I Hate To Say This But I'm Stuck On Loving You, John O'Callaghan
PART 10
My eyes expanded and I thought they were going to fall out of their sockets
“What?” I asked.
Caroline ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath.
“First let me start off my saying it was before we were friends and before you knew John. It was the summer before your sophomore year so John and I were both rising seniors. We met at a coffee shop at the beginning of the summer and one thing led to another and within a few days he asked me to be his girlfriend. The time we were together was great, but by the end of the summer I started to see John’s true colors. One thing you should know about him is that he doesn’t like to get attached. There was about a week left in the summer and I was leaving for home in about 4 days. He just showed up to my aunt and uncle’s house and told me he had met someone else and that he never really had feelings for me. That was about all I let him say before I kicked him out. He really messed me up, Caitlin. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this after I told you how I felt? Why did you tell me to talk to him if you knew he was like that?”
“Well, it had been two years so I assumed that he had changed and grown up. I was proved wrong when I found out he hooked up with that blond chick at the party. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner.”
Everything that John had done today had completely slipped my mind. All that I thought about was how big of an asshole he was and how stupid I was to fall for him so hard. I felt sick. You think you know someone and they turn out to be someone totally different. I started rubbing my forehead hoping it would help the pounding headache that just started.
“Why am I so stupid? Why do feelings even exist?” I buried my head into my palms and shook my head.
“Hey, it could have happened to anyone. Don’t worry about it. He’s leaving in a little less than two weeks anyway, fuck him. I’m sure you will meet a great guy at ASU that will make you forget all about John,” Caroline said.
“You know what, you’re right. Let’s just not talk about him anymore, okay? He’s not worth it.”
“That’s the spirit!” Kelly jumped into the conversation.
We spent the rest of the night going on our laptops occasionally, eating, and we watched Mean Girls. It was a great girl’s night that was definitely long overdue. I woke up the next morning around 9:30 to my ringtone. I was tired and just assumed it was my mom so I didn’t even bother looking at the caller I.D, big mistake.
“Hello?” I said groggily.
“Hey, Caitlin. It’s John.”
Fuck. What do I do? I started panicking. This was becoming a regular reaction. I looked around the room frantically looking to see if Caroline or Kelly was awake. Of course they were still asleep, lazy asses. I looked to my right and found one of my vans. I threw it in Caroline’s direction and it hit her right in the back of the head, bull’s eye.
She lifted her head. “The fuck was that for?”
I motioned towards the phone and my head and mouthed his name.
“Toss me the phone,” she said holding out her right hand.
I threw my phone over to her and she pressed the “end call” button then buried her face back in her pillow.
“Problem solved. I’m going back to bed.”
I shrugged, okay then. I guess that works. I put my head back into my pillow and quickly drifted back to sleep. I woke up again a little while later around 11. To my surprise Caroline and Kelly were gone. I assumed they were in the kitchen eating breakfast so I got up and made my way to the kitchen. Turns out I was right. I found both of them sitting at the breakfast bar eating cereal.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Kelly said with food in her mouth. I hadn’t known her that long, but she was really starting to grow on me. I was comfortable around her and she was obviously comfortable around me.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” Caroline asked.
“Well, my mom is probably going to call me soon telling me to come home and I promised your cousin that I would hang out with him and Garrett today.”
I heard a clink noise and noticed Kelly had dropped her spoon on the floor. I look at her to see milk dribbling down her chin.
“Garrett?” she asked.
I had almost forgotten that they had a “thing” going on. After we talked about John we didn’t talk about guys really. I took this as a sign that she really liked him which was good because I was pretty sure he liked her too.
“Yeah, he’s one of my best friends. Do you want be to talk about you when I’m with him?”
Kelly was obviously very excited because the next thing I knew she threw her arms up in the air along with her bowl of cereal. Milk splattered all over the wall and the actual cereal part was spread all over the kitchen in various places.
Kelly shrugged. “Oops..?”
I lost it and went into a laughing fit while Caroline just sat there shaking her head with her palm pressed against her forehead.
“You are so dumb. You are really dumb. You know that you’re cleaning that up, right?” Caroline said.
Before Kelly could respond my phone started to ring. It was my mom, of course telling me to come home. I got all of my stuff together and said goodbye to Kelly and Caroline, then walked out the door and started heading to the car. I noticed a familiar tall lanky figure leaning on my car with their back to me. I may not have been able to see the person’s face, but I could recognize this person anywhere. How the hell did he find me here? As if he was queued John turned around and smiled at me.
“I thought I would find you here.” He said walking towards me.
“Yeah, I was here with Caroline and Kelly. What the fuck are you doing here anyway?”
“I’m here to see you of course. I called you this morning and somehow the call got dropped or something so I got kind of worried and thought that maybe something bad had happened to you. I’m glad to see you’re okay.”
“Two things, John. First, the call didn’t get dropped. I hung up, on purpose. Second, don’t you dare show up here out of now where acting all cute trying to manipulate me. I know you’re games and I don’t want to play them. I have a low bull shit tolerance and I don’t feel like getting hurt.” My voice started cracking at the end. I can’t believe I said all of that. I just opened up and told him everything that was on my mind. I was actually kind of proud of myself.
“I’m assuming this means that Caroline told you about us.”
“Oh yeah, she told me everything. Good thing she did too because I was ready to let my walls down and fight for you. After two, long years I was ready to tell you how I feel. It’s a good thing she stopped me before I had the chance to do that. It saved me a lot of heart break. If you will excuse me, I have to get home. My family is expecting me.” I started to walk towards my car and had my hand on the door handle when I felt John place his hand on my shoulder.
“I told her that I met someone else and that I never liked her because I was scared. I fell hard for her; in fact I thought it was getting to the point where I was possibly in love with her. That scared the living shit out of me. As the summer went on, my feelings for her grew. About a week and half before she left, the guys and I got together and started The Maine. That is when I met you. I immediately fell for you, but tried to convince myself otherwise which didn’t really work out, obviously because I broke up with Caroline a few days afterwards. I admit, I was a bit harsh on the break up and if I could go back in time and change the way I handled it, I would. I was nervous. The part about me meeting someone else was true, but the part about me never having feelings for her was not. The second after I said it, it regretted it but I had no time to explain because she kicked me out. Oh, and that girl at the party? She came on to me and to be completely honest I was using her.” He took a deep breath and stood there in anticipation for my response.
“What?” I asked.
Caroline ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath.
“First let me start off my saying it was before we were friends and before you knew John. It was the summer before your sophomore year so John and I were both rising seniors. We met at a coffee shop at the beginning of the summer and one thing led to another and within a few days he asked me to be his girlfriend. The time we were together was great, but by the end of the summer I started to see John’s true colors. One thing you should know about him is that he doesn’t like to get attached. There was about a week left in the summer and I was leaving for home in about 4 days. He just showed up to my aunt and uncle’s house and told me he had met someone else and that he never really had feelings for me. That was about all I let him say before I kicked him out. He really messed me up, Caitlin. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this after I told you how I felt? Why did you tell me to talk to him if you knew he was like that?”
“Well, it had been two years so I assumed that he had changed and grown up. I was proved wrong when I found out he hooked up with that blond chick at the party. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner.”
Everything that John had done today had completely slipped my mind. All that I thought about was how big of an asshole he was and how stupid I was to fall for him so hard. I felt sick. You think you know someone and they turn out to be someone totally different. I started rubbing my forehead hoping it would help the pounding headache that just started.
“Why am I so stupid? Why do feelings even exist?” I buried my head into my palms and shook my head.
“Hey, it could have happened to anyone. Don’t worry about it. He’s leaving in a little less than two weeks anyway, fuck him. I’m sure you will meet a great guy at ASU that will make you forget all about John,” Caroline said.
“You know what, you’re right. Let’s just not talk about him anymore, okay? He’s not worth it.”
“That’s the spirit!” Kelly jumped into the conversation.
We spent the rest of the night going on our laptops occasionally, eating, and we watched Mean Girls. It was a great girl’s night that was definitely long overdue. I woke up the next morning around 9:30 to my ringtone. I was tired and just assumed it was my mom so I didn’t even bother looking at the caller I.D, big mistake.
“Hello?” I said groggily.
“Hey, Caitlin. It’s John.”
Fuck. What do I do? I started panicking. This was becoming a regular reaction. I looked around the room frantically looking to see if Caroline or Kelly was awake. Of course they were still asleep, lazy asses. I looked to my right and found one of my vans. I threw it in Caroline’s direction and it hit her right in the back of the head, bull’s eye.
She lifted her head. “The fuck was that for?”
I motioned towards the phone and my head and mouthed his name.
“Toss me the phone,” she said holding out her right hand.
I threw my phone over to her and she pressed the “end call” button then buried her face back in her pillow.
“Problem solved. I’m going back to bed.”
I shrugged, okay then. I guess that works. I put my head back into my pillow and quickly drifted back to sleep. I woke up again a little while later around 11. To my surprise Caroline and Kelly were gone. I assumed they were in the kitchen eating breakfast so I got up and made my way to the kitchen. Turns out I was right. I found both of them sitting at the breakfast bar eating cereal.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Kelly said with food in her mouth. I hadn’t known her that long, but she was really starting to grow on me. I was comfortable around her and she was obviously comfortable around me.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” Caroline asked.
“Well, my mom is probably going to call me soon telling me to come home and I promised your cousin that I would hang out with him and Garrett today.”
I heard a clink noise and noticed Kelly had dropped her spoon on the floor. I look at her to see milk dribbling down her chin.
“Garrett?” she asked.
I had almost forgotten that they had a “thing” going on. After we talked about John we didn’t talk about guys really. I took this as a sign that she really liked him which was good because I was pretty sure he liked her too.
“Yeah, he’s one of my best friends. Do you want be to talk about you when I’m with him?”
Kelly was obviously very excited because the next thing I knew she threw her arms up in the air along with her bowl of cereal. Milk splattered all over the wall and the actual cereal part was spread all over the kitchen in various places.
Kelly shrugged. “Oops..?”
I lost it and went into a laughing fit while Caroline just sat there shaking her head with her palm pressed against her forehead.
“You are so dumb. You are really dumb. You know that you’re cleaning that up, right?” Caroline said.
Before Kelly could respond my phone started to ring. It was my mom, of course telling me to come home. I got all of my stuff together and said goodbye to Kelly and Caroline, then walked out the door and started heading to the car. I noticed a familiar tall lanky figure leaning on my car with their back to me. I may not have been able to see the person’s face, but I could recognize this person anywhere. How the hell did he find me here? As if he was queued John turned around and smiled at me.
“I thought I would find you here.” He said walking towards me.
“Yeah, I was here with Caroline and Kelly. What the fuck are you doing here anyway?”
“I’m here to see you of course. I called you this morning and somehow the call got dropped or something so I got kind of worried and thought that maybe something bad had happened to you. I’m glad to see you’re okay.”
“Two things, John. First, the call didn’t get dropped. I hung up, on purpose. Second, don’t you dare show up here out of now where acting all cute trying to manipulate me. I know you’re games and I don’t want to play them. I have a low bull shit tolerance and I don’t feel like getting hurt.” My voice started cracking at the end. I can’t believe I said all of that. I just opened up and told him everything that was on my mind. I was actually kind of proud of myself.
“I’m assuming this means that Caroline told you about us.”
“Oh yeah, she told me everything. Good thing she did too because I was ready to let my walls down and fight for you. After two, long years I was ready to tell you how I feel. It’s a good thing she stopped me before I had the chance to do that. It saved me a lot of heart break. If you will excuse me, I have to get home. My family is expecting me.” I started to walk towards my car and had my hand on the door handle when I felt John place his hand on my shoulder.
“I told her that I met someone else and that I never liked her because I was scared. I fell hard for her; in fact I thought it was getting to the point where I was possibly in love with her. That scared the living shit out of me. As the summer went on, my feelings for her grew. About a week and half before she left, the guys and I got together and started The Maine. That is when I met you. I immediately fell for you, but tried to convince myself otherwise which didn’t really work out, obviously because I broke up with Caroline a few days afterwards. I admit, I was a bit harsh on the break up and if I could go back in time and change the way I handled it, I would. I was nervous. The part about me meeting someone else was true, but the part about me never having feelings for her was not. The second after I said it, it regretted it but I had no time to explain because she kicked me out. Oh, and that girl at the party? She came on to me and to be completely honest I was using her.” He took a deep breath and stood there in anticipation for my response.