I'm Honestly Not Insane

Have you ever had a nightmare that seemed too real for comfort? Or when you woke up from the nightmare, you were drenched in sweat? The nightmare had caused you to shake so violently and make your heart speed faster. The nightmare that made even death look nice. The nightmare that caused your blood to run cold. The nightmare that haunted you for days. Your worst nightmare is what you’re thinking of. But sadly, your worst nightmare is nothing compared to mine. Because unlike your nightmare, mine was real. I wasn’t allowed to wake up when I finally screamed for it to end. No, the shadows kept coming for me until the air left my lungs.
This is my story. It isn’t a pretty one. And if you’re scared of scary stories, then you might just want to reconsider hearing mine. But if you’re willing to hear it, I warn you that you might not want to read this a midnight with all the lights off. He’s coming for you. He’s coming with a VENGEANCE.

This is your fucking nightmare…
***

“Sleepy head wake up…” A soft voice called. I felt a slight nudge on my shoulder as the voice spoke again, “Zacky Vengeance, wake up…”
I let out a quiet groan as I tried to open my eyes. I heard a small, high-pitched giggle. It didn’t sound like anybody I knew. It wasn’t Gena, I can guarantee that. I know her laugh, and this was too cheery to be her laugh.
“Who’s there?” I mumbled as my eyes peeled open the rest of the way. My eyes opened to find a dark figure standing over me with icy blue eyes staring right into mine, inches away from my face. I jumped at the sudden sight of them, and then I heard the high-pitched giggle again. The figure took a step away from me, and I propped myself up on my elbow and adjusted my eyes to get a good look at it.
This figure happened to be teenage girl, or at least that’s what she looked like. She only seem to be no taller the 5’4 (the size of short-shit Johnny). She had large, icy blue eyes, with dark black eyelashes and a bright, warm, pure white smile. Her hair was a pure blood red in front but in the back her hair was bleach blond. Her hair was extremely wavy, bangs and all, but it only went down to her mid-chest. She wore a rag silk white spaghetti-strap dress that went down to the top of her kneecaps, but it was ripped and torn at the bottom, like some dog got pissed at her and decided to rip her dress up. She had no shoes but her feet were taped up in bright, pure white tape that was wrapped up to her ankles. A metal band with a tiny lavender stone and feather design was tightly around her right upper bicep. She looked like some lost girl that ran away from home on prom night or something. Yet she was smiling bigger than anyone I had seen before. Who was this girl?
“I’m Star,” The girl answered the question that I asked in my head. Holy shit, did I say that out loud?
“No, you didn’t,” Star answered as she shook her head slightly. I looked at her confused and dazed, yet amazed. How did she know I was saying that?
“I read your mind,” She replied coolly. My eyes opened wide as Star sat down on the cool ground cross-legged in front of me. “You have loud thoughts Zacky,” She simply said.
“Whoa, how in the hell do you know my name? Who the fuck are you?” I glimpsed around my surroundings quickly and nearly freaked again, “And where the fuck are we?”
I was in my bedroom the last time I checked, sleeping next to my loving girlfriend Gena…now I have no fucking idea where I’m at. I see that I’m in some small clearing in a thick and dark forest. I could barely make out the outlines of the trees that were just behind Star’s back. It’s obviously nighttime because I looked above to see the shining full moon and a few stars to light up the clearing. The air was foggy and crisp; I could see it all around me and Star. I heard the sounds of thousands of crickets chirping and maybe a wolf or two howl, but they all seemed so distance at this point. I felt like a boy scout who didn’t listen to his scout master and now is hopelessly lost in the wood with absolutely no survival skills.
“Geez, language much Zacky?” Star giggled to herself and turned her eyes to the dark green grass that was wet with dew. I glared at her, wanting my questions answered now. She glanced back up at me, her smile gone, and her eyes piercing my soul. She finally spoke, but instead of her normal, happy-tone voice, her voice tone had become completely cold and quiet.
“Zachary James Baker, I’ve know you and your family since the day you were born. I’ve watched you grow up from a stubborn little child to an even more stubborn and reckless teenager to a successful rock star. I’ve watched you rise with Avenged Sevenfold. I’ve watch you every single day of your existence. I know everything about you too…” I froze for a minute. This little kid has been stalking me for my whole life?
“Don’t call me a little kid and I’m not a stalker,” Star interrupted my thoughts and angrily told me. I tried to erase all my thoughts so she could not read my mind. Easier said than done.
“Zack, have you ever heard of a guardian angel?” Star suddenly and calmly asked me as she started pulling random strains of grass from the ground. Afraid to talk, I just quickly nod my head. I did not want to piss off this chick any more than I already did tonight.
“Well Zachary, sweetie, I am a guardian angel, just one who hasn’t gotten her wings yet. To be specific Zack, I’m your guardian angel except I’m basically on probation because I broke guardian angel law.” My heart nearly stopped when I heard her say ‘your guardian angel’. The crazy chick that I’m sitting across from is telling me that she is my guardian angel, yet she seems like some rocker teenager that ran away from home cause she hates her parents. I’m going to call complete bullshit on this one, but I play along with her to see how far I can take her until she cracks and tells the truth.
“Why? What did you do?” I curiously ask. I hear a small growl in her throat. Oh shit, she must have heard of my plan. Fucking mind reader.
“You want to know what I did? I fell in love with a human, Zack! You know how illegal that is once you die?” Whoa, so this chick is officially pissed off. I want to open my mouth to ask her something, but I think it’s best if I keep my mouth shut.
“Got that right shithead,” She commented towards me, not even looking up from her grass-pulling. That’s it!
“Okay kid, I’ve had enough with your games. Tell me where the fuck I am and tell me how the fuck do I get home!” I raised my voice, sick of all this bullshit nonsense that has taken place. I just want to go home to my loving girlfriend and dogs and rest.
“Don’t raise your voice to me Baker. I can make your life a sweet dream or a horrible fucking nightmare. Your choice,” Star sternly told me, a smirk on her face. I honestly didn’t want to hear more of her shit. I just wish she would shut up.
“Shutting up…unless you want to hear about your friend Jimmy,” She quietly added at the end. How in the hell does she know about Jimmy? He just passed away last night. It was even hard to think about him without bursting into tears. He was my best friend. No, he was my brother. My heart is aching from losing him. I can’t believe he’s gone…
Tears welled up in my eyes as my voice cracked, “What do you know about Jimmy?”
She smirked again. She knew she got my attention. Cocky bitch. I wouldn’t accept information from her for any situation…except this is about Jimmy, and he’s the only one on my mind now.
Her icy eyes looked up at mine, but they were soft and welcoming while the smirk on her face changed into a nice smile. There was no sign of anger in her. She completely changed her mood, like a light switch. She looked like a sweet teenager again. She leaned forward and she took my hand and held it in hers. A tear rolled down my face as I looked into her eyes again. She squeezed my hand as she spoke, “I know where Jimmy is now,” I opened my mouth to ask where but she shushed me and answered my question before I could get a word out.
“Jimmy is here with us right now. He is not too far from here,” She sweetly told me.
“Wait how is that possible? I thought…” I was too confused to finish my sentence. It didn’t matter; Star already knew what I was going to say.
“Well sweetie, it’s possible because you’re dead too,” She nearly whispered. I froze and I felt all emotion and life drain from my body. My heart stopped and my eyes got wide. I felt like I was going to pass out. I’m dead? How? Why?
“You brought here by me. I need your help,” Star quietly whispered, her eyes to the ground.
“What?” I asked, confused and angry. She. Fucking. Killed. Me. I’m dead. I’m not going back to the guys. I’m not going back to Gena. I’m fucking gone.
“I need your help,” She quietly told me, her eyes looking straight into mine. Her icy blue eyes seem to see right through me. “Jimmy needs to be saved.”
“Why what’s wrong with him?” I spoke without thinking. My brain was completely numb by her eyes.
She was silent for a long moment. She seemed to be looking for the right words to say. For once, she was lost.
“Star!” I yelled and she jumped. She opened her mouth to speak but she didn’t say anything.
Her eyes began to water as her mouth slowly closed. She brought her knees to her chest and put her face into her hands. I could see tears streaming down her face. She was hysterical and sobbing heavily.
“Zacky, I’m so sorry…I could have saved him, but…” I could barely understand she was saying through her crying. I crawled over towards her at sat down next to her. I tightly wrapped my arms around her shoulders and just rubbed her back. I felt like I comforting a toddler, but as long as it helped her, I didn’t care.
“Zacky, the demons got Jimmy. They took him away…I tried to help, but there were too many. If I wasn’t a fallen angel, I could have saved him, but…” She started crying again to the point where I couldn’t understand her. But I finally understand why I’m here now.

I gotta save Jimmy.

I don’t know how I’m going to fucking do it either. I’m not a fucking knight in shining armor. I’m a tattooed punk with a broken glass guitar. I’m not meant to save anybody. I’m just meant to sit and look cute for the band. And now I can’t even do that! I’m a fucking nobody now!
“Don’t say Zack. You’re a somebody,” I looked down to see innocent, glistening sky blue eyes looking into mine. Star’s arms reached down and wrapped around my not-so-skinny waist. “At least to me you are,” She quietly added.
I smiled down at her. It felt good to be holding somebody-and to be held back. It made me feel like I wasn’t in this nightmare and that I was home, a place I’ll never get to go to again. At least I’m with someone who cares.
“Star,” I simply said her name and her attention was all mine. “How do we save Jimmy?”
~~~~
SNAP!
“What in the fucking hell was that?”
“I stepped on a twig dumbass,” Star playfully told me. I wasn’t too fond of her playfulness right now. We are trekking through the pitch black forest that surrounded the clearing earlier. The only way that we could see was the moon light, and the thick, tall trees are now blocking most of the light, so I can’t even see two inches in front of my face. Star has been guiding the way to practically the gates of Hell by pulling me by my hand (apparently that’s where Jimmy is being held). And for being a fallen angel, she is quite the chatter-box. But I found out so much about her that made me like her even more.
Star Light (I found out her last name) was born on the same date as me, five minutes before I was born. Her original birth name was Carolyn Light, but she changed it to Star Light when she started her first punk rock band in the 90s. Her rebellion punk band was called Falling Stars, and Star was the lead vocals. Her band was big in the little town she grew up in, and they were planning going on tour to a few surrounding cities. She was hoping one day they would hit Detroit and become the next great punk band. On December 11th, 1996, on her 16th birthday, Star was brutally murdered by the band’s guitarist, which happened to be her ex-boyfriend. She was stabbed deep into her back ten times and then in the heart once “for good measure”. Her body was taken all the way out to just off the shoreline of Lake Michigan and it dropped into the lake, cinderblocks tied around her ankles, wrists, and waist. She sunk over thirty feet into pitch black water. Her murder case went cold and her ex was never caught. Bastard. How dare he fucking kill someone as great as her? Fucking dick.
Anyway, she’s been watching over me ever since she died. She told me she was so happy when we got signed to our first label and Sounding the Seventh Trumpet came out. She knew we were going to become the next great metal band. It made me smile when she said that. It was like I was talking to a super fan that was with us since day one. It’s always cool to meet people like that.
“I can play piano too,” Star quickly added. I chuckled a bit; it sounded like I was talking to a little Matt.
“Holy shit kid..” I quickly laughed and she squeezed my hand tightly. “Don’t call me kid! I’m older than you!” Star told me for the tenth or twentieth time. I just never cared to listen; I must say I have selective hearing.
Star’s footsteps stopped. I bumped into her side lightly and she quickly shoved me away.
“Star? It’s me,” I told her. She took a deep breath out, “Zacky?” I nodded even though I knew she didn’t see it. “Yes, it’s me,” I told her. After I spoke, it became dead silent. So silent I could hear my own heartbeat. I heard the sound of crunching leaves, and I felt a hot breath on my face. “Star?” I nervously asked. She took a deep breath and then gasped deeply. I felt her weight collapse against my body and I nearly fell over. I caught her body and tried to hold her upright but she didn’t even to try to stand up on her own.
“Star, stand up,” I told her frustrated. She wasn’t the lightest person ever.
She didn’t do anything. I felt my stomach getting a little wet. What the hell?
I looked around and I found a patch of grass that wasn’t covered by a tree. The moonlight shined down onto the wet grass, making it shine like a diamond. I dragged her body over to the patch and set her down onto the grass.
Oh God, no…
Her mouth was open with dark red, almost black, blood running down her jaw line. Her eyes were wide open and full of fear. Her dress was spotted with blood and her stomach was slashed opened. Blood soaked the dress around her wound. She wasn’t breathing either. She’s dead.
I looked down at my own shirt. My blue and white plaid shirt was stained with dark black-red blood. A tear slid down my face as I knelt down onto one knee and lightly shook her. “Star…wake up…please…” Her expression never changed.

Zacky, you idiot she’s not coming back.

A few more cold tears fell down my face. She’s not fucking coming back. She left me. I closed my eyes and prayed for her to come back.
I opened my eyes again and looked down at her again. A white notecard, completely untouched by blood, lay on her stomach. I picked it up with shaky hands and read it.



What the fuck? What does that mean? I took a double-take of the card to see if I read it right. When I looked back at it the second time, I dropped the card and froze, scared to even moved.



My eyes were opened wide and my breathing quicken. Don’t turn around Zacky. Whatever you do…
“Zacky…” I heard a female voice softly say in the distance. It warmed my heart to hear the voice, but yet sent shivers down my voice. It was Star. The angel that I had fallen for.
“Star, don’t leave me…” I called out, more tears running down my face. I barely knew her for a night, yet she was everything I wanted in life. I found her and lost her all in one night. Fuck my undead life.
“Zacky, turn around…” Her voice called. I was scared to turn, but I trusted her. She is my guardian angel right? At least she was…
I slowly turned my body in the other direction and found nothing but darkness. It was silent too; all I heard was the sound of my breathing.
“Star-“
That’s all I got out before I was hit in the head with something hard like a fucking rock and my world went black.
~~~~
Dear anybody,
This is it. After this, there won’t be a sweet Zachary Baker. It will be just evil Zacky Vengeance. The demons got me too. I saw Jimmy too. He looked fucking awful. Scars covered his face, and his clothes were bloody. He looked tired and in severe pain. I think he even mouthed ‘kill me’. He’s being tortured by the demons right now. I can hear his screaming now, and it hurts my ears to hear it. It makes me want to cry. No one should go through the pain he’s going through. And sadly, I have to go through the pain soon too. The demons even told me that I will become one of them soon too. Let me explain:
I was captured by the demons and brought to the cage I’m in now. They put chains around my ankles and wrists. I can’t escape. They even told me. They also told me Jimmy and I was going to become demons too. They didn’t tell us when or how it was going to be done, but it was going to happen. I really don’t want to know either. Just looking at the demons was bad enough. Their eyes are blood red and their skin is the same color. I got shivers just by looking at them. I can’t even imagine they do for torture. I’m going to find out soon enough.
Jimmy just screamed again and it nearly made me shit my pants. He screamed, “KILL ME!” and it sounded like something was caught in his throat. Probably blood. It was sure a nerve racking scream. It hurts to know I’m next.
I can hear a piano playing somewhere. It sounds exactly like the piano in our new song we were working on for the new album. “Dead” I think we were going to call it. It reminds me so much of Star. I have no idea where she is now. Where do you go when die when you’re dead? I hope she got her wings back. She never told me who she fell in love with, but I already knew who. And I love her back. If only I could tell her that before I’m changed…
I can hear them coming for me. They’re coming to torture me. If anyone gets this before I’m changed, please come save me. I don’t want to be a demon. I want to be angel; I want to be with Star. And if you can’t save me, save Jimmy. He’s been through enough pain. He doesn’t deserve this…
I got to go. I can hear them talking about me. If they see this letter, they might destroy it before anyone can see it. I can’t let that happen, even if I’m in the Underworld.
Good-bye to the world I used to know. Good-bye Jimmy. Good-bye Star, my love. By the next time you’ll hear from me, I’ll be changed.
I had a good life, right?
-Z
~~~~
“You turned out well Zacky,” A demented voice spoke into my ear. A smile appeared onto my face as my hands curled into fists. The voice began to chuckled, and I began to chuckle with him. I looked over towards The Rev, whose eyes were blood red like me, and he had the biggest smirk on his face. I looked ahead toward a small, suburban house. We were standing on the sidewalk looking into a little girl’s bedroom. She was asleep, holding on tightly to her fluffy white teddy bear. Giving this girl a nightmare was going to be fun.
“Go,” The demented voice told me and The Rev. We nodded at each other and walked into the girl’s house. It was a nice little house. Everything seemed perfect for the normal family. Time for me to fuck it up.
We found the little princess’ room at the end of the hallway. She was so peaceful when she was asleep. She was probably dreaming about unicorns and fucking rainbows. She’ll soon be dreaming about the unicorns dying and rainbows burning.
Me and The Rev stood over her, just like predators. Rev was just as excited as me. We waited a long time to do this.
“Zacky, please don’t do this…” A soft voice pleaded. The voice made me stop and listen. The voice sounded so familiar too. I know this voice…
“Star?” I called out her voice. The Rev looked at me with a confused look. “Zacky? What the fuck is up with you?”
“Zacky, I’m still with you. Leave the girl alone. This isn’t you,” Star’s voice told me. My eyes filled with tears. I can’t believe I forgot about Star. The angel I loved. I betrayed her.
“I know…” I whispered under my breath. The Rev was looking more pissed at me.
“Zacky,” Star quietly said, “I love you.”
I collapsed to my knees and broke down. What have I done? I’m a monster.
“Zee, the fuck? Get up or you’re going to wake up the girl!” The Rev whispered angrily at me, but I didn’t care to hear him. Star was the only thing I cared about at the moment. I want her back.
I felt someone grab my shoulder and they roughly turned me around. It fucking hurt too.
“Zacky, you have failed me. You will pay,” The demented voice from earlier growled at me. I froze in fear. I heard the voice tell The Rev to finish the job. I knew I was going to get tortured. I remember the last time I was torture. I didn’t want to get whipped again, and ripped to shreds.
“Let’s go,” The voice growled. It tightly grabbed a hold of my arm and snapped me up. Soon I couldn’t see shit. And honestly, I knew I didn’t want to…
~~~~
Dear anybody, mainly Star,
I’m gonna make this short. My entire body is in pain and bloody. I just want it all to end. I can’t stand this anymore. My body’s cracking into pieces. I’m just about to break.
The Rev is disappointed in me. Why? Shit, I don’t fucking know and I don’t fucking care. He nearly fucking killed the poor girl. That wasn’t part of the plan. Dickhead idiot.
I need sleep. I’m way too pissed to be writing, but this is my apology to Star. I’m sorry for everything. I don’t deserve you. You’re a pure soul, I’m not better than the devil himself. You saved me today. You stopped me from doing something purely evil. I can’t thank you enough for that. I may be a demon, but you showed me that I still have some heart. Thank you. I love you too.
Time for me to go. I’m planning on ending this all soon. I can’t take this too much longer. So this is the last time you’ll ever hear from me. I just wanted to write this quick letter before I go.
This is Zacky V, and I’m fucking out of here.
6661.