Away From Everything We Fear

Lacey:

Lacey wasn’t sure what to say. The tension in the air was very noticeable. She let her eyes connect with her mom’s slowly. “Mom… this is John.”

“And John is…?”My mom looked down at us with a mixture of surprise and immediate distaste. She walked over so that she was standing over us to get a closer look.

I knew that she knew the answer. I immediately lifted out of the pool and got my towel. John followed me and I handed one to him. He wrapped it around his waist and I wrapped mine around my body underneath my armpits quickly to hide my tattoo. Slowly, I turned to face my mom.

I looked down being unable to look her in the eyes. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom cross her arms. “For how long?”

I looked up. “For almost a week now.” Even thought to me it felt like a lot longer.

I watched as her eyes looked John over taking in his tattoos. I felt my heart sink and my stomach get fluttery but not in the good way. My brain started to run through all my fears. It wasn’t fair that I felt ashamed of John, but I couldn’t help it. I felt that way now as my mom stood in front of us, judging him. Couldn’t I be like Juliet? Going for Romeo whole-heartedly even though their parents were enemies? Surely, this case of “forbidden love” wasn’t quite as drastic as theirs.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. McCulloch.” John said reaching out a hand.

My mother looked down at it and then very slowly brought her hand up to his. She offered him a small smile. “Nice to meet you as well.” She said back.

John smiled that smile that I loved. I watched as it hit my mom, surprised to see that she was actually smiling back. She let go of his hand quickly and turned to me. Her lips fell into a hard line. “I keep getting letters from the U of A and at first I thought they were just junk, trying to get your attention, but then one caught my eye.”

I stopped my mom knowing what was coming next. “Can we not talk about this now?” She raised her eyebrows at my tone so I tried to calm down. “Sorry, I mean we will talk about it… tomorrow though.”

I didn’t want to say not in front of John but that’s what I really meant. It was hard enough that my parents know knew I was going to U of A and were furious, but to have to try to explain why to my mom in front of John would just be too hard. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what I would say, let alone fathom how uncomfortable it would be.

“Well, then when? Because it seems to me that you’ve been keeping this from us for awhile.” My mom’s voice was already rising.

“I said tomorrow.” I had meant to say it as politely as possible, but it came out sounding harsh.

I felt John tense up next to me. I looked up at him quickly and he connected eyes with me. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t know what.

My mom shook her head, finally realizing that this wasn’t the time or place. She said, “I think it’s time for John to go home.”

I laced my hand with his quickly, unintentionally. “Fine, but I have to drive him home.

“Just be home quickly. We need to talk.”

I knew she had added the ‘we need to talk’ as a cover up for her first sentence. She wanted John gone and she didn’t want me to be out late with him. It had nothing to do with her needing to talk to me, because like I told her: we would talk tomorrow.

Dread filled me entire body. Without answering I dragged John to the guest house. Unintentionally I slammed the door behind us and rushed to my room. I started to go through my drawer quickly to find clothes to wear and just settled on plain black shorts and a gray tank top that I threw over my swim suit. John rushed up behind me and placed them on my shoulders to spin me around to face him.

“Lacey, please calm down. It’s not that bad.”

I shook my head, “No, this is bad. It’s really bad. Did you see the way she looked at you?”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Don’t even worry about it Lacey. Kids always do things that their parent’s don’t like. It’s part of life. It’s called growing up.”

“What do you know about growing up?” The words came out of my mouth without me realizing it.

John closed his mouth and let his tongue sweep over his teeth in thought.

“John, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” He let his hands drop to his side. “I feel like you keep acting like the world is against you, but really it’s just you. You are allowed to be your own person y’know; you don’t have to do everything your parents tell you.”

I slumped to the ground. I didn’t know why this was so hard for me. Maybe it was just the way I was raised, maybe I was just a coward. John crouched down next to me and offered me a hand. I took it and he lifted me up. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around me.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to try… for us.” I told him.

John squeezed me tighter. I felt him shake his head side to side. He then whispered, “No, do it for you.”



John:

“How much further?”

I let my eyes drift away from the window towards Lacey. “Only about ten more minutes.”

She nodded. “I didn’t know you lived so far away from me.”

“Different sides of the spectrum.” I said to my reflection in the window.

It grew silent and I didn’t know about Lacey, but for me it was really uncomfortable. I shifted so that I was facing forward. Then finally I turned my head to glance at her. I wondered what she was thinking. What could possibly be going through her head? I was doing my best to stay calm and collected, because that’s the type of person I was, but I was becoming increasingly frustrated. The way I felt about Lacey… I couldn’t even explain it. Every moment spent with her just felt right.

But then she’d always have to go and point out what she thought was wrong.

In my opinion nothing about love was ever wrong.

At the beginning of the ride home Lacey had said that being with me was like giving up on what her parents wanted. I didn’t even know what the hell that meant so I just nodded and told her to do what her heart told her.

She had she would, a little unconvincingly, I might add, but then she said she wouldn’t give up on me, that she wouldn’t give up on us.

That’s the thing thought, it’s not just about not giving up, you have to believe in yourself. You have to honestly think that you deserve it. People are always going to have opinions, it’s up to you whether or not you’ll let their criticism get to you. It’s not easy, but nothing that lasts ever is. Besides, in the end, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you made it and that you did it. Honestly that’s the payoff in the end know you’re where you are because you didn’t give up.

Lacey just needed to believe in herself and from meeting her parents I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Just the way her mother had stared at me made me analyze my every movement to make sure I didn’t do anything out of line.

But, I would never give up on Lacey.

“I actually don’t live this far from you.” I told her, trying to start a conversation.

“Oh?” She seemed lost in her own thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m having you take me to my folk’s place, because I left my car there the other day when my little brother Shane wanted to drive me around town after getting his license. I had been too lazy to go all the way back there so I just had Shane drop me off at my apartment.”

Lacey turned to me with a questioning expression on her face. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

I found myself grinning just thinking about my two goofy younger brothers. “I have two actually, Ross and Shane. They’re younger than me.”

She smiled. “You’re the oldest brother.” She mused. “No wonder you’re so protective.”

I let out a laugh. “Am I? It doesn’t surprise me that you’re the youngest, because you act like you always need protecting.”

Lacey lifted a hand off the steering wheel to shove me lightly. We served on the empty street. “I do not need protecting.”

I smirked. “Whatever you say, Lacey poo.”

She groaned. “Don’t call me that.”

“Fine, I will come up with a nickname for you though. Turn left here.”

She shook her head with a small laugh. “Whatever you say, Johnny Boy.”

I pointed to my parent’s house a little ways down the road. “It’s just up the street.”

We stopped in front of the small familiar house that I had grown up in. Lacey looked at it and smiled. “I’ve always wanted to live in a house like that. They always look so cozy… so homey.”

She cut off the engine. We took off our seatbelts and faced each other. “To be honest, I’ve always wanted to live in a house like yours. They always seemed so fancy and just like an amazing place to live.” I told her.

She rolled her eyes. “A house like that… I mean, they’re nice, but it’s just a house, not home y’know?”

I nodded, understanding what she meant.

“I’ll see you soon?” I asked.

She nodded. “Of course even if I have to sneak out of my house.”

I smiled. “Like Romeo and Juliet?”

She looked up and thought for a second. “Hmm… no. More like Jay Gastby and Daisy Buchanan.”

“I don’t know who those people are.” I admitted.

She leaned forward and kissed me. “It doesn’t matter. Just promise me that you’ll never try to change who you are to impress me like Gatsby does for Daisy okay? I love you just the way you are.”

“I promise.”

She held up a pinky. “Kiss it?”

I pushed her hand aside and kissed her on the mouth. “Does that count?” I asked after we had pulled apart.

She smiled warmly at me. “It’s perfect.”

I got out of the car and stopped in front of her open window. “Oh and Lacey before you go I want you to know something.”

“Yeah?” She leaned forward so that she could hear me better.

I leaned down so that I was inches from her face and leaning my arm on the roof of her car.

“I love you too. Just the way you are.”