Out Like a Cigarette

I look at the boy, at Jace, slightly shocked. He was so innocent, but now he sounds so… So grave, so knowing. How can a boy like this, so happy, blissfully unaware of what goes on in life outside this little town, caring, so soft, be able to sounds like a man who has seen more than his fair share?

“What do you want to know?” I ask, knowing that he was right, that he was involved know and went from a simple person we had to protect to part of our inner circle, went from being kept on a need to know basis to a trustee of our secrets.

“Who was that?” He asks after a moment’s silence.

Watching him from the corner of my eye I answer “That was Kyle. He was an old… friend and such.”

“If he is an old friend then why did he try to kill me?” Jace demands angry.

“I said asset, not friend, for a reason. We never wanted him as a friend, but as someone we can use for our benefit. And we did for a long time until he changed to the worst, became someone we had to watch, had to control. He disappeared, then one day came back. He started a sort of war between himself and us, gaining help, followers. He is manipulative, always has been, that is why we wanted him as a friend in the first place. He can make anyone do anything, hence why people want to follow him. Last year he found me alone and forced himself upon me. He made me be his for a while, threatening to kill anyone I spoke to if I said no. So I did. He claimed to love me, and for a year he made me love him in any and every way possible. Eventually Jake found out why I went from hating Kyle to falling in love with him”- I spit out the words as if they were poison- “and they fought. It got bad. I ended it. He apparently thinks I am now with you and love you, hence why he used you to get to me. You are easy to get to when Jake and I aren’t around, no one in this area knows how to mistrust. That’s also why Jake and I became friends with you, to protect you as much as we could. I said it would make you a target, he said it would make you untouchable.”

“Who was right?” He sounded afraid to know the answer to the question knowing it would tell him his fate.

“I still don’t know who was right, he didn’t try to kill you, only beat you. You are, in a way, an untouchable target right now.” I tell him, and he turns.

“So, what does that mean for me later on?” He ignored the fact that we became his friends not because we liked him, but because we had to, to try and keep him alive. This kid is wiser than I had ever given him credit for.

“We will have to make you more untouchable than you are now, else people may decide you are an easy way to get to Jake and me, and actually go through with their threats.” He will be safe, no matter what. I am not going to let him end up dead and on my conscience.

“Jake once told me you were so cold to me, even after we became apparent friends, because you didn’t want me to end up like him. What does that mean?” He asked. I remember that conversation from when I listened in on them.

“That is something you don’t need to know now, I’ll tell you some other time.” I told him, putting it off. Really, though, there are more important things. “Stick to questions that can actually help you to keep yourself safe when Jake and I aren’t around.”

“Fine. What can we do to help we be able to fight back?”

“Nothing. Find a way to contact Jake or me the moment you see trouble coming and we will get you. Struggle, kick, hit, bite, do whatever you can to hurt the person. If there is more than two don’t fight back.” He made an upset sound.

“I have to learn how to fight! What if this happens again?” He demands.

“It will happen again, and if you really want Jake can show you ways to fight back. But do not, under any circumstance, fight if there is more than two people.” He lets out an irritated sight.

“Fine. What kind of war did Kyle wage with you guys?”

“One that brings nightmares to kids like you. Drug dealing, theft, arson, assault and battery, obstruction of justice, obstruction of traffic and much more are on my record because of it. Arson became my favoured way to battle, and as stress relief. Don’t worry about specifics, just worry that neither side plays fair.” I tell him. People have died; many of them were linked to me- directly or indirectly- if not all of them.

“Alright.” We fall silent as we get to the hospital. I park my car a ways from the ER entrance and we drag the guy just in sight of it, and then when Jace turned to go back to the car, guilt weighing his shoulders down, I hit a car by me and the alarm goes off, successfully gaining attention from people. After that we went back to the car quickly and, thankfully, unsighted.

Once we get back to the car to see Jake conscious.

“Did you fill him in?” He asks as we close the doors.

“Only with things he asked about. He’s staying with us tonight and you can fill him in on whatever you want to then.” In the rear view mirror I see that I had caught Jace’s attention.

“Since when was I staying with you?” He asked.

“Since Kyle kidnapped you, beat you and you look like you got jumped. No way you’re going home looking like that. I’ll patch you up, you can sleep of the fatigue and go home some other time. Plus, we can use the project as a cover, it’s Friday night and you’d be staying with Jake, not me. Call your parents now.” He didn’t look happy, but did as I said.

“Hey, mom? Yeah. Sorry, I forgot to tell you I was going to a friend’s house for a night or two…. Jake, the guy I’m working on the project with…. No, the girl won’t be in there with us… Yeah, I promise…. She’ll probably see us during the day, they’re inseparable… Yeah…. I’ll call you tomorrow. Night, Ma.” He closes his phone and says to Jake and me “This better be worth lying to my mom for. And you guys better sleep in separate rooms.”

“We have separate rooms, but that doesn’t mean we sleep in them.” Jake laughs, and Jace shrugs.

“Close enough. My mom asked if she’d be sleeping with us, and I said no, she wouldn’t be in the same room. Not lying if we accidentally fall asleep.” Jace said, face serious. Jake ends up in hysterics and I am holding back a smile.

“Very true. But seriously, if you have a problem with something then we can sleep separately from her or something.” Jake tells him as we arrive at my house.

“Thanks, man. I’ll keep that in mind when she starts changing.” I snort when I see Jace wink in the back seat.

“Don’t get too excited. Jake is the sexy one to watch, he turns all the boys to his team.” I tell Jace, making him look Jake up and down and Jake look extremely uncomfortable.

“I can definitely see why… Hm, Jake, maybe you should sleep with her tonight.” Jace walks very close to Jake, pretending to be gay. Jake played along and they were soon laughing like hyenas.

“You guys are way too good at that… Are you sure there isn’t anything going on when I’m not around? Promise I won’t get jealous. Oh, come on guys, first aid is this way.” I say, making a few jokes for once. I’m certain that Jace is acting like this as a shock mechanism to prevent himself from breaking down after all the trauma and shock from earlier. So, Jake and I would just go along with it.

“Oh… We were going to tell you tonight, but then this whole mess happened and we forgot. But… Well…” Jake says, with Jace finishing “We’re completely in love….” Before falling into more fits of laughter. I smile slightly.

We get to the bathroom with the first aid I sit Jace down, knowing Jake would be more willing to wait out the pain a while longer. I cleaned his cuts, him wincing frequently, bandaged larger ones, giving him ice packs, wrapping his right wrist that looked sprained. After about twenty minutes of this, being very meticulous and careful, I started on Jake. He was much, much worse. He took the better part of an hour to clean all the cuts, and another twenty to bandage everything. After that I gave them both advil, a lot of it, and put everything away.

“What about you?” Jace asks when he sees me putting shit away.

“Easy, I don’t get patched up. I don’t need it.” He gives me a quizzical look.

“Why not?”

“She gets hurt so often it doesn’t bother her anymore.” Jake answers for me. Jace looks at me with some weird emotion floating around in his eyes. It looked almost like sadness or pity, but why?

For the rest of the night we hang out, watching movies, eating, telling Jace anything he wants to know. Eventually Jake falls asleep, head in my lap and me playing with his hair. It was so soft, and it had been forever since we last were relaxed enough to be like this. Jace was easy to be around, as well, so I found myself becoming warmer and warmer to him, even if my attitude changed little to none. I felt like he noticed it, though, because he had no problem sitting close to me.

“So, I didn’t want to ask again in front of Jake, but it’s later now and I was hoping you could tell me what Jake meant.” He says suddenly. It was later, and I knew the question was burning a hole in him, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer. It was really personal, and nothing else I told him was. It was just information that he could find out easily if he went to the city. But this would actually be a look into how I think, how I feel, who I am deep down.

“I’ll tell you, but don’t get any ideas about my personality or who I am from it. And even if you hate me after it you will still have to pretend to be my friend for protection, understand?” He looks at me curiously and nods.

“Understood. Is it really that bad?”

“No clue, tell me when I finish.” And with that I begin the story. “Jake and I have been friends forever. Since we were five or younger. Well, when I became one of the bad kids he stayed good and innocent. While I was going to parties he was studying, while I compiled a rap sheet he was doing community service. But when we were twelve I ran into trouble with a drug dealer who had beef with me. Jake defended me, knowing everything since I told him everything.

“After that people started using him to get to me, and so he started going to events with me. Eventually he even participated in crimes with me, drug deals, fights, everything. We built up a reputation that was untouchable, and in doing so we became the most hated people within our lifestyle. Anyone who ran with us did it for the protection or knowing that our side was the winning one.

“I tried keeping it away from him, hoping my stories would make him avoid it, but by just being around me at the wrong time in the wrong place in front of the wrong person he was brought into it, just like you are now. I never wanted to make him live this life with me, and I will never forgive myself for dragging him to this hellish lifestyle, where we can’t trust anyone but each other, where we see and participate in people’s death, where we ruin lives. The reason he doesn’t have a criminal record is because I always make sure if the cops come I get caught so he can get away. It’s bad enough he lives it, he doesn’t need the permanent proof destroying his future. My family is wealthy enough I can just buy my way if I need to, whereas he can’t. I hate seeing him next to me in situations like the one tonight, but at the same time I am glad, happy, because nothing can break us apart, and that disgusts me and makes me hate myself even more than dragging him into this mess did. I don’t want you to end up like him, stuck in a world you’ll never be able to leave just for being seen with me at the wrong time. But it happened, and all we can do now is hope we can get you out.”

“So… You don’t want me to end up stuck by your side for years to come like Jake while you deal with people like the guys from tonight just for being seen with you?” He clarifies.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“Why would that make me hate you?” He asks, looking at me in that way again.

“Because it’s my fault you are like this and you’re now stuck with me for who knows how long.” I tell him. He surprises me by laughing. “This isn’t a laughing matter!”

“It is. That in itself makes this ironic and hilarious. Plus, there are worse things out there.” Yeah. I’ve done those things, too.

“Whatever. You know, now you can’t leave. You can’t get out.” His face becomes even more serious and he seems to pale slightly.

“I know. Will I ever be able to get out?” No.

“Maybe.” I lie, and he doesn’t ask anything more.