I Hate To Say This But I'm Stuck On Loving You, John O'Callaghan
PART 4
“I’ve never told anyone that before.” I said after I let out a long breath. It felt good to get all of it off my chest, but I was worried as to how Caroline would react. I just explained to her that I’ve had feelings for John O’Callaghan for the past two years in extreme detail. I looked over at her to see how she would react. She was silent and had this look on her face that looked like a mixture of confusion and frustration.
“Caroline, I just told you all of this and you’re just going to fucking stand there and say nothing?”
“I’m just…surprised.” She finally whispered
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is all of this time… all this time you and John pretended to hate each other, the entire time you had liked him, and you are just telling me all of this now?” Caroline said that very slowly because she was trying to process all of this. I didn’t expect her to be so surprised.
I nodded my head slowly.
“Every time one of the boys brought it up-every time I brought it up, and you never said anything? Caitlin you have had multiple opportunities. Why finally tell me now?”
“Well…two years is a long…long time. It just gets hard to hold in after a while.”
“Caitlin, you’ve got to tell him, like…tonight. He needs to know. I see the way he looks at you Caitlin. The boys may not have realized it because they’re oblivious, but trust me I’ve noticed.”
“What the hell are you talking about? If John has any feelings for me, they are not those types of feelings. They would have to be…a hate kind of feeling.”
“Bull shit! Caitlin, you march your ass in there and tell that boy how you feel.”
“But-“
“If you don’t go in there and tell him, I will never talk to you again.”
I stood there for a minute thinking about what I was going to do. In my eyes, either way, both situations would end badly, but maybe it would be best if I got told straight up that John didn’t like me. Maybe I would finally get over it.
I sighed. “Fine, I will tell him”
Caroline squealed. “Finally, I can’t believe this is happening. C’mon we have to get you in that house right now,” She said as she grabbed my arm and started dragging me back to the Kirch house.
We made it back to the house and Caroline had her head strained up looking for John in the giant crowd of people in the front hallway.
“Well, I don’t see him, but I’m positive he’s here somewhere. Go find him and tell him. Good luck Caitlin, you’ve been waiting two years for this moment. Go tell John.” Caroline said before giving me a reassuring smile and ran off somewhere. I started weaving through the giant groups of people trying to find John. My heart was racing and I felt like my stomach was going to explode. Okay Caitlin, you can do this. You can do thi-
My stomach immediately dropped and I felt tears coming on. I had found John…practically eating another girl’s face off. I quickly turned around and pushed through crowds of people letting the tears fall. I didn’t care who saw me, I couldn’t hold it in. I eventually made it out to the front porch. Fortunately no one was there. I took a seat on the steps and just let it all out. I put my head on my knees and sobbed. My heart was broken and my knee hurt like hell from running so fast to get out of there. I sat there like that until the sadness went away and turned into anger. I got up and stormed in the house and headed straight for the kitchen. I got in the kitchen and saw what I had come looking for: the cooler. I know I wasn’t much of a drinker, but honestly what I really needed now was a drink, but only enough to numb the pain. I pulled out a beer and took a long sip. I told myself that this would be my only drink so I wouldn’t get too trashed and just for the sake of field hockey. Oh wait, I can’t play anymore. Fuck it. I quickly drank the beer I had just pulled out and instead of going for another beer, I went for the vodka. I opened it and took a long sip. It was strong and I didn’t really like the taste, but it made me feel better, so I kept drinking it. I felt like I was going to do something I would regret, but i honestly didn’t care anymore. I wanted to forget this night ever happened. It was time to get completely shit faced.
I walked out of the kitchen with the vodka in my hand and made my way towards the room with the music in it. I walked around taking sips occasionally before I saw someone I recognized.
“GARRETT!” I yelled and ended up spilling some vodka.
He was still with the girl from my English class and she looked pissed when I had interrupted them.
“Caitlin? What the hell is going on? What is that in your hand?” He asked pointing to the vodka.
“I know what this looks like, but trust me, its water.” I then went into a giggling fit
Garrett sighed. “Caitlin, you’re drunk.”
“You can’t get drunk from drinking water, silly.”
Garrett turned to the girl “I’m sorry, but I have to take her home. I’ll call you alright?”
The girl surprisingly understood and gave him a quick kiss before walking off.
“Give me that.” Garrett said as he reached for the bottle in my hand
“But I don’t want to!” I said as I pulled my arm back so the bottle was out of reach.
“Caitlin, you are an awful drunk and I’m taking you home.
Before I could argue with him, he was already carrying me bridal style to the front door
“Caroline, I just told you all of this and you’re just going to fucking stand there and say nothing?”
“I’m just…surprised.” She finally whispered
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is all of this time… all this time you and John pretended to hate each other, the entire time you had liked him, and you are just telling me all of this now?” Caroline said that very slowly because she was trying to process all of this. I didn’t expect her to be so surprised.
I nodded my head slowly.
“Every time one of the boys brought it up-every time I brought it up, and you never said anything? Caitlin you have had multiple opportunities. Why finally tell me now?”
“Well…two years is a long…long time. It just gets hard to hold in after a while.”
“Caitlin, you’ve got to tell him, like…tonight. He needs to know. I see the way he looks at you Caitlin. The boys may not have realized it because they’re oblivious, but trust me I’ve noticed.”
“What the hell are you talking about? If John has any feelings for me, they are not those types of feelings. They would have to be…a hate kind of feeling.”
“Bull shit! Caitlin, you march your ass in there and tell that boy how you feel.”
“But-“
“If you don’t go in there and tell him, I will never talk to you again.”
I stood there for a minute thinking about what I was going to do. In my eyes, either way, both situations would end badly, but maybe it would be best if I got told straight up that John didn’t like me. Maybe I would finally get over it.
I sighed. “Fine, I will tell him”
Caroline squealed. “Finally, I can’t believe this is happening. C’mon we have to get you in that house right now,” She said as she grabbed my arm and started dragging me back to the Kirch house.
We made it back to the house and Caroline had her head strained up looking for John in the giant crowd of people in the front hallway.
“Well, I don’t see him, but I’m positive he’s here somewhere. Go find him and tell him. Good luck Caitlin, you’ve been waiting two years for this moment. Go tell John.” Caroline said before giving me a reassuring smile and ran off somewhere. I started weaving through the giant groups of people trying to find John. My heart was racing and I felt like my stomach was going to explode. Okay Caitlin, you can do this. You can do thi-
My stomach immediately dropped and I felt tears coming on. I had found John…practically eating another girl’s face off. I quickly turned around and pushed through crowds of people letting the tears fall. I didn’t care who saw me, I couldn’t hold it in. I eventually made it out to the front porch. Fortunately no one was there. I took a seat on the steps and just let it all out. I put my head on my knees and sobbed. My heart was broken and my knee hurt like hell from running so fast to get out of there. I sat there like that until the sadness went away and turned into anger. I got up and stormed in the house and headed straight for the kitchen. I got in the kitchen and saw what I had come looking for: the cooler. I know I wasn’t much of a drinker, but honestly what I really needed now was a drink, but only enough to numb the pain. I pulled out a beer and took a long sip. I told myself that this would be my only drink so I wouldn’t get too trashed and just for the sake of field hockey. Oh wait, I can’t play anymore. Fuck it. I quickly drank the beer I had just pulled out and instead of going for another beer, I went for the vodka. I opened it and took a long sip. It was strong and I didn’t really like the taste, but it made me feel better, so I kept drinking it. I felt like I was going to do something I would regret, but i honestly didn’t care anymore. I wanted to forget this night ever happened. It was time to get completely shit faced.
I walked out of the kitchen with the vodka in my hand and made my way towards the room with the music in it. I walked around taking sips occasionally before I saw someone I recognized.
“GARRETT!” I yelled and ended up spilling some vodka.
He was still with the girl from my English class and she looked pissed when I had interrupted them.
“Caitlin? What the hell is going on? What is that in your hand?” He asked pointing to the vodka.
“I know what this looks like, but trust me, its water.” I then went into a giggling fit
Garrett sighed. “Caitlin, you’re drunk.”
“You can’t get drunk from drinking water, silly.”
Garrett turned to the girl “I’m sorry, but I have to take her home. I’ll call you alright?”
The girl surprisingly understood and gave him a quick kiss before walking off.
“Give me that.” Garrett said as he reached for the bottle in my hand
“But I don’t want to!” I said as I pulled my arm back so the bottle was out of reach.
“Caitlin, you are an awful drunk and I’m taking you home.
Before I could argue with him, he was already carrying me bridal style to the front door