A New Life for Hope

Later that evening, even though I had recovered from my shock a little, I stayed with Maria again.
I couldn’t bear to stay at our place by myself - it had too many memories, both good and bad.
We were washing up after dinner, when my mobile rang. I glanced at Maria, asking a silent question.
She answered it, “I’ll be fine here- go answer it. It might be your dad.”
I took a breath and checked the caller - but it wasn’t the number I had called earlier. It wasn’t in my contacts list, either.
“Hello?” I answered it.
“Uh, hello, Hope?” It was Gerard.
“Oh, hi - I didn’t know it was you - it’s a different number.”
“Yeah, I don’t use my mobile often - this is my other phone... ”
There was a moment of silence, both of us unsure of what to say.
After a while, Gerard sighed and spoke again.
“I can’t believe that you’re here... and that Rosie isn’t...”
I nodded my head, even though he couldn’t see me.
“Me neither... it was all so quick... ”
For a second I could hear the intake of breath as Gerard began to say something, but he just sighed, and, after a moment, spoke of something else.
“Well, I was thinking, where are you going to be staying now? Is anything sorted for you - are you old enough to stay by yourself? You’d be, what... sixteen?”
“I'm seventeen. And no - I’m just staying with a friend at the moment. I… I didn’t want to go back to our house.”
“It’s okay, I understand... now, I was wondering - and I know this is really sudden, but I think we need to sort some things out... Hope - do you want to come to New Jersey and live with me?”
I was shocked - everything was moving so fast, and I didn’t know what I wanted right then. I tried to be sensible, but I could think of nothing. I was still in shock, and grieving for mum.
I stood in silence for minutes, eventually finding some words.
“I…I really don’t know - I’ll put Maria on - she can tell you everything that’s happened… I- I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I might know then.”
“Okay, Hope - and, by the way, I’m sorry I didn’t know you earlier…” He took a breath, obviously dragging up a painful memory from years ago.
“Look, before you go, Hope, I need to tell you - your mother never told me that she was pregnant... she just told me it was over, one day - I think now that that might have been why - and I never saw her again. If I’d known...” He sighed.
“But now, though, it isn’t the right time. I’ll tell you the whole story once things get sorted out, though… I guess you’d better let me talk to-” he paused, so I filled in the gap for him.
“Maria.”
“Yeah, uh, Maria... bye, Hope.”
Numb, I handed the phone to Maria, who was now standing next to me with the dishcloth, trying to work out what was going on. My mind was spinning in all different directions, and I didn’t know how to grab hold of reality, let alone decide where to live for the next few years.
Later that night, I went to bed still thinking on it; hoping tomorrow would make everything clearer.
Before I went to bed, though, I asked Maria what she had organised with Gerard - what he had said.
She told me that he had said he could sort it for me to fly over anytime, whenever I was ready; or he could organise things for me to stay in town.
According to Maria, he really sounded like he preferred it if I could go to New Jersey, but I still wasn’t sure at all.
I slept on it, and when I woke up things seemed a little clearer. I had thought about it all night - even in my sleep I thought of mum, lying there pale as a ghost, and then falling - down and down…
I woke up in a sweat, but, for some reason, not quite as terrified of the future as I had been just last night.
One reason I had thought of during the night, which seemed critically important, was that I had no reason to stay.
I was finished year eleven, so I didn’t have to find a new school if I didn’t want to, and I could write to Maria; for I did know in my heart that I couldn’t stay with her forever.
She needed to get on with her own life, and so did I.