Starting Over

I heaved a sigh, trying to calm my nerves.

What I was doing was going against so many things in my mind, it was hard for me to actually believe this was the right thing to do. Well, let's face it. It wasn't the right thing to do.

I'm not sure how I'd be able to keep this under wraps and not have Ash or Alyx find out. Ash would be so upset with me, and I know Alyx would be utterly pissed if I hurt him again.

No, stop it, Riley. I pinched my arm and quickened my pace.

I was already a quarter of the way to Mason's, if I got halfway I knew I wouldn't convince myself to go back home and scold myself.

I didn't need to be thinking of Ash right now, I had already gone through every possible situation that could happen if he found out. I had a pretty sleepless night...

"Riley?"

At the sound of my name being called, I freaked out slightly, oh god, what if it was Ash? I turned around to look over my shoulder, jumping slightly in the process.

You can imagine my relief when I found it was not in fact Ash or Alyx that had caught me.

"Chris. Good god, you scared me." My shoulders sagged in relief and I let out a shaky laugh. Why did I feel like this was an extremely confidential mission I had been sent on, no one was to know about it!

"Are you okay, dude?" His face took on a concerned look as he noted my odd behaviour.

"Yup, just dandy!"

"Uh, where are you uh.." He pointed at my clothes "Going?"

Yes, I was dressed up to just be out for an evening stroll.. But what else could I tell him?

"Just taking a walk." I threw a smile in, just for good measure.

His face said he didn't believe me, but he went along with it anyway "Alright then. Do you mind if I join you?"

I froze. Join me? No he couldn't join me! I had to go to Mason's!

"Oh um, yeah sure. That's fine."

"Alright." A warm smile lit his face and the guilt set in. Why did I lie?

Oh yeah, because this was an important mission.

His footsteps fell into pace with mine, creating a nice rhythmic sound as our shoes tread on the pavement in unison.

"So how've you been? I haven't really seen you around much." I noted his lips turning down into a small frown and my image took on the same appearance.

"I'm not sure, good? Better? Yeah, getting better."

"Oh? That's good. Did you ever get that job at the ice cream place?"

I nodded "Yup, and me and Ash are going out now."

"Oh! Are you?" His voice lead me to think he was happy, but his face told that he was ...disappointed?

He needed to work on his facial expressions, I could read him like an open book.. And that's saying something. I was horrid at reading people.

"Yup, sure are. His sister is a nut though."

"Oh, what's her name again? Andrea, Alyssa.. Audrey?"

"Alyx." I filled in for him.

"Oh yeah, Alyx." His face tinted a soft pink color. "Sorry, I haven't met them before. Just heard stories."

I nodded "No worries."

"Well, this is my stop..." I stopped a few feet away from Mason's driveway, willing Christopher to walk away.

"Isn't this.." He paused, thinking. "Isn't this your old place?"

Shit.

"Um, yeah.. I haven't er finished picking up all my things yet, just here to grab the last few boxes and take them over to Ash's."

"Oh, you live with Ash?" Surprise flickered across his face, and if it had been any situation other than this I would have laughed at his expression.

"Mm." I nodded.

"Oh okay, well.. Do you want help with the boxes?"

"No it's okay." I smiled at him "I'm just going to pack them into Mason's car and drive them over. Thank you though."

"Oh yeah, sure. No problem." He grinned back at me, extending his hand "See you later, Riley."

I shook his hand, how formal.

"Later, Chris." I watched as he walked down the street to Chiodos and waited until he was far enough away to sprint up the driveway, heaving a sigh as I reached the front door.

My knuckles were just about to rap on the door, signaling my arrival, when it swung open.

Alyssa was standing on the other side, clad in a rather fancy dress.

Her eyes widened as she looked at me. "Riley?"

"Uh-I.." I shook my head, equally surprised by her as she seemed to be by me. "Alyssa?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh.. I-Is Mason here?"

"Yeah, sure. We were just on our way out the door but come on in, Mason's in the kitchen I think. Tell him I'll be in the car." She gave me a hesitant smile and I returned it with one just as awkward.

What the hell? I thought he said she'd be gone.

I walked into the kitchen, intent on finding Mason. He did not drag me here for no reason.

"Mason? What the hell?" I walked into the kitchen and spotted him rooting around in the fridge. He quickly pulled out, bottle of water in hand.

"Oh, Riley. You came."

"Yeah, of course I came. I told you I would." I glanced at the watch I had put on "And I'm fifteen minutes early. Did you really think I was going to bail on you?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Wh- I. Look, Alyssa came back about a half hour ago and said she was ready to go. I thought she wasn't going to go, really."

"So you didn't bother to call and tell me?"

"I didn't have the time! I just got ready and I was going to call and tell you while she was out in the car but you were early..."

I sighed "Well, I... okay, whatever." I sighed, letting my anger drain away. I would just walk back home, I'm sure I could come up with some excuse to tell Ash and Alyx.

"Mase?" Mason and I turned to the doorway, Alyssa was standing there and looking at us. "We need to get going." She motioned to her dainty silver wrist-watch, signaling we would be late.

"Oh, I'll get going then, sorry."

"Oh no, do you have plans for tonight?" Alyssa smiled brightly at me, flashing her pearly white teeth.

"Wh- I, uh.." Not anymore "No, I don't."

"Why don't you come with us then? I don't mind, you already look rather nice. I'm sure Mason's parents would love to see you again, his dad won't stop talking about you."

"Wh- You, you really want me to go?"

"Of course!"

"Ally.. I don't think this is a really good idea.."

"Why not?" Her gaze flicked to Mason, giving him a harsh look. "Come on, Riley."

Oh god, this was going to be a long night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Oh, Riley dear! It's so terribly good to see you!" I was pulled into a hug by Mason's mother. Honestly I'm not sure what her name is.. I think it's Nancy, or Nina.. or something like that. She hated when people addressed her formally and always insisted on being called by her first name.

"Ah, hello." I chuckled awkwardly. I hadn't really had contact with any type of parent since the morning after Mason and I had slept together... Ohh, it would be odd to see his father again.

I returned the hug and pulled back to see her grinning broadly at me. "How are you doing, dear? It's been absolutely far too long since I've seen you. Downright shame what your parents did. I always figured Richard and Elizabeth would have a better reaction to it."

"Wait, pardon? Have a better reaction to it?" I frowned, not quite understanding what she meant.

She lifted an eyebrow "Yes, darling. I never figured your parents to be homophobes."

Before I could reply a new guest came along and whisked her away. I sat down on the couch, my mind whirling in a slightly off kilter fashion. What had she meant by that? Was she okay with me being gay? Obviously, otherwise she'd have reacted differently. Yet.. If she was alright with gays, why would she disown Mason if he came out to his parents? This wasn't making any sense.

"You okay?" Alyssa sat down next to me and broke my train of though, causing me to jump in surprise.

I looked over at her, taking in her appearance. She looked very elegant and pretty tonight, yet her face was telling me she was distressed.

"Yes, I'm okay." I shook my head slightly, trying to clear it of complications. "Are you?" I frowned, taken off guard by her concern for me. Shouldn't she hate me?

"I don't know." She frowned, her eyes filling with tears.

"Alyssa, what's wrong?" I placed my hand over hers in a friendly gesture, concerned for her.

"I can't talk about it here, maybe later?" She offered up a sad smile and I nodded, my concern only growing for her.

This was quite unlike her and I was shocked, but at the same time.. She was obviously upset over something and needed to talk about it. Who was I to tell her to bugger off?

I scanned the room quickly, Mason was standing in a group talking with his father and a few other men, his mother was chatting with one of her friends and the rest of the guests had paired off into smaller groups around the house, chatting and looking at the decorations.

I faced Alyssa "Would you like to go to another room and speak? Everyone else seems to be busy or distracted."

She scanned the room as I had done before turning back to me and nodding, a sad smile fixed upon her face "Sure."

We walked around until we found a room that was empty, apparently Mason's parents had a library in their home. Oh how I would have loved to know this when I was still in good graces with the rich community my family was a part of. I would have spent hours here.

Alyssa plopped down in the leather seat, holding her head in her hands.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Mason. I know, you probably don't want to hear this. But I really don't have anyone else I can speak to about it." Her gaze lifted, pinning me with a sad stare.

I really didn't want to hear about Mason, that was true. But how could I say no now?

"What's going on, Alyssa?" I sat down in the seat across from her and crossed my legs, preparing for a speech.

"I just.. I can't do this. I can't marry him." She shook her head "Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy, and despite what's happened between you two I know he cares for you. Granted, he hasn't gone about expressing that in a good way, but he does."

Okay.. that didn't go where I expected it to.

"Buh, wait.." I paused, shaking my head "Are you saying you can't marry him because of me?"

She nodded "Well, that and I don't want him to be unhappy his whole life. And I know he will be unhappy with me."

"What about you?"

"I don't want to marry him, Riley. I love... someone else." She trailed off, a wistful look on her face.

"If you both are so unhappy with this, can't you call it off? Sure it may be arranged, but there has to be something you can do to cancel it."

"Arranged?" Alyssa looked at me, puzzled. "Who said it was arranged?"

"Er, Mason?"

"Really? He said that? When?" She perked up, grasping the arm of her chair and focusing intently on me.

"Um, I'm not sure, really." I shifted, feeling uncomfortable under her gaze.

"It's not arranged."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's not arranged, I'm not sure why he'd tell you that..."

"I don't know, he said something about money and people being in higher places. I don't know, I have a horrid memory."

Alyssa chuckled, a wind-chime like sound that had me smiling.

"Well, it's not arranged. I mean, in some aspect I suppose you could consider it arranged. Our parents have had it out for us to be married since we were born."

I pressed a hand to my forehead. What the hell? Now Mason lied to me, again.

"Why don't you guys just cancel it then?" I groaned, frustrated.

"It would devastate our mothers." Alyssa frowned "I've never been able to please my parents... They always saw my sister and adored her, told me I should be more like her. And with this wedding.. I am somewhat like her. For the first time in my life, my parents approve of me and are proud of me."

"Alyssa.. You can't spend your life with someone you don't love just because it makes your parents happy. That's completely unfair to you."

"You don't understand, Riley.. My whole life has been 'Alyssa, sit like your sister. Alyssa, eat like your sister. Alyssa, look, dress, act like your sister.' I have never been good enough for them, and now, for once they are happy for me and for who I am!"

"No, they aren't! This isn't you! How can they be happy for you when this isn't you. This isn't what you want and it's not what Mason wants. This is complete bullshit."

There was a small silence after my mini-outburst. I heaved a sigh and ran a hand through my hair, not caring that it messed it up.

"I suppose I never thought of it that way..." She trailed off, clasping her hands together.

"You have to tell them, Alyssa."

"I can't." She frowned "I want to, but I can't. Do you realize what would happen if I told them?"

"They'd be disappointed in you? Haven't they always been?"

"No, Riley." She winced. "My parents are much like yours..."

"I'm uh, not following..."

"I'm in love with a woman." Her confession had my jaw dropping open. She was a lesbian?

"Seriously?"

She nodded "Very serious. Her name is Tanya, she's extraordinary, beautiful, and all around just an exceptionally great person. But I can't come out to my parents."

"I know the feeling." I huffed, slouching in my chair.

"Despite the constant disapproval from them. I still care for them and want them in my life..."

"Does this Tanya girl know you love her?"

"Yes, we meet up every now and then. I'm happier than I've ever been when I'm with her."

"Alyssa." I frowned. I was so going to get wrinkles from frowning so damn much "You need to tell your parents. You can't go into this marriage, it's so wrong. You don't love Mason, you don't even like men... You can't spend your whole life like this. Think about Tanya, do you really want to leave her forever?"

Her eyes filled with tears again, a soft sob escaping her lips. "I can't, Riley. I don't know what to do. I want to tell them so bad... But I just can't bring myself to. I have so much to lose by coming out."

"But you have even more to lose by not coming out." I pointed out. "You love Tanya, obviously. And if she feels the same about you... You can't just throw that away, not for your parents approval."

The door burst open, causing both me and Alyssa to jump. The latter wiping her face quickly, trying to wipe away evidence of her tears.

"You told him then?" Mason walked in, shutting the door behind him.

I clutched at my chest, willing my heart to settle its beating "For fuck's sake, Mason! You scared the great googamooga out of me." I hissed at him, trying to calm my nerves.

"Sorry." He frowned at me before looking over to Alyssa. I noted her smeared eyeliner, fishing my stick out of my pocket and handing it to her, how convenient, it was the same color she had used tonight.

"Thanks. Yes I told him."

"You know? About Tanya, and everything?" I looked up at him as he nodded slowly.

"Yes, I know. Neither of us are straight but we're still going into this. How stupid are we?"

"Wait, neither of you are?" I furrowed my eyebrows. This had certainly been an informative day.

"No? You know I'm gay."

"I thought you were bi." I confessed, twiddling with a button on the arm of the chair.

"Amusing, but no. I'm very much so not bi."

"Wow.. when did this become so complicated?"

"It's always been complicated." Mason scoffed, leaning against a bookshelf. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this, Riley."

I shook my head "It's fine." It really wasn't, but I wasn't about to sit here and make things worse for him. He was already trying to figure out what to do, I know I'd be frustrated if I were in his situation.

"No, it's really not.. But I suppose what's done is done. I came up here to tell you guys dinner was being served."

I stood out of my chair, brushing off my already clean pants and accepting my eyeliner back from Alyssa.

She stood as well, wrapping her arm around Mason's. "Shall we?" She had composed herself nicely, I would have never guessed she had been crying not moments before.

We all walked back downstairs and into the dining room, taking our appropriate seats. I remained silent through most of the meal, tuning in and out of the various conversations that were going on around me.

It was until the dessert had been cleared that things took a turn for the worse.

"Now excuse me, I don't mean to be rude to your guests, Nina. But what is that young man doing here?" One of the elder ladies pointed at me, a look of distaste on her features.

Nina! That was her name. See? just listen and eventually you'll find out what you need to know.

"Now what is wrong with young Riley? I happen to think he's a darling young man." Nina looked at the lady, giving her a challenging gaze.

"From what I've heard, he happens to be.. a.." She trailed off, looking around the room. By now she had everyone's attention, the whole table was enthralled in this conversation. When no one caught on to what she was implying she scoffed "A homosexual." I sunk in my chair, I felt so exposed.

A collective variation of gasps sounded around the table. Mason and Alyssa both had a hard look upon their faces, paying strict attention the conversation at hand.

Nina gasped "As if that even matters! Riley is an extraordinary young man and what his parents did to him was wrong. I would love Mason even if he was homosexual." She stated, sitting proudly in her chair and giving her son a loving look.

"Well." Mason scooted his chair back, standing up "Perhaps you'd like to know that I am gay then."

Another gasp went up around the table, and Nina's eyes nearly popped out of her head, his father had a similar reaction to his wife's.

"Wh- Really?" His father spoke up, moving his chair back slightly. "We should have a talk about a few things then." He furrowed his eyebrows, a contemplative look passing his face.

After Mason's confession everyone's gaze flickered to Alyssa, who had remained quiet up until this point. "Yes, I knew." She snapped "And for your information, I'm a lesbian. There, I said it." She looked at her parents as her confession came reeling out of her mouth, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh goodness." Nina placed her palm to her forehead. "I think we have some things we need to discuss. The marriage obviously cannot continue..."

By now the remaining guests who had no part in this conversation were quickly evacuating the building, grabbing their belongings and saying rushed thank you's to Nina for the evening.

Soon enough all that was left was me, Mason, Alyssa, and their parents.

I shrunk lower into my seat "Perhaps I should be headed home.." I muttered into the silent room, not wanting to speak too loudly. I pushed my chair back, and stood up. "Thank you for allowing me into your home, Nina. Er.." I paused, blanking on Mason's father's name.

"Anytime, son." He winked at me, as he had done when Mason and I were in the kitchen what seemed to be forever ago.

I turned on my heel, walking quickly to the front door, but being stopped when I felt a tug on my arm.

I turned around and was pulled into a hug from Alyssa "Thank you so much for listening to me, Riley. I know how I came out was quite unconventional. But you were right.. It did have to be done. If not for me, then for Tanya." She gave me a smile and I happily returned it.

"Anytime, Alyssa. I hope your parents aren't too harsh on you." I pulled her into another small hug before she turned and walked back into the dining room, revealing Mason in the doorway.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, staring at his feet.

"For what?" I tilted my head, curious. He had already apologized for so much.. Was there anything left?

"For dragging you into this. I know I've said it before, but you really didn't deserve it. It's a huge mess, but hopefully things will clear up soon." He looked up at me, a hopeful glint in his eye.

"Mason..." I scratched the back of my head "I'm with Ash now..." I trailed off, watching his face fall ever so slightly.

"Yes, of course." He nodded quickly. "Would you like a ride home?"

"No, it's fine." I shook my head, thinking of the awkward car ride here. "I'll take a taxi."

"Here's some money for it." He walked closer, placing some cash into my hand. "I'll call you when everything gets sorted out... If you'd like." He frowned, adding the last bit on.

"Sure, I'd like to know what happens. Especially with Alyssa."

"Okay. Goodbye, Riley."

"Bye, Mason." Before I could turn away he had leaned his head down, capturing my lips with his.

His kiss was soft and slow, seemingly taking forever, but in reality, I'm sure it was only a moment or two.

He pulled away, looking me in the eye "I'll call you." Before he walked back into the kitchen, leaving me standing in the doorway completely shocked.

And then I thought of Ash.