The Beating of Our Hearts

“So now I feel really bad that I blew Jared off like that and the date didn’t even go anywhere.” I finished telling Shannon everything that had happened during the course of the evening; even the kiss and how there was nothing there.

“Well, you know what my solution is going to be.” Shannon said.
“Which is?”
“Tell Jared how you feel about him; I know he feels the same way.”
“No I won’t, and no he doesn’t.” I shook my head in denial.
“Then why did he get super pissed about me kissing you in London, and why did get so worried when you went to North Carolina for a few days. He cares about you.”
“As a friend.” I added.
“As more than a friend.” Shannon tried to persuade me.
“Not buying it.”
“Fine.” Shannon gave up, falling against the back of the sofa and closing his eyes.
We sat in silence for a few minutes before Shannon’s phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and pressed the accept button.

“Hello?....Oh hey Jared.”
......
“No, I’m just over at Riley’s.”
......
“Cause she wanted to talk.”
......
“That’s between us bro, if you want to know you’ll have to ask her.”
......
“Alright, well I’m on my way back anyway. Yeah, later.”

He hung up his phone and replaced it in his pocket.
“Jared’s on his way over, that cool?” He turned to face me.
“Um, yeah, that’s fine.” I managed to say.
“If you ask me, now would be a good time to tell him how you feel.” Shannon smiled cheekily, knowing it would get to me.
“You can leave now, Leto.” I said, pushing him toward the door.
“Alright, alright. But I’m always here if you need another talk.”
“I know, thanks.”
“Bye doll.”
“Bye Shan.”

I closed the door and made my way into the kitchen. I had hardly finished making two cups of coffee before a knock came at the door. I took the extra mug and made my way to the door, opening it to reveal Jared with an indescribable look on his face.
“Coffee?” I offered, holding out the mug.

“Thanks.” There was the barest hint of a smile that flitted across his face before disappearing.
I went and got my own mug and joined Jared in the living room where he had placed himself on the sofa. I quietly sat sipping my coffee, wary of the look on Jared’s face and not knowing how to start.
“So how did your plans go?” Jared finally forced.
“Good to begin with, bust at the end.” I said succinctly.
“Yeah?” Jared continued to drink his coffee.

Things had never been so tense or awkward with Jared as they were right now, and I had no idea why. There was no way he could know about my date, I made Shannon swear not to tell. Was he mad that I had Shannon over? Maybe he thought that something happened between us again.
“What’s up?” I ventured. “You seem tense.”
“I’m fine.” He said, his tone telling me the opposite.
“OK then.” I replied timidly, too afraid to push him.

Another five minutes of total silence passed by, my mug now only holding the cold dregs of my coffee.
“What are you hiding from me?” Jared suddenly blurted out, causing me to jump slightly.
“Hiding? I’m not hiding anything.” I tried to say calmly.
“Yes you are. You blew me off tonight, you never do that. Then you have Shannon round and it sounds like you’ve told him all about it. But he won’t tell me and it seems like you won’t tell me.” He said, his voice becoming more heated.

“You haven’t even asked.” I defended myself.
“Fine then, please tell me what’s going on.” Jared asked in a harsh tone.
“I don’t think I want to.” I replied, standing up to take my mug into the kitchen.
“Tell me!” He demanded, getting up to follow me.
“It’s not a big deal, why does it matter so much?” I kept my back to him, which seemed to rile him up more.
“Because I have a right to now.” He stated.
“A right?” I turned to face him, surprised. “What on earth do you think gives you the right to know? You don’t have the right to know anything about me. We share personal details because we want to, not because we have to.” I said angrily.
“Just tell me what you’re keeping from me!” He yelled, taking a step toward me.
“No!” I exclaimed.

I tried to get past him but he slammed both his hands down in the counter on either side of me, trapping me between his arms.
“We’re not moving until you tell me what’s going on.” He hissed, his warm breath washing over my face.
Even though in the course of the past few minutes I had become incredibly angry at him with his arrogance and determination, I couldn’t help but feel my knees weaken slightly at the force of his stare, or the warmth radiating from his body into mine.

But I had to keep my focus, this was definitely not the time to be thinking about my feelings for him if all I wanted to do was rip his head off.
“I think you should leave.” I said calmly, not breaking eye contact.
“No.”
“You will leave my home. Now.”I tried pushing against his chest.
“Not until you give me what I want.”
“Of course, it’s all about what you want, isn’t it?” I exploded. “It doesn’t matter what anyone else needs or wants, you’re always the priority aren’t you!” I shoved with all my might against him, managing to push him away.

“I want you out of my house right now. That’s what I want!” I continued to shove at him, his shock at my sudden escalation in anger making it easier for me to get him to leave.
With a few more hearty shoves, I had him out of the door, I gave him one last parting glare before slamming the door in his face.

With the source of the anger removed, I wandered into my bedroom in a daze, wondering how on earth that had just happened. Why didn’t I just tell him about the date, it wasn’t as if it was a big deal or I would even be seeing Jacob again. I was still angry enough with him that I didn’t want to call him. But I did text Shannon to let him know what happened, to warn him in case Jared took out his remaining anger on his brother.