Twinfestation

The next few days, I moped around. I felt like I was constantly walking in mud, my mind flooding due to the amount of rain the dark cloud over me had poored. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to be anyone. I just wanted to lay there and sleep until I fused into the sheets.

My brother had once again shown me up, not that I expected anything less. I just wasn't prepared for it, especially not that harsh and blatant. Then again, what makes me think people would start going easy on me now?

But was I really so awkward and spastic that someone would try that in front of my face? Not that David and I were serious in that sense, but I was right there, in the house, my house. And his tone, what he said...... I should have known he was never interested in me, who would be? Only drunk beach bums at a gay bar for desperate twinks. Which, according to David, I guess I was.

I apologized to Salem for freaking out on him, but he only tried to convince me that it was justified and I didn't need to say sorry. Which was complete and utter bullshit. Just because I was upset doesn't give me the right to be a jerk to my brother, he was only trying to help, sort things out, make me feel better. Of course, this was Salem, he always did that when I felt bad. This was the exact reason I needed to become independent; sometimes Salem couldn't fix everything. Sometimes he was part of the problem.

This time, instead of just the sound of his voice making me feel better, it only made me want to cry. I'd hear about the whole Hayden thing from Ash, which I assumed was the cause of most of the tortured sound coming out of his mouth when he tried to apologize. On top of being cheated on I had to give him something to feel bad about with all this David shit. I was just adding guilt over pain. So I've been doing my best to avoid him at all cost. Every word that came out of my mouth seemed to twist his expression in a pain filled direction.

Feeling as if my entire existence has been rejected, I turned off my light, set aside my cantaloupe bowl, burrowed in my covers, and grabbed a book light and my notebook. I lay there for a bit, thinking of what to write, but soon had my pencil scribbling on the page the poetically overused paragraph by heart.

I'm tired and a little distressed and I work to hard and long and I'm sad all the time. Because of my defects I feel like I could be doing more. But I'm tired and frustrated and a little distressed. And I have to write and make a list and remind myself I'm doing my best. You are doing your best. You are doing your best. You are doing your best. You are doing your best.

I sighed at how emo and depressed I'd become. This is the exact reason why these things happened to me, because I sit and wallowed in my self pity instead of fixing the problem. But I had no way to fix it, and even if I did I had no will. What would I gain from fixing it? Nothing, that's what. If I ever let anyone meet Salem they'd abandon me for him, not that I could blame any of them.

Point: There was nothing left for me. I was once again alone.

For lack of better things to do, and since sleep was apparently no friend of mine, I grabbed my phone and picked the contact right above Ani.

"Hello Silvester," Alan answered.

"Hey Alan."

"How did you get this number?"

"..... You gave it to me."

"I did? Oh. I should be careful about these things. Anyway, you sound sad and phones are totally bogus. I'm coming over." He hung up, leaving me debating on whether or not I should wear pants for his arrival.



The sky turned an odd shade of pink and orange, reminding me of spoiled salmon and vomit. The roof's boards were rough against my skin as I ground my hands in, hoping to rub them raw to redirect some of my thoughts.

"What's wrong?" Alan asked after awhile of examining me.

I stared, that easy feeling I always got with Alan letting the words slip out. "Do you ever think you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere you're not, dodging you wherever you go? And you can't ever feel happy?"

He scrunched his face in thought, then turned his head to look at the rotting sky. "Well, I believe good things happen to everyone everyday. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. I believe, on a happy day you can still feel a little sad. And on a sad day like today, you can still feel a little happy. That's life isn't it?"

"You've been eating in the library, haven't you?"

"Yeah," He sighed, pulling his knees up to rest his chin on them. "I don't know anyone on my lunch shift. Well, besides Ash, but he looks too scary to approach."

"But he's not. You've talked to him before, he's really nice."

A sad smile crossed his face as he tilted his head my way. "Yeah. When he's around you."

This made any response I had prepared glue to the back of my throat. What did he mean by that? Did I somehow make Ash seem less intimidating by comparison? I doubted it. But the only other reason someone would act that way around someone would be if they liked them. Which, Ash did like me if I remembered correctly. I know close relationships or extremely strong feelings can have an effect like that, but would a crush really make someone act so different? Maybe Ash's feelings ran farther than I thought. But, if that was so, then what a awful awful person I am.

"Excuse me for a few minutes," Alan crawled towards the window, cautiously looking over his shoulder. "I"m going to have a chat with Salem."

As soon as the door closed, I scrambled though the window and landed on my bed, desperately searching for my phone and hitting Cali in the process.

"Sorry babe," I breathed as I searched for the contact. The ringing slipped through my ears and bounced around in my head, hitting the most tender parts and refusing to stop it's assault.

Finally, he picked up. "Hey Silvester," His voice smiled. "Ho-"

"Do you want to go on a date?" I blurted out.

"I'll be over in a few minutes, so get some pants on. Wait, on second thought....... no, get some pants on. And brush your hair, it's looked like hell at school for the past few days. Where do you want to go? Wherever you want, to cheer you up. You think about that, I'l be right over."

Having slightly expected this sort of reaction, I didn't fight it. Instead, I quickly ran fingers through my hair, pulled on some boots, grabbed a jacket, and went to sit on the stairs patiently.Of course, these few moments of thought gave me enough time to work myself up. Ash wasn't like David by any means, even I could tell that. But I didn't expect anything like what happened from David either, so obviously my judgment wasn't trustworthy.

I pushed aside thoughts thoughts. This was Ash.

When a knock sounded on the door, I jumped and quickly composed myself. It was only Ash, just because we were going on a date didn't mean it would change how we acted around each other. Or, maybe it would. After all, Ash had asked me out so long ago when I denied him. If he'd liked me ever since then then he would have had to suppress something right? Wouldn't my actions have given him the okay to release his affections full force? That is, assuming he actually liked me that much and I wasn't just over exaggerating.

My point: It's Ash. I never know what to expect with Ash.

At a controlled pace, I walked to the door and calmly opened it. Not so calmly did Ash grab me and literally sweeping me of my feet as his lips attacked mine. They were rough and greedy, urgent and ravenous. I could here my own surprised squeaks, but that only seemed to encouraging him more.

"Sorry," He eventually smiled once he had let me go, not letting me back on the ground. "I couldn't help it. So, uh, where do you want to go?"

"Uh. Um. Uh....." Dazed, I stumbled for words to answer with."W-wherever. Wherever..... is fine."

A sigh of fake annoyance, another kiss, and one more dazzling smile later, I was being pulled out of the front door, coherency left on the welcome mat.



Eyes stuck to us like we were Michael Jackson and Britney Spears who just walked in making out. It was unsettling, but I guess I couldn't really blame them. I was squeaking like a new pair of shoes on hardwood every time Ash's lips met some part of my body. Which was every few seconds.

But still, it's impolite to stare and it only made me that much more self-conscious. Normally, when I walked in somewhere I'd be with Say and they'd all be staring at him. I suppose that is mostly because they just assumed we just so happened to be walking next to each other, but more likely Say just outshines me. But with the way Ash had his arm possessively wrapped around my waist, it was made impossible to look at him without looking at me. That and the squeaking. Oh, and probably the fact that we are two boys who look to be on opposite ends of the social spectrum from eachother, emphasis on two boys.

Not only did the observers unsettle me, but also the ever-expected worry of going out on a date with Ash. I may be moderately slow, but I'm not slow enough to not know what asking Ash on a date entitled, whether he liked me a lot or a little. He'd give death glares to anyone who so much as stepped in the same spot I had, shoot daggers at whoever talked to me. I'd be contemplating handing David over to a protective agency if I didn't currently despise him so much.

I would have been bothered farther, but I had one worry screaming at me at the top of it's lungs; What if this whole dating Ash thing didn't work out? Would we stop talking to each other, just act as if we were truly from different social scenes, and only pass the occasional good morning or hello? Or would we simply go back to friends like we were before, maybe ugly and unresolved problems hindering us from really interacting as we used do? There was only these two not-so-welcomed options when it came to breaking up with a friend. Of course, I've always thought that a friend was someone you don't have to be careful around, and I feel the need to be careful around everyone except Say. So did I really have any friends to begin with? Or was I just falsely handing out the title like fliers for a local concert?

Point: It all made me overly nervous and contemplative of if I asked Ash out too soon.

Disrupting my thoughts, Ash released me from his grasped and sat me down in a rather cold chair. Sitting across from me, he smiled for the millionth time and cooed, "Is this seat okay? It's not too cold is it?"

"I'm always cold," I smiled at him. "Where I sit doesn't change that."

"You're right, here, wear this." In one swift movement, Ash slid off his jacket and laid it over my own, smiling at my delayed resistance. "Any better?"

"Yeah," I muttered, trying to hide my pink cheeks in his coat.

"So, just to get this question out of my head, and not that I'm complaining or anything, but what exactly possessed you to call me at nine at night and ask me out?"

"No reason," I mumbled. "I just.... thought it'd be fun. That we'd have fun."

"So, two years after turning me down daily, two years of letting me squirm seeing you date a bunch of random chicks and a douchebag, and you ask me out because you thought we'd have fun? I'm sorry, but do you think there's just a bit more than that? Can you come up with a little more, just to amuse me?"

"Well uhm..." His eyes daunted me. It was hard to get out, especially when there was so many wrong ways he could take it. He could think that I did it out of pity, that he was a rebound, or I wanted him to be part of some trial period of this new sexuality. It was hard to word this so he'd understand my true intentions.

"Uhm....?"

"Well.... I wanted to ask you out first. After Salem gave me the talk, I-"

"Wait, Salem gave you the talk?" The smile on his face eased aside some of my tension and apprehension. "What did he do, tell you what kind of lube to use?"

"No!" There was no hope in hiding my blush. "He just wanted to make sure I didn't get hurt emotionally or... physically. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't date any jerks. I, uh, guess we should have talked longer."

"That wasn't you fault," He grimaced. "David has a death wish or some sort of sadistic dream he wants fulfilled. Anyway, you wanted to ask me out first? How did that twat get in the way?"

"Well, the next day I planned on telling you about, um, being gay. But it didn't happen like I thought it would and I got too scared to ask you like I planned or, you know, respond when you asked if you could have me. Then Hayden found out the next day and set me up with David so fast. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't say no to him. So when it came to asking you out I just..... didn't. Now I'm kind of sorry I chickened out like that."

After a moment of silence, of hoping he got it and didn't think I was the horrible person I was, he gently nudged my foot to get me to look up.

"It's okay Silvester," He smiled at me. "You're not hanging out with some jerk anymore and I'm not at home wishing I was him. You're here now and that's all that matters."

"Yeah," I smiled, feeling as if this was the best decision I'd made since school started."You're right."

Sitting there with him felt better than it had in a while. Not what I thought people called perfect, not as if he had filled some hole, but I think that's a feeling you have to wait for. But I could wait for that feeling to come along, though I hopped it wouldn't take that long. And even if it did, right now I was perfectly content with waiting it out with him.