Loca

I hated myself at the moment.

I hated Jacob, I hated my sister; I hated my life.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m overreacting, or maybe Im too dramatic but it didn’t matter.

Jacob made me feel so amazing, so completely free and open, but of course it was a two way street. He also knew how to make me feel horrible without even meaning to.

Everything he said about Bella, and changing being unnatural, applies to me. Everything he criticized my leech loving sister for is what I’m doing to myself. And boy does it hurt.

I was changing so I could be with my friends, be with my family. It was for me, but it was also for them in a way.

“Hey Bella,” I said quietly, going inside and walking past her and my dad, who was, at the moment having a stare-off with Edward, who seemed a tad amused.

I wondered briefly what my dad was thinking that was so funny and headed directly for the fridge, wanting to drown myself in ice cream when Bella follows suddenly.

“Are you wearing Jacob’s shirt?” are the first words out of her mouth, which was slightly open while her eyes bugged out. She was quiet, hissing so only Edward could hear.

I looked down, and shrugged. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped when she saw the expression on my face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked softly.

I shook my head though, brushing past her to go upstairs, while my dad called for me. I ignored him, my body dragging and head down and shutting my door silently behind me.

What Jacob said still hurt, and he hadn’t even been direction his anger towards me, and I felt guilty too although I shouldn’t have; it was none of Jacob’s business anyways what I changed about me. I didn’t need his approval.

Jacob’s POV

Parking my car at home, I trudged through the front door.

Troy was mad at me, I could tell. Just by the look on her face when she left I could tell. Something I had said obviously upset her, but I didn’t know what.

I sighed loudly, cringing when I realized I possibly just messed up my chances with being her friend.

I seemed like I was obsessed with Bella, and that wasn’t true; I was just pissed because Bella was becoming a vampire, and thought that her sister would make me feel better about it.

Of course, that could’ve been what happened. Maybe Troy was favoring Bella becoming a vampire, and I’d offended her by criticizing what she thought. I was too confused right now to figure it out. I didn’t wasn’t to think about it.

I pushed the door of my room open, taking it in and remembering everything that had occurred last night.

I smiled as I forgot about what had taken place moments ago and went back to the night the two of us had spent together. Being so close to her, her curvy body tucked into mine, her luscious hair falling across her chest and mine, her sweet aroma filling my nose and intoxicating me…

Troy’s scent still lingered, and I inhaled a deep breath that made my mouth water. I fell into bed on my back before turning around and burying my head in my pillow. She smelled sooooo good.

I had always regretted having a small bed since becoming a wolf, but last night I was so happy for it. Troy was so close to me, so soft and quiet, except for the sleep talking.

Well, not actual talking, more like quiet mutters that I barely understood. It was captivating, and I had woken up quite a few times to it, but I didn’t mind. I learned so many things about her that she didn’t say out loud.

It was weird though, everything she told me, made me wonder just how much of an angel she really was.

I mean, obviously she had some fight in her, but her best friends were werewolves, so she had to. I could understand that.

What I didn’t understand, was how she came out as such a rebel when she sleep muttered, or how much it turned me on either. Everything she said screamed reckless and dangerous, and made me feel like I barely knew her, although she obviously confessed a lot to me.

For one, she has a tattoo. I had never seen it before, but I knew it was there. I would kill to know where it was.

Also, and I know where this one is obviously, she has her stomach pierced. A belly button jewel she can’t get rid of that her friends talked her into. I wanted to see it a more than the tattoo, because body jewelry looked so hot with bikinis, and Troy would look so damn delicious in a two-piece. And on a motorcycle, which she talked about too.

She spoke Spanish a lot, and another language, so that means so far she’s trilingual, and man you should’ve hear her.

Maybe it was just me, but either way, that somewhat explains the direction of my dreams last night.

Sighing again, I wondered how long the buzz from having Troy sleep over would last, before I remembered that I’d screwed it all up and just like that the good feelings- horny and not were gone.

I was going to have to suffer for a bit while I thought up an apology, because apparently Troy didn’t want anything to do with me at the moment, and I couldn’t confront her at school because although tomorrow was my first day, she wasn’t allowed back just yet.

XxX

Later, while I was on patrol, it took everything I had to keep Troy off my mind for the four hours of mindlessness that came with Sam and Paul’s conversations, and even then it wasn’t enough.

Paul couldn’t stop thinking about some feisty red head he met, and Sam was lecturing him.

I snorted to myself with distaste. Typical Paul.

My mind wandered to last night, but only memories came, those including Troy in my arms. Paul and Sam both stopped their conversation and my thoughts cut off when I realized they’d seen everything. They didn’t know though, and I didn’t want to tell them.

Shit, I cursed, but they heard that too. Attention wasn’t what I needed now and I could see Paul toying through my mental images, wondering who she, was and why she was with me last night.

I refused to let him in though, and I could feel his excitement when he realized I was keeping secrets.

Ooh Jakey’s got a girl, he teased, while I growled at him.

Didn’t know you had it in ya, he added, and I could feel Sam’s disapproval.

Butt out, I snapped, phasing back and walking to where I hid my clothes. Paul was jumping to conclusions just like everyone did, and I knew Troy wouldn’t respond well if she knew I was thinking about her, and on patrol no less.

Troy’s POV

Hector kissed my forehead gently, his hands loose around my waist and his eyes glued to the TV.

He had come to see me again, as he promised, and we were watching movies with my dad hovering nearby.

The familiarity here was almost scary, but for some reason it was also very different being with Hec than it was being with Jake.

Hector didn’t hold me right, and my body seemed tense, only barely, near his mild body heat. Jacob was a freaking sun, so Hector’s temp didn’t fit right. And Jacob’s arms were bigger, and he was more muscled- dang it I really need to stop comparing them.

Hector is my boyfriend, sort of.

And Jacob hurt me, kinda.

Life is complicated.