It's Our Time Now

“Why are you still up so late?”

I’m snapped out of my thoughts by your voice and I quickly turn my head, looking at you. You’re standing in the little doorframe in-between the living area and the kitchen area. You’re wearing your baby blue pyjamas and in your left hand, you’re holding your yellow, star-shaped pillow. So cute.

“Just thinking,” I answer, sending you a small smile. You blink a few times with your big dark brown eyes and then you smile as well.

“You think too much, Ry,” you say and walk over to me. You sit down on the arm rest of the armchair and put your precious pillow down on my lap, looking me straight in the eye. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,” you whisper, placing both your hands on the sides of my head. With the tips of your thumbs, you carefully push the lids of my eyes down. “Good.” Your hands move a little bit upwards, until your fingers are about halfway covered by my hair. “Now take a deep breath,” you continue and start massaging my scalp. “And then breathe back out.”

I do as you tell me and breathe in and out at a steady rate. Your hands massaging my scalp seem to take away all my thoughts. It feels nice to be released from all those big, unanswered questions in my head for once.

“How does that feel?” you ask, in barely a whisper.

“Good,” I reply, keeping my voice down as well. We don’t have any reason to be this quiet. Spencer and Jon are sleeping in the bunks with their doors closed; they won’t hear us, but there’s something about this moment that demands low whispers.

When your hands stop, I let out a soft, involuntary whine. It felt so nice, why did you have to stop?

Without saying anything, you move from the armrest to my lap, still smiling. Your pillow is now squished between my lap and your backside. Too bad, I would’ve liked some extra contact between our bodies.

“I like this,” you tell me and wrap your arms around me so that we’re cuddling. “It’s so cosy and just… I don’t know. Nice.” You rub your nose against my shoulder and as a reaction, I let out a long contented sigh.

“I know,” I reply nodding, still keeping my voice down. “We should do it more often.”

“Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are we always like this?” you ask, pulling your head a little bit backward so you can properly look at me. “I mean… cuddling and just… I don’t know… doing what we do,” you say, your cheeks flushing a cute shade of pink. “I don’t do that with Jon and Spencer and you don’t either. Why do we do it?”

“Because it’s nice?” And that’s exactly what it is. Nice. But then a little bit nicer. “I don’t know. Why do you think we do it?”

“Because I like doing this with you, I suppose,” you reply, shrugging your shoulders. “You’re nice to cuddle. And nice to talk to as well. Well, you’re just nice to be with in general, actually,” you add and then you lift your hips, quickly taking your star-pillow away from underneath your ass. “I’m sleepy.”

“Then you should go to bed, Bren,” I say, rubbing my hand up and down your upper arm. I wish you weren’t tired and that you would stay here with me for a while, but I shouldn’t force you to do that.

“Nah, I’ll be fine here.” You smile and then you rest your head on my shoulder, taking a deep breath. “Your shoulder is a nice pillow too,” you add. “I’d give up my little star-pillow if I could sleep with my head on your shoulder every night.”

“Really?” I ask, biting my lower lip. “You don’t have to do that.”

“What?”

“Give up your beloved pillow for something you can get for free,” I tell you, my hand coming to a stop on your shoulder.

You take your head off my shoulder and look at me, a quizzical look plastered all over your face. Your eyes flash down for a little while and I’m quite sure you’re looking at my lips during that second. You lick your own, plump lips, your dark-pink tongue peeking from in-between your lips for a split second.

“All you have to do is ask.”

“Can I have your shoulder for the night then?” you question, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “And everything else attached to that shoulder as well?” you add, shyly looking at me. “Please?”

I smile widely and nod.

“On one condition. I want something in return,” I say, my left hand slowly moving from your shoulder up your neck, towards your cheek.

“What?”

“Your heart,” I answer, placing my free hand on your chest. I can feel your heartbeat and I think it’s beating a little bit faster than it normally does. Are you nervous?

“You already have that,” you tell me, laying your hand on top of mine. “Anything else?”

“A kiss?”

“That can be arranged.” You smile and then you dip your head so that our lips are less than an inch apart from each other. “You want it now or later?”

“Now and later,” I reply, chuckling. “Please?”

You nod and without another word, our lips meet in the softest kiss I have ever shared with anyone. It only lasts for a few seconds and when we part again, we’re both grinning widely.

“Can I start using my new pillow now?” you ask me, giving me an angelic look. How could I resist to something like that?

“Yeah, you deserved it,” I say and gently push you off my lap. Your left hand is still clutching to your star-pillow and it’s honestly one of the cutest things I have ever seen in my entire life. Once we’re both standing, our toes sinking into the soft carpet, I grab your other hand, entangling our fingers with each other. “Let’s go to bed.”

We retire to my bunk where we both lie down on the small, single bed. It’s cramped, but I don’t care and neither do you. You rest your head on my shoulder, your smile still present.

“Here, you can use this now,” you whisper, giving me your precious pillow.

“But it’s yours. You love that thing,” I protest, not wanting to take one of your most beloved possessions.

“But I love you more,” you reply, still holding out the pillow. “Take it.”

I nod and take the pillow from you. I lift my head and slip the pillow underneath it. If you want it back, you’ll know where to find it.

“Thank you,” I say, wrapping both my arms around your waist. “And Brendon,” I start, my thumb tracing over the soft fabric of your pyjamas.

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”