Capture My Heart

Violet smiled at me in a soft dejected way, causing another ripple of pain to shred through my chest.

These were the memories I was going to be left with.

I could still feel that block in my mind, so everything else that happened tonight was going to be void. Edward had seen us kissing, but he wouldn’t say anything, and we sure as hell weren’t going to, so we couldn’t talk about that.

It was a stupid thing to do, growing close to Violet, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I loved her. So much more than I should. So much that I knew I was going to die, metaphorically, when she left.

I couldn’t live without her; she was my air and soul. I was nothing without her, and that was more than I could handle. Everything was so much worse than last time, because what I had with Violet was real.

Of course I wouldn’t try to kill myself though; I owed her that much.

“I can’t believe this,” I muttered to myself, dropping my head into my hands while Violet moved up to sit beside me. She cautiously wrapped her little arm around me, and I buried my head into her neck, like so many times before.

So many memories past before my eyes, just like when my thoughts were being blocked. These memories were easier to deal with though, because I could block out the bad ones.

Some of my best images were taking center stage, all Violet when she was at her happiest. Her smiling, laughing, as a human, as a wolf, at her spring and in her room; with me.

It hurt surprisingly, it hurt to think of her even though she was sitting next to me and struggling for words.

“Everything’s happening so fast,” I mumbled, sick of the flashbacks.

I felt her swallow, “Yeah, but it’s too late now to change anything,” she whispered, and I nodded into her neck. Part of me wished she knew how badly I didn’t want things to change. Or better yet, to go back in time and freeze it to two days ago. We were happier then.

Well, I was at least, Violet seemed like she was. It was so hard to tell.

She sighed, continuing what she had been saying before, “You have your whole life ahead of you to forget about me, it’s gonna be okay Jake.”

I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped all over all over again, but this time, the crumpled pieces had been lit on fire and then stomped on again, with iron spikes.

I was too angry and sad to care what she was saying now, it was all pointless, but that hit a nerve. It was a distraction and I gripped it with both hands.

“No it won’t, you’re leaving. I’ll probably never see you again and no one else puts up with me,” I growled, nearly hysterical now as I pulled my face back to look at her.

“Who’s going to talk to me to keep me from going crazy? Who’ll tell me everything’s okay and tolerate my random mood swings? Who’s gonna keep me from wanting to kill myself? I don’t want to forget about you.”

How she be telling me to get over her? I couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

Violet flinched every time I spoke, but when she spoke again her voice was just as stubborn as I was getting used to. “Jake, we knew this would happen eventually, I can’t help it if people want to kill me,”

Her voice broke. I was upsetting her. I can’t believe how selfish I am.

I didn’t speak, looking at Violet and seeing more hurt in her eyes than she was letting onto, and then, when they met mine, tears brimming and spilling out of the corners. A compression pressed down on my heart at seeing her cry and I wiped them away with my thumbs.

My poor angel, she was hurting too. I never assumed she had been close to me. Well I had, but I never thought that it would hurt her this much. Enough to put tears in her eyes.

She shook her head, sniffling and blinking rapidly while I let my eyes drift back to the clock on the wall. I knew my dad would be worried, but I could deal with him later. Violet was all that mattered now, and if I never saw her again, after tonight, I would want to make it worth something. No time for moping.

“Can we go to ou- your spring, this place is depressing me,” I muttered, and Violet nodded, rising when my doing so lifted her up off the couch.

“Sure,” her voice was still dull, but she had a bit more light in her eyes when she finished, “But you were right the first time, it is our spring.”

My heart swelled, but I quickly shot my happiness back down. It was only our spring for tonight, because she would leave soon and it would be nothing again. Just like I always was when she was gone.

We walked, a bit faster than usual, but soon enough we were running, outracing time and saving the few moments extra we could spend together before the inevitable.

We only took a few minutes to get there, because that girl can run, and so we were just sitting by the water now, trees surrounding us and stars refusing to shine. At any moment, Edward could barge in and ruin everything, but I refused to let myself think about that as Violet rested her head against my shoulder.

The rain had left, but we were still soaked from sitting on the ground and my feet were practically in the water. Violet didn’t speak, and I didn’t either because what could we say?

What could I say?

I’m sorry everyone’s always trying to kill you, but I understand that they are and that you have to leave me. It’s selfish to want you to stay but I’ll let you go to keep you alive. You’re my imprint so I can’t ever forget you, and I’ll never want anyone else. I love you Violet, so don’t forget me. Come back someday, I’ll wait for you.

Yeah, that wouldn’t have ever blown over well. Violet would’ve just felt worse then, and me too because there was no way she could love me half as much as I loved her.

I hated those thoughts, and I brushed them away. I had to ignore anything that would hurt me now; there’d be plenty of time for the pain later.

Violet sat up, slowly and I jumped slightly, while she shrugged out of my arms. She crept closer to the water, and peered down. It was pitch black but Violet didn’t seem to care.
Then she started stripping.

A blush took over my face while Violet stripped down to a tank top and underwear that could’ve passed as lacy female boxers. She tossed her ponytail to the side to, while I stared at her with a dropped jaw. “What are you doing?” I whispered breathlessly.

I had never seen so much of her skin before, and she was even more delicate looking than I first thought, with the most inviting curves I’d ever seen and little features that went with her height.

Her hair fell past her shoulders and down to her elbows, with slight curls in the dark brunette locks. My eyes began to wander and I prayed that Edward wouldn’t be going in my head any time soon.

No need to alert the leech to these kinds of thoughts. So far from watching the two, I’ve seen Violet was like a second Renesmee to him. Like a daughter.

How come she had to knock me breathless when I was practically naked and all she did was blink and knock it back? It wasn’t fair.

She rolled her eyes at my words, or my reaction, before diving right in.

I jumped up and my wolf eyes easily caught her figure in the water before she resurfaced, her wet hair flopping down all over the place and sticking to her forehead and shoulders. She sighed contentedly and my jaw fell slack once again when she started floating as if she were taking a bubble bath.

“Are you crazy?” I hissed at her, walking forward. She nodded limply, a smile taking over her face as she angled her body in the water so she was straight up with the rest of her concealed. The smile on her face broke my heart, but at the same time, it made a similar one appear on my own mouth and I beamed at her.

“The water’s nicer after the rain,” she said, as if that explained it all.

I shook my head at her and she waved me forward, inviting me. Seeing the smile that had been missing for way to long, I couldn’t have resisted her if I tried.

I took my shirt off and threw it somewhere, also ridding myself of my jeans, so I was only in my boxers, before jumping in. God, this girl could seriously make me do some crazy stuff.
It was a good thing at the moment though. It was a distraction.

It was just another night with Violet to me, and I completely forgot about the rising sun until it set the water on fire.

We were lying outside the water already, having swum for hours earlier before the lack of sleep made us exhausted. We were drying off with my werewolf heat and not speaking. The end finally seemed to be hitting us.

We didn’t want to move, but we also didn’t want Edward to come looking for us, so we got up and walked, dragging now instead of running. I was dying inside, wishing more than anything for just one more day.

Of course, if that happened, I would want another, and then another. There was no such thing as one more day. I wanted forever.

Edward made no comment as we approached; only telling me that the mind block was still in place and making me feel slightly less embarrassed by my hormone induced thoughts earlier.

Violet kept quiet, and I stood by silently as she gathered the few things she was taking with her, some clothes, an old book and just a few items that all fit in the small old backpack that she had arrived with.

It was all set.

Violet smiled at me, but she might as well have been shoving a knife into me repeatedly with how much it hurt. I couldn’t smile back and instead settled for a nod while my heart throbbed.

Edward said goodbye to me, and I simply nodded to him to. There was a brief word exchange, while Violet said a simple “Goodbye Jake,” and I did the same. “Bye Violet.”

The words felt wrong, and weighed a ton on my tongue. She seemed just as unsatisfied.

Recently, I’ve noticed that even little sentences or one word answers can kill you. This was only proving it as Violet and I stared, tongue tied at each other.

This was the moment I’d been waiting for; where one of us would confess, but at the moment, I was too sad too speak. My throat was tight, and my arms shook while all I wanted to do was pull Violet into my arms and keep her there forever.

“I’ll miss you,” she said quietly, at last, Edward sitting in the Camaro we had fixed once upon a time, said not a word. I couldn’t tell yet if he was growing impatient with us, but I doubt he’d say anything. He couldn’t read my mind right now and Violet was all that was on it.

I kinda knew I shouldn’t hate him; Cullen probably felt guilty for always doing stuff like this to me. He wouldn’t really cause me pain on purpose since he knows me just as well as I know myself. Unwillingly.

Brushing those thoughts aside, I recalled what Violet had said only a second ago. It set my core on fire and I could fight the urge to hold her anymore.

I grabbed her lightly, pulling her into me and crushing her to my chest and upper stomach that she just barely hit with her little stature.

Right where she belonged. With me. Forever.

She buried her head into my torso, her dark hair the only thing I could see before she looked up and met my eyes.

I didn’t want to say goodbye again, the words were hard enough the first time, but I couldn’t say I loved her either, although everything in me was screaming too.
Telling her that wouldn’t help anything.

She pulled away from me slowly, taking her time but also going too fast for me. I let her go unwillingly, my arms and body not wanting to cooperate but giving in before she could notice.

There was nothing else to be said, as Violet climbed in the car without looking at me, and everything in me begged for her to be back within my reach. My eyes were watering.

I had just lost my only reason for existing.

My angel.