Capture My Heart

“Why do you keep looking me like that?” Violet snapped finally. Two weeks have gone by since I caught that image in my head, and I was surprised it took her this long to yell at me. I knew I was annoying her before. Maybe she thought I’d stop starring, but I didn’t.

All of my stolen moments with her had been the same; I’d keep sneaking glances at her and hoping to catch the moment where I could see her the way I did before. She was probably starting to get freaked out, but I couldn’t make my self stop.

My gaze dropped to the ground at her words.

“What do you mean?” I asked softly.

She scoffed, getting up and crossing her arms over her chest. “You know what I mean,” she grumbled. Taking a deep breath she continued; “You keep looking at me funny, like you’re waiting for something.”

Cringing I shook my head but I wasn’t denying it. Denying it would’ve been stupid, so I just whispered, “Sorry,” really quietly. She sighed, but didn’t say anything and went back to what she was doing before.

Sorry Violet.

XxX

She was avoiding me.

It was so simple; I had to have seen it earlier, except I didn’t.

Every time I come over now, she’s all…distant. I must’ve really freaked her out with my staring. Though I didn’t think it was this much. She barely talks to me anymore. She must’ve been sick of me…

That was fine with me. If she wanted to be alone I wouldn’t burden her; space would actually be better for both of us at the moment.

I went out with the guys again, spending days with them although there wasn’t much we could do in the winter. Violet started to talk to me, timidly and warily, again and I could breathe a little easier when I wasn’t suffocating her.

Still I missed her though, that never changed, although now I knew it well enough that it was easy to ignore…well, most of the time. It never went away fully and being with her didn’t seem to quench it anymore.

So, when Embry mentioned the date on the calendar, and made the suggestion that would eventually cause me to break out of my avoiding of Violet; at the time I was all for it.
I couldn’t stand staying away from her, and I took what I could get.

“Hey Vi,” I said with forced cheer as I approached her where she sat on the porch, staring up at the clouds. She smiled just as cautiously as I did. “Hey Jacob,”-I flinched, she never called me just Jake anymore-“How are you?”

I sighed, taking the opportunity and falling down beside her.

“Fine I guess my friends are throwing me a birthday party next week, so I have to go.” I frowned but Violet I could see was fighting a smile.

“It’s the 14th right?” she asked and I nodded. “Yeah, why?”

She shrugged, “No reason,” she said boredly, twirling her hair. It reminded me of something. “You said that, before,” I said sitting up straighter, ready to press the issue, “Now what is it really?”

She rolled her eyes, tucking her knees up to her chest. “Nothing, I just thought it was ironic is all. My birthday’s the 13th of January, only a day before yours.”

I tilted my head to the side, a confused expression settling on my face. Huh. I wondered why it never occurred to me to ask when Violet’s birthday was, but it just didn’t.

Relaxing back into my original position, I studied her face while my confused expression turned to a smile, and then a frown while I sighed. We were on good terms again. I could tell.

“I wish you could come; it’d make everything that much more bearable,” I uttered quietly, sighing and staring away from her. She sighed too, “You know why I can’t,” she whispered, and I nodded.

I knew why; but you can’t blame a guy for hoping, or for wishing.

She ran her hands through my hair and I hadn’t noticed she’d gotten closer to me. Testing my limits, I pulled her hand against my face so it rested on my cheek.

“I know,” I muttered, “This whole secrecy thing is a pain; I wish you didn’t have to hide.” She just frowned, stroking my cheek with her index finger when I realized her.

“Me too,” she finally muttered.

XxX

The day of my party, I got up and made my way down to the beach with my father to where everyone was partying. Sam and Jared barbecued and the rest of the guys either attempted to talk with me, or played football.

It was all very childish in my opinion.

As was the cake with a ‘19’ birthday candle that Emily brought. But, I put up an act for everyone as I usually did. I think they mostly saw through it, but they pretended not to notice.
The whole time I was wishing I was with Violet or that she was here with me and part of me recognized how once Bella would’ve been the one I wanted to see.

These thoughts distracted me for a while and I managed to last a few more hours before my dad trusted my sanity enough to allow me some ‘quiet time’ where I could go to my cliffs.
I sat, dangling my feet over the edge, and starring at the stars that had started to come out against a rare cloudless night. No urge to jump came to me, and that caused a genuine smile to form on my face. I fell back now, letting my eyes drift up above me while I refused to cease grinning.

“You better not be smiling like that because you’re thinking of suicide.” That beautifully heartbreaking voice called. I jumped at the break in silence and sat up to turn around.

I probably once would’ve teased Violet for scaring me or vice versa but I was so unbelievably happy to see her I could do nothing but smile and shake my head at her assumption.

She would’ve known if I’d been trying anything anyways.

“Didn’t even cross my mind,” I said with a grin, jumping up and walking towards her. She looked up at me, her former little smirk shifting into a smile.

“You came,” I breathed, and she shrugged oh so innocently. “Yeah,” she agreed and her voice was a sigh. I was smiling more in ten minutes than I had in the past year and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. This day was officially perfect and the only thing that really happened was that Violet had come to see me.

She moved past me, sitting in the same place and position I just was and patting the space beside her while I followed like a lovesick puppy. As soon as I was next to her, the wind shifted and bit into my skin causing Violet to lean into me while she stared out at the night. I played with her hair absentmindedly.

“Happy birthday,” she said finally, causing me to smile when she looked up at me. Before I could comprehend what I was doing, I kissed her nose. She rolled her eyes at the contact but didn’t push me away.

I wanted to smile, but didn’t allow myself to do so, and instead just looked at her, and then at the water. I finally turned back to her, and I was about to speak but my words fled from me.
I caught that glimpse again, and everything else faded away.

Violet was bright and vibrant, leaving me tongue tied while I stared at her in the way I’d been aching for forever. And that feeling was back, but it stayed there.

Violet was my everything and I wanted her again. This time though, the feeling didn’t go away, it stayed until it was at the point of pain, and I had to do something. Just touching her wasn’t enough for me; and the internal battle raged inside of me while I struggled to keep quiet.

So for a while we just sat there, me debating whether or not I should test my limits further and her staring at the waves again.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and the battle was lost. With confidence bubbling in my stomach and when she turned her head to look at me I caught her lips with mine.

I felt her blink in surprise and although I expected her to make me stop she didn’t. Her shock dispersed and she knotted her hands in my hair while she turned her full body towards mine and my own hands dropped down to her tiny perfect hourglass waist.

The kiss was innocent; cautious. This was so new to both of us and we felt no need to rush anything.

So we went slow, just letting our lips get the feel of each other before I couldn’t take it anymore. My tongue ran lightly over her bottom lip, but I pulled it back; embarrassed. She parted her mouth just slightly enough to let me know I was aloud, and I let my tongue slip in.
The taste of her made my head spin and she was practically sitting in my lap now as the kiss deepened. I wanted her, more than I had ever wanted anyone, and Bella couldn’t even begin to compare.

After who knows how many minutes of this I heard faintly someone calling my name and both of us seemed to realize what we were doing. Violet jerked away from me, and her eyes were wide when she looked up at me, before they darted to the woods.

“I have to go,” she mouthed, and I nodded light headedly, noticing the unfathomable look in her dark eyes. I swallowed loudly, nodding and releasing her although my body begged to have her back in my arms.

“Bye,” I mumbled, dazed, and she stole off into the woods while my eyes trailed behind her. A few seconds later, like before, I felt the need to lead the guys away from her and ran out to go meet them where Quil and Embry were searching.

They led me back to the beach, and I was in a trance for a while. No one bothered to pull me out of it, or maybe they did and I was past noticing. My head was cloudy and my heart was beating at a mile and minute while the previous events played over and over in my head.

Before I knew it, I was at home, in my own bed and staring at my ceiling, with my heart and head longing for Violet and my lips tingling from the brief interaction with hers. I fell asleep quickly, truly happy for once. If only I could be sure it’d last.

I guess ignorance is bliss.