A New Life for Hope

I woke up on a hospital bed, terrible dreams chasing each other through my mind - the worst of all the living nightmare of last night.
As suddenly as I had woken up, I wept: for my mother, for me, and for the unknown future. My bitter tears woke Maria, sleeping on a chair beside me.
“Hope? You okay?” She bit her lip, contemplating my tear-stained face.
“No…” I mumbled, knowing that I could never be okay again.
My life had been turned upside down, and I had nothing, no one.
I didn’t feel; I had no place to go, nowhere to be.
I vaguely remember Maria driving me home, collecting some clothes and taking me to her house.
After that, there was nothing. I ate a little, slept, lived - but still I didn’t feel anything.
The world was my darkened room, and it seemed as if it could never be bright again.
I only started to come back to painful reality two days later - Mum’s funeral had passed already, organised beforehand to be swift and, supposedly, painless.
There was to be no family there to mourn her, no crying for the inevitable.
So now, I had to find something to do with my life - I couldn’t fall apart like this. In my heart I knew this, knew that mum wouldn’t want me to spend even one more endless day, thinking about nothing.
It was when I was sitting around Maria’s house, doing nothing for the third day in a row, when my reason finally came back, and kicked into gear with a rush of adrenaline.
It was only then that I had an impossible thought; my Dad.
She had said to ring him.
Who was he, I wondered, and what was going to happen to me, now that mum was... now that she wasn’t here.
My thoughts almost set off a crying fit, but I controlled myself and spoke softly to Maria, who had looked after me so compassionately when I couldn’t look after myself.
“Maria, could you take me to the solicitors’ office? It’s about mum - I’ll explain on the way.”
She was happy to help, and once I had explained what mum had said, she had to help. Without her, I couldn’t get to anything mum had left to help me - and that, apparently, included my father’s contact details.
There wasn’t much money left after the bills were paid, but I wasn’t worried about that - I just wanted my family.
I tried to think of what might happen to me for the whole drive to the lawyer’s office, but to no avail. Sighing, I looked up, as we pulled in to the parking lot.
We soon found the right building, and Maria talked to the man in charge.
We had to wait for a while, but finally, we were taken into an office.
After another moment, a blonde-haired secretary came in and set a large cardboard box of papers in front of us.
The first sheet I picked up was nothing special - an inventory, listing the things in the will.
The next sheet, and many after that, looked to be the same - until, in the smallest print, on the last piece of paper, there it was.
At the end of another inventory list, was a very familiar line of handwriting, a last minute addition, obviously scribbled down just before it was signed.
A phone number, labelled with a simple name, the name of the person whom my mother must have known I would need to contact when I had to -Dad.
The next thing I knew, I had my mobile out, and was dialling the scrawled number, as Maria watched me nervously.
One, two - three long rings. I was about to give up, and hang up the phone, when I was surprised by a male voice suddenly answering.
“Hello?”
I didn’t know what to say, but somehow I made a sentence.
“Um…hi…I’m looking for my father…” My first attempt at words sounded far away, but the more I spoke the faster the words came out.
“... my mother…she…she died, and her last wish was that I find him, I mean, find my dad. He would have been something less than twenty years old in around ninety-two...”
Absolute silence on the line. I bit my lip, hoping that this was going to work, that I could get him to understand - especially with my garbled introduction.
Suddenly, the man spoke again.
“How did you get this number?”
“I… My mum, she put it in her will - I know it sounds crazy, but really, she…” I started to ramble again.
I was cut off by the man, who was speaking softly now, though he still sounded a little impatient.
“It’s alright, I believe you, I'm just not sure you’ve got the right number…What was her name? Your mother, that is...”
“Rosie - Rose Smith.”
Another long silence.
“Hello?” I hoped he hadn’t hung up.
“Did you say Rosie? The same Rosie Elizabeth who used to live in New Jersey?”
I gasped in a breath - the man on the line sounded like he may have known her!
“Yeah, she used to live there; years ago…Were you?... Did you?... “ I broke off - I might have finally found my dad!
The man started talking quietly, his voice hiding some strong emotion which I couldn’t quite make out.
“We were together for a few years, around ninety-one… fuck, I didn’t know she had a kid... what’s your name?”
He seemed to be in a state of shock, like me, now.
“I’m Hope…What about you?”
Maria was watching, her eyes damp as I gave her a weak, but happy smile.
“I’m Gerard,” he paused, and for a moment it sounded like he had turned away from the phone, then he spoke quickly.
“-look, I have to go, but I’ll ring you back on this number tonight and we might be able to sort this out... ”
“Okay… bye?” I whispered.
“Sure, bye.”
As he hung up, I thought I heard him mutter something like, ‘She had a- I’ve got a kid?’
I sat the phone down, tired and emotionally drained - Maria and I were both crying, now.
“I think I found my dad...”