Citizen Soldier

Nothing will ever make you value your life more than looking up into the eyes of the enemy, his cold dark orbs daring you to move so he can empty his rifle into you and watch your body go limp and lifeless.

I could tell you how I got here but the story would probably make your blood run cold. You see, war isn't a place of fairytales and kisses, glitter and kittens. It's a place of blood and tears. Last breaths and last wishes. It's a place to kill and pray to God that you don't get killed in return. 

Now isn't the time to pray, though. Now is the time to show bravery and strength for my country. I already know that this man, or boy rather, is going to shoot me. All I can do is hope I can survive it. 

The boy raises his rifle and aims it at my chest. A slight hint of hesitancy crosses his face before resolve sets in. I slam my eyes close and prepare for the pain that's mere seconds away. 

I hear the loud, ear-splitting crack of the rifle. My eyes shoot open unwillingly and my mouth opens as screams beg to be let free. I feel nothing, just shock. Looking down slowly I realize that he missed my chest and made a nice sized hole is in the side if my stomach instead. 

Blood bubbles up into my mouth and spills over my lips. Leaning up onto my elbow I press a hand to the wound to stop the waterfall of red from falling into the ground, hoping that if I can hold it in I might just survive. 

Then the pain sets in and I realize that there's no way I can survive this. The pain itself is enough to kill anyone. 

The boy recovers from the backlash and realizes that I'm not dead quite yet. He raises his gun once again and this time he hits my shoulder. The pain is experienced immediately instead of shock this time and rather than silent screams, I let out a growl that would terrorize the most horrible of men's nightmares.

Before I know what's happening the boy is on top of me, blood pouring from his own mouth as his eyes close and his body becomes lifeless. Soon enough I feel the weight being pushed off me and my eyes meet those of one if my bunkmates, Cody.

"Fuck! John, can you hear me? John! Don't fucking quit! C'mon, John." He picks up my head and places it in his lap gently, examining the wound on my shoulder before removing my hand from the wound on my stomach. "Shit, that bastard got cha good. It's alright buddy, I got 'im back. Didja see?" 

I manage to acknowledge him, coughing up more blood almost immediately. He grimaces and nods in understanding. "I got cha buddy. Can ya walk? We gotta get somewhere safe."

I wrap an arm around his shoulders as tight as I can and try to stand with his support. Cody practically carries me to the nearest shelter and tells me to lie down while he goes to get help. 

I try my damnedest to think of anything but the pain. My family. My dog. My hometown. But most of all I think about my fiancé. The most amazing man you'll ever meet in your life. 

I think about the promise I made him before I left. That I'd come home to him and give him a proper wedding. That I wouldn't leave him alone because he swore he'd never move on. 

"Johnny, do you have to go?" Rickie asks, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind as I pack the large duffle sitting on our bed. 

I pause in my packing and turn to face him, pulling him against my chest as tight as I can. "Baby, I do. You know I do."

He sighs but nods. "I know, I just wish you didn't." 

"Me neither." I murmur into his hair. "But I'll be back. My call is only for a year." 

"I don't think I'll be able to live a whole year without you." He whispers, words catching in his throat slightly. 

I twine my fingers through his left hand and bring it up to my lips, kissing the gleaming silver band on his ring finger. "Baby, live one year without me and I'm yours for the rest of our lives."

"You promise?" He looks up at me with tears swimming in his eyes. 

"Always and forever." I whisper. 

He nods slowly. "Make me one more promise, Johnny. Promise me that you'll come home. Don't leave me alone because I swear I'll wait for you until the day I die." 

My throat closes up and I take deep breaths to prevent myself from crying. "Rickie," I cup his face between my hands and look deeply into his eyes. "If I don't come home I want you to move on. I want you to be happy." 

He breaks away from me, a new fire burning in his eyes. "Don't fucking tell me that Johnny! You fucking promise me that you'll come home! That's all I want!" 

He let's sobs break from his lips and he slides down the wall. I gather him into my arms and carry him to the bed, pushing the duffle off. "Rickie, baby, I'm coming home. Nobody could keep me away from you, do you understand that?"

He nods slowly and wraps his arms securely around my neck. "Okay, Johnny. I trust you."

I trust you.

Those three little words are what keep me hanging on. They're what keep me from closing my eyes and giving up. 

Something explodes somewhere to my right and I realize that it's not safe here. I need to move or I really won't survive no matter how bad I want to. 

Our base isn't too far from here. Only about two miles north. If I can make it there I'll be okay. Maybe. 

I grasp onto my side wound and gather the strength to lean up on my knees and propel my body forward slowly, using my good arm to help move. The progress is slow but it's progress. Blood continues to pool out of my wounds and subsequent vomiting occurs. My legs shake weakly but I can't give up. I won't give up. 

It seems like it takes forever but my surroundings start to become familiar.
I notice the mess hall far in the distance and a few buildings closer by that are just simple bunks. A few guys run out and drop immediately to prevent themselves from being spotted and targeted. They make their way towards the medical tent and I know that I'm not the only one who's been hurt.

Suddenly an arm wraps around my waist and drags me up. "C'mon buddy almost there." Cody's voice soothes. 

Another arm helps Cody's and I realize that another bunkmate is helping. They take almost all my weight and practically run to the medical tent. 

Almost as soon as Cody pushes the door to the medical tent open, I'm being lifted onto a gurney and my uniform is being cut off me in tiny little pieces. Once the wounds are clearly revealed I feel an unbearable pain and I realize that they're cleaning out the blood so they can get a better view of what's going on but fuck, it just hurts so much and I just can't stand it anymore so I close my eyes and pray to god that I'll wake up eventually because, yes, this is the time to pray.