Heartbreak Warfare

I heard a knock on the door and instantly my smile appeared.
I almost ran over to it and quickly opened it.

"Hey you."
Gerard said.

"Hi!"
I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him as close as I could.
"I missed you."

I said, while releasing him.

"I missed you, too."
he said, with his smirk.

"Come in, come in! Want something to drink, something to eat? Anything?"
I asked, ushering him in.

"A drink would be nice, what do you have?"
he answered while he walked over to the couch and sat down.

"What do you want?"
I asked.

"Hey, you can't answer a question with a question Rose."
He said, smiling still.

"Gah well screw you, then. I'll get you something."
I said, and I heard him laugh behind me.

"Where's Jimmy?"
he asked.
I knew this was going to come up sooner or later.
I was hoping later.

"Away. He had some sort of business to do at the office I think."
I answered, my mood instantly darker.

"Hm, so that's why I could come over."
Gerard answered, his mood darker, too.
I could hear it in his voice.

"Could we not do this, please?"
I asked, sighing and bringing Gerard his drink.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. How have you been?"
he asked, changing the subject.

"Peachy. You?"
I answered, a little mad at where the conversation had to go again.

"Meh, could be better but okay. Done anything fun lately? Seen any
good bands?"
he sipped his drink, looking at the table in front of him.

"Nah not really. I spend most of my time in the appartment."
I stood up and got myself something to snack.

I saw him nod when I walked back.

"Want to get some icecream or something with me?"
he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Icecream. Hm, I could go for that. Yeah, I'd love to."
we both jumped up and grabbed our coats.

"Want to eat it outside or in the appartment?"
he asked, while we were making our way over to the elevator.

"Hm, in the appartment. That way I won't get too cold."
I said, pushing the button of the elevator.

"I could always keep you warm."
he mumbled a bit.

"Yeah, I know. You always warm me up with your presence, by just being there.
But I like being in the appartment."
I stepped in the elevator and saw him smiling at me.

"Thanks."
he said, also stepping in.

"Yeah, no problem."
I smiled at him, too as he grabbed my hand.

"I really did miss you, you know?"
he said, kissing my hand.

"Yeah, I do. I feel the same way."
I said, feeling sad now.
Why did life had to be so complicated for me?

As we stepped out of the building, we walked to the
icecream parlour and chose our icecream with care.
When we had it, we walked back to the appartment without
any rush.

When we got in the appartment we had to get our coats off
and that appaeared to be quite difficult with icecream in our hands.
Which resulted in us laughing like idiots.

We sat down on the couch then and silently ate our icecream.
I knew that Gerard was going to bring up Jimmy again so I was
preparing myself mentally.

"Are you happy?"
he asked, to my surprise.

"I think I am, yeah. Why?"
I answered.

"If you're happy you know it, Rose. Are you?"
he said, turning his body towards me on the couch.

"I'm happy right now, I know that. But I'm not sure if I'm happy
when you're not around."
I said this and I knew I wasn't even lying.

"Why don't you know if you're happy when I'm not here?"
he asked, frowning.

"Because you still make me happy when I see you. I don't know why."
I said, facing my shoes.

"And what about him?"
he kept on pushing the subject.

"I guess he makes me happy. But it's not like how you make
me happy. I don't know how to explain. It's a different feeling, I guess."
I tried to reason it out in my head and I did a terrible job.
Was I happy?

Gerard remained silent for a while before he spoke, looking me in the eyes.

"I know, Rose."
he said.

"Know what?"
I asked, already feeling what he was hinting at.
I promised myself I'd never tell anyone so I was going to deny.
As hard as I could.

"Come on, don't protect his sorry ass. I've seen the bruises.
I know he hurts you. Are you really gonna sit there and lie to me?"
he asked, mad.

"I have nothing to lie about so why would I? I fall alot, I can't help it."
I said, shrugging it off.

He was honestly dead on but I didn't want anyone to know.

"Fuck, Rose. I never thought that you, out of all people, would
actually lie to me. That just plain hurts."

I felt my eyes water because I'd just hurt Gerard.
I shook my head, simply because I had no idea what to say or do.

He moved his hands though his hair, so he was frustrated alright.
Gerard did that alot when he was singing in his band but when he wasn't,
he was definetely pissed off.

"Could you please not lie to me? I really don't want to get mad at you."
Gerard said, biting his lip.

"Why would you get mad at me anyway? It's my life, isn't it?"
I said, nervous and frustrated like Gerard.

"Of course it is. I'm not telling you to leave him, even though I think
that's the best thing to do. I'm asking you to tell me the truth."
he reasoned.

"Well, I just did."
I said, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Goddamn it. Fine. Have it your way. You realise I'm not leaving until
you tell me, right? So that could mean I'd still be here when your lovely
boyfriend comes home and knocks you around a little."
he said, shrugging.

It hurt to hear Gerard be so nonchalant about it.
If he knew, why would he even say something like that?

"If you're so sure he does that than why are you still here?
You enjoy watching him knocking me around, beating me up?
Jesus, I thought you were different from all the guys I've ever met.
Could you leave? Like, now?"
I said, standing up and walking over to the door.

"No."
he just said.

"No what?"
I replied.

"No on both things. But if that's what it takes to make you see it,
then I'm sorry but I'll have to stay here."
he said, letting his anger down.

"Make me see what?"
I wanted to know, crossing my arms.

"That he's a douchebag and you can do so much better, Rose.
The way he treats you is the way you wouldn't even treat your
own dog, damn it. He beats you, he makes fun of you and he probably
hurts you emotionally, too. Why can't you see that you are better off
with someone who's the complete opposite?"
Gerard had gotten up in the middle of his little rant and he had walked up to me.

"Yeah because those guys are easy to find, right? Look, Gerard.
You might not believe me but I do love Jimmy. And the way he treats
me is not your problem. Just leave us be if you can't handle it."
I said, on the verge of crying.

Telling Gerard I loved Jimmy wasn't a downright lie but I didn't love him
as much as I did Gerard. Ever since I met Jimmy, he tried turning me into
something I was not. I tried holding it back but I didn't want to upset Jimmy
that much because he could get really violent.

Gerard on the other hand, was the complete opposite. He was caring,
nice and beautiful inside and out. He was the perfect guy in my eyes but
he'd never even looked at me in a way that could pass for flirting.
So after a month or 2 I realised I was his friend and nothing more.
But it was crappy to be such good friends with the guy I found perfect.
It was even crappier that Jimmy came in the picture and banned Gerard out of my life.
That's why, whenever I wanted to see Gerard, I'd have to be really sneaky about it.
I never got caught.

Gerard's fist hit the door before I could even understand what he was doing.

"Damn you! Will you just look at yourself?
Where's the Rose I became friends with? The Rose I came to like and
even love? Where the hell is she, what has he done to you? You used to be
so outgoing and fun and lately all you do is sit in the appartment and be
a social hermit. I fucking hate this place, knowing that you're stuck in here all
goddamn day because your precious little boyfriend doesn't want you to leave.
And all because he doesn't want you talking to other people, afraid you might
spill about his actions. You have to go to the police or something and turn him in.
And if you don't, I fucking will!"
Gerard said, shouting a few inches from my face.

The tears started rolling down my cheek when I closed my eyes.
I had a hard time believing that Gerard just lost his cool and started shouting at me.
He never shouted at me,

I heard him panting before I felt two warm arms wrapping themselves
around my back.

"I don't want to see you hurt anymore, Rosie. It kills me."
he whispered in my ear.

"Then why do you still come over? You don't have to see me anymore.
You don't have to see me hurt. You could stay away."
I said with pain in my heart. The day Gerard would say he'd had enough of me,
would be the day I'd go nuts.

"Because I want to see how you're doing. I need to know you're okay
every once in a while. I know you're tough but I'm not. Not anymore.
I really meant what I said about the police. If you don't turn him in, I'm gonna.
I'm sick of his abuse."
his head was now securely on my shoulder, his face close to my neck.
I could feel his warm breath on my collarbone and I felt my eyes flutter.
I remember thinking that this was how it was all meant to be, when I heard the
keys in the door.

"I'm sorry."
I whispered before stepping away from his embrace and looking at the
door.
When it opened, Jimmy came in and I instantly caught his mood.
And he hadn't even seen Gerard.

"Get me something to eat, Rose."
he said, still not seeing Gerard.
Not that he had to, Gerard spoke up the minute he ordered me
to get him something.

"She's not going to get you anything anymore. I'm taking her with me and
if you ever try to get near her, you're going to be very sorry."
he said, standing in front of me.

I felt anxious for Gerard's welfare. No one ever spoke to Jimmy like that.
I wrapped my hands around his arms and almost shut off his blood circulation
by squeezing so hard.

"I'm scared.."
I whispered, and shortly after I had, I felt Gerard's soft hand on mine.
Reassurance it would be okay.

"Rose, what the hell is this? I told you I never wanted you near him again.
Do I have to remind you of the repercussions? Get in the bedroom. Now."
he said, furious.

"Stop ordering her around. She won't do anything anymore. Let her
pack her things and leave. We won't ever come here again."
Gerard spoke for me.

"Will you shut up and leave? I've got something to say to.."
Jimmy said but was cut off by Gerard.

"I'm not leaving her. Not anymore. Not after everything you've done to hurt
her. I'll make sure she'll be okay without you."
I pulled on his shirt, trying to make him move backwards with me.
Seeing Jimmy like that really opened my eyes.
He was nothing but a tiran, ordering me around like Gerard said.
Instead of getting scared, I got furious.
Who the hell was he to order me around and tell me what to do?

"If you're not gone in 10 seconds.."
Jimmy said, not ending his threat.

"You are not going to hurt us Jimmy.
I'm going to the police and you'll get locked up if you dare touch us."
I said, feeling braver by the second.

"You better watch that mouth."
Jimmy took a step forward when I appeared from behind Gerard.

"I'm sick of you, you fucking asshole. If you ever come near me
again I swear to God, you'll be sorry you ever met me. Let me pack
my things and then let me go. I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
I'm not something you can own, dick."
I said, wanting to turn around.

Before I was fully turned, I heard a monstrous growl and a hand
grabbing my arm, forcefully. I heard Gerard scream something but
all I could see was Jimmy and his hatred.
He lashed out but instead of hitting me, he hit Gerard on his face, full force.

I watched in horror when Gerard stumbled and eventually fell down
on the ground.
I gasped and let myself fall on my knees, hovering over Gerard.

"Oh fuck, shit. Gerard, are you okay?
Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry.."
I said, moving his hair out of his face and seeing the bruise
already forming on his cheek.

"Get the fuck away from him, Rose. If anyone asks,
he wanted to hit me first, you get it?"
Jimmy said, pulling me up.

I just stared at Gerard in horror.
Somehow I knew this was coming someday.
Jimmy would hurt the people that I love, I just knew it.
But why did it have to be the one who was always there for me,
always looked out for me?
I felt my eyes water as I stared at Gerard, who had now
sat up.
Gerard touched his cheek and flinched at the pain that was
coming from the bruise that was already a violent red.

He stood up and spat on the floor, which resulted in a bloodstain
on the floor.

"My God.."
I whispered, still not looking away from Gerard.

"Will this help you see it?"
Gerard asked, in a monotone voice.
I opened my mouth to say something but my voice got stuck in
my throat.

"Make her see what, asshole?"
Jimmy asked, not knowing what Gerard meant.

Gerard didn't answer Jimmy but kept looking at me.

"Well, Rosie? Will it? Are you able to fucking see it now?"
Gerard's fists were clenched and I knew what was coming next.

"DO YOU SEE IT NOW? HUH?"
Gerard yelled and stormed forward.

I was frozen in place when his fist collided with Jimmy's nose.
I was aware of Jimmy's nose making an awful cracking sound
and I had to do my best not to scream.

I fell to the floor, crawling away from all the violence I had just
experienced. I thought I'd seen it all but here I was,
on the floor again, afraid of the next blow that would hit me.

The tears streamed down my face thinking of what
I'd caused.

"This is all my fault.."
I said to myself before I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.
I flinched away from it, not realising this touch was different than Jimmy's.

"None of this is your fault, Rose."
his soft voice came from next to me.
When I looked up to my right, I saw Gerard on his knees, holding out his hand.

"But you're hurt because of me."
I managed to choke out.

Gerard shook his head and smiled at me.
A weak smile but definetely a smile.
"I let myself get hurt. I'd rather deal with this than see you deal with it.
Are you okay?"
he asked, touching my cheek.

"No, I don't think I am. I'm really, so sorry for your cheek, Gerard.
I'm so sorry for everything."
I sat down on the floor, leaning against a kitchen cupboard.
Gerard crawled next to me and wrapped his arms around my body.

I cried in his shoulder for the longest time before I realised something.

"Where's.. Jimmy..?"
I asked after I'd calmed down a little.

"I called the police when he was down and he was gone in a minute.
Not that I actually called the cops on him, I'd have to explain my punch to him,
too. I don't think they'll say it's self defence when you launch yourself
at someone. Anyway, I don't think you'll have to worry about him anymore.
You're safe."
Gerard said, wiping away a few strands of hair from my face.

"Thank you. You never gave up on me and you always stuck around.
I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you."
I said, kissing his cheek gently.

"That's the reason why I stuck around though. Because I, too have never met anyone
quite like you. The only reason I talked to you that night was because I wanted to
get to know you, I thought you were beautiful. But when I found out you had a boyfriend
I was pretty upset about it, you know."
he said, caressing my hair.

"Why?"
I just asked.

"Because I wanted to be your Jimmy, really. But a nicer, weirder one."
I was wondering about what he said when he faced me.

"I've always loved you, Rosie. From the minute we met."
he slowly closed the gap between us and gently touched his lips against mine.

"I know this isn't the best time. But I wanted you to know that you have options.
You don't have to go to Jimmy again or anyone like him. You could actually be with a
guy the complete opposite, like I said. Well, I'd like to believe I'm the complete
opposite. I do hope I am. I hate guys like him."
he said, ranting on a little.

I smiled as I took in a deep breath.

"I've always thought of you as perfect, Gerard. I really still do. But
I never thought you were even a bit interested in me so I dealt with
the fact that I was going to be your friend and nothing more.
I just thought to myself that I should feel blessed and happy with a friend
like you. But your hugs and sweet kisses meant more to me than anything
I've ever experienced in my life. Why I felt like that, I don't know.
I think it's because of everything you just said about me.I fell the same way.
And I've been hiding my feelings because I had Jimmy and I was too blind to
see what he was. I'm sorry, Gerard. For everything I've caused but I can't say
I'm sorry for being your friend. Because frankly, I'm too selfish to ever let you go."
I said, looking at Gerard like he did me when he told me how he felt.

All the while I was saying this, his smile got wider and wider until
he was downright smiling like an idiot.

"That is the best thing I've ever heard in my life. You mean it?"
he said.

"Of course. I just don't think it's the best time, like you said. But I had to
say this. Just give me some time. Maybe we'll work things out."
I said, hugging him close.

"I'll give you time. As long as you need, Rose. As long as you'll ever need."
he whispered, kissing my neck once.

My eyes fluttered again and I pretty much knew enough.
But I had to get out of this state of mind and be myself again.
After 2 years of Jimmy, he'd changed me into a different person and I had
to be myself again before I could start thinking about Gerard and me.
But it felt good to be free and it felt good to be in Gerard's arms.
My future looked bright now, it had no dark cloud hanging over it.
And I'd have Gerard my by side all the way.
He'd be my sun, shining brighter and brighter each day he was beside me.