A New Life for Hope

This was what made my decision for me.
I told Maria over breakfast, which was pancakes and waffles - usually, they were my favourite, but today I couldn’t even taste them.
I wanted to tell Gerard right away, but first, I went to my mother’s grave.
She lay in the quietest part of the town cemetery, safe in a resting place far away from the pain and suffering of her life.
I talked to her about Gerard, and what I was going to do - I talked about how I missed her, how I would always miss her - and I told her I was glad she was in a better place now.
I wasn’t a big believer in heaven and god, but I knew there must be something good out there for such a strong woman who had been through so much, and died so young.
I walked home from the cemetery feeling calmer, knowing what I was going to do; and knowing that mum would be with me wherever I went.
I was ready to ring Gerard before lunch, but his phone rang out then, and I waited impatiently until the afternoon to talk to him.
Then I could sort things out.
I rang Gerard as the sun sank gently through the sky, and talked to him for a while about my mother.
She and Gerard had been very in love when they were young, but obviously mum didn’t want him to have to worry about a baby - it was just like her, to think about another’s feelings over her own.
Right now, though, we were finding out that it wasn’t the best decision she could have made.
While we were talking about decisions, Gerard asked me if I had thought about moving to stay with him. I thought a moment, to make sure I was making the right decision for myself, before answering him.
“Well, I’ve thought about it…”
“Yeah…?”
“...and I want to move to New Jersey.”
“Really?! I mean, that would be great - when did you want to come?”
I could hear how happy I had made him, over the phone.
“I guess whenever you’re ready - I mean there isn’t really anything left here except Maria... and I can’t stay with her forever.”
“Well, uh, I organised a flight tonight in case you made up your mind…” He sounded a little sheepish for pre-empting my decision.
“So... do you want to…?”
“Sure, I guess! Wow… I wasn’t expecting so soon, but I guess I can fly over now - I’ll pack some stuff - if you email me the ticket info, I’ll print it out. Will you be at the airport when I get there?”
I was writing notes as I walked around the house, grabbing what little I had taken with me while trying to hold the phone against my ear with my shoulder. Whatever qualms I may have had about moving across the country, to live with my father whom I didn’t even know, were left behind as I ran with the moment.
Gerard was still talking through the phone.
“Uh, I really can’t meet you at the airport - I’ll wait at this hotel a little way out. Here, I’ll give you the address... ”
I scribbled it down as he read it out, next to the other information I needed, and gave him my email so he could send me the papers that I would need.
“I guess I’ll see you there, then…”
“Yep -oh, and you won’t need to bring too much with you – just clothes and whatever sentimental stuff you want to bring with you; CDs and stuff, maybe - are you into music?”
“Yeah, I love, like, punk rock; stuff like Greenday and The Used.”
“Well, that’s good…”
I didn’t have time to wonder what he was on about; I had only a few hours to check in.
“I gotta run – um… is it okay if I just call you Gerard?”
“Whatever you want.”
“…okay, then - at least until I get to know you better - is that okay?”
“That’s fine, uh, it might be better anyway…See you soon!”
“Bye!”
I stopped wandering, looking around in disbelief - I was moving to New Jersey; tonight!
There was still no time to think, though.
I got Maria to drive me home for a few precious minutes, and quickly packed my things - explaining on the way.
She took me to the airport - after picking up the tickets that I had forgotten in my previous hurry - and after a long and tearful farewell, I got onto the plane in a kind of trance.
Now, I thought, I had a long trip across the country ahead of me, with nothing but my iPod and a well-thumbed novel for company.