From the Passenger's Seat

In Kandi’s eyes, the view from the passenger’s seat of Logan’s dusty rose convertible was the best view in all of Los Angeles. Better than seeing the Hollywood sign for the first time, better than the technicolored lights on the Santa Monica Pier at sunset, and much better than the four empty walls of her bedroom. She’d probably be staring at those all-too-familiar walls right now if she and Logan hadn’t been sneaking out every night for the past week.

That night, they were parked just outside of the park, within walking distance from their apartment building, but there was something about the beige leather seats that felt like home. Something about the Taylor Swift song that was so popular that summer that made everything feel complete in some sense, like everything in the world was in its right place, if only for a moment.

The park looked so eerie in the dark, so empty. The sole streetlamp at the edge of the lot radiated a warm glow that played across Logan’s features, highlighting the small indentations in his cheek as he smiled. His chocolate-colored eyes seemed to smolder in the soft shadows, while his teeth shimmered as he laughed at some lame story she’d just told him.

All were features she saw on a daily basis, but something about that night made her see them in a different way. Instead of just throwing them a quick glance, her brown eyes took the time to really examine every aspect of his familiar face, to really drink it all in.

The more she stared, the more she realized that she was beginning to like what she saw.

With his fair skin and scrawny build, Logan wasn’t exactly what most girls her age would consider classically attractive. Add in his awkwardness and the way he fumbled with his words anytime he was around a member of the opposite sex, and he became the guy that faded into the background, the guy that most girls wouldn’t bother giving the time of day.

Somehow Kandi didn’t fall into that category.

Something about Logan pulled her to him like a magnet. Something in those brown eyes let her know that he’d never judge her, made her feel comfortable about letting her guard down around him. Hanging out with Logan felt so easy, so natural, and it was one of the few relationships in her life that she didn’t have to work at in some way.

Fingers drummed lightly against the steering wheel as the car began to fill with silence, two pairs of eyes focused intently on the cyan glow of the radio dials.

Things had been effortless until she’d realized that Logan was in love with her.

When it came down to it, her hindsight was twenty-twenty, and after he’d attempted to make a move on her in the living room of his apartment, everything began to fall into place. The way his face seemed to light up every time he saw her, the way he gravitated towards her at every party, the way he actually listened to all the trivial shit that happened to her on a daily basis, it all made perfect sense. She’d just been to blind to realize it, or maybe she’d just allowed her own denial fog her common sense.

After that, it became difficult for her to be around him. The air between them felt much too heavy, and she felt as if she needed to calculate every one of her gestures, just to make sure she wasn’t leading him on.

Though she cared about Logan, she could never see herself being in a relationship with him. Even though she’d spent nights lying awake in bed trying to conjure up the image, she couldn’t see herself being intimate with him. She imagined it’d be like one of those embarrassing moments in a stereotypical teen movie, his fingers would awkwardly tug at the back of her bra as he tried to undo the clasps.

But there was something about the way his lips hung slightly open, his lower lip a bit fuller than his upper, that made her curious to know what it’d feel like to let her lips brush against his. And she was scared to admit that beneath the night sky, she thought Logan looked absolutely beautiful.

But she couldn’t, and that fueled her desire even more.

Maybe a part of her had loved him all along; maybe the part of her that wanted so badly to preserve their friendship was too dominant and kept all other feelings at bay.

Maybe, just maybe, she could be the one to love him the way that he deserved.

Maybe someday they could try to be something more, but Kandi knew that tonight wouldn’t be the night. Tonight, they were just two kids in a car, staring up at the stars above them, too inexperienced with love to realize that they might just be perfect for one another.