Twinfestation

"Hello Salem," I would have ignored the voice had it not sounded slightly off in the setting. Silver has sat with Ash, Hayden had sat as far away from me as possible, Conner was talking to Yu, and Johna was behind me chatting with Layla. This extra voice sounded familiar but strange all at once.

Remembrance hit me like a train as Alan's very composed figure greeted my eyes. He stood in creased khakis with a soft white button up tucked in. His perfectly tied tie was loose, but he still swished with every move he made. And he looked a little sad. Maybe it was just how everything has been lately, as if I just expect everyone to be sad so they are, but he looked just as sad as he did last night when he'd come to me for the second time.

He'd come into my room and asked about Ash. How to get on his good side, how to get him to like you, what he liked, a good way to approach him. Not two minutes later had he come back looking so despondent and demoralized, reminding me too much of Silver. Supposedly, from the roof he'd seen Silver and Ash leave, seen Ash kiss Silver before closing the door of his beet up car. I saw it pointless to let us both be miserable, so we'd sat together and watched youtube videos on my bed until his mom called for him to come home.

It was refreshing, to be able to laugh at the comments Alan made at the mindless videos and the snorts that escaped him. He reminded me a little of Silver, but not enough to sadden myself with thoughts of him. Honestly, hanging out with Alan was the best time I'd had in two weeks.

"Hey Alan," I smiled sleepily up to him, though his eyes didn't meet mine. "What's up?"

"The Troposphere, Stratosphere, Mesosphere, Thermosphere, and these awful florescent lights that are totally washing me out right now. But aside from that, do you think I can sit with you? That blonde kid you used to date is acting too melodramatic to sit next to, I can't stand it. I'd much rather sit next to the witch cat."

Laughing manually at the anticipated style answer i'd gotten, I scooted in so he could get to the other seat at the table for two. It was a relief he popped up. I'd been sitting by myself the past few days since the seat next to me was usually filled or reserved for Hayden, Johna, or Silver and no one wanted to take it.

When his seat scooted in, I looked over to him. Once again, he had that almost unbearable look on his face, it was hard not to look away. When he smiled at me, I couldn't help but ask the one question that I knew could only make us both feel worse, not better.

"What's wrong? You look down."

Shrugging, he folded his hands and set them neatly in his lap, sitting up straight as he tried to stay composed inside and out. "Nothing. I'm just kind of tired of doing this already. You know, worrying about who I'm going to interact with next, if anyone at all. Normal new kid problems like everyone else."

"Hey, you've got me and Silver. You don't have to worry about that. I'm pretty sure you've already made a pretty good impression with Johna, Conner, and Ash too."

"Yeah, it's just..... I don't feel like that's really the truth. Like you guys are just being nice to me because you feel you have to. I kind of feel like I woke up this morning and suddenly realized how lonely I really am."

For a second I just looked at him and his seemingly interesting hands, wondering if he really thought I got it or if he really meant to tell me at all and he wasn't just thinking out loud. "That's not true Alan. We are your friends, no obligations or strings. You don't have to feel like that, it's nonsensical. You have a lot of friends."

"Even if that was true, it looks like you have a lot of friends too," He looked me in the eyes for the first time and I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. "But you're lonely. Even with me sitting here, you're still lonely. And even if I believed you, I don't thing this feeling would go away. You should know that."

"But how....how do you.... I don't.... I'm not," As I flustered for the words he gave me a sympathetic half smile.

"You look it. You looked like it last night too."

"Then why did you hang out with me if you're still lonely?" I shot back, frustrated that this boy I've only known for a few weeks had somewhat figured me out in a way I wasn't even sure my brother had.

"For the same reason you hung out with me. It feels better to be lonely together than be lonely by yourself." His eyes held mine and I found myself able to do everything but object to this undeniable truth. What would be the point? How would that help me? By making Alan feel as if he had even less of a friend by lying?

Before I could say anything more, he broke out in a huge grin, closing his eyes and breaking our contact. "Sorry, I get totally depressing and emo-ish when I don't have my orange juice. I spilled it all over the sidewalk this morning, luckily I missed my pants. Do you know how long it took my me to convince my mom to let me buy these khaki pants offline? She so dose not understand that even the simple things need to look fabulous." A laugh escaped his throat as he pulled his bag from the floor. "Hey, where's the teacher? I've been working of this poetry assignment, but I can't find anything to rhyme with goochi or Klein. Are you having this much trouble with it?"

He smiled at me as he waited for a response, a witty comeback, a rhyming word, anything to let him know that I would disregard his words, act like nothing had happened. By accident, I let the silence hang in examination of him, and the creeping look of fear in his eyes only made me more dedicated an observer. This unintentional stunt he just pulled, how he tried his best to brush it off with a big smile and talking nonsense, his worry that I wouldn't let it go. He'd done it all just like how Silver always did. And once again I didn't know how to fix it, I didn't know how to help him. Or at least not in a way he would accept.

I smile and nodded to accommodate his wishes. With all of others problems that are unwelcomely well known and the depressing scenes that spontaneously play throughout the days, I needed to at least pretend that there were one or two people who were okay. Just a few people to keep me from living in a world of nothing but saddening emo stories.

"You're having trouble on that?" Alan's saving grace came as Nicole slid into the desk on my left, swinging her feet around to face us. "I'v been working on it for a while and I think I've finally gotten somewhere after, like, an hour of typing words into Rhymezone."

"I haven't even started," I admitted, forcing a sly smile as I glance at Silver and Ash over her shoulder.

"Seriously!? Dude, that's due tomorrow."

"I know, I forgot. I'm screwed." In a last ditch effort, I used my popularity to my advantage, "Unless you two want to be amazing people and come help me with it today. I can drive you both home."

She rolled her eyes but smiled, "Fine, but you better have some humus at your house. I don't work for free you know."

"At least I can trust you won't get it on with my neighbors then. Wanna come Alan? You know, if I haven't already driven you off with my obnoxious laughing form yesterday."

"Oh, uh.... sure," He smiled, only meeting Nicole's eyes. "That'd be totally cool."



Alan stole Nicole with his talk of his sister's CD collection and ill-fitting clothing she could possibly have. I'd been waiting for them for about forty minutes and didn't think they'd be coming back any time soon. Part of the reason I even invited them over was because I knew Alan was right and I didn't want to be alone by myself. The other part was because I knew Ash would be here soon and I didn't want to have to hear them through the walls again.

Ash's presence was ten times worse than David's, because I knew that there was no chance he'd do anything to drive Silver away, I knew he'd do everything he could to make him happy and want to stay with him. Ash was a surefire way to ensure that I never had Silver. Not that there was much of a chance for me in the first place.

My desires went against my better judgment and lead me down the hall to Silvers door. With more consideration than I was used to, I knocked on his door and actually waited for a response.

"Who is it?" His voice came out in an odd kind of strain.

"The man in the mirror. Can I come in?"

"I'm not wearing pants."

My quick streak of hospitality having already ran its cores, I opened the door to see him with his top half on the floor and naked bottom half sprawled on his bed. A oversize T-shit bunching up around his neck, revealing his thin torso, pail chest, tempting little bumps of nipples, and horrifying rib-cage. Around him splayed a plethora of papers, ranging from mathematics to Japanese writing, but in his hand was the surprising piece of paper and ink I'd never thought I'd see him read again, never hoped he'd want to.

"Remember when that used to work?" He smiled as he slyly closed the drivers-ed book, setting it face down on his stomach.

I strode into his room and picked up his kitten from her spot on his bed, sitting with her in my lap. "That never worked. So why are you reading a driving book?"

"Oh, uhm," He turned slightly red as he slid off his bed, pulling up the neon green briefs that had slipped over his perfect pale cheeks. "Ash is coming soon to take me to the DMV so I can take my driving test for my permit. I figured it was about time I got one and he's been studying with me for awhile."

"Why? You don't need one, you go with me everywhere anyway. I don't mind driving you around."

"Yeah, but... I mean, you're not going to be able to drive me around forever. I have to learn for when you're not there, like how I have to start doing my own homework and standing up for myself. I have to start doing things for myself. I'm just..... I'm trying to get to the point where I don't need you anymore."

He said it like he didn't want to offend me, didn't want to hurt the feelings he already saw were shattered, though I did my best to hide it all. Of course, I failed. Unlike Silvester, I'm not good with hiding my feelings. And right now there was nothing I wanted to do more.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," My voice sounded blighted even to me as I slid on the floor next to him. Once again, my resistance faulted and I had to make contact, but I somehow restrained myself to just a hand on his knee.

It may have been the new knowledge that he was trying to sever himself from me, or it may have been building up over the past few weeks, but I knew I couldn't help but tell him again. I couldn't help but try to make him understand that he didn't have to learn to do any of that, I would do it all until that day I die. I wanted him to understand that I never wanted to be away from him, I would be here to drive him around forever, he didn't need to get to the point where he didn't need me because I'd never leave.

"But.... you really don't have to," I couldn't even force myself to meet his eye, only stare at my thumb running around on his skin. "I don't mind at all, I prefer it. I mean.... I love you."

"Yeah, I know but...," He sighed and pulled his knees to his chest, laying both hands where mine previously was. "Even Ani can drive herself around without Ash, and that's not even legal. I can't grow up and expect whoever I'm with to do everything for me. Very few people are like you and can be depended on. I know you love me, and this doesn't mean that I love you any less, but I need this."

I sighed. "Silver, I don't love you like that."

His voice contorted in confusion as he lowered his knees. "Hm? What do you mean?"

When I looked up at him, all my nerves were lost, all guts disintegrated along with my hopes. He was lost, completely and utterly ignorant to what I might mean. I had the guts to tell him, but I didn't have enough in me to explain it to him if he didn't even get it a little, didn't even think it was a possibility, the thought never crossed his mind for a moment. I couldn't, not with Ash on his way and my heart this mauled. I couldn't explain to him the depth of anything in my current state, I could only tell him something so simple he didn't understand.

As I started to rack my brain for excuses, my savior stepped through the door wearing white war paint, black jeans, and a black and blue one-piece.

"Hey," Ani nodded, fidgeting in her new outfit. "Everyone's in the kitchen, they want to know if they can have some money to order pizza."

"Everyone?" Silver scrambled to pull his shirt over his naked bottom half, turning even more red than earlier. "Is more than Ash here?"

"Yeah, Johna, Alan, and that one mixed chick with the huge boobs." Nonchalantly, she shoved her hand down her low cut blue swimsuit and adjusted the placement. "Goddammit, Johna's lucky shes cute."

"Aw, you think I'm cute?" Johna's head popped up behind Ani's shoulder, arms wrapping around her waist.

"Of course," Ani rolled her eyes, but that didn't hide the blush creeping up on her. "I tell you all the time."

"Wait," Standing, I folded my arms and walked in front of Silver to hide his half naked body from the two girls. "So there's five of you here and you don't have enough money between yourselves to buy pizza?"

"No, we have enough money," Ani informed. "But you're rich."

I looked to Johna for a voice of reason, but her shrug told me she'd lost that voice. "She's right. Plus, it's your house. Hospitality, Say. Hospitality."

Sighing, I gave in. "Fine fine. Silver, do you mind ordering? I hate talking to pizza places on the phone, they're all idiots."

"Sure," the sound of his zipper echoed before he hurried out of the room and towards the kitchen. Following him, we were greeted by the sound of arguing teenagers.

"Spinach and chicken is delicious on a pizza," Nicole sat on one of the stools, a pile of hamydown clothes bundled up in her lap and eyeing the container of humus in the middle of the table. "Just try it, you'll love it."

"Pizza isn't supposed to be healthy," Ash bitched from the other side of the breakfast bar. "Therefore, spinach does not go on pizza."

"Just try it! Lets take a vote. Alan, what do you want on the pizza?"

"Hm?" The brown haired boy shot up strait, smiling his wide metal grin now that he'd finally ripped his eyes away from Britshit. "Whatever is fine."

"We're ordering more than one anyway, one of the pizza's can be chicken and spinach," Silver suggested as he was captured by Ash. With a smile, he looked up and asked, "What do you want, Ash?"

"You," Ash answered as he seized Silver's lips.

Unable to bear the sight, I turned to sit with Alan. I imagined the look on my face resembled his as he looked away and to Nicole. "So, the poetry project. Have you made any progress on it? I'm more lost than a straight guy watching Noah's Ark."

"Nope," She piped up, reaching down to pull a folder from her bag. "I can barely rhyme anything with cat."

".....Then what are these?" I asked, sifting through the pile of poems she had handed me. "I may not be much of a poet, but this looks like poetic progress to me."

"Yep. These are my sister's old poems. I decided I was too lazy to do this assignment and she said we could use whatever as long as she gets some sour gummy worms," She smiled.

"Wait, so your sister just gave you all these to pick from?"

"Yeah," She shrugged. "She saw I was having trouble and helped me out."

"Just like that? No fighting or pleading or anything?"

"She's my sister, of course I can depend on her. She doesn't really mind and it's not like I'm going to turn down a chance to have someone spoil me. Man, Salem," She laughed. "Is Silver really that bad?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "You could say that."