Dirty Laundry

I awoke in the early hours of the night to Smith jerking awake with a start.

His breathing ragged he pointed a gun to the bedroom door as he sat up. ''Smith?'' I said hesitantly unsure if he was still in his nightmare. I sat up carefully when he didn't respond. ''Smith?'' I reached my hand over and lowered his arm. He didn't resist. I grabbed the gun from him and set it on my nightstand making sure it was on safety. His Adams apple moved as he swallowed nervously. I cupped his cheek and made him look at me. his eyes were frantic and wide with fear and uncertainty.

''Smith its a dream..you're home..safe'' I whispered trying to get him to lay down again. He did so hesitantly. His eyes finally showed recognition and he just stared at me ''Its just a dream'' I soothed rubbing his cheek with my thumb. He was trembling with adrenaline.

He swallowed again making his Adams apple move down then up again. ''You're home its OK..no ones going to hurt you here'' I whispered trying to sooth him. I didn't dare ask him what his dream was about since I already had a hunch he wouldn't tell me about it.

''See..you're fine..it was just a dream'' I smiled lightly. He laid his head on my shoulder burying his face in my neck. I kissed the top of his head rubbing his arm that was covered
in goosebumps to sooth him. Poor thing was shaking like a leaf. I was a bit afraid of moving because I wasn't sure if I'd hurt him. He was beat up pretty bad and even though he says he's fine I wasn't stupid. He was in pain, no doubt about it. If he wanted to be a big boy and keep it to himself then so be it, I cant force him to do anything. But at least I could try to sooth his nightmares.

He didn't say anything but I knew he was still awake. I could feel his eyelashes against my skin as he blinked. ''Let me make you some tea-'' ''Don't leave me'' he whispered stopping me from scooting away from him. His arm came around my waist clutching my shirt.

I placed a firm hand on his and pried his fingers gently ''OK..calm down I'm not going anywhere'' I whispered feeling sorry for him. He reminded me of a child. Then it made me wonder what it was like to be an orphan, when he was younger when he had nightmares who held him? Who scared them all away? Was he ever sung a lullaby? I almost felt choked up. As odd as it sounds I felt so sorry for him, I just wanted to hold him and make them all go away.

He seemed to calm enough to where his shakes stopped. He was still tense, too tense. His breath calmed slowly. I worried for him. I felt for him. and even though as much as I knew he'd hate it, I pitied him.

It felt like he fell asleep, his breathing was rhythmic but I could still feel him blinking. And then there was no blinking. He must have closed his eyes. But I still wasn't sure if he was awake or not. But then Kyle started waking up. I looked at the clock. Four in the morning. It was his usual wake up time to feed, Smith rolled on his back and I sat up and went to Kyle.

He calmed a bit but still fussed in my arms. ''I'll make him a bottle'' Smith said quietly as he got up and walked out. I sat on my side of the bed with Kyle and rocked him lightly. Smith came back a few minutes later and I fed Kyle. Kyle looked up at me as he ate. His little brown eyes seemed to almost glow in the darkness. The only light on was the one in the hallway and the room door was slightly open only permitting a sliver of light.

Cerberus lay on the floor in front of the bed asleep. Smith lay on his back beside me watching Kyle and I. Kyle had his Little hands on the bottle as if holding it in place. ''He needs a follow up appointment'' I said quietly. ''Whats that?'' asked Smith. ''New Born's need to go to the hospital alot to make sure there's nothing wrong, it usually stops around when they get a little older and the risks of them dying decreases. Besides I'm not sure if he has all his immunizations..it's important he has them'' ''I'll set up an appointment today'' ''OK'' I nodded smiling at him. I tried to put Kyle back to sleep but he was being stubborn.

He grew since he came here. He was growing everyday and it seemed he was healthy now.
Smith sat up ''I'll take him..I cant sleep anymore'' ''I'm fine..I cant go back to sleep, it's hard for me to fall back asleep when I wake up'' I shrugged as I stood up and laid Kyle down in
his car seat. ''But could you watch him so I can take a shower?'' I asked. He nodded. ''OK I wont be long''

I took a quick shower and dressed in Sofie's and a tank top. I put some socks on because the floor was always cold in the mornings then walked out to find Smith holding Kyle. It was sweet watching them. Though it was obvious that Smith was not Kyle's father at all but still it was a nice picture. ''You know to him we wont be Shanell and Smith..we'll be mommy and daddy'' I said quietly. He nodded. ''Are you prepared for that?'' I asked. He nodded. I raised a brow. He shrugged ''I like kids''

I smiled lightly as i nodded. ''Well then that makes things a hell of a lot easier'' I breathed amused. ''It was my idea to keep him'' he grumbled. ''I know I'm just saying'' I shrugged. ''Most men fear the thought of children. Don't get me wrong some really really want kids, but the ones I've met choose to run from children'' ''They're idiots'' ''Be nice'' I smiled sitting next to him.

''Hows your ribs?'' I asked looking at the wrap. ''Sore but I'm good'' ''How are you holding him without being in pain?'' ''I am in pain..but I'm used to it'' he shrugged. I nodded understanding, but I still felt sorry for him. Poor guy, some of his bruises had gotten worse over the course of the night and his stitches were a bit swollen. Kyle waved his little arms resting them on Smith's arm. ''I've got to cut his finger nails'' I sighed looking at Kyle's nails. Smith turned his head and looked at me. He leaned in kissing my cheek ''Thanks'' he whispered. I knew we weren't talking about Kyle or anything else. He was talking about the nightmare. ''No problem'' I smiled cupping his cheek. Nightmares were no fun. He stood up and gave Kyle to me ''I'm going to get dressed'' ''OK'' I nodded as I stood up with Kyle and grabbed his car seat carrying him downstairs and laying him in it. I rocked him with my foot lightly every now and then as I cooked breakfast.

This morning I made something a little more ethnic. I made ojaldas with steak cut into chunks and seasoned with flavors of home. When Smith came down stairs he paused and looked at his breakfast. ''What is this?'' he asked picking up the ojalda. ''Ojalda'' I took a bite out of mine. ''Olda?'' he furrowed his brow ''Oh-hal-da..it's Panamanian fry bread taste it you'll like it'' ''I've been to Panama before..'' ''Really? My mom is from Cerro Azul..in the mountains'' ''I've only been to Panama City'' ''Well I felt like making something from home. My mom makes this all the time, they eat some strange things for breakfast in Panama'' I sighed.

He shrugged ''It all tastes good to me'' ''Not everything..have you ever had bacalao?'' ''No'' ''It's a cod fish soup that stinks and tastes like throw up. I hate it as does my mom who never makes it but some of my aunts eat it, just smelling it makes you want to throw up'' I shuddered. He laughed eating a chunk of steak. ''No I've never had any, I wasn't sure what was edible there'' ''I know we eat a lot of weird things'' I smiled shaking my head. Kyle started fussing in his car seat and I took him out and held him in one arm as I ate.

''Dont eat with him like that..it's not comfortable, put him back in the car seat'' ''But he gets tired of it, I'm fine I'm used to it I used to do it with my little brother and sister when they were babies'' I waved him off. ''OK'' he shrugged.

We were almost done eating when he reached in his pocked pulling out his wallet and keys. He opened it and pulled out a blue card ''Here'' he slid it to me with the keys. ''Whats this?'' I asked looking at the keys ''Car keys..I got you a car'' ''..Wait what?'' I said wide eyed hoping I heard him right. ''I got you a car'' he nodded to the keys. I looked at the keys and just couldn't believe it. The little Honda logo on the keys made me shake my head ''You got me a car..like out of the blue'' I said wide eyed. He snorted amused ''Come on..just take the keys'' ''Whats this?'' I asked looking at the credit card ''Do I really have to explain that to you?'' he smirked. ''No'' I rolled my eyes ''I meant why are you giving me a credit card?'' ''Why else? You need money don't you?'' ''Wow'' was all I could say. I was too stunned to think. He got me a car. A CAR like a vroom vroom down the road car!

''Well are you going to go see it?'' he smirked. ''What kind of car is it?'' ''Honda Pilot'' ''When did you get it?'' ''Yesterday..I had Landon and another friend drop it off'' ''I didn't hear anything'' ''Thats because they didn't come inside. They just drove it and left and gave me the key'' ''Smith this is..too much'' I said lamely. ''You don't like it?'' he asked a bit let down. ''No no..I'm just..surprised is all'' I assured him. ''then go look at it'' ''OK'' I nodded standing up and walking to the garage door. He followed and pressed the garage door pad and it opened up to reveal a black Honda Pilot. I stood there wide eyed. It was one thing to hear you have a car but it was even more real to see it. I just stared at it. Smith took my hand and led me down to the car.

''Why would you get me a car?'' I asked absently. ''Dont look a gift horse in the mouth'' he chuckled. ''You have to get around somehow'' he added taking the keys from me and unlocking it. A smile spread over my face and I just looked at him shaking my head. ''You rock'' was all I could say. He chuckled and motioned to the driver's seat ''Well?'' I followed him and sat down in the driver's seat. I looked at him as he sat beside me in the passenger seat and reached my hand over to hold his as it rested on the connected arm rest

''Thankyou..I'm just speechless'' I smiled at him. Kyle was still in my arms and Cerberus
milled around outside as we just looked at each other. I leaned in and kissed him
''Thankyou'' I said softly again. ''I'm glad you like it'' 'Llike it? Sweetie I don't like it..I love it I cant believe you got me a car..This is unbelievable'' ''It's just a car'' ''Never in a million years did I think I was getting a car Smith..The best I hoped for was my dad's old Honda..and it's not even a car I thought I was going to get a motorcycle which is fine, but I knew I could never afford a new car like this'' ''Why not?'' ''My family looks well off, but that's my step-dad. Before my mom married him we were poorer than the dirt we stood on, we were getting by with the child support my dad paid and the menial jobs my mom could take. It was hard, sometimes I have to stand back and just look at everything because it doesn't seem real. I'm not used to money or what it could do, I'm used to scraping by, just window shopping. Thankyou'' I wiped a tear as I remembered the hard times with my mother and sister. I was always thankful for what I had, I knew both sides of the world but Neil's money wasn't mine, it was his and I knew that. I didn't ask for anything because it wasn't my place. It wasn't my money. And even though he said he loved my mother and that if we wanted anything we could just ask. But he made us remember where we came from, but guilt trips never worked on me. I looked down at Kyle as he brought me out of my thoughts. Smith was just looking at me. ''Why are you crying?'' he asked. ''I'm happy'' I shrugged wiping another tear and smiling at him.

''Well it's all yours'' ''Thankyou so much''