would do anything for that." He shook his head, "I don't think I can." I laughed. "Go sit down." He did as I said.

I placed her head in his hand and laid her body down in the other. He sat there stiff. "You have to move," He shook his head, "I'm gonna break her." I just giggled again.

"Just hold her head and you will be fine." I sat next to him and adjusted her in his hands so he would be more comfortable holding her.

"It's not so bad is it?" He shook his head, still barely moving. "Want me to take her?" He nodded and I carefully took her from his hands.

"I'm sorry Ava, about before. I don't know what that was. I have to change the way I act for her. I want to, but it's hard." I nodded, "It's going to take time." He nodded.

"So what are you doing now?" I asked. "I guess going to find a cheap motel for the next few nights or something. She doesn't want me here."

"If you don't tell her, I have an idea."