Bittersweet

Everything seems perfect, as long as you’re in a good mood. The minute you or your boyfriend are even the slightest bit down, Hell freezes over and someone starts crying. Naturally, I’m a bit of a pessimist because of my mental issues. Cadence is a bit… apathetic.

An apathetic person dating a pessimist usually results in one of two things: arguments or an attempt to make each other feel better with endless hours of foreplay. As summer was coming to an end, that was when the infatuation came to a halt and the true colors began to show. In my honest opinion, I think that it made us stronger as a couple. I’m pretty sure Cadence disagrees.

Whenever I was upset (usually all the time because I’m an emotional bitch), I always went to Jayden to vent and plead for advice. Little did I know that he was snitching on me and going to Cadence to tell him what I was saying? Cadence would then call me up, mad that I was “hiding things” from him. I can’t really blame him though. I’d want him to tell me what’s wrong when he’s upset, which is funny because HE NEVER DID. It’s fucking irritating when he yells at me. There are some things I don’t want him to know.

I find it extremely funny how I have to tell him every little fucking thing that bothers me or explain my day of why I’m in a bad mood to him when the only answer I get from him when he is upset is “Don’t worry about it” or “I don’t know”. He constantly hid things from me about why he was sad. He tells me it’s because he thinks I shouldn’t worry or that it’s not my business. Okay then, my sadness isn’t your fucking business either then, ass face.

I promised him that I would tell him everything after several times of this happening and me getting sick of him yelling at me. I could tell he never liked hearing what I had to say though when I finally did start opening up. We saw each other just before school started one weekend. We had just gotten into another argument about God knows what.

We were sitting in my room, watching each other with displeased faces as we started throwing blames at each other. I finally had enough when he started to act like he didn’t care and of course my pessimist side came in. I started crying and he immediately felt sympathy for me and decided to come to my aid.

I lay down in my bed and he laid down beside me and held onto me, apologizing and kissing my forehead. I calmed down a bit and kissed his lips lightly as I nuzzled into him, but I was still frustrated with the entire situation.

He started telling me that he loved me and saying other sweet things while he was whispering softly into my ear, stroking my hair back. That seemed to relax me a bit as I closed my eyes and held onto him for a moment.

“So… what made you say what you said last night?” he purred.

I suddenly blushed as my eyes widened. Why would he ask that? We were talking about how far we would go sexually. I had said that I wanted to wait until marriage before going “all the way”, but I wasn’t going to object anything else.

“Why do you want to know?” my cheeks were pink and I was avoiding his gaze.

“Well, I’m just… curious.”

I wondered how far I could press my luck as I smirked lightly, continuing to look away, “I guess you’d have to find out.”

I could tell that Cadence tensed up after that. I’m pretty sure he was blushing, but to be sure, I looked up at him and saw that he was giving me a very seductive look with flushed cheeks. I laughed lightly as I kissed him very gently while he did so back. My hands found their way around his neck, stroking his hairline.

He started to move down my neck very slowly, nipping at it every once in a while, which made me gasp since it’s a major sweet spot for me. I bit my lip, trying to hold back the heavy breathing as he smiled against me. I was wearing my choppy black hair up, but he took the pin out, letting it down. I don’t know why, but I was wearing an outfit that seemed a bit risqué. I was doing it unintentionally… but subconsciously I think I was hoping this would happen.

I wore a button up, white shirt with a red plaid skirt and heels. I could tell that Cadence was having fun with my little apparel because he started to slowly unbutton my shirt, revealing my chest before letting his tongue run down my collar bone… and I don’t remember much of what happened after that. All I know is that he fucking did something that made me feel really fucking good.

I do recall that he continued asking me what I wanted him to do, but feeling embarrassed to ask too much, I insisted that he could do whatever he wanted as long as his penis stayed out of my vagina. That made him laugh slightly, but I think it got the gist of what my real intent for tonight was about.

Did I mention I was wearing stockings? Sexy black stockings with little white bows. I think he got a boner just from those on sight. When he pulled my panties down, he demanded I keep the stockings on because they were a turn on.

No penis touched my vagina that night. Though I can’t say that nothing was inserted of course.

God I’m a fucking horrible person aren’t I?

After our little night of fun, he kissed me goodnight and left me to sleep off the eruption of horniness that I was trying to recover from. I thought it was weird that Cadence actually allowed this all to happen. He never seemed like the type of person who would like that stuff. He told me he thought the other way around and all I did was laugh really fucking hard.

If you asked Tegan about the type of person I am, she’d pretty much tell you I’m a walking pair of tits with a dash of sex on the side, except for the fact that I actually have morals and don’t want to pop my V card until I’m married.

Well I guess I just have a horribly sexual humor. My bad.

After that it seemed like life was good for a while and me and Cadence found ourselves in situations that didn’t revolve around arguing! Hazzah! But OH FUCK. ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END. As soon as my good days came, they went. Why? Because Asshole number two decided to come back into my life.

Andrew had to say the deadly three words that caught me in a very bad love triangle. This is one of the reasons that I had such a horrific year. I have never expected any of this fucking shit to happen to me, but Andrew had to come right the fuck back with a text message of death that sounded a little something like this.

“So um… I think that I love you.”