Not With The Right One

I walked back to the table where my brother Ethan waiting for me with two coffees in my hand. I sat back in my seat at the table outside, setting the coffee in front of my brother.

"Thanks, Jess." He said with a smile, picking his coffee up and drinking from it immediacy. Every Thursday, Ethan and I could get together at a coffee shop (which isn't very hard to find in our big city) and talk about what's happened the last week since we last saw each other. Most times, I'd talk about my girlfriend, Crista and he'd talk about the crazy stuff he'd done with his best friend and roommate Trevor. Ethan has always been the bros before hos kind of guy.

Today, I decided to tell him about my situation with Crista. I love her and all, but I don't think I'm in love with her anymore. I rarely wake up next to her, I see her about three times a week, our kisses are scarce. Most of all it's because I've been cheating on her.

Crista wants to stay pure and perfect for her the man she marries. That means she doesn't want to have sex until after she's married. It wasn't a problem when she told me, but over time it became one. She didn't even want to live together in case she messed up so now you know why I have a problem. Luckily, to try to save this love from ending, Trevor, who is gay, reviled he was in lust with me. One fuck turned us from friends to friends with benefits.

I hated myself the first few times, but things changed. After I had got all my urges out of my system (for a while) I tried to tell Trevor it was over. Trevor pretended to agree to it, but then he was stripping in my room. I just decided to screw it and screw Trevor.

Again, things changed. After seven months of having sex and getting closer, my feelings for him changed. After seven months of waking up with his head on my shoulder, seeing him almost every day, and kissing him almost ever night, I realized that I was, without a doubt, in love with him.

"So what's happening with you?" Ethan asked finally setting his coffee down. I shrugged and took a drink from my cup.

"Nothing much." I said with a smile.

"Same here." He said sitting around for a moment before asking another question. "How's Crista?"

The smile I had on my face disappeared and I sighed. I've been doing that a lot lately. Every thought of Crista always ruined my mood. Most likely because I knew I would have to leave her if both of us wanted to be happy. I dread the day I tell her.

"Uh-oh." Ethan said sitting up in his chair. "What's going on?"

I let my head down and shook it. Slowly, I looked up and sighed again.

"Things aren't working out." I said softly, turning my eyes away from Ethan. I heard Ethan sigh and grab my hair to pull me off the table. I groaned a little in pain and pulled myself up with little of his help.

"Why?" Ethan asked holding his cup with both hands.

"I don't think I love her anymore." Ethan's eyes turned wide and seemed to light up in happiness before he went back to worry. Why the hell would my twin brother be happy about that?

"I'm not gonna interrupt you." He said sitting forward. "Just tell me why you think that. How it happened and everything. Talk, I won't say a thing until you say your done."

I smiled. Ethan has always been a listener instead of a talker. The only times he ever went on talking without stopping was when he lost his favorite dog died.

"Thanks Ethan." I said taking a sip of my coffee. I set it down and began my story. "You know that Crista doesn't want to have any sex until she's married. That way when on her wedding day, everyone will see how pure she is. I'm ok with it. Sure, I was, and still am, a little freaked out that she didn't want to live together even after three years together. If she's so sure about her idea, than she wouldn't slip. Never-the-less, I love her so I go with it."

Ethan nodded, taking another sip of his coffee, not saying a word or showing any emotion but interest.

"Anyways, I really needed something to get me off. I tried masturbation, but that didn't last forever. Then something amazing and together happened. You know Trevor is gay, right?" Ethan raised an eyebrow and gave me a look that asked me if I was kidding. I laughed. "Of course you know. What you don't know however is that Trevor, uh . . . Trevor liked me."

Ethan's eyes went wide and his face filled with shock and confusion. I nodded. "Yeah, shocking, I know. He was more of, um, in lust with me. He kind of forced it on me by kissing me. He said he couldn't take it anymore and had to do it. He told me everything and then we had sex on the couch in my house. After that, every time one of us needed to get off, we would call each other."

Ethan's face was full of shock. He looked so creeped out and confused. I paused and let him take it all in. I'm not gonna continue until he gives me a nod. After sitting around for about five minutes, Ethan seemed to finally take in some of the shock. He nodded and I continued.

"That was seven months ago. Some mornings, I'd wake up and he'd be gone. Others, he'd be cooking breakfast for the both of us. Some of the best days was when I woke up cuddling next to him." I closed my eyes, refusing to look at Ethan's face. "I could smell his shampoo, sweat, and him. I hated to admit it, but it was a wonderful smell of wake up to. Much better than the expensive perfume Crista uses.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I'm in love with Crista anymore. I don't want to leave her, but I don't think I can handle lying to her. Even when I tell her I love it, I feel like I'm lying. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I-I-I think I love Trevor."

I stopped and set my head on the table. It was a nice feeling. The cold table was warm against my warm skin. After telling my twin brother that I was in love with his best friend, there was nothing I could feel but embarrassment.

"I'm not the right person to ask, Jess." He said softly. I looked up to see him staring at his coffee, refusing to look at me. "I'd tell you to dump Crista, let her be with someone who actually loves her."

Something changed in his voice. He was soft, careful with his words, and speaking slowly. When he talked about giving Crista away, his voice cracked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked lifting myself up from the table. Ethan didn't answer for a good three minutes. When he finally spoke, I had to listen closely to hear what he was saying.

"I've loved Crista since I first met her."

This time it was my turn to be shocked. My brother was in love with the woman I've been with for three years?

"I loved her the moment I saw her." Ethan said still not looking at me. "I was reading the sports section in the paper, she was shopping for groceries. She asked me who won the game of a team I can't remember. Her voice was music to my ears. Her smile and face practically melted my brain. It took me a few moments before I finally answered her.

"Then the two of you met and we finally introduced to each other. When she first said my name, I swear the ground shook and the angels from above came down and sang the most wonderful song that would ever hit my ears. She was perfect then and somehow becomes more beautiful and perfect every time I see her."

He sighed and took a drink from his almost empty coffee. My coffee remained half full, and I sure as hell wasn't in the mood to drink any more of it. Everything he said about Crista was true, but I failed to see it. The ground never shook when she said my name, angels didn't sing, her voice wasn't magic, my brain never melted from her beauty. She was perfect, but not for me.

"I would've asked her out. I was so close to when we finally got together again. But you were already dating her. You were both so happy together. She'd say no, I'm sure. I wouldn't even try because I know that I would've hurt the both of you.

"I always thought it was too late, but after the story you just told me, I think maybe I have a chance. If Crista likes me that is. If she doesn't, well I guess it's finally time to move on, huh?" Ethan laughed sadly and finished his coffee.

Both Ethan and I were quiet. Neither one of us had anything else to say. We both told each other who we were in love with and we both knew there was a large problem with them both. With Trevor, he may just want to have sex. With Crista, she may just want me. There was a slim chance we could both get our happy endings.

After a final ten minutes of silence, Ethan looked at me and smiled.

"Break up with her, Jess." He said. "Don't tell her you've been cheating. Tell her you fell in love with someone else. Let her know you still love her and someone close to you loves her more than she could imagine."

I love someone else. That someone is a man. My brother's best friend. I love Trevor. Ethan loves Crista. I had to break up with Crista. Let her down easily. Hint that Ethan loves her more than I ever will. I could do it.

"Call Trevor over a few days later." Ethan continued. "Tell him he could leave if he wanted, but tell him that you love him. Tell him that you no longer want to be with Crista. Let him know you love him. Now if he doesn't return your feelings, cry. Don't hold it in, let it out. Call me if you want. If he doesn't return your feelings, fuck him. Not litterly, just forget him. He doesn't deserve you for using you."

With that, he stood up, gave me a quick hug, grabbed the cup and walked away, pausing only briefly to throw the cups away. I continued to sit there going over my plan.

Today was Thursday, Crista's day off from work. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my cellphone, quickly pressing her number in. A few rings later and she picked up, greeted me in her usual happy voice.

"Hey there, Jess!"

Before I could answer I thought about what she just said. She said my name. There was no special spark, the ground didn't shake, there wasn't even a tingle rushing through my body. I didn't feel any different than I did before I picked up the phone.

Not trying to sound awkward, I tried to remember the name of the coffee shop I was at.

"Crista, I need to talk to you. Meet me at Hayson's coffee shop as soon as possible. I'll have some coffee waiting for you."