Love Is Hard

The following few days I was on time to all my classes, fortunately for me only on Monday did I have to be at school for 8:30. But I still had to end up dropping off Ali at my moms so that I could be at the school for nine. Thursday I had three classes, not until 10:25 did my first one start, so I spent my morning not having to rush.

But this morning I was going to meet Landon at the Starbucks closest to campus for coffee. I still hadn't told him about Justin but I figured he could find out at any point, there was stuff in magazines all over. Pictures of me with Ali, and I just didn't like it, I was labeled as Justin's girlfriend, but I'm not famous so why do people care?

I dropped Ali off at my moms like every morning and when I found myself parking the car and walking into Starbucks, I was shaking. It felt wrong that I was doing this. Meeting up with Landon, but we were friends. Just friends.

As I entered and saw him, I smiled. Realizing he wasn't alone. I sighed in relief almost believing he thought this was something more.

"Hey Ava, these are my friends; Brandon, Conor, Maci, and Emma." I smiled waving at them. "Sorry I'm late, I was well you know." He nodded, I didn't really feel like telling everyone I didn't know about Ali. I didn't even think that Landon would know at this point but he does.

I hadn't talked to Justin in two weeks and to say I didn't miss him which would be a lie, because I do, I just don't miss him as much as I should. Is that weird?

"Well go get your coffee and then come join us." I nodded putting my bag down and grabbing my wallet; joining the line of people.

I ordered and then waited looking back at Landon, he was staring at me, and for once everything in my life was normal, no famous boyfriend, no daughter pulling at my arm, nothing but new friends and college; how it should be.

"Hey," I heard and not realizing he joined me, "You looked a bit lonely, I came to wait with you."

"Well thank you Mr. Mitchell, thats too nice." He smiled at my fake accent and he replied, "Well how was everything this morning?" He asked in his fake accent which made me giggle, "Well I dropped her off like every morning, I don't know she really likes going to my moms and she really likes preschool, I just feel like she is so grown up now..." He smiled.

"Well she is grown up Ava. She's four now and from the pictures I've seen she is a very pretty girl, she will be fine. She is your daughter, and you have to go to school too." He reassured me and I knew he was telling me the truth.

The worker handed me the coffee I was waiting for and Landon walked back to the few tables everyone was around.

I learned a lot about these people that Landon was friends with, I hadn't smiled and laughed in a while, and it felt good to meet people and be friends with people.

Maci and Conor kind of had this thing going. But they weren't going out, but the way he flirted with her was noticeable, but Maci acted liked she didn't notice.

"Well Ava, what are you doing tomorrow?" The minute Emma said these words to me, I thought about tomorrow. I would probably come to the two classes I had tomorrow and then go home and sulk around all day. It was one of the worst days of the entire year, every year.

"Ava?" I heard and realized I had spaced out. Emma was still looking at me waiting for an answer, "I don't know, I have two classes, but I kind of have a priority I have to constantly take care of." Speaking of Ali as if she was a job made me kind of upset, but these people didn't want to be friends with someone who was a teen mom, no one did.

"Well we are going out tomorrow, probably dinner and take a drive somewhere, we would love for you to join unless your constant priority gets in the way." She said it as if she didn't care about my constant priority, but in this case she didn't even know what or who it was.

"I imagine I could. I just have to make sure my mom can do something for me then." And I'm sure she would watch Ali. I saw her give me a little glare and I rubbed it off as nothing. Landon noticed how I didn't want to be dragged into telling them, not today.

"Well if you can it would be fun!" I nodded at him. Looking at my phone I had to go over to class, "Well it was really nice getting to meet you all. Have a good day, I have to get going to class." They all said their goodbyes and as I picked up my bag and said goodbye, I felt someone touch my shoulder, turning it was Landon.

"You ok?" He asked, in fact as nice as it was to meet these people I just wanted to go home and be alone. Emma felt like she was trying to I don't know but she just rubbed me the wrong way.

"If its Emma? Don't worry it takes her a while to warm up to people. Her mom got really sick recently and her brother has been doing pot. She is under a lot of stress."

Stress? Stress? Did he know stress like I knew stress? At 20, I have a 4 year old daughter. I have to do laundry, make dinner, go to college, do homework, study, and somehow make time to spend any of it with her.

"Ok. Look I have to go." He nodded. I walked through the front door and out of the corner of my eye I saw paparazzi. Ignoring it I went to my car headed off to school. My favorite optional class, Creative Writing.

The day passed quickly and I was out early enough to get Ali from school. As I arrived to pick her up she was being let out. I could tell she probably was looking for my mom who I had informed earlier I would be picking her up.

"Mommy!" I heard her yell and I smiled. She ran over to me and I knelt down. "Hey baby girl, how was school?"

"Fun! I painted you this!" She handed me the paper in her hand. At the top written very childishly is Family. "Who are these people?" There were a lot of people drawn on the paper.

"That's you, me, Nana, Auntie Jess, Jackson, and Justin." She was so cute. "Its a good picture Ali. I love it! Do you want me to hang it up at home?" She nodded. I would have to take a picture and send it to Justin. Two and a half weeks and he would be home.

Once in the car and on the way home I began to think about tomorrow. "Ali would you mind if you stayed at Nana's tonight and tomorrow night?" I looked in the rearview mirror as I drove. She smiled from ear to ear. "Really?" She asked. "I just have to ask nana, but I think you are." She looked really happy. I felt bad for leaving her with my mom all the time, but its just what i had to do.

After being in traffic for about thirty five minutes we finally made it home. Ali unbuckled herself and ran to the door with her backpack on her back. I grabbed the keys to the house and unlocked the door, Ali ran inside.

I pulled out my phone and noticed I had a text, but I decided to call my mom first.

It rang three times before I heard my moms voice. She was making someone around her quiet and she laughed. "Ava? Yes?" Then suddenly the other person bothering her stopped.

"I had a little question and request of you?" I asked, she didn't say anything as if she was waiting for my question.

"Do you mind if I bring Ali by tonight and you let her stay with you for tonight and tomorrow night? Considering what tomorrow is and I was invited out to dinner with some school friends, I figured it would be good to get out of the house and try to distract myself." She was quick to answer, "Of course, Ava, anything for you. Especially for Ali. We won't mind having her here."

"Alright, well I'm going to get going. Are you both going to be joining us for dinner?" I thought about how easy it would be just to go there for dinner and how nice it would be to see my mom.

"Of course, what time?" She quickly answered, "7:30 okay?" I figured it would be. "Of course mom. It's fine!" We then hung up with each other after saying goodbye.

Soon it was time to go over my moms and we arrived just a little before 7:00. Ali couldn't wait to run up to the door before I even could unbuckle myself. She ran up and when the door opened Scott pulled her into a big hug.

I locked my car and walked up to the door where I smelt my mom's lasagna. "Hello, Ava." Scott said to me and I nodded quickly walking inside. Ali was sitting in the kitchen at a stool talking to my mom, who was asking her questions about school.

"Oh hi Ava!" She said before turning back to the stove. Something was up, she was definitely acting weird. "Mommy! Jackson coming!"

"You invited Jess and David?" I asked her and she just nodded her head. Something was definitely up. "We hadn't seen any of them in a while. Thought it would be good to have a family dinner, you know?" I nodded and she turned to stir something. "Do you need any help Lise?" Scott came into the kitchen.

"No I think I'm good. But you can bring out some of the dressings for the salad to the table, and Ava if you could help him with the serving spoons." I nodded walking over to the rotating container of many utensils that my mom uses for cooking. "How many?"

"One for the salad, one for lasagna, one for the corn, and one for the green beans." I quickly grabbed the four serving spoons that would suffice. I brought them to the dining table. I also noted that there were way too many place settings for the seven people that would be sitting at the table.

There were bowls set out for the vegetables and the lasagna and salad were not. As I put down the other spoons I heard David's voice. I immediately went to see if they needed help with the twins who I hadn't seen in a month.

Jackson came running through the door and into the kitchen most likely to go see nana and Ali of course. Dani was on David's shoulders, he had Jenna in his baby carrier and Jess came in behind him. She looked tired warn out and stressed, Dustin was crying in his carrier and she just looked like she wanted to go to bed.

"Here let me help." She gave me an evil glare. "I can handle him. He just needs to be changed or fed or sleep or I don't know."

"Just let me help. Ok? I'm your sister, I'm supposed to help."

"He's my kid, not yours! You have Ali and you can barely take care of her." I shook my head feeling like I was nothing.

David soon rushed off into the kitchen to everyone else, taking Dustin, leaving us in the doorway; yelling.

"What is your problem?" I yelled. "I'm your freaking sister. I love you, why would you be telling me this? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I am trying to take care of my family, with David the both of us! I don't need you butting in and raising them." I rolled my eyes, where was all of this coming from?

"I never said I wanted to raise your kids!" She glared again, "Oh so now you hate me and my family?"

"Ughhhhh!" I was pissed, what was I supposed to say? I just turned around and walked into the kitchen.

She's my sister, I love her to pieces but sometimes she really knew how to piss me off. My mom glared at me when I walked in, David gave me a warm smile, but knew that the conversation I had with Jess was not good.

"Now we just wait for the Humphrey families and we can eat!" Mom was definitely acting weird. "They're coming too?" I asked. "Well yes, Scott and I have a few things we really want to tell ALL of you together." She pulled me aside.

"If you could just try to be nice to Jess for the rest of the night." I would've said that I didn't do anything but I didn't. I just nodded.

Soon enough I heard the front door open and Scott greeting his sons. My mom quickly ran over to the door to greet them as well.

They all joined us in the kitchen. Anthony and Colette came with a small carrier holding their one and a half year old son, Caleb. He was sound asleep and Anthony put the carrier down on the counter and they hugged us, saying hello.

Bryan and Laura's daughter, Natalie came walking in. She only about a few months older than Dani was wide awake. I knelt down to say hello and she just smiled. She had blonde hair, she was adorable.

After saying hello to everyone, it became loud in the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready." I smiled and walked into the dining room.

"The kids can go sit at that little table. There should be enough room for everyone." Ali, Jackson, Dani and Natalie sat at the little table. I sat next to Bryan and David. Today was one of those days I wished Dylan was alive. Family dinners were his favorite.

Everyone began plopping food down on their plates and my mom served the little kids, they all said no to the green beans though. Everyone began to eat and carry on small conversations with their significant others and I sat there eating, I was finished first and sat there listening to everyone else's conversations.

"Ava have you talked to Justin recently?" I heard my mom ask from across the table.

"Well, we haven't talked in a little over two weeks, he is super busy. I can't keep him from his job, besides I have Ali and school. But he will be home in a few weeks."

"Is Justin going to be home for a while before leaving again?" Jess had asked from the other end of the table with a snooty attitude.

"I think he will be why?" I asked not trying to change the tone of my voice.

"Well I just think Aliah needs someone stable in her life for a change." I tried to not let her statements get to me.

"May I be excused mom?" She nodded. Sliding quickly out of the chair, placing the napkin in the place I once was, I quickly made my way to the bathroom.

Closing the door behind me and locking it. Why was my sister being so annoying? God she was really getting on my nerves.

I waited for about 5 minutes before going back out there. My mom was putting dishes in the dishwasher. "Do you need help?" I asked.

"No honey I should be good. Why don't you go back there?" I knew my mom didn't like when Jess and I fought. She was always the problem solver.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" She shook her head again. I walked back into the dining room. Everyone looked at me. Why did it feel like high school?

I smiled and sat back in my seat.

Ali came running over to me. "Mommy can we go play with the toys?" I nodded as she ran off, the rest of them joined.

"Lisa! Come in here!" Scott yelled to my mom. My mom quickly rushed in and sat down across from me once again.

"We have a few things to tell all of you and we figured it would be best to tell you all tonight at the same time." She started.

"Do you want to tell them or should I?" He asked. My mom hesitated before starting, "We got married a few days ago." I opened my eyes wider and by the sounds of it everyone else was stunned too.

"What?" Jess started. She was definitely the one today to be mad.

"Yeah, but we have a few reasons why. We want to move in together and we were having a conversation about our future together." Scott stated.

My mom continued, "We really want to have a child together, before its too late." I was astonished. My mom wanted to have another kid, I mean she is only 46 but still she would be 64 when that kid would be going to college. Thats crazy.

"Mom are you sure? I mean you are 46. Did you talk to someone who like knows anything?" Jess asked mom with the rude attitude she had towards me before.

"As I was saying we talked to a doctor, since we want to have a child as soon as possible, I suggested that we try IVF, just because it will only take about 9 days to know. And trust both of us when we say we talked over every choice we had with the doctor and what he recommended for us to have the quickest chance to conceive. I know all about what is going to happen. That is why when we were there last week, before we got married, they took my eggs and they were being fertilized and we are going tomorrow morning at 10 to get them put in."

I smiled. My mom looked happy. Heck Scott did too.

"Mom are you stupid?" There she goes.

"Jess why don't you just let mom be happy? What's wrong with you today?" I asked.

"Nothing. What's wrong with you? Something happen that just make you upset. Oh no wait you are always upset. Justin's not here. Dylan's not here. I have to raise Ali all by myself. Well newsflash life isn't always about you and no one really cares." That was it, I had enough.

"I really could care less about you anymore Jess. You are my sister but hell I don't care anymore. I cared about you up until an hour ago. Now you can do whatever you want. Hate me. Because I don't want to be the center of attention. I hate it. I hate half of the things that happen to me. Because I look at you and you have the perfect life. You have a family. All I've ever wanted was a family. AND I DON'T! You do! So don't be pissed at me and mom and everyone else for no reason. You should just be happy you have everything I want and I can barely hold myself together anymore."

She rolled her eyes. I just stood up and walked into the kitchen.

I heard footsteps and saw Laura walk out. She smiled at me and sat down on the stool.

"Everything alright?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "I feel back for freaking out in front of all of you like that. But she was just being so annoying." She smiled.

"Everyone has bad days trust me, maybe today is just one of those days." Laura tried to assure me but I wasn't sure. I sat down next to her on another stool.

"What has been your worst day?" She asked. I had to think but it was right on the tip of my tongue.

"The day Ali's dad, Dylan died. The worst day of my entire life." She nodded. "What about you? What was your worst day?"

She looked like she was about to cry and for a second I thought she was. "Finding out that I can't have kids." I looked at her confused. "We had a gestational surrogate. It cost money and it just isn't something we can do again for a few years. But I would love to give Natalie a sibling." I smiled.

"Was it difficult?" She nodded. "Of course. I can never experience being pregnant or what that feels like. It upset me so much more than it upset Bryan. He literally is the best. And Natalie is everything to us." I hadn't realized but she got me to cool off.

"Thank you. For just talking." She nodded and smiled.

Walking back in with the deserts that were placed on the counter. We entered to the men all having a conversation about football and mom and Colette talking. Jess was no where to be found.

"Where's Jess?" I asked.

"Feeding the twins." I figured this would be a great time to go talk to her.

She was upstairs and I heard her talking to them. "How am I supposed to tell them? Huh babies?" "How am I supposed to tell them about what a horrible person I am?" Horrible person. What was she talking about? Instead of talking to her, I decided just to go back to the table and finish the night.

*The Next Day*

I woke up feeling crappy. School ended up being crappy and I received a text from Justin.

Hope you are feeling ok today. I will try to call you later but if I can't just know I am 26 days from seeing your face again. I love you.

The night soon approached and I had to get ready for dinner with Landon and his friends. Getting dressed into something casual and then pulling my hair into a loose messy bun.

I had no idea where we were going and what we were doing but I just needed a way to distract myself. Not thinking about four years ago was so difficult all day.

Soon my phone beeped, I had received a text. We are going to meet at Tony P's in an hour. It's near Marina Del Rey in case you didn't know.

I had never heard of that restaurant before but fortunately for me I knew exactly where Marina Del Rey was.

Making it there just in time, I saw Landon with Maci, Brandon, Conor, and Emma. Tonight was all about keeping my mind preoccupied. That's all it was going to be.