Loca

I woke up ten times more tired than when I went to sleep. My eyes were shut tight, and I refused to open them. Not for a long time.

My whole body felt heavy, like their were weights weighing me down, and I was sure that if I got woken up now that things wouldn't be pretty.

I had a four hour plane ride ahead of me, and I was not looking forward to it, so I weighed out the pros and cons between going back to sleep and waking up either stiffer or loosened up. The odds of the latter weren't good.

I finally dragged myself out of bed. My suitcase was dragged downstairs and I lounged on the couch with Bella and my dad.

Charlie seemed only slightly disturbed by my leaving. He didn't say a word to me, and stared at inanimate objects up until the door bell rang.

At the sound, my heart dropped right into my stomach and I heaved myself up off the couch, with Bella following behind.

She hadn't met my brothers in person, but had talked to them on the phone quite a few more times than I'd been aware off.

I tried to control my emotions so they wouldn't read on my face. I pushed my knotted up stomach to the back of my mind and tried to concentrate on what was happening.

When Bella's tumbling fingers finally got the door open, Chris, Shawn and AJ were all standing there, one out of three faces looking bored.

AJ nudged Chris roughly in the shoulder when he saw my raised eyebrow. Chris glared and then rolled his eyes, giving me a look like, 'can-you-believe-this?'

I had to smile at him.

"Morning Troy," Shawn said, smiling wide. I nodded to him as the trio filed in. AJ hugged Bella hello and then they started talking as we all headed to the living room, where it seemed Charlie hadn't moved an inch.

His eyes were tired, and he looked older than usual. Maybe he'd be able to stress less with me gone and not causing him problems anymore.

But then again maybe not. It seemed Bella and me both got out over worrying gene from him. My mom had been much more carefree.

Two hours before out scheduled flight, we left the house, which I was fine with because honestly, when Bella becomes the life of the party, that's when its time to cut and run.

I thought we might have just gone straight to the airport and waited, but I wasn't necessarily looking forward to that, and apparently neither were they because they decided we were gonna check out La Push before they left.

This wasn't a bad idea. I felt bad for just leaving Jacob with a text message because I couldn't stand to call him yesterday.

I got to drive the Lamborghini, and that was something that would keep me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

"Someone has road rage," Chris muttered as we flew through the roads to Jacob's place. The plan was to drop me off their, and have them come pick me up while they compared La Push beach to their home beach.

"Shut up," I muttered, glancing back to see Chris was sprawled out and relaxed, despite what he had said.

Shawn was the one who was really nervous, hands clasped in a praying position while he stared at the window with big eyes. I laughed at them both.

"Watch the road," AJ nagged as Chris continued his attempts to distract me. I flipped him off, driving with one hand while Chris laughed.

I felt oddly like this was how Jason must have felt.

Since she was the youngest, everyone made sure she knew it. No wonder she had, had enough of playing nice and went off the deep end...

"We'll be back soon...seeing as we don't get lost," AJ told me as I hopped out the car. I nodded and started to walk out back, waving behind me absentmindedly.

I approached Jake's garage and heard him inside, muttering to himself and throwing things. Tools probably. I had to smile at the sound of this, because I honestly didn't know what else to do about it but just smile.

As I walked through the door of the garage, I had to duck because a wrench flew by my head. "Whoa!" I yelled, quickly avoiding it. Jake was sitting on his car, and I caught sight of me just after he threw it.

Jake gasped, and quickly jumped off the hood of the car. "Oh my god Troy I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were walking in," he said in a gust as he rushed over to me, his hands flitting around me to check if I was okay. I smiled at his worry and put my hand gently over his, pushing it away.

"Don't worry about it Jacob, I'm fine," I said, and he frowned deeply. "I could've hit you," he said.

"So easily..." his voice trailed off and he seemed horrified at the thought that he could ever hurt me.

"But you didn't," I said simply, which made him smile slightly. I could see he was starting to think about it too much however, so I grabbed his hand and led him so we were both sitting on the VW.

He studied me carefully after we sat down, nothing but guilt on his face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the mess that he had made the garage in his temper tantrum.

"Wow..." i muttered under my breath and Jacob ran his hands through his hair nervously, avoiding my eyes.

"Sorry you had to see this Troy...I'm sure its not what you came for," he added, changing subjects quickly.

I shrugged and rubbed his arm. "I just wanted to say goodbye properly...it wasn't right to just leave you with that text," I said starting to feel guilty myself.

Jake nodded, looking like he understood.

"Its fine Troy. I understand...I mean...I know how hard its gonna be to say goodbye to you. I could've dealt if you had decided just to leave it at that." he said, not looking at me. Maybe so he could lie to me more easily.

I hated how those words came out. This was getting painful way to fast for my liking.

"But hows that fair -" I started to protest, but Jacob pinched my lips together before I could finish. I smacked him and he laughed at my expression, turning smug.

"I'm done talking now," he said, completely serious. "I don't want to have to think about any of this," he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to want or to accomplish.

I frowned, and Jake stroked my face, touching softly and lifting the corner of my mouth to make me smile slightly. His eyes were guarded in case I didn't want him to touch me like this. I tried not to think of how it didn't feel quite as good whenever Hector did this.

"Jacob," I said softly, sighing. He suddenly dropped his hand, and looked down, misreading what I had been saying. His expression was kind of a defeated one.

Jacob closed his eyes. It took a while but he finally asked, his voice was tight. "How long do we have?" He was trying so hard not to show any emotion. It hurt to see this.

"An hour or two maybe," I said quietly, and he nodded, opening his eyes again. There was no emotion, none at all. He stared at me with this completely blank look on his face that made me feel even more so like I'd done something wrong.

"What do you want to do?" Jacob asked me, staring at me and giving me his undivided attention.

I shrugged, completely unsure of what it was that I wanted.

"Well what were you planning on doing before i showed up? I mean...besides abusing the work tools." I mumbled the last part, eyes straying towards the clutter covering the ground beneath us.

"I...I had nothing planned." Jacob stalled, and we both sighed in the same instant. "Well then..." I mumbled.

Things were getting to that point again where we were stuck in between an awkward conversation and no conversation at all.

I stared at my hands for a second before blurting out the first thing that came to mind "Were you throwing a fit because you knew I was leaving...or because I never said an official goodbye." I breathed, and Jacob flinched, not saying a thing.

He muttered something along the lines of "So much for being done with this..." and I ignored that while I waited for his answer.

"It...it wasn't you not saying goodbye...I understand why you didn't want to do that before." he said quietly after a while, not bringing up the first option I'd presented.

"So, because you were upset I was leaving, you..." I searched for a good group of words, and had to settle because none fit right. "...you took your anger out..." I whispered trailing off.

Jacob took my hand in his, kissing it softly and moving to hold my palm against his fever hot cheek. He stared through me.

"I'm gonna miss you so much Troy. But I want you to do what you have to. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't make you feel bad about leaving." Jacob ranted.

I tried to stroke his face with my finger, my hand still trapped by his, but it didn't work out so well so I gave up and a few seconds later he released it.

"Its okay to miss me Jake, I'll miss you too. And I know you don't want me to leave, but that's okay too. You don't need to pretend like your okay with everything just to make me feel better...and your not that good at it besides."

Jacob, staring at me completely serious, suddenly laughed. His smile was so wide it blocked out just about everything else in the room.

"That is the second time in 48 hours you've insulted my acting skills," he said, still chuckling whilst also shaking his head.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You know you cant lie to me," I mumbled.

His smile stayed, but so did the sad look in his eyes and since he had released me I took the opportunity to stroke his cheek bone as I'd been trying to do.

"So, I got to drive the Lamborghini," I said casually, reaching just a little with my attempt to change the subject, but Jacob let it go, his eyes no longer quite as sad.

"Yeah?" he asked, smiling with his head tilted to the side. "How was it?"

I sighed happily, dropping my hand from his face and lacing my fingers through his. "Like you wouldn't believe," I mumbled. Jake squeezed my hand, happy I had broken one of my own rules for the moment so he didn't have to.

Jacob's POV

Troy's smile kept me going for a while. Her big brown eyes, sparkling as she spoke, only added to my list of things about her I was gong to miss like crazy.

She talked with me for what little time we had left, and since the conversation stayed away from all those depressing topics that had been unavoidable earlier.

She was good at being exactly what I needed.

Her tiny cool hand felt so good in mine. I rubbed my thumb over her palm softly, and she smiled just slightly.

Around an hour and a half after she arrived, the sound of tires hitting my front drive became audible. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been dreading them.

"My brothers are here," Troy said grudgingly, blowing some hair out of her face. I sighed, and dropped her hand before getting up off my car.

She hopped off as well and I immediately grabbed her in a hug, burying my face in her hair. Troy's arms wrapped around my neck, pulling herself up, and her legs went around my waist, clinging to me.

I pulled away from her slightly, frowning. I could read in her eyes everything that she wanted to say, and everything that I knew she never would.

She slowly, ever so slowly slid down my body.

"C'mon," she mumbled, nudging me in the arm and avoiding my eyes, starting to walk out of the garage. I followed her willingly, working all the while on controlling my emotions.

"Jacob," AJ greeted, half way out of the gorgeous vehicle sitting in my driveway. The two twins were already out, watching me critically, sizing me up. I wonder what they saw when they looked at me and Troy standing next to each other...besides how much taller than her I was, I mean.

One twin (I didn't know who was who) walked up to me before AJ had the chance. He, and his twin for that matter, were so tan it seemed that there was none left for Troy and AJ, as they were both so pale. His hair was dark and curly, sticking out in different directions. He seemed a bit older in the face than his brothers. Maybe a few years older than AJ, and more mature than his twin.

I couldn't tell by his expression if he seemed to approve of me or not.

"I'm Shawn. The loser who stole my face is Chris." he said, smirking at me while I laughed and shook my head. I decided that the most I'd be able to use to identify the look-alikes was their stance.

"Jacob," I muttered, shaking his outstretched hand. He dropped mine quickly, discreetly flexing his hand.

Troy muttered something under her breath and AJ nudged her, smirking at me. "We have to get going soon," he said and I let my expression fall.

Troy rubbed my arm and I stared at her, trying not to let my pain show, repeating mentally that she'd only be gone a week or two.

Chris said a brief hello, and then goodbye as he and Shawn quickly got in the car. I could feel Troy slowly slipping through my fingers.

AJ patted her shoulder and she looked at him to see him nodding at her. She bit her lip and then turned her back to him, launching herself into my arms.

I gripped her tightly, not wanting to let go.

Her feet stayed planted on the ground this time, but like before, her head buried in my chest, right where my breaking heart was.

"Bye Jake," she mumbled into my chest, sniffling a little and pulling away, She had been so strong for such a long time, and I was watching her tough exterior slowly crumble away.

I kissed her cheek and slowly released her. "I'm gonna miss you so much Troy," I mumbled, and she smiled teary eyed.

It hurt to see her eyes start to water as she let go of me and got in the car, but it also helped my self esteem a little to know how she felt.

I stood on my porch and watched my imprint drive away from me, an aching feeling in my heart as the fast car disappeared in the distance.

Troy's POV

"You ready to go," AJ asked as we stood in line to board the plane. I shrugged and nodded, not speaking.

Figures we'd be early for our flight, right? We had been waiting in the airport for quite a while, just talking about nothing. A main topic though, was Jacob.

I didn't say much. I was so afraid that my voice would betray me, as I'd been fighting tears a bit over a half an hour after we had left Jacob behind.

My emotions was one of the reasons I didn't want to say a formal goodbye, but I could see now that things were probably better off this way.

At least I was leaving Jacob with a solid knowledge that I wasn't deliberately hurting him by not saying goodbye.

"I don't like that guy. Not one bit." Chris muttered, angrily, continuing a conversation we'd had. He saw Jacob and judged him after one second. So overprotective.

"You don't even know him," I said, cracking a smile. I shook my head as the line moved sluggishly.

"Don't have to...I can sense these things," he said in all seriousness. Shawn snorted, "Yeah like could sense that my last girlfriend had a crush on you." he muttered.

Chris punched him. "She so did. She kept checking me out, and she left love notes on my pillow all the time.

"She checked you out when I wasn't there because we look exactly the same. And our house was big so she got our rooms mixed up."

AJ laughed loudly, head thrown back I did the same, although silently, whilst also rolling my eyes. Their banter was starting to grow on me.

"Anyways, I like Jake," Shawn said, crossing his arms.

"Same here, two against one Chris, we win. You lose." AJ added, just as we got inside and started to find our seats.

There was classical music playing and I hoped to god they turned it off soon. My mental stability was on a very thin edge as it was.

Chris ignored him, calling the attention of the leggy flight attendant who had been eying him ever since he had flopped down in the cushiony first class seat.

He was immediately flirting with her, and she basked at the attention, forgetting that she was working and looked like she needed a big cup of coffee.

AJ rolled his eyes, tucking his bag away before making a move for me to watch him. I raised an eyebrow and watched as he clapped his hands together as if he was praying before he dived in between Chris and the girl.

I got what he was doing with his hands and starting laughing at the irony of him swan diving into his brothers lap.

The flight attendant gasped, jumping back. Her hand on her heart, a blush on her face, she quickly walked away, looking terrified.

AJ laughed, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head, still on Chris.

He was perfectly relaxed, unlike the flight attendant and several passengers, staring at all four of us with wide eyes. The sound of mumbling was all that you heard for a brief second, before Chris shoved AJ off him, grumbling.

AJ smirked, picking himself up and climbing over him to get the window seat that was available.

Shawn nudged me as he took the window seat on out side of the isle, "Welcome to my life," he mumbled. I smiled even wider, but it was quickly wiped off however when the doors of the plane were shut.

I gripped my seat a little as the voice on the intercom went over a few obvious safety guidelines and such. This was so not helping.

"You okay?" Shawn whispered, and I shrugged weakly.

I had a slight problem with flying, seeing as the only plane I'd ever been on was one with Hector and Jason's big family in the good ol' days. And that was pretty traumatic, which was why I never brought it up.

"Happy place," Shawn muttered, getting comfortable. He winked at me, "I got issues with this too. Works every time for me."

"The last time I was on a plane, some woman went into labor on the flight and the pilot refused to land. I was eleven. Not the best experience to have when your already nervous about the plane crashing." I mumbled, running my hands through my hair.

Shawn gave me a look like I'd lost my mind before laughing so loud people turned to stare at us.

"Man that's fucked up," he muttered. I smiled, and shook my head, staring at the ceiling a pretending I was in a car. I was grateful my bro got the window seat.

As I thought back to that day five years ago, it started to bring on a whole new round of nervousness.

Listening to screaming was not how I wanted to spend 12 if my 14 hours off the ground. When we landed, I dreaded the plane ride how through the whole trip. It ruined my first time in Brazil.

Shaking my head at my thoughts I decided to use the three or so hours we had until we landed to think about all the things that I didn't want to think about so I could push them to the back of my mind.

Jacob's face as I drove away seemed to stay with me. Sadness and acceptance were the only things that I could read in his eyes as I left him behind. He didn't look mad at least, and that was all I could ask for. Saying I missed him already would be an understatement at this point.

I changed thoughts quickly when I started to think of the reason for that. The reason I'd only recently admitted because Paul said some things that got to me...

Danni was gonna be extra difficult with Hector I was sure of it. She had her own ways of getting revenge she didn't need me for, and she had Jason, and she had Embry...he wasn't really a part of this though.

It was doubtful that she'd tell Embry about Hector, but I hoped not. It wasn't really any of his business, and I could only imagine what would happen in Jacob found out.

Rearranging my thoughts again, I was really set on pushing Hector as far as he would go. He would suffer until he decided to end it.

I wanted to know just how long he was he willing to go on, acting out this charade with me...before he confessed what he'd been doing behind my back.

XxX

"So, your dad's Armando, your step mom's Chloe?" I clarified with Shawn. He nodded, all sprawled out and comfortable as the plane came in for a landing. I was relieved at how uneventful the plane ride had been, although it was also exhausting.

"And we have a dog, I forgot to mention him, his name's Cupcake." he said and his mouth twitched.

"Cupcake?" I asked, wondering if they had one of those little dogs that went into purses and barked high pitched.

Shawn nodded, looking embarrassed. "Chloe named him...poor guy. We've tried to talk her out of it but she's stubborn."

I smiled, "Understandable...what kind of dog is it?" I asked, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear and straightening my shirt a little before I stood up.

Shawn shot me a look like he was daring me to believe what he said next. "He's a German Shepherd." he said in all seriousness.

I raised and eyebrow, wondering how a dog like that could be given such a name. Not that I'd ever had one, but I was under the impression that bigger dogs were more ferocious than that.

"Interesting," I mumbled, and Shawn laughed.

XxX

We started driving, and I watched passing scenery in amazement. The sunlight made everything look bright and cheerful, a sight I had not seen in a long while.

We drove along the coastline, and I could see plenty of lucky people at the beach, although it was only spring. Eventually we left those sights and turned into a suburban area with big houses and picket fences right out of a movie in some cases.

Houses became farther and farther apart, with bigger yards and better views before finally we pulled up to an off-tan house with accents that were still tan, but a lighter shade. The house looked big, but no bigger than any other house in the neighborhood, and very homey.

"This is it," Chris stated, hopping out the car while I unbuckled and did the same. The guys were nice and grabbed my bags for me, giving me the key instead so I could open the door.

I bounded up the three steps and waited for the trio to catch up before turning the lock and opening the door for them.

They all hurried inside and shut the door, dropping the bags. I heard the barking before they even hit the ground and braced myself just as this huge ass black and tan dog came running into the room, sniffing at the three before it sensed me.

It jumped up, paws hitting me in the stomach while the air left my mouth in a huff.

"Woah that's a big dog," I gasped, stumbling back as he jumped me. AJ grabbed his collar and pulled him off, looking at me with concern while 'Cupcake' continued to sniff at me.

"We got him, you can get settled in, and then meet our mom and dad. They'll be here for dinner tonight..." AJ said, petting the dog's neck.

"I'll show you your room." Chris said, since he was the one with my few bags. He walked down the hall and stopped at a door. He sat my stuff down and paused.

"AJ's cooking so you don't have to worry about going hungry." Chris winked, and I smiled at him. "You might wanna nap and shower before dinner too, jet lag should hit you less hard that way. We have a while." he added the last bit in a softer tone, and I smiled.

"Thanks," I muttered, getting him a hug and pulling my bags into my room, cracking the door. I didn't even look around just headed over to the big bed in the corner of the room.

I flopped down and ruined the freshly made bed, burying myself under the covers. I called Jacob, and got his voice mail. I told I landed and that I'd call him later since I was dead beat.

Once I hung up, I rolled over, leaving my phone somewhere buried in the bed with me, and almost instantly fell asleep.