A New Life for Hope

We were finally here - the place I would be calling home for, possibly, years to come.
I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, my Converse shoes crunching on the gravel path.
It was a small step for me, but one that left my other world behind forever.
I was walking up to the house, when the weight of the massive changes that had occurred over the last two days finally hit me.
I felt so tired, all of a sudden, and all I wanted to do was to run back home to my cosy old bed, curl up in it, and just wait for the morning; when mum would wake me up and comfort me, tell me it was just a dream.
It was all just too much for me to take.
I’d reached the front porch of Gerard’s home, when I broke down.
Dropping my bag on the steps, I sat down beside it and sobbed helplessly.
I hadn’t cried properly since mum died.
Even at her graveside, I had been strong; the tears had seemed more of a propriety than real emotion - but now, moving into a new house far away from anything and anyone I was used to, I couldn’t hold myself together any longer.
I closed my eyes and let my sorrows out, feeling my heart break into millions of pieces at the loss of my mother and friend.
After a moment of hesitation, Gerard sat down before me, and I felt his arm around me.
I sat, feeling a little strange at being comforted by a virtual stranger - but knowing that now I had someone to look out for me as mum always had.
I still cried, though.
“Oh, mum…I wish you were here…”
I didn’t have to be quite so strong anymore; I could cry now. This was a massive weight off my shoulders.
I continued to weep for what seemed like an eternity, but which, in reality, must have been only a few minutes.
Gerard sounded sad, as eventually he broke the silence.
“I’m sorry… I should have taken it easy, should have given you some time to get used to all this…”
I couldn’t answer him at the time, but once I had calmed down, Gerard turned my head towards him.
“But, Hope - I just want you to know something, okay?”
“Yeah…” I rubbed at my eyes, a vain attempt to dry them.
“I’m here for you now. I know I wasn’t there for you before, and I am so, so sorry for that; but I want you to know that I’m here now, and I always will be...”
That set me off again, but this time tears less of sorrow, and more hopeful - a little cliché, I found myself thinking.
Standing up again, I felt lighter, but not any less tired; trailing through the big front door behind Gerard, I didn’t even take any notice of the impressive sizing of the front hall.
We walked up an exhausting flight of stairs and stopped outside a simple door leading off from the hallway.
Gerard opened the door and glanced back at me apologetically.
“Sorry about the mess; we don’t usually use this room. It’ll do for now, though… plus, we didn’t exactly get a warning, did we?”
He smiled at the comment, trying to be cheerful despite the late hour and current stressful situation.
Right then, though, I couldn’t have cared less.
“As long as it’s got a bed, I don’t care. I’m gonna go to bed right now, okay? Before I fall into it.”
I managed a weak smile, but I honestly did feel more than a little shaky on my feet.
Sure, Hope – I’ll see you in the morning. You can meet the guys, then.”
Well, that put me on edge – what if they didn’t like me?
I worried for a moment - that worrying about the morning would keep me from sleeping; but I was wrong. I took my glasses off and got into bed; before my head hit the pillow, I was already asleep.