Loving The Jerk Who Might Have Feelings

Present

Athena Violet-Love Night

“So, AJ, where are we going?” I ask curiously as he passes the movie theater. The sky has already gone dark and my mom’s voice is still ringing in my head. Does that mean I have a have a curfew or something?

“We’re just going to hang out with some of my friends at the park” AJ replies nonchalantly. I grimace. I don’t like his friends. They’re all douches and the girls are sluts.

I smile, “Okay” I think about the way Nate has been acting and I want to shiver. When he’s not obsessing over Lilith, he’s asking about AJ, like if he’s a mask murderer. AJ is nice, I mean, he’d never—

My mind goes blank as AJ parks in front of his ‘friends’. My breath hitches in my throat and I want to throw up.

It’s him. It’s him. It’s him. It’s him.

“What’re you doing, Athena? C’mon, come meet everyone” AJ says and forcibly pulls me out of the truck.

I gulp and I’m suddenly extremely cold. My hand automatically goes to my arm and starts rubbing it nonstop. My nails itch to scratch the flesh, but I contain myself, as AJ brings me over to his friends.

There are five of them sitting on the park benches, talking, laughing, and drinking. I recognize Stacie Honors, Janie Agro, Stephan Yates, and Gary Bacon.

I also recognize the fifth figure that is leaning against the tree behind Stacie, talking with his seductive voice to her. His platinum-blonde hair shimmers in the moonlight, and although he has not yet spotted me, so I have not seen his eyes, I know they are the most sinister green.

“Hey, guys!” AJ says brightly, grabbing a beer from the green ice chest under Gary’s feet, and takes me to sit down in a lone bench, “You know, Athena, right?”

Everybody nods their ‘hello’s, except for the fifth figure that, once AJ said my name, has not stopped staring at me.

I hear Stacie trying to get his attention, “Dave, come see my new lip-gloss, its watermelon flavored”

But his face is expressionless as his eyes roam over my body. I want to leave, but if I do AJ will think there’s something wrong with me.

I turn my face away from his direction, to AJ; he’s leaning against the tree behind us, talking lazily with Gary. “Yo, dude, I heard they’re gonna make a new—“

“Hey, AJ, d’you wanna go to, um, a private place?” I ask, trying to look seductive, when really, I’m trying my best not to throw up all over him.

Since AJ has had a few beers, he looks a bit confused, not getting the drift of my request, “Don’t you like hanging out with my friends?”

Thankfully Gary elbows him, “Dumbass! She wants to hook up with you!”

I pretend I didn’t hear that, so when AJ tries to be romantic and suggests we take a walk, I act swoon and girly.

Finally, when we’re at least a hundred yards away, I relax. I tune into what AJ is saying, but it’s so boring that I just listen to the thrum of his voice.

Then AJ turns to look at me, and by the look in his eyes, he’s going to kiss me. Okay, I take a deep breath, turn to him and close my eyes. But, even though I leave my lips puckered for the longest of times, his lips don’t meet mine.

I open my eyes; AJ is passed out on the floor snoring. Seriously, dude? He wasn’t even that drunk!

I groan and start pulling him to the side. My back strains as it does it’s best to support the big lump of meet that is AJ. Once I’ve got him lying on the grass, I straighten back up and stretch my muscles. Then I yawn and take a seat on a random bench, next to AJ.

“Hey”

My eyes automatically close and my whole body tenses. I feel him as he makes his way towards me and sits on my bench. I feel the heat of his thigh when it brushes mine, and I hear normal heartbeat, while mine is erratic.

“What are you doing here?” I ask monotonously.

“They let me out on good behavior” he answers. His voice is smooth velvet. I remember a time when it used to calm me and excite me, depending on the situation. Now it just disgusts me.

“Will you just look at me?” He asks impatiently, but I shake my head. I refuse to open my eyes.

“Athena, I’m so sorry for what I did to you, can’t you forgive me?” he pleads, and underneath the hate I have for him, I know he means it, but I shake my head again, and finally look at him.

“You hurt me, Dave, it’s not something I can easily forget” I shiver, trying to me strong. He gazes into my eyes and I have a feeling he’s seeing what I’m thinking. All those times we had together. The fun times; back when the world was right, and we were in love.

“Don’t you miss me?” his voice is full of remorse and longing.

“No”

And I’m happy that I mean it. Because I don’t love him, anymore and he can’t use that against me, to hold me prisoner.

His emerald green eyes glint angrily and suddenly he’s yelling, “Well, I missed you! God, Athena! I spend six months in jail! You don’t know what they did to me in there! And the only thing that kept me sane was that when I got out I could see you again!”

I shake my head stubbornly, “You’re not supposed to come within a hundred feet of me or my family”

He rolls his eyes, “You people are the ones that came here; I’ve been in this shitty-ass city since summer. My mother sent me away to boarding school so she wouldn’t have to look at me. How do you think I feel, huh? I make one mistake and my whole life is ruined”

And suddenly I’m overwhelmingly angry, “Good, because you ruined my life!”

He snorts, “Oh, come off it, babe, you’re gorgeous, brilliant, and your dating the most popular guy in school. Wow, what a dilemma”

I flinch at the amount of hatred and sarcasm in his voice. “Yeah, well, I’m sorry for making something of myself after-after what you did to me!”

Dave leans his head in towards mine, and although I want to, I’m not able to move away, “You know you kind of liked it” he whispers in my ear.

And suddenly, I’m back there again, in that smoke-filled room, while the music that’s playing in the living room, drifts in as Dave closes the door.

“I’ve been looking all over you” Dave says. And I can’t help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He’s so smart and hot.

“Congrats, you found me” I laugh as he jumps on the bed and hugs me close to him. My stomach fills with butterflies as his hands roam my body.

His lips find mine and I practically inhale him, “Dave” I moan as he takes off his shirt without breaking the kiss. He removes my skimpy shirt and I laugh as he kisses my neck, “You didn’t have to rip it”

Dave raises his head to meet my eyes with a mischievous grin, “It was in my way” then he goes back to kissing my neck... my collarbone... between my breasts... my naval... my—

“No, Dave, I’m not ready” I say like I always do when he moves to the lower half of my body. I start to push him away, but it’s like he’s attached to my waist.

He rolls off me with a groan, “C’mon, ‘Thena, we’ve been dating for three years, when are you going to be ready?”

I examine the damage he inflicted upon my shirt. Damn, it’s completely torn in half. “I don’t know, Dave, but you know I love you”

Suddenly he jumps on top of me, “Prove it” and he starts to kiss me forcefully. I kiss back, but when his hands remove my skirt I protest, “Dave, no...”

But he’s still kissing me passionately and he starts taking off my underwear. I shake my head, “No, Dave, I’m not ready”

That’s when my eyes meet his, and I know he’s too lost in lust to even understand what I might be saying. That’s the moment the fear hits me. It’s a crippling sensation, and I do my best to push Dave off, but it’s no use.

“No!”

“No!”

“Stop!”

“Stop!” I yell out loud, at the memory, and at the present Dave who is trying to kiss me.
He puts his hand on my thigh, and although I’m wearing tights I feel exposed, like I was before, like at the trial, when everyone looked at me as I said, “Raped”.

“She said stop” a voice says out of nowhere, and when I open my eyes I expect to see AJ, but he’s still snoring on the floor. To my great surprise, it’s Alex Winters.

He looks furious and deadly as he stands in front of Dave. When Dave stands, he’s a head shorter than Alex. “This doesn’t concern you, man”

“On the contrary, man” and then, quite unexpectedly, Alex punches Dave right in his left eye, “I think it does”

I gasp as Dave falls to the floor and clutches his face, “What the hell, freak?”

But Alex merely smirks as he towers over Dave, and says in a commanding voice, “Leave”

Dave looks at me and then at Alex, swears, and takes off half-crawling and half-running.

Then I look at Alex. I blink at him; I can’t find any emotion in me after that. I can’t give him one of my witty/bitchy comebacks so I say, “Thanks” then I turn away from him and stare at my hands in my lap.

“Thanks?” Alex questions as he takes a seat near me.

I shrug and don’t bother turning to him when I say, “Yeah”

I don’t cry, though, I can’t for some reason, just like when I was fished out of the lake at the last minute. I didn’t cry. I just stood there shivering in shock until I arrived at the hospital and I was drugged asleep.

“What was that about? Who was he?” Alex questions quietly, and I’m surprised to find a huge amount of sincerity in his voice. And suddenly I can’t hold it in; my mouth starts moving of its own accord.

When I finish it’s like a great weight has lifted off me. I told him everything; from the party to the rape and how I kept it quiet because I was so scared. Then I told him how I nearly committed suicide by driving off the edge of a cliff into a large body of water, and how my mom managed to get me to confess. Then I told him about the trial; which was the worst part. I mean, sure, most people knew about what happened; everybody at our school did.

The police, the drunken kids, and the witnesses were the ones that told the story in their own versions. They told it at Dave’s trial, too, while I stood their humiliated to hear how many people thought I was a slut.

Alex Winters stares at me as I recover my breath; I’m prone to having panic attacks out of random, or when my emotions get too high.

Then, wordlessly, he reaches for my and wraps his strong arms around me again. Goose bumps lick my cold skin as I’m suddenly surrounded by his warmth. It’s weird being hugged when you absolutely hate hugs. But it’s weirder to be hugged by someone you thought you hated.

Then he moves away as if he just noticed what he did, “I, er, yeah, um and like…” his silver lip rings twinkle in the dim light as he moves his lips and suddenly I’m tempted to—

“…Whoever she is, whoever she may be
One thing's for sure
She could be rainy days, minimum wage,
A book that ends with no last page
Whoever she is, whoever she may be
One thing's for sure, you don't have to worry…”

I take out my phone out of my purse, tempted to let the song Joshua got me addicted to keep playing, but I knew there’d be consequences if I did. So I turn away from Alex, “Hello?”

“WHERE ARE YOU?!” My mom’s voice screams out from my speaker. Even Winters flinches.

“Er, at the park, look,Mom, I’m headed back, I just had one of my, er, y’know, relapses” I say hushed.

At that she somewhat becomes lenient and tells me to hurry back, then I hang up.

“Does your mom know that-that guy is here?” Winters asks as I stare at a still sleeping AJ, wondering how to wake him up.

“No, and I don’t know if I should tell her” I say honestly.

“What? But you have a restraining order on him! Athena, you have to tell Mrs. N, what if he tries to—you know” at first I’m shocked by the fact that he said my proper name, then I realize he cares if Dave hurts me.

I sigh, “It’s my fault, I mean, if I had just let him, then we could’ve—“

And I hear Winters growl, “It is not your fault, it is that douche’s fault. God, I’ll kill him if he touches you again”

Wow, déjà vu.

But I get why Nate cares; I mean he’s my brother; but why Alex Winters? “Why does it matter to you?”

And I turn to look at him. His face is somber, with a hint of humility, “I know you might find it hard to believe, but I’m not such a bad guy”

I roll my eyes at that, “Dude, you sleep with random girls”

He waves that away, “Because they want me to; I mean not one of them has asked me for a serious relationship. I’m actually kind of hurt” he says sarcastically.

I snort, “Because you act like you’re incapable of commitment”

He makes a face at me, “Am not”

And I start to laugh. And he starts laughing. And it’s perfect, until I remember I have to go back to school.

As if reading my mind, Winters offers “Want a ride?”

I nod and he leads me to his car. I don’t even look back at AJ as I climb into the expensive looking foreign machine and am instantly greeted by warm air. I sigh happily and relax into passenger seat.

“My mom’s going to kill me” I say as I glance at the time on his dashboard. Somehow, it’s twelve.

“I think your mom’s amazing”

I blink and look at him in bewilderment. He’s staring straight ahead at the road in front of him, as if he didn’t mean to say it and it’s kind of creepy, “Um?”

“I, uh, well since, my mom’s dead, your mom is kind of what I hope my mom would be if she were alive” he says quietly.

My mouth drops open, “Oh, I’m so sorry, did you know her at all?”

He shrugs, “I was seven at the time. I just remember all the screams of pain, and then, one day, on my birthday, I remember running away from the party that my grandma had thrown in the garden. I wanted to go find my mom to show her all the presents I got, but suddenly, I heard this rush of wind above me. I looked up in time to meet eyes with her, before she landed at my feet”

My eyes widen, “She-she committed suicide?”

Alex looks uncomfortable, “She had this disease that was really painful, and I guess she couldn’t take it...” He shivers, and I scoot closer to him, to place my hand on his shoulder for comfort.

When we arrive at the academy, the guards barely even glance at Alex before they wave us through. I scoff and he smirks, “What can I say? I’m famous”

I roll my eyes, but can’t help but smile. He parks and we get off. We stare at each other for a long while, without saying anything. My eyes stay locked in his icy-blue ones. Then my mouth moves of its own accord, “We didn’t fight, for once” I observe.

Alex Winters’ eyes freeze overand a smirk twists his lips as he replies, “Well, I’m off to pay Lilith a visit, since your mom’s probably gonna keep you busy for a while”

And then he’s off, headed towards the girl’s dorm room, and I’m still standing here, with my arms crossed over my chest. Ugh, what a jackass.