New in School

I could feel my insides turn and guilt rushed over me. I went that moment over and over again. I felt my eyes slightly watering as I remembered what he had said, `those few kisses actually meant something for me´ and how I didn't even give a shit.

Did he really mean that? I just thought we were playing around or something. Of course his hurted expression, which had now burned into my memory, did say something else. I sighed and grabbed my phone that was on the nightstand. I looked at it for a while.

What was I going to say? Sorry? That it was the alcohol's fault? I couldn't do that, he would just think I was lying. But then again, was I really sorry? No. The only reason I felt guilty was because of his reaction, not because of what I did.

I throwed my phone on my bed and started playing again. I played until I almost literally felt asleep. I did my best not to think about it, but failed. Did those kisses actually mean something to me or was I just being a hormonal teenager? I started thinking about how my stomach almost exploded of the amount of butterflies when he had kissed me for the first time. I had never had it that way before. Not even when I had fucked my ex Cyndia for the first time. And her I had been totally crazy about.

I wanted to punch somebody for feeling so confused. I hanged Pansy back on her place on my wall and throwed myself on the bed. I landed on my phone and whined slightly at the little pain. I grabbed my phone from under my chest and planted it back on my nightstand. I soon fell asleep thinking about Gerard.

I woke up the next day in clothes and sighed. I got in the shower and stood there thinking about Gerard. What was I going to say to him tomorrow? 'Cause even if I didn't call him today I would have to see him in art class the next day. Walked out and changed into some new clothing. I walked downstairs and got some breakfast. I wondered what to do today and just ended up watching a lot of TV. Later I decided to go get a ice cream or something.

I walked down to the ice cream parlor and saw Brendon stand outside and smoke. I greeted him before walking in and buy a vanilla milkshake. I looked around to see anywhere I wanted to sit, but all seats were taken so I went outside. I walked over to Brendon and leaned against the wall while taking a sip of my milkshake.

For a while we didn't say anything, but oddly enough it didn't feel awkward. He inhaled a last time before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it. He turned to me with his big goofy smile.

"This is really fucking random but I wanna know something." he said and watched him with interest. "How was it kissing that dude Mark or something like that." "Mike." I corrected him. "Uh, yearh, what ever, how was it?" he said. I glared at him, "That's non of your fucking buisness, Brendon." I said dissapointed. I didn't want to think about it and actually thought that I could have a good conversation with him or something. After all he did seem like an awesome guy.

"Oh, sorry." he said and leaned back against the wall as well. I sighed "It's fine, just a bit moody today." "Got your shit?" he joked. I punched his playfully "No!" and smiled. He giggled and looked up into the sky.

Hey, way a minute! Why did he ask how the kiss was? He wouldn't care if he wasn't.. Oh my god, is Brendon fucking Urie gay? Jeez, that would make Ryan so fucking over happy!

"Hey, Bren." I said using a new nickname I randomly made up. "Yearh?" he said looking at me while licking his lip. "How do you feel about homosexuality?" I asked right away. He looked a bit scared and muttered "I'm sorry, Frank, you and m...", "I'm not asking you out, asshole! Just answer the motherfucking question." I said.

"Oh.. Well it would be kinda stupid to hate it, seeing that I'm bisexual myself." he said calm and shrugged. "Okay, that's awesome, I guess.." I trailed off.

"How 'bout you lil' man?" he asked smiling. I narrowed my eyes at his comment, but said "Ditto." and he laughed. "What's so funny?" I asked. "It's just because it doesn't come a a suprise at all. I can't imagine you with a girl." he giggled. "Thanks?"

"Anyways.. Is there anybody you like or..?" he asked. I looked into the ground and nodded. He must have understood that I didn't want to say who, 'cause he didn't nag.

"You? Any girlfriend or boyfriend?" I asked looking up at him.. He shook his head, "Nope, just broke up with my girlfriend."

"Who?" I asked and he sighed "Audrey.". "Why did you guys break up?" "She was a bitch." he stated simply. "Oh..", "Yearh.. But to be honest I never really cared for her, not like for reals, sure she was sweet and all, but something was just missing, y'know." he said.

I nodded and he continued. "That's why I have never really talked about her. I know it may sound kinda mean, but I only show my friends and family a person I really care for. And she wasn't it." he finished and looked straight ahead into nothing.

"That sucks.." I didn't really know what to say. "So.. uhmm, who was that girl at the party?" I asked and mentally facepalmed. He looked at me with a weird look in his eyes, "I dunno, some drunk chick with kissing skills.. It was kinda annoying that she interrupted me and Ryan, though."

Uuuuuuh, Ryan is gonna be so mad at me for doing this!

"Yearh, why is that?" "I like the dude." he said normally. Holy banana cock!

"Like him, 'like' him or..?" "Yup" he cut me off. I chuckled and looked into the ground. "What? You don't approve?" he asked a bit annoyed. I shoke my head and looked up, "Oh nothing, just that, well, let's just say that Ryan think you're a bit more than 'okay'." I said giggling.

Brendon smiled wide "Really"?, "Would I lie?", "Dunno would you?", "No!".