Away From Everything We Fear

Lacey:

This summer I was in deep stress. As a fresh high school graduate, I wasn’t really ready for the real world to start. My head ached and my lips went dry at the thought of being on my own, but on the other hand, I knew that freedom was something I had wanted for a long time.

But now, with it staring me dead in the face, I couldn’t help but feel—scared.

I sighed as I shuffled through the various packets of information. In front of me were two schools vying for my acceptance. On the left was Arizona State University, aka ASU, but as some of my friends called it—ASWho? ASU was home of the sun devils. On the right was the University of Arizona, aka U of A, home of the wildcats.

U of A was the school I really wanted to go to, but my parents wanted me to go to ASU. As the youngest of four children all of whom attended or were attending ASU, I couldn’t help but feel like my decision was already made for me. I hated the thought of being cooped up in phoenix for another four years. The metro area of Tempe had enough of me and I had enough of it. However, if I went to U of A in Tucson, just a few hours away, I would be immersed in something different, something new and I’d still be kind of close to home. I felt this compelling urge to finally stop doing what my parents always wanted.

Unlike most kids that did well in school, got good grades, rarely partied, etc. my parents for some aggravating reason were never satisfied. It was killing me knowing I was never good enough. Then the unthinkable happened. I got a B in one class, on tiny little class, in the last semester of my senior year. I felt like a failure. A feeling that was confirmed by the disappointment in my parents’ faces. They couldn’t believe that their daughter who had been tied for first in her class throughout all four years of high school had ended up graduating not as valedictorian, not even salutatorian, but in third.

The expectations they had put on me had ruined my graduation night to the point where I felt ashamed. Then my parents had the nerve to comment on how upset I looked that night. They failed to understand how hurt she was that they were disappointed in her when most parents would be excited that their daughter had graduated third in her class.

Well, I was about to disappoint them once more. In my hand was the acceptance letter to the University of Arizona. All I had to do was use the pin number and password on the letter to confirm. What my parents didn’t know was that I had confirmed months ago. I had paid the small deposit fee and applied for housing. In a month I would have orientation. Besides the scholarship they were willing to give me was much better than what ASU had. This only furthered my desire to go to U of A.

I had been to Tucson occasionally and it was so much better than my “perfect life” in Tempe. The atmosphere just felt better. Palm trees everywhere and a backdrop of mountains on the outskirts of town in every direction. It was also a bit smaller than Phoenix, it felt less stuffy and more open, more free and more welcoming.

My parents didn’t know I had already committed. Now, I just had to pluck up the courage to break the news to my strict parents.

My ears perked up to the sound of the front door opening.

“Knock knock, Lacey-Lynn, anybody home?” My mothers voice rang out through the empty house.

As quickly as I could I collected all of the packets and letters into a somewhat neat pile and set it in my drawer. As soon as the door to my drawer was closed, my room door opened revealing my mother’s tan, beautifully done up face.

She stepped into the room, “Honey, didn’t you hear me calling?”

I turned to face her trying to calm my quickly beating heart. I knew I had to tell my parents sooner or later, but not yet. My mother eyed me curiously. She always had the ability to read me like an open book.

“Oh, sorry mom. I was just cleaning up.” I said hurriedly. It all came in a rush. “Why are you here?”

Growing up, my parents were always known for their gorgeous residence and prestigious parties. So at a very early age my parents had guest house built and hired a nanny so that me, my sister Grace and my two brothers Jett and Christian could live in without being disturbed by my parents’ lifestyle—or rather, so that we wouldn’t bother theirs. With my sister moving out last year to stay in ASU’s dorms, I, the youngest, was the only one left. Needless to say, it got lonely fast, but whenever one of them visited they always had a house to stay in. For my sister that was at least one weekend a month, because she got homesick easily, but I knew once I was gone; I’d be gone.

All I had ever known was being shadowed by my siblings. I dreamt of being on my own, making my own decisions, and finally being in charge of my life.

My mom continued to talk, “Oh, I just came by to drop off some groceries. I don’t want my baby girl to starve.” She said jokingly. “Speaking of which, I was thinking you should move into the house with dad and I. It must be awfully lonely by yourself.”

I sighed. Here it was. I was the last bird leaving the nest and my mom was already having trouble accepting that. “Mom, you know I’m going to college in the fall.”

“Trust me,” My mom started with a sad smile. “I haven’t forgotten.” She paused to look down at her freshly, French manicured nails probably deciding if she needed a touch up. “You never told me how much they offered you.”

“What who offered me?” I asked quickly, my mind already jumping to conclusions.

“ASU, dear. Who else?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

I felt my shoulders slump, “Oh, it sucks. They are only offering me tuition.” I said sadly.

My mom only shrugged, “Well, that’s okay. You know daddy will cover the rest.”

That’s the thing though, college was me, my choice. It was something I found really important and I wanted to work had for it. It was like my dad was paying me to go to his school.

“Would he pay it if I went somewhere else?” I suggested, but I left a tone in my voice that showed I was kidding. Only, I really wasn’t.

Her eyes narrowed, “Don’t even think about it Lacey.”

With that she left my room. After a moment I heard the front door close meaning she had also left the house. I went to the kitchen to see the bags of groceries that had to be put away alone once more.

Here I already was, living like an adult, but still treated like a child by my parents.


John:

The dry desert rushed pat them as their big white van speed towards Tempe. The sun had already begun to set casting unbelievably beautiful shades of colors on the mountains in the distance. I fixed my sunglasses so that they were sitting snuggly on the bridge of my nose. I held my foot lightly on the pedal increasing the speed a little bit until pressing the cruise control to hold the speed at exactly six mph over the speed limit.

Taking my foot off the gas, I straightened my back for a quick stretch before falling back into my comfortable slouch. I could already feel the feeling of relief washing over me at the sight of the beautiful Arizona landscape littered with cactus. It was nothing more than dry, boring desert, but it fascinated me.

I turned to look at Jared in the seat next to me. His ginger locks were all disheveled and his tired, glazed over eyes were staring at the scenery blankly. He had just finished driving. I stole a glance behind me to see Pat leaning his head against Garrett’s shoulder while Garrett texted someone. I couldn’t see Kenny, figuring he was laying in the back seat asleep.

I let out a small chuckle. Pat and Garrett had hated the idea of using a van for this small tour, but I had insisted. It brought back the old memories of how we started. It was my way of reminding myself and the guys to not let getting more successful and popular get to our heads. We had to remember where we started from.

Although I loved touring and meeting fans, nothing beat the feeling of coming home. Carefree highway to happiness I thought to myself as I switched into the left lane to pass a slow car. The sun was now almost completely set leaving a pale glow in the distance reminding me of where I was headed. It only furthering my feelings of serenity.

Out of habit I looked at the dash. A curse escaped my lips as my eyes landed on the arrow indicating that we were close to running on empty. Jared lifted up his head at my sudden outburst. “What’s wrong man?”

I clenched the steering wheel in my hand and looked over at him. “Where out of gas and we still over a hundred miles from home.”

Jared squinted at a sign coming up, “Come on then. We better get gas now then. It’ll take ten minutes at the most. Besides I know you’re anxious to get home, but how do you expect that to happen if we get stranded on the side of the road without gas.”

Leave it to Jared to be the responsible one. I nodded in agreement and signaled as I exited. I pulled in quickly to the gas station letting Jared filled up the tank so I could use the restroom.

Soon we were back on the road. I turned the music up loud despite Kennedy’s protests. It was starting to get late and I needed something to keep me focused. I followed the exit that I knew would soon lead us home.

“Hey Jared if you don’t mind. I’m just gonna drop of the other three at their homes before dropping you off at our apartment.” I thought about the empty, welcoming apartment awaiting us. Our other roommate Eric probably already asleep. “I want to see my mom first. Let her know I’m home.”

Jared nodded, “Sounds good. She’ll love to see you even though it is really late.”

I looked at the time. It was a quarter past midnight, but I knew my mom wouldn’t care. It had been so long since I’d seen her and I wouldn’t ever admit it to the guys, but I missed her a lot.
After dropping off the guys, I pulled up to my old house, turning off the headlights quickly. Once the van was off the silence filled me. I walked up the small path slouching slightly to not hit my head on the part of the house in front of the door before straightening to my full height to knock on the door.

It took a while, but soon there was my mother looking at me with a warm smile. She quickly engulfed my body into a welcoming hug.

“Come in.” She said loudly from excitement, not really caring that my dad and younger brother Shane were probably sound asleep. But coming into the small kitchen I saw that Shane was sitting at the cramped island eating cookies and drinking a glass of milk. He looked so much older.

“What’s up bro?” Shane said after taking a gulp of milk.

I sat down next to him rubbing his head, “No much little brother.”

I sat back and watched as my mom rummaged through the fridge, “Oh, ma. You don’t have to make me anything.”

“Nonsense, John.” She turned around with a bemused expression on her face. “I know how much you love my cooking.”

I couldn’t deny that. While she was fixing up something for me to eat I took the moment to visit my old bedroom. It hadn’t changed a bit except for some of the important things I had taken to my apartment. I wondered why she hadn’t converted it into some office space or something. I had been gone for so long now.

I sat down on my bed so grateful to have parents like mine. I knew that in the beginning Garrett’s parents had a hard time letting Garrett follow this path of being a musician, but my parents hadn’t even put up a fight at my want to drop out of college and pursue my dream.

Because of their encouragement and support my dream was now reality.