Your Way With Words Is Through Silence

The guys minus Jeremy, helped me clean up the dinner plates after we finished eating. I barely touched my food, I never felt hungry anymore.

“We should go out tonight and drink.” Neil stated once we were all settled into the living room, Alex was on one end of the huge couch, Josh was next to him then it was me, Neil, and Kevin. Jeremy was still in my room. The second they walked in here I regret letting them stay because seeing Jeremy is one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

“Neil I don’t know if you remember or not but there’s a blizzard outside.” Alex stated.

“Shut up Diddy Kong.”

“We don’t have to go out to get drunk.” I got up from the couch and went into the hall closet, pulling out various bottles of alcohol and five shot glasses. At least half of these bottles were empty because of me. When I reentered the living room and set everything on the coffee table everyone cheered. As we all poured a shot Jeremy emerged from my room in plaid sleep pants and a tshirt. As much as I want to deny it I can’t, he looked adorable.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Partying, partying, yeah!” Kevin joked, referencing Rebecca Black’s annoying song Friday.
Jeremy rolled his eyes and smiled before walking back into my room, I’m glad he doesn’t drink so this is one activity I can do without him.

About an hour later we were all drunk, I couldn’t even see straight. I loved this feeling because all of my serious thoughts were a blur, letting me let loose and have fun. Alex and Josh were having a drunk wrestling match in the center of my living room, Kevin was the referee and I couldn’t control my laughter. I was mad at them at first but then I realized they were looking out for Jeremy since they were much closer and if I was in that situation I would have done the same thing so I couldn’t blame them. Jeremy was another story, of course. Neil was still sitting beside me, laughing so hard that he snorted, making me giggle uncontrollably.

After a while the wrestling match ended in a draw and we all somewhat settled down to watch a movie. Josh flipped through the channels until we saw 30 Minutes or Less on, before he could change it Kevin grabbed the remote from him deciding that this was the movie we’re going to watch. About an hour into the movie I looked around, finally able to see straight, Alex and Josh were passed out, Josh was leaning against Alex, Kevin was stretched out on the other side of the couch, leaving Neil and I awake. I felt an arm snake around my waist, I looked down and it was Neil’s. He pulled me closer to him and in my drunken state I didn’t care where I fell asleep at this point. I moved closer to Neil, leaning my head on his shoulder and cuddling up to him. We smiled at each other before he leaned his head against mine, the only thing I could think about as I fell asleep was Neil’s arms around my waist.

I woke up the next morning confused, I could have sworn I fell asleep sitting up, not laying on my couch. I felt a pair of arms around my waist and a pair of hands resting on my stomach. I could recognize those tattooed hands anywhere. Neil’s head was in the crook of my neck and every breath he took sent shivers down my spine. Alex and Josh were on the floor now and Kevin was still in the same spot. I laid there staring at Neil’s hands; I didn’t know how we got like this or if anything even happened between us last night. I carefully got up, making sure he was still sound asleep after I stood up. I walked into the kitchen, seeing Jeremy sitting at the table, a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee infront of him. He was staring out the window.

“Good morning.” I said awkwardly, breaking his distant stare out the window. He looked at the digital clock on the oven before looking at me.

“It’s 11:45, but good morning to you too.” I looked at the clock, shit.

“Oh..right. Did you sleep well?” I grabbed a bowl from one of the cabinets and I sat across from him, pouring a bowl of cereal for myself.

“I did…what about you?”

“I guess, I don’t remember anything that happened last night…”

“Well I heard you guys getting loud so I came out of your room to see Alex and Josh wrestling in the middle of your living room, Kevin was the referee, you and Neil were sitting on the couch. I went back inside and eventually things got quiet so I guess you all passed out or something. When I came out here to get some food I found you looking comfortable with Neil.” I could hear the jealousy in his voice.

“Yeah, I know, I don’t get how we fell asleep like that but it’s whatever I guess.” I kept my gaze on my cereal, trying to make the least eye contact with Jeremy as possible. I quickly glanced up to see what he was doing, it wouldn’t hurt right? He was doing the same thing I was doing, looking down at his cereal. I couldn’t help but stare at him, I think he’s adorable. Before I could look away he looked up and we made full eye contact, none of us looking away. I tried to find emotion in his eyes and if I’m not mistaken I could see sadness.

To answer my question, it could hurt. It’s making me hurt on the inside.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked, his deep voice was quiet. All I could do was nod, still not breaking our eye contact.

“Do you really not know how you ended up on the couch with Neil? Or did you do it intentionally?”

“Do you really think I would do something like that intentionally, especially to you?” He laughed bitterly.

“I could see you getting revenge for what I did.”

“Well I don’t think you can see very well because I wouldn’t. The real question is why are you bringing this up?”

“Well obviously I care about you, you know that.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not so sure about that anymore.” I got up and put my bowl in the sink, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. I walked back to the table and pushed my chair in.

“Do I have to prove it to you?” He slowly started to stand up from the table. I took a step back.

“No.”

“Why are you walking away from me?” he had a smirk on his face.

“Get away from me Jeremy.” Every time I took a step back, he took one forward. Eventually I felt the wall against my back and Jeremy was standing infront of me.

“Why should I get away from you? You know I really like you…why won’t you give me another chance?”

“I don’t give second chances unless I love someone.”

“I thought you did love me.”

“As a musician. I haven’t known you personally for that long so I’m not in love with you.” He took a step closer to me, his bare feet toe to toe with my sock covered ones. My breath hitched in my throat as he moved his face closer to mine. I could feel his breath tickle my face.

“Can I show you that you can trust me again?” he whispered.

“I don’t know..” I barely whispered back. He moved even closer, our noses gently brushing. I squeezed my eyes shut, but before he could make his move we heard footsteps.

“Jeremy McKinnon what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I opened my eyes to see Marissa standing infront of me instead of Jeremy. I mouthed her a quick ‘thank you’ before she turned to Jeremy.

“You’re lucky she answered you and let you guys stay here, but now you’re trying to basically rape her after everything you’ve done?!” Good old Marissa, always flipping out on people.

“Hey, I can’t rape the willing!” Jeremy tried to joke, only causing Marissa’s face to get even more red with anger. I stood there with an unamused expression on my face. By this time the rest of the guys were standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Okay, no time for jokes I see. Listen, Marissa I don’t thi-“ before Jeremy could finish his sentence the power went out, causing Marissa and I to shriek in unison.

“Seriously!? God fucking dammit!” I couldn’t help but groan, I looked out the window in the kitchen, only to see white. Nothing but snow, I couldn’t even see the streets and everything looked deserted.

“Marissa how did you even get here? The roads don’t look plowed.”

“I walked here since my car is snowed in, duh!”

“You’re nuts.” Alex shook his head at her craziness. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch, they followed me, Alex sitting on my left, Marissa on my right and everyone else was scattered across the floor….except for Neil who decided to jump on me. I pushed him off, causing him to hit the ground with a thud.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.” We smiled at each other, Neil is like the older brother I never had.

“What do we do now that the power is out?” I got up and walked to my room and grabbed my guitar then walked back into the living room.

“We have sing a longs!” I sat down next to Jeremy again and handed the guitar to Neil. We spent 9 hours (we occasionally stopped for food) singing along to songs Neil played, whether it was Blink, Veara, A Day to Remember, or even Sleeping With Sirens.

“Holy shit it’s dark.” Josh commented once Neil put the guitar down.

“I’m blind! Josh where are you!?” Kevin tackled Josh, making him groan when he was laying on the floor with Kevin sitting on him. I got up and carefully made my way to the closet in the hallway, pulling out a candle and a pack of matches. I put the candle on the coffee table before lighting it, a glow illuminated enough of the room so we could all see each other.

“You guys are so weird.” Marissa laughed.

“You know it.” Kevin wriggled his eye brows before sitting next to Josh instead of on him. We all started laughing, I missed these guys.

“So Marissa how are you and Chris?” she had a smile on her face, I already knew the answer to this.

“We’re good, we talk every day. I miss being with him.”

“Aww!” Alex and Kevin gushed, making Marissa’s face turn red. She started to hide and
Josh and Neil started joining in with picking on her love life. I started shivering, a chill ripped right through my body. I wish the heat wasn’t out. Josh stood up and stretched.

“I’m getting tired.” He yawned, Kevin and Marissa stood up and agreed.

“We might as well go to sleep, there’s nothing for us to do now that the power’s out.” I got up and blew the candle out before walking to my room. By the time everyone made it into my room I was setting up a bunch of blankets on the ground for us to lay on in a group.

“Slumber party!” Neil yelled in his most feminine voice (which was pretty exact) before jumping onto the pile of blankets. Everyone did the same thing Neil did and by the time I saved myself from getting knocked over or kicked Marissa was on one end, then Josh was next to her, Alex, Kevin, a space, Neil, another space, then Jeremy. Both Jeremy and Neil were watching my every move. I rolled my eyes at Jeremy and laid down next to Neil, Jeremy had a hurt expression on his face. I want to make Jeremy hurt, just like I did.

“Neil, I’m cold.” I had to contain my smirk.

“Not anymore!” He pulled me closer to him, I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped his warm arms around me. I peeked over Neil to see Jeremy lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling. I heard him sigh while I heard snores coming from everyone else.

“Thanks Neil, goodnight.” I kissed him on the cheek, I saw him smile as a slight blush crept upon his cheeks. Jeremy definitely looked hurt.

“Goodnight Nicole.” I closed my eyes and fell asleep, not even caring what Jeremy thought at this point.