Just Another Shadow

"So, did you manage to lock up and everything on time?"
"Yeh it's just, I had to walk home because Cally decided to leave early, and she was my means of getting home."
"Damn her hehe, I could have come to meet you if you wanted me to, you know, a chance to meet."
"Yeh well, it's okay now and I don’t mind honestly. I like being able to walk alone sometimes, lets me think."
"Ooo sorry am I interrupting?"
"Yeh fuck off."
"Fine it's done."
"haha. Your such a tard."
"Well, would you like me any other way?"
"Nah I guess not."

The street lights lit up my path along the main road from the mall, casting a faint yellow glow over the frosty covered ground beneath my feet. I checked my watch, noticing that I only had ten minutes to get home and it took at least half hour to get back on a good day. I was bound to be late for Elly's Christmas Eve dinner. Brilliant. Today had been possibly the longest day I have ever endured; stuck in a dead mall, lightly buzzing with extremely late Christmas shoppers and nothing to do but stack shelves in one of the many book stores. All I had wanted since getting up this morning was to crawl back under the safety and warmth of my double duvet and sink back into a deep slumber.

"Are you okay? You sound a bit... distracted."
"No I'm fine honestly."

I had moved off the main road, taking a shortcut through a little wooded patch of park hoping that it would get me back to our comforting flat, and out of this freezing air. I'm not the most sensible of people and any normal human would have worn a few layers today to have kept them warm as the harsh December winds whipped through their clothes, but instead, I adorned a simple white shirt with a black pullover on top, a pair of skinny grey jeans, and my old hoodie with numerous holes. Definitely going to keep me warm.

"Where are you anyways? The traffic has died down."
"Oh I took a shortcut through the wooded park just over from our road."
"Oh right. What's wrong Dominique? I can tell something is up you know."
"Seriously, everything is fine."

Damn this guy for knowing me back to front. Thing was, I wasn’t okay. I hadn’t been for a few days now. Every time I left work, or was walking the dog out later at night, a chill swept right over me, dousing me in a sudden wave of paranoia.

"Liar. Now tell me what's wrong before I actually get worried."
"Just, that guy again. Just don’t worry okay?"
"Oh, just ignore him I am sure he will bugger off in no time. He following you?"
"Yeh, since I closed up, just like on Friday."
"Well just keep walking, nothing bad will happen, i promise."

Even with his comforting tone seeping through the speaker on my cell, I couldn't help but glance back over my shoulder, seeing the familiar outline of a guy, slowly but surely following me home again.

Confused? So was I.
A few months back, I was bored at home and decided that I needed something other than crappy games or parties to keep me occupied, and logged on to Interpenpals. Elly said she didn't understand what was so brilliant about those sites, and that all you get is a bunch of pervs asking to meet you, but I thought about it and decided it was at least worth a shot. All I wanted was someone to talk to, someone who was more interesting than the morons at Uni, and my wish was granted.

He started off just sending me a few messages a week, asking how I was, what I was up to, that kinda thing and it was fine. After a week or two I got to know him better. He lived in the same town, was only two years older than me, liked the same kinda music and was basically a lot like me. It gave me something to look into, something to take my mind off of what outfit I would wear later that night, or if Gerard sodding Way was going to make my life a living hell the next day at work.
I got used to having him to talk to and, after a while, gave him my number. At first he didn't ring, just left it, but as days went by he said he felt better talking to me in person. I didn't see any harm in it and felt relieved at the fact that had someone other than Elly to talk to, but she had other ideas.

"He could be anyone you know. All people lie about their age and where they come from. I mean you don’t even know his name! He could be some axe murderer for all you know, and then what would you do?"
"Just leave it out okay? You don’t know him and I swear he isn’t like that. You can talk to him if you want."
"No I'm okay, I just don’t want to see you get hurt okay? Don’t let some stranger do that to you."
"I won't I promise."

She still wasn’t sure about things and as I stepped into the darkness off the path through the woods, I thought of her, sat at home wondering where I was. Wondering if I had been chopped into tiny bits by the internet guy. He did have a name, and I did know it, it just wasn’t his real name. So what? I didn't need to know every bit about him. As long as he was there for me when I needed him, or ready to just act stupid everything was fine.

"Hey Trash, where are you? Normally I can hear music or whatever from your room."
"Oh just went out for a walk. My flat was getting too stuffy."
"Oh okay. Having fun?"
"Time of my life."

That's what I knew him as, Trash. It was his online username and to me, it was all I needed. I peered back over my shoulder, still seeing the guy at a safe distance behind me, head hung low, hood pulled over his head and keeping away, but I couldn’t help the small gasp escape my lips when his head snapped up, staring straight at me.

"Dominique? What's wrong? What happened?"
"Oh no-nothing. He just saw me looking at him is all."
"Oh okay don’t worry okay? It'll be fine I swear."

But thinking about it, what could Trash do if the guy was to suddenly leap on me and start stabbing me? Nothing. He was just some guy on the end of a phone. Not a superhero.

"When can I see you at last? I'm dying not seeing you."

This is what I had been getting for the past 3 days. Elly's words or worry continually popped into my head and I couldn’t help but feel slightly intimidated every time he asked. It wasn’t like I never wanted to meet him, because I did. It was just that, it was another step and I wasn’t the most confident of people at the best of times.

"I don’t know. I'm not sure yet."
He breathed a long sigh, not replying. I hated disappointing him.
"Well, I err, if you wanted, I could maybe see you tonight. You know, cos you are out or whatever and it saves you walking all the way home alone."

I heard him puff out a long breath, obviously getting back on track with his smoking that he was supposed to be quitting.

"Yeh, but I don’t want to scare you or freak you out in any way."
"Haha, how could you eh?"

Truth be told, I wasn’t ecstatic about meeting him right now, but anything would be better than getting followed by some creep in the middle of the night on my own.

"Just tell me where exactly you are, and I'll be there okay?"
"Erm, I just walked past the entrance to the graveyard at the back of the woods. Okay?"
"Sure thing. I'll see you in a bit."
"Yehh bye."
"Bye and don’t worry."

I hung up, immediately feeling alone and unnaturally aware of my surroundings. I was so tempted to ring him back. Just hearing his voice ceeping slowly into my ear put me at ease. The trees casted long sharp shadows onto the frost covered ground around me. Moon shining bright in between think sheets of white clouds, and it started to snow. Great now I am definitely going to freeze. I looked back over my shoulder once more to see that the creep had gone. I released a breath, relaxing by the second and felt a little better about what might happen. I know it sounded so stupid, me cowering around some huge tree in a darkened forest, waiting for a guy I met over the internet and worrying about a possible mass murderer, but I couldn’t help it. I looked at my cell, seeing I should have been back home ten minutes ago and debated on ringing Elly to tell her where I was. I could practically hear her worry in my mind.

"What were you thinking? Gah, get home now I'm going out of my mind with worry. Promise you'll get home now..."

Something along those lines. But as I went to speed dial our home number, a soft rustling from behind me caught my sparked attention. I shot around, squinting through the snowy darkness into the graveyard but couldn’t see a thing. I decided I was probably going slightly mad and that there really was nothing to worry about, just like he had said, but there was still that little voice in the back of my mind, telling me to run.

I started walking in small circles, feeling the chill seep through my pathetic amount of clothing as once again, the rustling came from behind me. I carefully walked forwards, peering round the trunk of yet another giant tree, and couldn’t see anything. I turned around, heading back to where I was just as a hooded figure left from the tree behind me, tightly wrapping his arm around my mouth to dull my screams.

"Shhhh, don’t worry. I won't hurt you I swear."

His hot breath floated over the back of my neck, making me squirm under his touch, as his other hand went to my waist. I tried kicking, screaming, flailing my arms, but to no avail.

"Calm down. Look stop okay? Stop and I'll let you go."

He lowered his head to my neck, pushing down lightly on my stomach to keep me from pushing away from him, and gradually loosened his grip on my mouth.

"Don't scream, don’t scream okay?"

I nodded meekly beneath his gloved hand and remained as still as possible as he let go of me completely, still keeping his arm gently over the flat of my stomach. His voice was harsh, rough, and I didn't like it. He kept nudging his head against the side of mine, smoothing out the skin on my stomach, his breathing hallowed.

"You don’t have to get so paranoid you know. I wasn’t going to hurt you. You know that.
"I know that!! What are you on? HELPME!"

He speedily covered my mouth once more, fighting for dominance as tried kicking and punching to get away. His strength over powered me, and I gave up, hanging limp in his arms. I didn't want to struggle, I just wanted to go. Please let me go, please.
He held onto me tightly, not loosening his grip this time. I felt him cough and splutter onto the air around me and winced and the pain he held on my upper arm grew. He obviously noticed and immediately let go, but instead pushed me back onto the tree behind us, leaving me with no room for escape. He tried talking to me, twisting my face to meet his, but I pulled away, knowing that if I looked at him, I wouldn’t be able to control my screams.

"Why won't you look at me?!"

He threw his fist into the trunk next to my head, sending shudders through my skin. I dared at look at him, seeing a pair of gleaming auburn eyes burn deep into my own. His jaw line was set, giving him a harsher look, then I recognised him.

"Gerard?! What the fuck are you doing? Get off me, get off!"

He threw his hand back to my mouth, covering it once more as I screamed over and over. How dare he? I knew him. He was that twat I was forced to work with at the bookstore. He always creeped me out, watching me as I put away random books on their shelves or spoke to customers. He would always lurk at the back, or just sit at one of the tables, scribbling into his book. He never did anything yet still got his pay. I never knew what he did with his free time, thinking that maybe he went out with a bunch of the older guys from the mall, drinking or whatever. Not following people. Following me.

"Look shut up will you? Just calm down, it's not what you think."
I kicked him, hard, right in the shin and he let out a yelp of pain. I tried to get away but instead he forced me back to the tree, holding me in place with his body. He glanced down at his knee, shaking it a bit, and resumed his stare at me. I didn't know what he was going to do. Hurt me? Take me? Kill me?
No, he sang.

"Hand in mine into your icy blues, and then I'd say to you, we could take to the highway..."

He gently closed his eyes, allowing his melodic voice to seep into the atmosphere around us, but then I remembered something. Those were the lyrics that Trash had been saying to me down the phone the other day. He said he had been working on them for a while and that he wasn’t sure how people would like them. I asked if he could sing them to me and he did. It was beautiful. And that voice, that voice was a mirror of Trash's. But-

"Ge-gerard?"
He removed his hand from my mouth for the final time, ceasing his words and looking at me as the realisation sunk in.
"Y-you?"
He didn't say a word. Didn't move, blink, instead he pulled out his phone from his pocket and typed in something I couldn’t see. I felt the buzzing of my phone in my hand and looked down to see "Trash" calling.
"You wouldn't have believed me if I told you."

He hung up, placing his phone back into his pocket and removed his hands from either side of my head. I couldn’t do anything so I just stared. This was the guy who had made me feel so complete, so wanted over the past few months, and all along it was the same guy who made me want to lash out at work each time he made some sarcastic comment? No, it had to be a joke.

"It, it can't be you though."
"Why not?"
"Well it, you're you, and it just can't be."

He sighed once more, his voice slowly becoming less ragged and more soft, like I was used to on the phone. He stepped back, muttering something as he turned to leave but I didn't quite catch it.

"Wh-what?"
"I said you can go. I'm sorry Dominique."

I looked at him, seeing all of the harsh reality set in motion. He was no longer that strange guy who watched me at work, instead he was the lost, hurt guy I had grown to adore.

"But I, just. I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"

He glanced back around, reaching into his pocket to grab a smoke and waited for my reply. Thing was, I didn't know. I didn't know why I was sorry or what I should say, so instead I stepped closer.

"What are you doing?"
"I never gave you a chance to explain."
"True, but I never tried to explain did I?"

I shook my head at him, feeling his warm breath float over me as he stepped closer, closing much of the gap between us. I felt his hands slowly wind their way around my back and looked up to see his glassy gaze pouring down over me.
"I really was dying not seeing you."
"But you see me every day Gerard."
"It's not the same. You hate me. You love Trash."

He was right, I wasn’t exactly fond of Gerard Way, but I didn't hate him. he just annoyed me beyond belief. All I had felt for "trash" was slowly coming through, forcing me to slowly wrap my arms around his torso and pull myself right up to him, doing the one thing I never thought I would do. He looked down at me, brushing my hair from my face, apologising over and over again, but I didn't need to hear it.

"I should have just rung you and told you. I'm so sorry."
"I said its fine didn't I?"
"Guess so."

And with that he leant down, placing his cold lips carefully on mine as I felt that wave of completeness wash over me. This was it. This was what I needed. To feel wanted and whole. To feel loved by the man that was watching me all along.