Loving The Jerk Who Might Have Feelings

Two months after the second semester started and yet people are still talking about Alex and me. Some are incredulous, most laugh about it, but a few curse in German and nearly shave Mase’s hair off. (I guess I shouldn’t have told Mom and Dad while they were cutting my little sister’s hair)

But I was just happy being with Alex, and for the first time since I got my wisdom teeth removed, I didn’t give a crap about what anyone else thought.

Joy and Joshua rolled their eyes and shared knowing looks when I told them and Nate stared in disbelief claiming I was insane. Lilith was actually the most supportive and told anyone off who made fun of me. She was on even better terms with me since I got Nate to apologize for blowing her off. (You really don’t want to know the details. I don’t think I can ever look at my twin brother again without picturing what Lilith told me. *shivers*)

So now it was Valentine’s Day and everything was bloody awesome.

I make my way up the boy’s dorm with a package in my hand. Alex was taking me out to the annual charity concert they hosted down town.

I knock happily and wait for Alex to let me in. A minute passes and then another. Just when I think about knocking again or possibly breaking down the door, he opens the door.

I gasp. He looks horrible!

Alex is the grossest shade of green and his eyes are drooping down into the bags underneath them. His whole body shakes and he seems to be holding himself up by the doorknob.

“Alex?” I ask hesitantly.

Then the door slips and Alex is falling on top of me. I hear a dozen bones crack, but none are mine. That’s when I start screaming.

_______________

“Mom?” I say groggily as my eyes flutter open. She strokes my hair from my face and kisses my forehead, “Good morning, sunshine”

I clear my throat, “What day are we?”

“Tuesday”

“I blacked out a whole week!?” I suddenly exclaim sitting up.

“No, just an hour, actually” she responds soothing my shoulder.

I exhale relieved, “Wow for a second there I—“

But then I remember Alex, his bones, my screaming. “Where is he, Mom?”

Lilith is staring at me from across the room. She’s sitting on her bed trying to read that novel for English.

“The hospital”

I take a deep breath and start going through what I can do, “Okay, well I’ll need you to drive me there—“

“Hun, I can’t drive you over there—“

“Okay, then, I’ll get dad—“

“He can’t either—“

“Jeez, is everyone busy? Well, then, Nate can drive me in his new car, he did wanna try it out an—“

“You can’t go to the hospital, Athena!”

I blink at her in the middle of brushing my hair, “Of course I can, he’s my boyfriend, Mom”

“Mr. James has expressively asked for you to be kept off the premises”

“What?” I exclaim at her. Nothing’s making sense.

She sighs and grabs my hand between hers, “He thinks it’ll be better if Alex can have some breathing space”

“That’s stupid! You’re lying—“

And when my mom wraps her arms around me sadly, I know it’s true.

______________

Alexander D. Winters

Alex awakes to his father crying. That’s when the pain hits. It’s unbearable; like being stabbed repeatedly. In each of your pores. His first instinct is to scream, but the pain is so intense that it shuts down his larynx and all he can manage is this animal yowling.

His father picks up his head and looks at him in shock. Tears are running non-stop from his eyes. That shocks him even more than the pain. He feels like asking, “You care?” but he can’t.

“It’s okay, Alex” his father says grabbing his hand and patting it in what he supposes should be a soothing manner but only heightens Alex’s pain receptors.

His lungs twitch painfully and it’s hard for him to breathe. Okay, so his estranged father suddenly cares about him, what the hell?

“Everything’s gonna be alright” Mr. James sobs, but it’s like the agony inside Alex is flowing through his hand into his father. They’re both equally in pain but not the same kind.

Alex opens his mouth and tries to say something. Mr. James stares at him intently, “What is it, son?”

Son?

For a second, a kind of weird feeling fills him. Maybe that was what it was like to have a father. He shivers with pain; now emotional as well, but shakes it away, uttering “Athena?”

At that, Mr. James stiffens, “Don’t worry, she won’t bother you anymore. I’ve forbid her from stepping into the hospital”

Finally Alex is able to scream. And it’s an ear shattering one that makes the blood vessels in his eyes pop.

His father stand up in distress and pages the nurse, “What’s wrong?!”

“Athena” he manages to gasp, “Let me see her”

“But she’ll make you sicker”

“Don’t” gasp “care”

With one final look of agony, his father nods his head at his son’s request, and Alex blacks out.

_________________

Athena V-L Night

Mom knocks on the door reluctantly, “The last time I was here, I threw up on the driveway and my fourteen year old stepbrother had to drive me home”

“You have an exciting life, Mom” I manage to reply sarcastically as a maid opens the door for us.

When we enter, Mr. James is standing right in the middle of the living room, nod doing anything. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair is disheveled and he’s still in his pajamas.

“He’s up stairs” his voice croaks and I can tell he’s having a hard time not passing out.

I rush off, nearly leaving the air behind, and I stand before the first door I see. It’s open and I can just see a person’s feet. I take a deep breath, hold it, and walk in. Alex is lying there with both his legs are propped up by pulleys. He’s wearing a hospital gown and is in deep sleep. Or maybe he’s passed out.

I approach him cautiously and sit on the spare chair next to the bed. I stroke his hand and lean close to the bed. His eyes flicker open and his mouth opens in a silent scream.

I try to pull away from him but he grabs my hand firmly with his fragile one, “Don’t. It hurts less when you touch me”

I try to make a joke of that, but the humor dies in my throat and leaves a bitter taste, “What’s the matter with you?” I murmur trying to keep it together.

His bright blue eyes flicker from mine to my hand, “I’m dying”

It hits me like a ton of bricks. One minute I’m choking on salt water. The next I’m drowning in a pool of fire.

I forget how to breath for a whole minute and the only thing that keeps me here is Alex’s hand on mine, “When?... How?... Why?” I manage to ask although I wanna scream.

Alex gulps and keeps looking at my hand, “It’s a genetic disease. It’s passed down from a parent. It’s been in my family as far back as my great-great-great grandfather, my father says. My mom was suffering from it when she committed suicide. She couldn’t take the pain” he pauses and strokes my hand like it’s the most precious thing in the world.

“The moment I was conceived I was destined for this disease like a ticking bomb”

I gasp, “So, you have to—“

“My father’s been looking for a cure since as far as I can remember, but—“ he gulps, “It isn’t looking too good. There’s a lady in Switzerland who had the same thing and our doctors were studying her, but she passed away two weeks ago” he pauses, “She was nineteen”

I start crying, “Nineteen? Nineteen? You’re gonna die in two years”

He holds his breath, “Maybe. Her dad died when he was thirty. The newer the generation, the less years to live. If I had a kid, they’d die before they could get into their teens. The disease just goes on and on until it dies with the last generation”

I sob heart rackingly wishing he’d stop telling me all this.

“The woman... She had a daughter. She’s only three right now, but I... Athena I want you to promise me you’ll help her, please, just” his voice shakes with emotion, “If I had a daughter, I’d want her to be in good hands... I just can’t—“

“I will” I promise solemnly.

It’s quiet for a while I cry and Alex concentrates on breathing.

“I know I have no right demanding this from you. I’ve hurt you so much already trying to keep you from getting hurt when the time came. I guess it was pretty stupid. We could’ve been together for months...” he sighs.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I cry.

He shakes his head, but I hear a faint crack and he stops, “I didn’t even know you at first, and by the time I did I was already falling for you. Hard.” He shakes his head again, but in anger, “God, what was I supposed to do? Send you a letter about my feelings, sign it with love, and at the end write ‘P.S I’m dying’??”

“I understand” I say, although I really don’t. I just probably met my soul mate and now he’s going to die? How in hell is that fair?

“Athena” he looks straight in my eyes, “I love you. And I’d do anything just to stay with you forever. Maybe someday we’ll meet again” there are tears in his eyes from trying to be strong which makes me cry harder.

“Don’t leave me” I beg him desperately as if it could be his choice, “Just, please, please don’t go, don’t leave me—“

As I ramble on and on pleading for things that he can’t give me, his eyes close and his hand slackens in mine.

He murmurs peacefully, “I close my eyes... And all I see is you” then he slips into a coma.