Loving The Jerk Who Might Have Feelings

*One Week Later*

“Well, I’m sorry you don’t like our tap water, Mr. and Mrs. Snob! We like to spend your money on your child’s education, not the refreshments! And what kind of a name is Ham anyway? No wonder I have to counsel the kid four times a week!”

I sigh and try to ignore as she yells at yet another set of parents. The elderly couple look offended and scared as they run to their car with Ham in haul.

My mother huffs and turns back around facing me and Dad. Dad smirks and immediately embraces her in her arms, “God, Ever, they’re so obnoxious! Most of these parents are! Stupid principal had to put me in charge of the welcoming committee, what the hell?”

My father laughs and combs through her disheveled hair, “You are the most insane creature I have ever had the pleasure of meeting”

And then they start kissing.

I groan, “Uh, guys?”

More kissing.

“Parentals??”

When Mom starts pulling at Dad’s tie I leave. I sigh, I had nothing else to do because Joy and Joshua were on a date, Masie was with her friends at some puppet show, Nate was brooding in his room, and the guy I liked lied and said he slept with me then got in a fight with my brother.

I mean really?

I walk to my favorite tree, next to the fence, and just take a seat. Lying my head back against the rough bark I decide that I will not let this get to me. I deserve better, even my brother said so and that means something cause he usually says I’m gonna end up a cat lady eating microwavable food for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, the moment I came to my resolve, a voice called in the distance, “Hey?”

I take a deep breath, “Good morning”

Alex Winters takes a seat next to me and tries to hold my hand. I move it away quickly, and look towards the woods on the other side of the fence. It’s really cold and I’m craving his big hoodie right now, but the cashmere sweater I’m wearing is good enough for me.

“Are you still mad at me? Really? You know I didn’t mean it. Besides your ‘twin brother’ totally set me up. That’s still weird, just so you know. The whole time I thought he liked you”

Involuntarily I glance at the big blue bruise Nate left on his right cheek. I’ve gotta say I’m happy my brother defended my honor and all that, but he didn’t have to punch him so hard. But instead of saying what I’m thinking I just utter an, “Okay”

“I’m sorry?” he tries again.

“Sorry? Really? For treating me like a—no, I’m not gonna get into this” I take a deep breath, “Look Alex, it was fun fooling around with you, but we’re through”

I can feel him staring at me, then he laughs, “How can we be through when we never started??”

“It’s not funny” I state and he sobers up, “Well, how do you expect me to react? We’re not going out”

“Exactly, I’m wasting my time with you”

“I know” he says completely earnest and I take it as an offence.

“Ugh, fine, Alex!” I exclaim and stand up meaning to walk away, “I get it; you don’t care about me. Maybe it was all an act.”

And then he grabs my arm and spins me around to face him while his other hand grabs my other arm crushing both of them to his chest.

“Leave me alone!” I yell struggling against him, but he pushes me back against the tree and hold my arms above my head. I’m completely trapped.

He leans his head in with his beautiful eyes nearly in slits, “I may be an asshole, but if you think I don’t care about anything, especially you, you are seriously blind. You call me a jerk and you’re the one writing me off when you don’t even know what I’ve gone through. What I’m still going through. You’re a hypocrite, Athena”

And suddenly, it’s like I can’t breathe. This is Alex Winters. This is the real him. He cares, he’s somewhat sensitive, and he’s deep. Oh my god, he just called me a blind hypocrite and I think I’m falling in love with him.

Then I see the sudden change in his eyes. Oh my god, is he—is that—I—

And he kisses me. Roughly. And it’s freaking amazing. Usually guys treat me like a porcelain doll; fragile and small, but Alex is kissing me like it’s a life or death situation. Frankly, it’s a complete turn on.

He hurriedly lets go of my arms and snakes his hands around my waist, tightly, while my hand go automatically to his hair.

I try not to think about how this is going against what I had just resolved a few minutes ago, but even though it’s staring me right in the face, I can’t find it in me to care. Kissing, lips, touch; that’s all that matters this moment.

The cold wind nips at my cheeks, but I find it soothing, and my slightly chapped lips burn as his snake bites scrape them even more. God, I think this might be a sin.

Sin...

Sin...

I try to shake the thought away as I continue to kiss Alex back with as much enthusiasm, but it keeps popping up.

Sin...

Sin...

Wrong...

Whore...

Slut...

No future...

I take a deep breath as his lips leave mine and trail down to my collar bone, “Alex... No...”

He murmurs something against my neck and continues to make me feel good. I shake my head, “This isn’t right...”

And he ignores me again, which I find rude so I push him away.

“What the hell?”

“No Alex, I can’t be with you if all you want to do is ‘play’, I want a serious relationship, not some stupid fling, and I’m sorry for giving you an ultimatum, but I need to know we’ll have a future together” I say with as much seriousness as I can muster even though I can feel my hair disheveled and my lipstick smeared.

He exhales a pained breath, crosses his arms on his head for support, and looks down at his converse, “I like you, a lot, but I don’t think it will ever happen”

My heart misses a beat, “Why?” I don’t mean to cry out with so much emotion, but I do. My soul pours into that one word question.

He winces and just shakes his head, not able to answer.

“Am I not good enough for you?” I keep asking, although I know I really should just shut up. My heart cracks in time with the seconds that tick by.

Alex refuses to look at me, “You’re great, and insanely intelligent, and impossibly gorgeous, but...” he shakes his head. “There isn’t a future between us... I’m sorry”

Pity is what shatters my heart completely. I stop breathing, and all I can hear, besides my broken heart, is the whirling wind almost mocking me. That’s when the sobs come. They just bubble up in my throat and erupt without my consent. It feels like the world has just ended for me.

Alex looks at me then, and seeing the look on his face really kills a part of me. He looks uncomfortable, like if I’m one of his flavor-of-the-week girls that won’t let him go. Heck, maybe I am.

“Don’t cry—“ he reaches his hands out for me, but I step back quickly shaking my head frantically, and then his face is gone, and I see the sky. The last thing I remember thinking is that Nate might’ve been right; then everything falls away.

_____________________

Alexander D. Winters

Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic—

She’s dead!

Alex takes a deep breath, which he chokes on, and reluctantly approaches the still body of Athena Night. She looks pale, brunette, and peaceful. Something’s seriously wrong. He crouches next to her and tries to pick her up into his arms. Then he feels it. Although he does not mean to, he drops her back on the ground.

“Oh my god” he gasps looking at his right hand with a mixture of revulsion and fear. Blood. Crimson blood stains both his skin and his sweater. He takes another shaky breath and takes her back into his arms, “It’s okay, it’s gonna be alright” he whispers not knowing whether it’s more for her or him.

Despite his current frailty, he manages to run all the way to the main building, where the infirmary is located around back. Luckily a doctor spots him while smoking a cigarette around the corner.

She stomps the stub out and rushes over to him, “What happened?”

“She—fell” he gasps and rushes inside after her, “And hit her—head against a tree. Really—hard”

The doctor lady looks professional as she gathers a team of nurses who take the girl from him while they give him a judgmental look. He ignores them and tries to follow Athena’s body as they take it behind some white double doors.

The doctor stops him, “I’m sorry, unless you’re a family member, you have to wait in the lobby”

“You mean up front with the secretaries?? Why can’t I go in?” Alex demands.

“Procedure” and the lady disappears behind the exclusive doors. Alex gives a groan of fury. He pulls at his hair, which falls easily, and stomps his feet. How ridiculous; he imagines he must look like a child throwing a tantrum.

He sighs and makes his way to the front of the building which involves passing a lot of teachers in normal clothes. Gross.

When he reaches the front, he reluctantly takes a seat in the cheap red chairs, and taps at his thigh nerve rackingly. She could die and it would be all his fault. God, what had he been thinking? He should’ve just ended it before she became attached.

“But you don’t understand! She’s my DAUGHTER!”

Alex looks up just as two big security guards are dragging a kicking Mrs. N towards him. She barely even glances at him before she’s back to kicking at the beefy men, “LET GO OF ME OR I’LL EAT YOU!”

If the situation weren’t so grim he’d have laughed.

The front door swings open and in comes Mr. Evans holding onto a cute little four year old. He immediately puts her down and rushes towards Mrs. N. He clears his throat and the securities let her go, but before she can run back to the infirmary, Mr. Evans grabs her around the waist.

“Let go of me, Ever! Athena’s hurt! She needs me!” Mrs. N yells at Alex’s history teacher. Um?

“Rushing in the middle of surgery won’t help her in the slightest bit, Pandora!” he says sternly.

She gives a sob and stops struggling against him, at which point the security guards depart, leaving Alex with his counselor, history teacher, and a little girl who is now playing with his shoe laces.

Ms. Doctor-Lady then shows up, which is when Alex is tempted to just slip out, only she says, “Mr. and Mrs. Night, I’m very happy to inform you that your daughter does not have any brain damage, or skull fracture what-so-ever. She will just be needing some stitches”

‘Your daughter’???

“Oh, thank god!” Mrs. N sighs relieved, “But how did this happen, doctor?”

“Well, that young man said she fell and hit her head against a tree” the doctor says motioning towards Alex.

Shamelessly, he tries to sink into the chair, but two pair of eyes find him immediately. The doctor disappears and he prays to god Athena’s Dad doesn’t murder him.

“Alex!” Mrs. N exclaims and rushes over to him. She sits down on his right and looks at him intently, “What happened??”

“She fell and hit her head” he repeats a bit frightened by the approach of Mr. Evans.

Mrs. N’s eyes widen and fill with tears, “Oh my poor baby!”

She puts her face into her palms and faces away from him.

“I’m right here, Mommy” says the little girl sweetly as she tries to climb into her lap. Mr. Evans picks her up and holds her in his arms, glaring at Alex as he does so. He eyes the blood-stained sweater until Alex takes it off and stuffs it under his seat.

Apparently head stitches take a fairly long time because the next thing Alex knew, it was nearing dark outside and both Joy and Nate sat facing him. Well not exactly facing him. Nate was listening to music with his eyes closed and Joy was having what looked like a meaningful conversation with her little sister.

What a train wreck of a family; of course, he shouldn’t be the one talking.

Mr. Evans and Mrs. Night are now where to be found, and he’s grateful for that. What if they blamed it all on him?

He sighs and somehow Nate seems to hear him. His eyes spring open into a glare aimed just at Alex. For a second he considers telling him the truth about how he broke his twin sister’s heart (yeah, that’s a bit of a mouthful), but then realizes how tired he really is.

Alex’s eyes flicker close again and just as he slips into a relatively peaceful dream, the front doors creep open and unmistakable footsteps approach him.

He groans, “What do you want?”

“A word with you, if you will”

Sighing, Alex reluctantly stands up and meets his father’s eyes. Predictably he turns around and marches farther from the prying eyes of the secretaries.

“Why are you here?” Alex asks impatiently, “You were supposed to send Roberta”

His father barely looks at him as he says, “I was informed you killed a girl. I’m just here to make sure you don’t go to the penitentiary”

Alex eyes his father carefully. He’s barely middle-aged and yet he looks a hundred and fifty. Sure he wears crisp suits that cost more than the annual rent for suburban apartments, has his light brown hair neatly combed back, and is always composed and charming, but that’s not it. He’s dead inside, or so it seems to Alex. Or maybe having Alex around kills a piece of him? The piece that’s supposed to be out having fun with friends and getting laid.

“She fell. End of story. It wasn’t my fault” Alex says through tight lips.

His father gives an audible sigh and rolls his eyes, “Why do you keep pulling stunts like this?”

Alex’s jaw drops in outrage, “’Stunts’?! ‘Stunts’?! Really? You think I did this on purpose??”

“Everything is always an accident” his father says sarcastically.

“Because it is! Just like my birth!” he can’t help but yell, but before his dad can either roll his eyes or possibly break down and confess how much he means to him (wishful thinking), there’s an ear throbbing scream.

And suddenly someone has attacked his father. Well, tackled is the more appropriate word. “Mrs. N?” Alex exclaims as his small counselor barely manages to make his father stagger a few feet. Although he stands his ground, he is incredibly shocked, “I demand you release me at once, ma’am!”

Mrs. N jumps away from him and looks at him with a chastising smile, “Damian James, you can’t honestly not recognize me”

Mr. James stares at the woman with bewilderment, and so does Alex, for that matter. Damian? Wow, he’d nearly forgotten that was his father’s name.

Then a strange smile splits through his face as his eyes widen measurably, “Andy?”

‘Andy’??

“Yes!” Mrs. N Jumps up and down excitedly as Mr. James embraces her with more warmth than Alex thought he was capable of.

“I haven’t seen you in years! How’ve you been?”

Mrs. N smiles, “Busy” she says glancing around the lobby, “I work here”

Mr. James smirks and Alex does a double take. His father is capable of flirting? What??

“Um, anyone mind explaining to me how you people know each other?”

“Go away, Alexander, I’m—“

Mrs. N’s eyes widen, “Is this your son?”

Mr. James sighs, “Yes, I don’t suppose you’ve met him, have you?”

“Of course I have! I’m his counselor, wait hold on, if he’s seventeen—“

“Mindy Winters” Alex’s father states simply like if his mother was the cause of everything. It takes two to make a kid!

Mrs. N gasps, “She’s—“

Mr. James gives a short nod. Cold hearted bastard.

“Oh dear, I never knew, I-I—” she looks back at Alex, “I’m so sorry, your mother and I were friends back in high school, I had no idea—“

“Yes, well the whole thing was kept rather quiet. I really didn’t know about Alexander until they sent me a letter asking if I wanted to keep him”

“Blah, blah, blah- and inevitably you were selfless enough to keep your bastard son, so how do you two know each other?” Alex demands.

Mrs. N gives Mr. James a nostalgic smile, “We were best friends in high school. Oh and your dad is Athena and Nate’s godfather” she looks back at his father, “They’re all friends, too, how nice, isn’t it?”

Nate and I got in a fight last week and I just broke Athena’s heart. Yeah, we’re the best of friends.

“Mommy!” the little four year old yells coming up to them. Alex looks towards Nate and Joy; they’re both watching the conversation with curious eyes.

Mrs. N takes her in her arms, “What is it, Masie?”

“I WANT OCTOPUS”

Mr. James coughs a laugh, “You had another child?”

Mrs. N holds Masie against her, trying to lull her to sleep, “Yes, well, since raising the first two seemed easy enough, I decided what the hell?”

Alex’s dad snorts, “If I seem to remember correctly, you hated Fucker Jr.”

What??

“People change”

“Do they really?”

It’s quiet for a moment and Alex feels like he’s intruding on something personal, which is quite absurd. But before he can say another word, Mr. Evans shows up.

The atmosphere thickens considerably as the two men look at each other.

“Damian”

“Ever”

After another million year, Mrs. N laughs awkwardly, “So Ever, guess what? Damian’s a father! And to this very Alex, how exciting is that?”

“Very” Mr. Evans says stiffly.

Alex’s father regains his normal composure again; cold and distant, “It’s pleasant to see you, cousin”

“Cousin?!” Alex finally exclaims, his heart pounding against his ribcage, oh no, all the stuff he did with Athena, that’s got to be illegal right? Forgive me, father, for I have sinned!

“You’re mistaken, old friend, we were never cousins,”

“Friend indeed, are you really willing to forget our old brotherhood, Everard?”

Mr. Evans gives a cynical smile, “You seem to forget you stabbed me in the back and tried to steal the love of my life, but maybe it is just a minor thing to you blue-bloods”

Alex’s father scoffs, “Give me a break, Ever, that was seventeen years ago, and I see you’ve rekindled the old flame, eh?” he glances at Masie, who’s still in Mrs. N’s arms.

“Which wouldn’t have—“

“Okay! Stop! You’re talking like an 1880’s English novel!” Mrs. N finally exclaims eyeing both Nate, Joy, and me with caution, “Is this really the time? Just forgive each other and move on”

“Never” Mr. Evans says impassively, “I’m going to check on my unconscious daughter” and he leaves the room.

“Well that was pleasant”